x x J x x - Have I Told You Lately?
by buddieswithbilis
Summary: Part Three - At the end of Part Two it was revealed that, for understandable reasons, Jack had jetted back to the States without saying a word to his 'estranged' boyfriend. Is there still hope for Jack and Ianto? Okay, yeah, stupid question I know ... but why not jump back on board their big red London bus to find out anyway?
1. Spanking The Stallion

A/N:

At long last, here it is, the final part of **x _xJxx_**

In this first chapter we discover how well (or maybe not so well) Ianto has been coping since Jack's unannounced return to the States - I don't want to give too much away at this stage, but this ' _is'_ 'Jones the Bastard' we're talking about here, so don't go expecting to see too many developments on the 'surviving gracefully' front, lol.

Actually (and still holding onto that same thought), it might please some of you to know that one person in particular is about to discover why having a heartbroken Welshman on one's case, is never an advisable position to be in.

Okay, I think that's everything. Just a quick disclaimer before we crack on _….._

 _Jack Harkness and Ianto Jones (albeit in a very different guise) still belong to Mr Russell T Davies and the BBC …_

And, yeah, right then … off we go with Part Three. How many of you will be able to endure the several (sorry) chapters of storm before the calm I wonder? Don't say I didn't warn you …. (chuckles).

Welcome back on board, everybody!

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Have I Told You Lately? **Part One**

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Chapter One -o- -o- -o- Spanking the Stallion

-o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o-

-o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o-

The Jones abode was a mess.

And that was putting it mildly. Currently resembling your proverbial war zone, in no time at all Ianto's home had become a domestic battlefield. Unkempt in way like never before, there was broken crockery and discarded bottles everywhere. The living room especially was a complete and utter eyesore - the once orderly space was practically unrecognisable - but, easily, the most disturbing sight of all had to be one very dubious looking, several-day-old, pool of congealing, lumpy vomit. Currently loitering with intent at the foot of the fireplace, that single sight alone was managing to deliver the clearest message yet that, in a ridiculously short space of time, the once neat and tidy Ianto Jones had managed to lose all semblance of pride.

He was heartbroken?

Okay, yeah, he was heartbroken - obviously.

Beside himself with grief, even.

But that didn't excuse the fact that almost every surface in sight had become home to an empty or half-emptied spirit bottle. The reek of stale alcohol was borderline offensive and to all intents and purposes it really did seem that, after five years of managing to survive as a relatively _normal_ bastard within a world of relatively normal human beings, Jones the Pisshead had made one hell of a tumultuous return.

He was nineteen years old all over again.

A relapse had occurred.

His psyche was more than just a little off-kilter.

You getting the idea yet?

The signs were everywhere - along with the overwhelming evidence of booze abuse it was the decline in self-hygiene that was most apparent; the highly unpleasant 'garbage bin' odour and fortnight's worth of unwashed attire, was also helping to complete the overall picture in fine style. From table to couch to floor, food stained items had been strewn haphazardly in all directions; caught up in a tousle with at least one empty crisp packet, each grubby garment was trying to snaffle one of the last few remaining spots amongst a multitude of still-boxed, half-eaten pizzas. In starting to look mouldier by the second, the leftover pieces of extra-topped dough were already resembling a housefly's idea of food-waste heaven; a hungry maggot's perception of the perfect pepperoni paradise.

Basically, the place was a dump; a complete shit-hole though, fortunately, the only person to actually witness the mess to date had been the perpetrator, Jones the Scumbag, himself. He was living in a tip ... and was making a seriously proper job of it.

Out in the hall, things were just as bad. In what one could only assume had been a fit of drunken rage, a length of telephone cabling had been yanked, not unplugged, from the wall. Serving as a not so subtle reminder a substantial pile of fractured plaster was still sitting on the boards below the hall table, while, up on the table itself, sat directly next to the now disconnected house phone, a certain someone's mobile was clearly in more than one piece.

There was, however, in the midst of all this mayhem, one small redeeming feature to be found.

In complete contrast to the rest of the place,right down the end of the hall the scene in the main bedroom was one of pristine delight, right down to the still-made bed. ' _Still made'_ mainly because the thing hadn't been slept in for two weeks. The couch or the floor had both been consistent in offering all the comfort that Ianto Jones felt he now deserved to appreciate. He was a fucking idiot. He'd decided that several times over, and with no one around to disagree with him, he really and truly believed that not so small fact.

He was feeling sorry for himself then, was he?

Oh, you'd better believe it.

Dejected, despondent, lost, lonely, morbid, morose, a worthless wanker – you name it, over the past two weeks a hope-free Ianto Jones had been feeling it to the 'nth' degree. Literally everything he was experiencing – every emotion, every pang, every moment of sobbing; every fit of remorse - every time his heart broke just that little bit more …. it was all down to his own stupid fault.

He'd treated Jack badly. Really, really fucking badly.

In terms of acting his age, he'd fallen well-short of succeeding with flying colours.

As Jack's boyfriend he'd fucked up big-time. BIG ...TIME!

And as a result, roughly two weeks back Jack had finally given up trying to make 'things' work. Understandably convinced that he was no longer cared for, the poor guy had run as fast, and as far, as he possibly could.

But he'd been wrong. And he was still wrong. Because somebody right here in London _did_ still care about him. And that person cared so fucking much it hurt. Which in theory should've been making this a straight forward case of somebody just swallowing their pride, jumping on a plane to the States, then begging for a second chance. But in acting so pathetically during the whole fucking mess, all Ianto Jones had managed to do, was convince himself that he'd never been good enough in the first place - that Jack was, and would continue to be, better off without him. It was obvious, now, that things were never going to have worked out between them - any fool could see that. If they were truly meant to be together then he and Jack wouldn't now be on opposite sides of the Atlantic. If he'd genuinely been good enough for him, then it wouldn't have taken learning the real truth about Jack's association with Jay and Joe, to finally make this idiot, here, see sense.

He should've given Jack the benefit of the doubt. He should've allowed Jack the chance to explain that those two bastards had been blackmailing him for, literally, months on end and that the only reason he'd been complying with their demands was because he'd been shit-scared of losing his boyfriend.

His boyfriend?

Ohhhhh, yeah. Jack's boyfriend. That would be the blind, stupid one. That total prat, Ianto Jones.

Of course, on finally hearing the truth from one of the blackmailers himself, that very same stupid prat of a boyfriend had headed straight over to the flat in Hammersmith. He'd needed to beg Jack's forgiveness, had needed to apologise for ever doubting him. But more than anything, he'd needed Jack to hold him close and tell him that everything was gonna be okay. Because, despite recent events, that was the only real outcome that Ianto Jones had ever wanted. He was still in love with Jack … and he knew he always would be. Nothing anybody ever said or did, would change that now.

But Jack had already gone back to the States, and over in Hammersmith that fateful night, all Ianto Jones had found himself holding onto was a guilt-laden conscience and a bin liner's worth of possessions. In tears he'd made his way back to his own apartment, then locking himself away had cried himself to sleep.

The whole of the next day had been spent sat in one corner of his living room. Knees drawn up to provide a resting spot for his forehead, when he hadn't been slugging from the line of already started bottles alongside, he'd been sobbing himself into as many blissful moments of regret-free sleep as he could.

Unsurprisingly, that first day of being alone had managed to merge into the next, the indistinguishable number of hours spent immobile seemingly passing in a blink. But eventually, with his head spinning like mad, Ianto had dragged himself up from the floor - mainly because every bottle in his current line-up was now empty, yes, but also because he'd finally been forced to admit that sitting in an expanding pool of his own piss, really was the most unpleasant of sensations; there was only so much fluid his jeans could absorb, and they seemed to have reached their saturation peak at least three pees back.

So, thanks to his over-active bladder if nothing else, at last he'd been up on his feet. A quick glance in the bathroom mirror had seen him conclude that as it was still disguising his gaunt features to a certain extent, his new mature (scruffy) beard should remain in place, then a shower had been taken – fully clothed, no less.

Following a change of attire, and the briefest of moments spent trying to sanitize his floorboards, at long last a sensible decision had been made ... he'd called out for some sustenance.

Actually, the takeaway deliveries had proved problematic from the word go. His soulmate, Els, forever sobbing her heart out bless her, with at least one other member of the gang in tow, had been constantly showing up on his front step - meaning that every time a take-away order had been placed, each knock until its delivery, had to be screened with a precautionary peek through the front blind; not an easy thing to remember when one was sozzled practically all of the time.

Speaking of the rescue squad, in deciding that he wasn't going to be their problem anymore, and refusing to see or speak to any of them, Ianto's only concession on each visit had been to ramp up the volume on his tv and thereby convince them that he was still in the land of the living. At this point the message that he was being ' _a selfish fucking prick'_ would be yelled through his letter box, then the assembled bods would all go back home until the next time.

He felt bad. Of course he did. But he needed to be alone, couldn't afford to become distracted. In fact he was so unwilling to concentrate on anything other than his memories of Jack that, by the end of the first week, he'd been forced to eliminate all irritating ringing sounds; hence the current scene out in the hallway.

At the end of the second week, having already cleverly rendered himself incommunicado, with no one else to talk to, a stupidly inebriated Ianto Jones had stood there and informed all four walls that …

' _…_ eye lone ... me, Yanno Jones, haff crayted thiz zinuation …an my frennz an thole wide ….. _Hic ….._ whorl ….. will be bear off … _Burp …_ wout 'me. Zo from nown ….. B _elch ….._ Yanno Jones will be on izz fuckin' ohhhhn.'

 _'Belch.'_

Finally, after experiencing a bit of a problem with getting his tongue to work, he'd managed to get everything off his chest, and the walls had been very grateful for the heads-up.

Afterwards, he'd thanked them.

They hadn't disagreed with him once.

He'd offered them a drink.

Nice walls.

 _-o-_

Of course, in typical stubborn Jones fashion, he'd not bothered informing anyone else of this latest decision. Without telling another living soul he'd just gone right ahead and designated himself long-term recluse status, and if anyone found the fact upsetting then, tough, get over it. It was quite simple - he no longer wanted to see, or speak, to anyone.

Anyone other than the owner of his favourite corner shop of course, which he'd got into the habit of visiting just before closing time when he could leave his apartment under the cover of darkness.

Genius, eh?

Well it was a genius bit of thinking for pisshead standards anyway.

With the phones out of action, and therefore no means to call for a takeaway, each time he'd nipped out to the, currently elusive, Mr Khan's Mini-mart for alcohol, he'd also been purchasing a whole bunch of chocolate and savoury treats - hence the unusual volume of litter lying around the place. Unsurprisingly, the overload of sugar and carbs had already witnessed the return of his 'T' zone. As a traumatised teenager he'd always considered the area of greasy skin to be embarrassingly unflattering, but after recent events was now viewing it in a more pleasing light; as something of a deserved punishment as it were. And it didn't matter if it made him look unattractive, because he was never ever, ever going to have sex ever, ever, ever again. A life on his own; abstaining from anything that might bring him pleasure, was to be the plan from now on. (alcohol and drugs notwithstanding, of course)

This sudden decision to survive without sex hadn't been a difficult one; it hadn't taken much working out to realise that being reamed by anyone other than Jack would leave him feeling both emotionally and physically unfulfilled.

But it didn't matter. He'd be okay on his own. He had so many 'helpful' memories revolving around Jack to rely on, and he was going to be juuuuust fiiiiiiiine. After all, it wasn't like he _needed_ sex, was it? There were much more important things in life ... like ….

Like …

Like …..

Um …

Okay, so he needed sex. He just didn't deserve to get laid anymore, that was the important part. He'd already resigned himself to his fate and was pretty sure he'd find enough of a distraction within the comforting arms of Masters Grain and Grape.

That had actually been his plan from day one – to just drink himself into oblivion and, as in the past, doing just that was still proving to be the only successful way to escape the deluge of guilt flooding his mind. He'd tried to block the feelings, had looked high and low for ways to exonerate himself, had tried so many times to justify his and Jack's demise. But no amount of ' _what if's'_ or ' _why didn't I's'_ could ever mend this wrong he'd created. No matter which angle he viewed this situation from, the blame would always lay entirely at his feet. Just months ago, he'd promised that Jack would always be given the chance to explain. He'd promised Jack that, whatever the situation, as his loyal boyfriend he would always look beneath the surface before making any judgement calls; allow Jack the benefit of the doubt.

But he hadn't. He'd just thought of his own stupid feelings, of his own stupid pride, and he was nothing but an immature, selfish prick. Jack was clearly better off without him; this 'selfish prick' would be doing the man a favour by just forgetting all about him.

He was sure he could make that happen. He'd always found a way to cope in the past. Admittedly he hadn't given narcotics a try yet, but by god had he guzzled down some alcohol. The same amount would have seen anyone else left in a permanent state of unconsciousness.

But had it helped? Was he any better off for doing so? Had the soul destroying pain inside just upped and disappeared? Had Ianto Jones forgotten just how very much he loved the amazing, the gorgeous, Jack Harkness?

Forget Jack?

No, of course that was never going to happen. No amount of alcohol could ever wipe a memory so strong ….. so wonderful. Day in, day out, he'd sat there in his naughty corner, crying around each bottle as he swigged from it. Night after night, on his couch or on the floor, dreaming of Jack he'd lain there crying in his sleep. For two whole weeks he'd suffered alone, had kept himself locked away just thinking of Jack and then, in turn, of ending this pain he was in. He'd just been sitting around. Missing Jack. Gradually withering away. The thought that Jack must no longer be in love with him, was slowly killing him inside. While his own love for Jack was still growing, his lust for life itself was perishing.

His hopes for the future were decaying.

He was going rotten.

.

Just like the fucking pizzas.

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Only - in coming right up to date - that particular statement wasn't strictly true anymore, because in having just had another very interesting conversation with his walls, currently, Ianto Jones wasn't actually at home.

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Two nights back, a horrified Mr Khan had returned from a month of visiting relatives in his homeland to find a familiar Welshman stumbling up and down his Wines and Spirits aisle. After using his native tongue to savagely reprimand his brother-in -law, the shop owner had sat his most favourite customer down behind the counter and promised he'd no longer be serving him with any more alcohol. He'd also taken the time to point out that drinking to this extent, for whatever reason, wasn't the answer, and that the best way to deal with a problem was to simply to identify it, get to the bottom of it, and then confront it head on.

Mr Khan had been a good friend in the past. He'd even once played a part in getting his Mr Jones and that handsome friend of his, back together … despite the obvious contradictions where his own beliefs were concerned.

And this was why a stupefied Ianto Jones had sat there and paid heed. The shop owner had never once had reason to feel obligated towards him; with this piece of advice he'd merely been displaying a genuine concern for his welfare. But most importantly, the things that the wonderful Mr Khan had pointed out to him that night at the store ….. had actually made perfect sense.

And this was why – currently on something of a mission - Jones the Bastard wasn't locked away in his West Hampstead prison …. but was somewhere else entirely.

The vast amount of alcohol imbibed, he'd convinced himself just before leaving, had not been for Dutch courage at all. And the sharpest steak knife from his cutlery drawer, he'd insisted as he walked out, was hidden in the inside pocket of his jacket solely for defence purposes.

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Yeah, right.

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Two nights ago, in someone's favourite mini-mart, a very big seed had been planted. As suggested, Ianto Jones had identified his problem, had got right to the bottom of it ... And right at this present moment in time, he was preparing to confront that problem head on.

What a wonderful piece of advice.

Good old Mr Khan.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

 _Remorse_

…. wait …. hold on a sec ….. you'd better add …

 _Regret_

to that as well. Oh, and …..

 _Resentment_

too.

It was like being back at school, contending with the dreaded three 'R's' all over again, only different.

Yep, all beginning with the letter 'R', and all very predictable emotions given the circumstances, outside his apartment a short while back, a certain Mr Jones had climbed into a local taxi experiencing all three.

There was a fourth, of course. One that only quite recently he'd been working especially hard on perfecting. In fact, whilst acting as soberly as he could during his cab ride across town, Ianto had allowed that final emotion to fester; to breed, until, finally, it'd taken complete precedence over those, less satisfying, other three options.

Consequently, by the time he'd arrived at his intended destination, Jones the Bastard had had but one thought on his mind.

Revenge.

-o- -o- -o- -o-

"Yaaaan." The squeak was pitiful.

"How? How could you fucking treat him like that?!" Despite the continued swaying motion of his upper body, Ianto's one handed grip around Joe's throat was successfully tightened.

"Yaaaan." His nervous swallow sounding loud as it bobbed tentatively beneath the tip of the blade, Giuseppe (Joe) Giordano decided he might take a break on trying to reason with the man sitting across his chest. He might've been many sheets to the wind right now but, when drunk, Ianto Jones possessed the strength and determination of an army of assault-course-conditioned teetotallers.

Accepting that he was likely to remain pinned down for a good while yet, Joe instead thought to kill time by questioning the soundness of his own logic; like why he'd been stupid enough to answer his door in the first place, especially when he'd known all along who was standing out there on his front step. Actually he hadn't been surprised one little bit by who he'd found hollering and banging away on his front door. The only real surprise so far, was that it'd taken one particularly hot-headed Welshman a full two weeks to turn up in this state, screaming the odds in his direction.

Still, at least it was now official: the guy was a genuine grade A lunatic, and why everyone else found Jones so appealing he still had no bloody idea. The bastard certainly wasn't Jack's usual 'sort' - at times he could even weigh in a little on the podgy side, in fact, in considering himself to definitely be Jack's 'type', he could categorically say that the only thing the Welsh prick had ever done for him personally, was rub him up the wrong way. The irritating Taff still had way too much of a hold over Jay for a start; at times seemingly without even trying, which was really damn bloody annoying. The gullible blond had been back, living permanently under _his_ roof, for almost a year now, meaning he'd been an ex-'tenant' of Jones for the same amount of time. Yet, still, it seemed that a fond connection existed between the two of them.

This situation didn't sit well at all. Used to having Jason jump a fence or two whenever he snapped his fingers, this prime piece of Latino lover absolutely hated the fact that he had little or no control whenever Jones was on the scene. Even the gorgeous Jack, with his come hither eyes and beautiful body, hadn't been enough to disconnect the lingering underlying sense of affection between Jones and his, _HIS_ _,_ boyfriend.

-o-

Anger starting to bubble again Joe felt the pricking sensation on his neck become more painful. Pretending he wasn't bothered he swallowed as gingerly as he could beneath the tip of the blade.

God, he hated Ianto bloody Jones.

Sniffing and twitching above him, Ianto bloody Jones was endeavouring to reclaim his prey's attention.

Sensibly refocusing, Joe found those wild eyes still staring down at him, and tried to ignore them by dwelling on a more pleasing issue.

Trouble was, the only issue coming to mind right now was that he was gravely regretting pushing Jack as hard as he had. Okay, the guy could be an embarrassing sap at times, became too emotional far too easily and really needed to toughen up big time when it came to playing the field but, in demanding favours from Jack in return for his own continued silence, the last thing he'd been expecting his ex-boyfriend to do was crack under the pressure then completely ruin their 'keep Jones occupied' plan by flying back to the pissing States leaving the Welsh prick behind.

The fact had taken him completely by surprise. He'd been under the impression for months, that the sickly twosome was 'all loved up'. Confirming his suspicions way before Christmas, Jay had grudgingly admitted that Jack and Yan had fallen hook, line and sinker, and that close friends were describing their 'hush-hush' relationship as 'cute'.

Well as far as Giuseppe Giordano was concerned, there was definitely nothing cute about Ianto fucking Jones. And there was nothing cute, either, about that Glaswegian kiss he'd smacked hard onto the bridge of his nose roughly five minutes back. Jones was a fucking madman when drunk, everybody knew that. He'd not even set foot in the place before starting. His forehead had appeared across the threshold in a flash and connected painfully with that spot right between his eyes before he'd even had the satisfaction of saying 'fuck off'.

The bastard had left him seeing stars, and the further onslaught of punches as he'd toppled, stunned, to the floor, had inflicted a jagged tear just below his left eye. Leaking blood, it'd already started to puff up.

He didn't like being made to feel stupid, and Jones was sohhhhh gonna pay for this ... at some stage. Maybe when he wasn't flat on his back with the bastard sitting on top of him, would be a good plan.

Above him a deranged grin had joined the wild stare. Only now, more than anything, those scary eyes seemed to be taunting him.

"I should slash your fucking throat." A wavering Ianto pushed the knife in a little deeper. It nicked the surface layer of skin and the Welshman smiled, satisfied, as it promoted a small trickle of blood.

A nervous attempt to get some fresh oxygen into some Latino lungs was made.

Ianto pinched his fingers in a little harder.

Starting to panic, instead, Joe began dragging deep sniffs in through his nose.

For a very different reason, Jones the Bastard's nostrils flared too. "How could you treat him like that?" was asked for a second time. "He was so scared of losing me ….. you knew that … but you just kept on using him, you cunt!"

With the body beneath his own suddenly twisting from side to side, determined to keep the advantage, Ianto shifted his weight. By rights a person of Joe's gym-toned stature should easily have held the upper hand; he was taller and much stronger than the man sat on top of him. But a drunken, vengeful Jones the Bastard, apparently knew no fear. When driven by pain and anger, he was a completely different ballgame.

Rocking forward, Ianto pressed both knees harder onto the oaken boards. "Not dead yet?" he checked, a jokey disappointment evident in his tone. Grimacing down at the enemy he attempted to correct the problem by realigning his left hand and squeezing as hard as he could.

Joe began to choke. Ianto watched on as the face below grew a deeper shade of red. Sensing victory he placed his blade on the floor then brought the side of his right fist down hard onto the bridge of Joe's nose. This calculated second blow to exactly the same spot as before, left his victim crying out in shock as well as pain. Finding the reaction most satisfying, Ianto spanked the same spot again.

With a dazed Joe now cursing beneath him, he retrieved his blade and once again pushed the tip onto the bastard's Adam's apple. A clutch of memories came flooding back to bolster his will. The taunts he'd received regarding his physique when Joe had first learned of his and Jay's 'association' had been up first, then the indescribable pain the bastard had left Jay in when he'd disappeared off to the States in search of 'new blood'.

The 'new blood' had ended up being Jack, of course, and that bastard Giordano had been making the poor guy's life a misery ever since.

Then, of course, there'd been Jay's thirtieth birthday party, that first night when Joe had turned up with Jack in tow. The controlling bastard had been back in the country for a couple of days max, but still he'd felt the need to display his dominance by reclaiming the birthday boy as his own. But it hadn't been because he'd missed Jay, or that he was still desperately in love with the poor guy. He'd done it just because he knew that he could; it was as simple as that. The bastard was a narcissistic control freak who just loved to play games with other people's feelings.

Playing games himself today, Ianto pressed his left thumb down as hard as he could, held it for a few moments, then eased off again.

"Yaaaan!" Afraid to move his shoulders for fear of being stabbed in the throat, a bloodied Joe began to rock his hips instead. Twisting at the waist he tried to dislodge the Welshman.

The blade dug a little deeper. "Jack was mine! He was mine, you bastard! All those fucking times you forced yourself on him ... you really think I'm just gonna let you get up and walk away from this?"

Ianto shook his head, blinked a couple of times with the need to reorient himself. "Sorry Joe, it don't work like that with me. You hurt Jack - he didn't deserve any of the shit you put him through, so today I get to call the shots on his behalf. Today I get you to watch you suffer and die."

"Yan ….."

"SHUT UP! ... JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! ...Jack's gone! He's left me! Why did you have to ruin everything you bastard? Why?"

The corners of Ianto's mouth pitched downward. Suddenly tears were spilling.

"Jesus, you really love him …" was observed with a croak.

The acknowledgement brought with it only more pain ….. for both men ….. in very different ways. "I should've done this fucking months ago!" As it was moved a centimetre to the right, the tip of the blade broke Joe's skin again; this time drawing enough blood to allow Ianto to see the flow trickle from the front of Joe's neck, round to the back. "You're a user. You hurt everyone around you then you just fuck off again!"

Narrowed eyes, already bloodshot from an overload of alcohol, had begun to leak heavily. As they started to contort Ianto dipped his features from view. "I don't get it," The growl was growing softer; with sobriety slowly returning it seemed that the Welshman was feeling a little defeated. "Whatever was happening between us – and to this day I still don't know what it was - but that night at the party you were determined to steal Jay away from me – from the start you'd always planned on setting me up with Jack."

Looking like he really couldn't give a fuck, Joe hunched his shoulders. "Your point being?"

"My point being, you cunt, that you've had exactly what you wanted from day one. So why couldn't you have just left me and Jack alone? Why'd you have to treat him like that? Why'd you have to fuck ….. every … thing ….. up?"

As a suddenly devastated Ianto Jones began to cry noisily Joe wondered if he was starting to lose his grip in more ways than one. With the pressure around his neck easing, and tasting victory in the air, he snorted out a laugh. "You know, Yan ... this is quite homo-erotic."

Damp eyes widened. Nostrils flared. The blade dug deeper then slipped, threatening to pierce yet another patch of skin. Ianto's left hand resumed its strangle hold and, caught up in a coughing fit, Joe once more found himself struggling to breathe.

"Homo fucking erotic? Even if you were the last man on Earth, you slimy cunt ….. I still wouldn't fuck you."

Ianto fell silent. The compression on Joe's trachea eased completely. The blade at his throat was quickly swapped from one hand to the other, then a fist was pulled back.

After hovering for no more than a blink, that same fist flew forward to send the head below whipping sideways

This time keeping his cry of pain to himself, "Who said anything about you fucking _me_?" Joe taunted, snuffling and wheezing, spitting out blood as he spoke.

Another blow landed, again snapping his head to one side. This one forced a grunt of displeasure from Joe, and clearly not sure what was happening anymore he failed to notice the body above him angle itself back, He didn't see either, that another punch was on its way. It caught him on the side of the nose and, as a bloody split appeared around the edge of one nostril, his face twisted in agony.

Ianto watched, fascinated, as a trail of blood trickled downward, finding the top line of Joe's mouth before setting off on a raggedy, whiskered course, bound for the bastard's left ear. Unable to stop a grin from forming, he hit him again, really fucking hard.

A frantic Joe started to struggle. "Okay okay! You think I'm a cunt! I get it! And I'm sorry for what's happened between you and Jack, okay? Yan, you've made your point! How about we call it a day yeah?"

Eyes focused on the blade now waving erratically above him, Joe struggled harder in the Welshman's grip. His body rocking and rolling, he hitched his hips in a desperate effort to escape.

But Ianto was still refusing to budge. "You shouldn't've ... hurt ... Jack …" Croak barely audible he started to cry again. Huge sobs were heaved inward until, suddenly, he realised he was losing the psychological advantage.

Mouth pinching into a hard line, his eyes became steely. Then he was yelling, more determined than ever. "YOU SHOULDN'T'VE HURT JACK!"

The knife was dropped, a handful of fringe was secured and, emitting a low hollow sound, the back of Joe's head came together with the wooden floor over and over again.

"Ow, fuck! Yan! Okay, okay! Come on, that's enough!" The panicked attempts to break free were becoming almost violent.

Releasing Joe's throat, the fingers of Ianto's left hand dug into the bastard's jaw instead, then his right fist connected with one already bruised and swollen left eye.

Immediately the outside corner began to spurt blood. "Ow ….. fuck! Okay! Yan! Please … just stop! Please!"

"Worried about losing our shit Latino looks are we?" With a loud smack, the same fist landed on the same spot.

Sounding behind Ianto, a key was turned in the lock.

"Jay? Jay! For fuck's sake just get over here and get your fucking ex-girlfriend off of me!" Still in his prone position, emboldened by the cavalry's arrival, Joe began to buck furiously.

Sniffing in noisily and securing a firmer grip, Ianto fought hard to stay right where he was.

Lower jaw on the floor, his hair still wet from a session down the gym, Jason Cooper stood frozen to the spot. He seemed to be in a state of shock but, with a sudden yell, and dropping his holdall to the floor, he finally flew forward.

Slipping a hand beneath each armpit, the blond staggered backwards dragging a roaring Ianto Jones with him. "Yan, please, baby, don't do this … it's not gonna bring Jack b …. Oh my god …."

Looking up from his struggling ex fuck-buddy, Jay had finally noticed the extent of the damage caused to his boyfriend's features.

As he was released, scrambling quickly backwards, Ianto managed to find his feet, and then his balance. In front of him the 'sometimes devoted' blond was trying to help his bastard of a boyfriend to his knees but Joe had already become impatient and having struggled out of hold was making a big point of clambering to his feet without assistance.

Clearly feeling foolish; his lips pursing as he started to sulk, Jay proceeded to get the hump. That was when the two of them started to argue big time.

Ianto spotted an opportunity. Before either of them could realise what was about to happen he sent himself horizontal, flying quickly through the air to land a good hard kick directly on Joe's jewels.

"That was for Jack." he growled, hauling himself up from where he'd crashed to the floor. Mouth gaping, one speechless bastard had been sent straight back to his knees.

As Joe knelt there cupping his pride and joy, Jason dropped to the floor to embrace his boyfriend. As Joe grunted disapprovingly at the show of affection, Jay gave up trying. With a sigh he looked back over one shoulder. "Yan, for fuck's sake just go! You're done here!"

Taking a step closer, crouching down to face level, Ianto's right eye began to twitch. "No, Jay, I'm far from finished here." was delivered with a sneer, "That bastard next to you is still alive for one thing."

"Yan, you're rat-arsed. Fucking stupid-drunk, and you know it." Angling himself to peer around Ianto, Jason pointed at the front door. "Just go home. Sleep it off."

Ianto quickly drew his arm back, then Jason, too, received a fist in the face for his troubles.

"Oh, for fucks …." Still rubbing his bollocks, Joe watched on, appalled, as his rescuer fell back, crying out in shock as he clutched at his nose. "How is this happening?" was demanded of the stricken boyfriend. "Jay, there's only _one_ of _him_ for fucks sake! Make use of that muscle you're always flexing and take him out of the equation! Come on! Just do something useful, will you!"

"Like what?" Muffled by the hand still glued in place catching his precious drips of blood, Jason's query had been sulked back post haste.

"I don't fucking know! Call somebody that _can_ deal with him, perhaps, you twat? Get Els over here – that pixie bitch's attitude is almost as shit as his is. She'll be able to talk some sense into him, surely?"

"Pixie bitch?"

The ill-considered comment had easily grabbed the attention of somebody else in the room. Locating where he'd dropped it a minute ago, in a beat Ianto had picked up the knife and was waving it threateningly, lunging at every empty space available. Suddenly he was one manic mass of one-armed punches, drunken kicking and knife waving. As long as he was creating some kind of pain he didn't really care where or how he made contact. Any target was fair game, and as the flat of his left foot made contact with a hip, he felt marginally vindicated on Ellie's behalf.

"Jay! Stop fannying about! Just fucking kick him back you idiot!"

It appeared that, from a distance, Joe was quite happy to just yell out insults and instructions..

"Fucking coward!" Getting way too enthused to remain tactical for much longer, Ianto felt all at once inspired to try out a few of his school-day martial arts moves.

Suddenly finding himself having to fend off a succession of unsteady swivel kicks, the blond under attack pulled Joe back into the fray and between them they managed to grab the ranting Welshman then held him still. A few seconds later they were manhandling him into the downstairs loo.

Remembering at the last minute that his ex - fuck-buddy still had the blade on him, with some quicker than originally planned deft finger-work, classing himself as very lucky Jason managed to successfully slip the key from the inside lock, then hurriedly slammed the door, locking Ianto in from the outside.

The predictable banging of fists started right away; the yells to be 'let the fuck out' were loud and very unmissable.

Eager to get this over and done with Jason didn't bother with calling Ellie. Instead he got straight through to Stefan who promised that, in still considering himself to be Yan's best friend, he'd be there mob-handed within the hour.

-o-

The first ten minutes passed without incident, and figuring that the worst must be over, a smug Joe and Jason smiled, relieved, as the trapped beast inside their cloakroom fell silent. Looking pleased with themselves, stood outside in the hallway as they were, they felt confident enough to indulge in a celebratory hug.

Just a few feet away, still stuck inside their downstairs loo, Ianto Jones had felt suddenly inspired to make use of his trusty steak knife. Having carved a diagonal line into his left palm he was dipping a fingertip into the slowly seeping blood and had already scrawled the word _CUNT_ several times over, all over Joe's pristine white walls.

If the two men stood outside had listened hard enough, they would have heard him giggling.

Sadly, his moment of jubilation hadn't lasted. When the regiment arrived (just the three of them - Gazebo couldn't get out of work and DanDan was on his way back from another part of the country) the toilet door was unlocked to reveal a devastated Ianto, his left hand swathed in bloodied loo roll, sat hunched over on the lid of the toilet sniffing quietly to himself.

Entering the property, Ellie observed the creep on the couch clutching a bag of frozen peas between his thighs. "Hurt did it?" she smiled making her way further in to find her 'soulie'.

As fingers began to stroke their way through his hair, eyes closed, Ianto took hold of the tiny hand and pressed it to the bridge of his nose. "I'm such a mess, Els. I'm such a fucking mess ….. and I don't know what to do …"

Clearly more sober than he had been an hour ago, the young Welshman lifted his lids to reveal his still bloodshot eyes. Leaning forward to kiss his forehead, even though her heart was breaking at the sight, Ellie could only agree with him, "Yes, you are babe ….. a complete fucking mess. And now it's time to let us help you. You do know that, don't you …"

Lips pursing sadly as he nodded, Ianto allowed Stefan and Larry to haul him up from his inglorious seat.

Studying the bastard's face as well as his crotch, "You deserve every single one of those fucking wounds." Larry told Joe, helping Stefan walk their friend out from the loo.

"Just get that crazy bastard out of my house and save your Billy big bollock comments for someone who actually gives a fuck." he was told sourly. "Oh, and do yourself a favour. Make sure that wanker stays away from me from now on; he's lucky I haven't called the Old Bill. If he comes near me again I will press fucking charges." was added with a late flourish of bravado.

"I think we might need to get him stitched up before we take him home." Ellie decided, studying the wounded hand as she walked over. It was then that Joe spotted the reams of bloodied tissue paper wrapped around one bloody Welsh palm.

"What the fuck has he done?!" He looked anxiously in the direction of his precious downstairs cloakroom. "He's not dripped blood on the fucking floor in there, has he?"

Larry and Stefan exchanged a quick smirk.

"Er, no, not exactly." Stefan told him, gently edging Ianto towards the door.

Pulling both arms free, Ianto turned back to offer Joe one last middle finger.

Then knife still in hand, he walked proudly, and completely unaided, out into the street.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

tbc.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

A/N : So how was it? Not too traumatic I hope ….. lol. I'm afraid poor Ianto has quite a way to go before he's back on an even keel but, trust me, things do get better …. ... in the best possible way!

Cheers 'til the next chapter ….. bwb.


	2. A Waste of Good Breath

**A/N** : Just jumping in for a second to pass on a quick message to Grobebbol. : I know it seems to be taking ages for your happy ending to appear, and there's still a little way yet to go I'm afraid, sorry… but I promise; it really does happen. And cheers for your review! bwb.

Okay … yep ….. I think that's about it. So shall we just crack on with Chapter Two then?

-o- -o- -o- -o-

Chapter Two ... ( _oooh_ , _speak of the devil )_

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

A Waste of Good Breath

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"WHAT?! Whoops ... whoa..."

Pulling on the door as she reversed out of the living room, Ellie continued to stumble.

"Either I've just walked into the wrong apartment ..." she decided, managing to keep upright as she turned around, "... or I was bloody hallucinating in there. How's about we go back outside and try this again?"

Still out on the pavement a barely motivated Ianto was glancing in at her. She gave a very deliberate shudder which failed to draw the reaction she'd been hoping for, so she repeated the movement; this time over-accentuating the quaking motion plus she added a few extra shivering noises for good measure.

Finally he seemed to get the hint. "Oh ... right ... the living room." Bringing up the rear behind Stefan and Larry his tone was annoyingly unconcerned. "It might be a bit of a mess in there; haven't bothered cleaning for a couple of days." he lied in the exact same nonchalant fashion. Hand recently assessed, cleaned and sparingly dressed, currently holding it protectively onto his midsection the homeowner slouched his way across the threshold. Standing there silently staring at his feet he was bringing with him an uncomfortable atmosphere and clearly wasn't happy with the fact that his friends were once again back in his home like this. Stepping clear of his muted best friend, it was Stefan who managed to break the spell and making his way over to the living room, he slipped inside.

Also curious about what delights they were about to find, looking around him where he stood, it was Larry who first spotted the small pile of plaster sitting on the hallway flooring. "What the hell happened there?" Pointing at the mess beneath the table straight ahead, he shot Ianto a sidelong glance.

"Ohhhh myyyyyyy gohhhhhd." Having decided he'd already seen enough - the nouveau goldfish impression marring his notoriously pretty looks - a gobsmacked Stefan's mouth was gaping wide. "Yan…..?" He narrowed his eyes accusingly. "Be honest now. Did you decide to throw a party and not invite us lot?"

"No. I didn't." A head was lifted and a dismissive glance was aimed in the appropriate direction. "Because strangely enough Stef, I haven't exactly been in the partying mood. And now ….."

With a withering stare, followed by a wobbly first few steps, Ianto managed to sidestep his three friends, then propelled himself forward. "… if you'll all excuse me, I'm going for a piss."

As he made his way along the hallway, the Jones locomotive efforts were lumbering and slow. Which was hardly surprising given how he'd so blatantly ignored the advice of the experts at the hospital.

Being aware that more than just a tipple's worth still lingered within a certain person's system, the doctor had insisted that no further pain killing pills be popped for at least another four hours. Of course had he been passing this important piece of information on to an even remotely sensible person, it might actually have made perfect sense. But Jones the Infuriating had been acting nothing like sensible for weeks on end, and claiming to be severely dehydrated and in desperate need of a drink of water, aware that she'd already spent most of it on hospital parking fees, Ianto had insisted that Ellie feed the last of her small change into the A & E vending machine.

A bottle of water?

Had Ianto Jones finally turned a corner?

Had he simply been hoping to quench his thirst and nothing more?

No. Of course he hadn't. Mr Shit-for-brains had decided that the next logical step would be for him to swallow down a few more tabs.

Following him into the gents minutes later, having been assured that a cubicle was, on this occasion, being used solely because the already woozy man wanted to take a lazy pee, Stefan had instead heard the distinctive crackle of pills being pushed free. He'd yelled for his friend not to be so stupid, had tried to gain access to stop him before it was too late, but other than bang on the locked door until it was opened again, there'd been nothing he could do.

Almost earning himself a smack on the nose, the stupid Welshman had eventually emerged casually wiping the back of his good hand across his wet, smirking lips.

Jones the Bastard.

Jones the Pisshead.

Jones the Infuriating … and now …..

Jones the Stupid idiot.

There were days when otherwise faithful members of the Ianto Jones Fan Club were left wondering why they bothered quite so much; if at all, and glumly leaving the hospital it'd seemed odds on that this day in particular was rapidly becoming one of those.

The journey home hadn't improved the mood any. Keeping his hands in his pockets and refusing to reveal how many tabs were left in the pack, one stubborn piece of walking wounded had spent most of his time on the backseat trying not to nod off.

His friend's had _not ..._ repeat ... _not _ been impressed.

-o- -o-

Still wavering about, but at least now safe and sound back in his own home, the Jones version of slow, slow, quick, quick, slow was continuing along the hallway. Surprising the avid audience studying his rear view he seemed to be progressing fairly well, right up until that moment when, halfway to his destination, he suddenly froze on the spot then turned around. "Look," A small nod was offered, not once, but twice. "I know you didn't have to do this today, so thanks guys. But, seriously, there's no need for you to hang around like this; I'll be fine now."

Head still woozy, and with another almighty effort of an about-face completed, he continued on his way, finally making it into his bathroom with one long, unstable sidestep.

Holding onto the basin to keep himself steady, he peered into the mirror wondering what Jack would make of his latest look: Sunken eyes, hollowed features, greasy skin, teenage spots, a birds-nest of a beard going on, and god forbid he should forget the self-inflicted hand wound.

He wasn't exactly ideal boyfriend material anymore, was he?

Not that it mattered.

Nothing mattered anymore.

A moment of desperation made itself known - a lowering of lids preceded a silent sigh, his ghastly reflection; its image ingrained, was gifted a mindful of Jones-style spite, then a happy memory, one of his favourites, was entertained ...

He was there, right in the moment; walking with Jack in the park and, all over again, both of them, in not so many words, were declaring their love for one another. He'd been so happy that day; he missed enjoying those odd unexpected moments between them. He missed the laughing, the companionship, and, of course, the intimacy. He even missed the bitching and the fighting. God he missed him; dreamed about him constantly. Not a single waking moment could pass without the man occupying his thoughts in some way or another, and he never wanted that to change.

Not that it would ever make a difference mind. As a couple, they were finished. As friends, they'd failed to communicate. As lovers they'd shared their last night together.

It was too late for making amends, and there was no point crying over spilled …

God he hated those fucking corny sayings ... was he so bad that he'd already been reduced to spouting one of those?

Well something had to change and soon, that was now very clear. Perhaps his best move would be to say bollocks to it, I know I fucked up and, okay, yeah, it was a really stupid thing to do, but now it's time to just accept the fact, grow some balls, and fucking move on.

Move on?

Fucking move on?

Now that was just plain fucking ridiculous. Why would anyone in their right mind want to move on from Jack? In fact, how _could_ anyone, regardless of state of mind, move on from someone like Jack?

Refocusing, eyes wandering, it was the pale blue toothbrush still taking pride of place next to his own bright red example that suddenly became a distraction. Predictably the tears came again. Unbidden, and stinging as they slipped free, they began to plot a course downward.

"I'm sorry Jack. God, I'm ... so ... I'm so ... sorry ….."

It didn't matter that the shattered apology was being aimed at an inanimate object - that redundant toothbrush was still significant, it continued to represent something meaningful; that Jack had been a real and proper part of the apartment too. Would probably have ended up moving in … had someone not royally fucked everything up by being the biggest tool ever.

-o-

Ashamed of himself and of what he'd become, he felt obliged to re-examine his sorry excuse of a reflection. Not only was he still a mess, but he could now add reddened, soggy eyes to his already long list of shortcomings. This wasn't good; the sight of himself in the mirror was actually making him feel so much worse. What he really needed was to snap himself out of this mood. Maybe a good place to start would be for him to have a damn good shave - that alone might help improve his mind-set. But there was something else too that he should be doing. What was it? Something else that he still had to do.

Some ….. thing …. else.

Something …. important.

Something really, really import ….

Oh yeah ….. he needed a piss, that was it.

But could he be bothered?

No.

All he really wanted to concentrate on was Jack.

He wanted to think about Jack and nothing else.

Because he needed Jack.

God, did he need Jack.

And it was never gonna happen, but, God did he wish that Jack would just come back.

-o- -o- -o- -o-

-o- -o- -o- -o-

As the sound of loud sobbing began to echo along in their direction, the two men at the other end of the hall shared an eye-roll.

"I bet he's missed the bowl and pissed all over the floor." Larry predicted with a small laugh.

Sighing, Ellie turned away to brave the living room again. Nudging the door ajar, she stepped inside. "Ohhhhh, fuck ..."

"Christ, it can't be that bad surely?" Larry eyes widened as she reappeared, this time in floods of tears, and not totally sure of what he was going to find inside himself, he was curiously making his way forward when a familiar voice floated in to curtail his progress.

"God, I'm outta condition!"

Finally clocked off for the day and having just run non-stop from the tube station, a cutely flustered Gazzy Gazebo panted his way over the front step. Tongue lolling, shoulders heaving; hands supporting him just above the knees, the first thing his raised eyes settled upon was a distressed Ellie lifting a tissue to her leaking eyes. As she smiled weakly at him, he propelled himself forward, slipping a comforting arm around her shoulders as he drew close enough. "Come on Els, cheer up. We've managed to get inside the place at last, and he's gonna be okay, I'm sure of **…"**

"Hun, it's not just the state of _Yan_ we're worried about." Larry interrupted, nodding in the direction of the bombsite beyond.

Hooking his right arm a little tighter around Ellie's shoulders Gaz gingerly eased himself back at an angle. Stretching his neck as far as the gap, he sneaked a look inside the main room.

"Berrrrluddeee hell!"

Upright again, his brows dancing; not knowing quite which message to pass on for the best, he gave Ellie a reassuring hug anyway. "Come on, don't worry, it'll be fine in no time. You're brilliant at this sort of thing, and we're all gonna stick around to help clear up the, um, mess, ain't we lads?"

"Yeah, 'course we are." Stefan leaned forward, his long slender fingers affectionately ruffling Ellie's hair as he nodded his confirmation. "I'll give Dan a quick call; see how far he's got. It'll be all hands on deck before you know it Cap'n." he grinned.

Everyone fell quiet as "Seriously you lot, I know you mean well, but I'd much prefer it if you all just went home and left me to it," drifted out from the bathroom. "I want to be alone." was then added enigmatically.

The following thud, then bang, suggested that one dizzy, dosed up on painkillers homeowner - on something of an unplanned visit to the bathroom floor, had managed to collide with the door on his way down.

"Hun, why don't you help Els make a start on that godawful mess in there, and I'll give Stef a hand with Greta Garbo." Larry smiled at his boyfriend.

Making sure he was heard by immediate company only, Stefan kept his voice to a whisper. " _I vont to be ellone"_ he grinned, mimicking the relevant actress and at last giving his brothers in arms a real reason to chuckle.

Still grinning himself, Larry gripped one shoulder in encouragement then began to guide his friend in the appropriate direction. "I have a feeling this particular rescue mission's gonna be a bit trickier than usual." he was forced to admit as they ambled off to rescue one horizontal Welshman.

Watching the two men warily make their way along to the bathroom, Gaz and Ellie nodded their wholehearted agreement, then taking a deep breath each, they gingerly entered hell personified.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Time was moving slowly.

The once pristine bedroom had become a battleground ... There was a battle of wills going on.

A highly embarrassed Ianto had been stripped to his boxers and put to bed. No longer completely zonked out he was currently sitting upright, being bolstered into position by two fluffed up pillows. He was also being guarded by three very watchful men who so far had not been given much of an easy ride - Mr Pottymouth had been both vociferous and incredibly rude whilst being tucked into bed, and in the process had made some rather uncalled for and very personal remarks.

In other words he was being his usual pig-headed self and was still insisting that everyone should just go the fuck home. He'd also been grumbling on about being ignored, saying that nobody was listening to a word he was saying and, yeah, in fairness he was right, no bugger was paying any attention - partly because, when he did speak, he was talking complete bollocks, but mainly because the hard-hearted tactics being employed were for his own good.

-o-

With the battle still raging on around the bed, and the air growing ever bluer, the only soul left doing anything truly proactive was the lost and lonely elf stuck down the hall. Left there all on her ownsome she was struggling to 'deal' on a completely different level.

Whenever Yan had had one of these little moments in the past, it'd always been herself that he'd come running to and consequently confided in. But not this time; this time he was completely shutting her out and she was absolutely hating the fact. Frustratingly she could see along with the rest of them that the only real way to solve the problem would be to convince loves young dream that they'd made a big mistake, get them both on the same side of the Atlantic again, then just sit back and watch their continuing romance blossom.

But that was one hell of a 'pigs might fly' scenario that would take a hell of a lot of working on, and in the meantime there was still some far less appealing work waiting to be done here, at the local tip.

Aware that somebody had been creeping along the hall, and was now hovering around in the doorway, "How is he?" she wondered, still paying close attention as the last of the many grotty pizza boxes fell into her second, or was it her third, black bin liner. Pulling an unimpressed face she began to feel around; stood there frowning until her fingers found the necessary looped handles, then with a sigh she tied them tightly together.

Swallowing slowly, still saying nothing, Stefan pushed himself up from the doorjamb and made his way over to the couch. Ellie looked up from her chores to spot a telling flow of tears trickling down her friend's face. In a flash the sack had hit the floor and she was quickly moving in his direction.

Timing it almost to perfection they sank onto the couch together. Stefan dropped his head, sending his trademark long blond locks cascading forward. Before they could cover it completely, he cupped his face with his hands.

"Oh, sweetheart ….."

Administering a hug, Ellie kissed the top of his head. Sounding totally broken he began to speak through his hands. "I'm really fuckin' pissed off with him Els, he's throwing insults at me, calling me some unforgivable things, but at the same time I feel so sorry for him."

Sniffing loudly he looked up to wipe his eyes. "For some reason, this time I'm feelin' more worried about him than usual; I've never seen him act so …. oh I dunno, so cold, I guess, so distant, so …. detached." With Ellie nodding sadly at him, "That's not normal. That's not our Yan." he felt the need to point out. "It's like he's given up without even trying. I never thought I'd hear myself say it, Els, but I really believe the only answer is to ask Jack to come back. Okay, I know I've had my issues with him in the past, but regardless of that and whatever shit might've been going on between him and Joe, I swear Yan was the happiest he's ever been when Jack was on the scene."

With a widening wave, he gestured around at the somewhat tidier living area. "Y'know, I really thought we'd seen the last of all this I'm not coping bollocks. I thought he'd turned a corner; he'd been doing so well over the past few months ... but now it seems we're right back to square one."

A ragged, distressed sounding breath was drawn shakily inward. "For his sake, Els, I'm trying my hardest to do and say the right thing, but I can't stand to even be near him when he's in this kind of mood; it's so …. extreme."

"Yan doesn't do normal," Ellie reminded with a smile, "It's either jubilation or devastation with him; there are no half measures where that daft bugger's concerned. You know, I swear one day he's gonna be the death of me." As her declaration made Stefan smile, she eased a tissue from her front pocket and handed it over. "Have you heard from Dan yet?" she wondered as the man next to her blew noisily then wiped accordingly.

Still sniffing despite his best efforts, Stefan managed a nod. "He should be here soon; he reckons he's got some important news to pass on."

"Really?" As it was cheekily handed back to her, Ellie used pinched fingers to aim the soggy piece of tissue at the nearest rubbish sack. "What d'you think it gonna be? He's going back out to Ibiza maybe?"

"No, s'got nothing to do with him or his job - apparently it's something to do with Yan." Stefan relayed with a shrug.

"Watcha ..." Larry 's head poked around the left upright of the living room door. "Els, sorry babe, but Yan's asking to see you in there. and d'you think you could do us a favour?" he begged with a sigh, "Try and talk some sense into the pig-headed son of a bitch bastard will you? The wanker's just gone and upset Gaz; called him a vertically challenged wife, then told him to go buy a big bag of self-respect and a pair of fucking platforms."

"No. Really? Oh poor Gazebo."

Ellie was clearly trying enormously hard not to smile. Larry's frown deepened regardless. "Els, it's not funny! Gaz is really upset, plus the Welsh twat also called _me_ a long streak of stupid piss - apparently I'm so stupid, I've got more intelligence in my balls than in my brain."

Clearly wounded by the comment, the lanky Londoner heaved another sigh. "We were only trying to hit home that he needs to stop feeling constantly sorry for himself - then we might've mentioned that we, as an already happily shacked up couple, thought he should just phone Jack and ask him to come back over to the UK."

Already wincing, Stefan looked over. "How did he react?"

"The psycho went fucking ballistic. I swear he's losing the plot." Edging out and bringing his right arm into view, Larry lifted his hand to his temple then waved a forefinger around in 'screwy' circles. "I've never known him to turn on us like this before, and I swear, right here, right now, that if he keeps this up I'm gonna end up stabbing the prick with his own fucking knife. Somewhere below waist level probably."

"Anyone fancy a coffee?"

Looking like it was all becoming just a little too much, Stefan sent himself upright. With a sniff he began to make his way over to the kitchen area. "I don't s'pose I'm gonna find any fresh milk in the fridge, but I'm up for making everyone a black with sugar if you all want."

"Under normal circumstances I'd be saying _'_ _I think I'll have something stronger'_ , but the smell of booze in this place is making me wanna heave big-time; did anyone manage to find a tin of air-freshener by the way?"

Larry finally stepped completely into view. He took a couple of steps forward then gazed down at the suspicious looking puddle of, 'something', at the base of the fireplace. "Jesus! What the _fuck_ is _that_?!"

"Looks like someone, no names mentioned, might've chucked his ring up," Ellie smiled stating the bloody obvious. Grinning at the growing look of horror on Larry's face, "Oh, and I wouldn't go anywhere near that corner over there either, it stinks of stale piss." she added still pinching her nose, having just spoken nasally to create the ultimate effect.

"Oh, he's not, has he? Fuck, he's really bad this time, isn't he ….. I just ... I just don't know what to do to help him ..." Voice barely audible, Stefan was slowly shaking his head down at the floor.

Ellie shot a worried look at Larry who quickly stepped up to the plate. "Stef, come on, mate; he's gonna be okay. Look, a coffee sounds like a brilliant idea, yeah? Why don't you just go ahead make us all one, then I'll help you carry them through to the bedroom."

With the suggestion he dipped sideways, allowing a frowning Ellie to leave the room.

Clearly still harbouring feelings for their troubled friend, Stefan looked up and then across the divide. "Yeah, you're right ..." His forced smile was far from convincing. "So ... coffee's all round, it's gonna be, yeah?"

-o- -o-

Having passed a fleeing Gaz in the hallway, and now hovering warily outside the bedroom door, Ellie tapped lightly, announcing her presence. Inside the room a loud yawn was just ending. It was closely followed by an even louder tut.

"Munch, what the fuck are you knocking for you muppet?" As the bright magenta coiffure popped into view, Ianto rolled his eyes.

"How you doing babe?" She sat on the edge of the bed, wiggled her bum around a little; made herself a bit more comfy.

Ianto studied her for a moment. "You really sure you want to know?"

She deliberately ignored the question. Sent him her best motherly stare. "I don't like seeing you like this."

"Well stop bloody looking at me and go home then." was suggested curtly.

Ellie's response was to punch the arm belonging to the injured left hand, as hard as she bloody well could.

"Oh, like that's really gonna help. Thanks Els." Ianto clutched his good hand around the pummeled spot. He didn't want his best friend to know it, but despite the acerbic nature of his response he was actually on the verge of smiling and trying not to. Out of everyone he'd ever known, she was the only one to never have been scared of him. Never. And he loved her for it. With Jack now gone, she was once again the most important person in his life, and that was why he didn't want to drag her down any longer. She deserved better.

Seeing something of a change despite his efforts, Ellie punched him again, only considerately lighter this time. "Well, you asked for it, it's your own bloody fault! You just make me so …."

"So?"

"Sohhhhh ….."

"Hmmmm?" Eyes smiling, even though he was still wearing his serious face - someone was clearly dying to know.

Ellie heaved a huge sigh. "Oh, I dunno ... so … everything."

Now Ianto _was_ smiling - had been suddenly inspired to nurse his woozy head, admittedly - but, yes, there was definitely a smile going on for a change. "I'll take that as a compliment. Now, Els, listen to me ... I want you to do me a really big favour - you weren't meant to see me like this. Not the mess the place is in ..." He raised his injured hand a little higher "And you weren't meant to know about this either, none of you were."

"Why? It's not as if we're not used to seeing you like this. How many times have we ….."

"Els, shut up, I mean it." Ianto closed his eyes then blew out a long, slow breath. "This has got to stop, okay? I want you to round the others up, then I want you all to go home and forget I'm here."

"Why ….. 'cause you vont to be ellone?" Ellie was looking as pissed off as she was sounding. "What is it with all these fucking drama queen moments today anyway? Forget you're here? No ... I'll tell you what's gonna happen, Jones ... You're gonna stop talking bollocks then you're gonna start listening to me instead. For god's sake pull yourself together then work out a way to get Jack back!" As she left the bed, Ianto's hard stare followed her.

"There isn't a way!" His good fist banged the bed in frustration. "I fucked up, Els! Jack's gone! He's not coming back! And all I want right now is to be left on my own to deal with that fact in my own way, okay?!"

Having successfully proven to them both that he could shout much louder than her, Ianto fell back onto his pillows. He sighed quietly as he gazed in her direction. "Now please, will you just go. You've got a life of your own, haven't you? Go live it for a change. You've got Kelly now, you should be somewhere enjoying yourself with her, not wasting your time on me." Ignoring Ellie's stony look, he made a point of holding her stare. "Els, I don't want to see you anymore. Do you understand?"

Staring straight back at him, Ellie was trying to hold it together. Her right cheek twitched and, trying her damnedest not to cry, she looked away.

Of all the times they'd rowed, had fought like cat and dog in the past; when he'd screamed at her to fuck off - to mind her own business, he'd never really meant any of it. That was just them - that was how her and Yan were together. They were comfortable with the caterwauling, intrinsically linked, like old socks and shoes, falling out when tired and worn, but they always slipped back together in the end. They'd acknowledged several times over that they'd be 'soulies' forever and Yan never meant a word of anger sent her way.

But today he really did mean it. She could hear it in his voice; he truly never wanted to see her again. And she'd never felt pain like it in her entire life.

But there was no way she was giving up that easily.

"Kels won't be a problem, she doesn't mind; she understands how it is between me 'n' you." she fought back with, desperately wracking her brain for every excuse under the sun. "And anyway, she's been at her mum's for the past two weeks helping look after her dad. If you'd bothered answering your door you'd've found out for yourself that he's had a heart attack and that ..…"

"Heart attack? Shit, that sounds bad. Is he okay? Is _she_ okay? I wondered why she hadn't been pounding on my door with the rest of you."

To his credit, Ianto was looking genuinely worried.

Retaking her seat on the bed, Ellie tired her hardest but was unsuccessful in forcing a smile. "Yeah, I spoke to her this morning and she's fine but, Yan, I'm not fine. I'm worried sick about you. We all are. You seem far worse than usual and we all just want …."

"Els, listen to me ….." Taking hold of one hand, Ianto gave it a gentle shake. "I'm gonna be okay; I'll get over this, but It'll happen much quicker if I'm left to my own devices. I like being alone - if I want to get drunk and throw up, I can. If I want to scream and shout, I can. And if I want to live in a fucking shithole, it'll be much easier if I don't have to worry about visitors turning up."

He squeezed her hand and maintained the hold. "You get what I'm saying, Munch? I don't ' _vont to be ellone'_. I ' _need'_ to be alone. I'm …."

"You're what?"

"I'm scared that if I just carry on with the normal, everyday things, I might forget him. At the moment I can still hear him in my head, but I'm scared I'm going to forget his accent, and that smile coming through in his voice when he talks, ….. and how wonderful he sounded first thing in the morning, singing me awake as he took a shower. I make myself think about him constantly,"

The lips began to quiver. "Els, I still can't believe that I've lost him …."

"Babe, you still don't know for sure if you actually have, lost him. Just stop fighting against't me and the boys, let us help you get back on track, then go find that daft sod and just tell him how you feel about …"

"S'too late …"

A sigh was heaved. "No, Yan, it's not. Look, I know his mobile's off-line right now; god knows I've tried calling it enough times over the past two weeks, but surely you still have his landline over in the States. You could …"

"No!"

"Well, okay, if you don't want to ring him yourself, just let me have his number and …"

"No! He's made it perfectly clear that we're over, so I'm not gonna show myself up by bothering him! And I don't want any of you lot ringing him either! Do you understand?"

Five foot nothing's worth of despairing woman left the bed again.

"Okay, have it your way, but you're wrong about this you know. God you can be so fucking stupid sometimes!"

With a huff, Ellie turned to face the door. "I'm gonna go see how Stef's doing with the coffee. Depending on what mood I find myself in when I get back with yours, you may, or may not, find yourself wearing it you stubborn twat!"

"Go home!"

"Not gonna happen, Welsh boy! Not gonna happen!"

Shouting out the threat as she stomped along the hall, Ellie entered the living room to find that Dan had finally arrived. A cup of 'black with two' had found its way into his chilled mitts and Stefan was currently instructing that his boyfriend should follow him along to the pit of gloom.

With a sad smile of thanks, Ellie lifted one of the mugs from the tray then about turned, joining the pilgrimage. "Y'okay Dan-Dan?" Blowing through the steam to clear it away, she smiled as she picked out that the dj was nodding back at her.

"Prepare yourself for the worst." Larry warned quietly as they made their way along.

-o- -o-

"So ... what's this intriguing piece of news you've got to share?" Taking it from the latecomer, Larry took hold of Dan-Dan's mug then watched, fascinated, as the dj slid his back down the wall until his bum found the floor. Passing over both drinks, he replicated the movement to join him on the deck, then patting the space alongside suggested that his boyfriend should join them too.

Dan took a quick sip before finally getting around to answering the all important question. "Well, I got off the coach this afternoon and decided that rather than come straight back, I'd stop off at the parade to check if Discus had any new vinyl in. Anyway, while I was in there it occurred to me that the store Yan works in wasn't all that far away, and I thought, well, it's worth a try; if anyone could shed some light on things it'd be those old dudes that Yan works for. I mean, they'd at least have an idea of when he'd be going back to work, right?"

"I bet they refused to talk to you," Stefan guessed, "Staff confidentiality clauses and all that bollocks."

Dan shrugged at his boyfriend, then aimed his stare at the man in the bed. "Yeah, maybe that would've been the case had our friend here still been an employee of theirs – but, guess what ... he's not." All eyes focused on one silent ex-employee. "And they're devastated." Dan carried on. "This numnut here has walked out on them, and, actually, he hasn't even done that - he didn't even have the decency to show up; he just phoned admin last week and told them not to expect to see him again."

Over by the window Stefan made a disapproving noise. The room fell silent as all eyes focused on his thunderous expression.

"Wanker!" He looked up with a snap. "You stupid, selfish, fucking wanker!"

"I need a drink." Clearly sensing that a hard time might be on its way, throwing the duvet to one side Ianto sat on the edge of the bed.

"A drink? You're supposed to be sleeping the last lot off." Ready to stop him in his tracks, Ellie crossed the divide in preparation. "And anyway, you shouldn't be drinking at all when you're taking bloody painkillers."

A silent Ianto rose unsteadily to his feet. With a firm push, her palm flat on his chest, Ellie sent him back into place.

Across the room, somebody finally lost it.

"I don't fucking _believe_ you!" Stefan banged his mug down, slopping hot coffee over the window ledge. "Yan, those old guys went out of their way to give you that job! You're a manager for fucks sake; you can't just phone up and leave them in the lurch like that!"

"Actually," Ianto twisted at the waist. "I can do what the hell I like. Now will you all just fuck off and leave me alone. This is none of your fucking business!"

Stefan didn't need telling twice. "Don't worry Yan, I'm going." He began to leave the room, brushing up against and stumbling around the edge of the bed in his haste to escape.

At the doorway he looked back, his voice breaking. "I'm sick of you and your stupid pissed all the time melodramatics! Just phone Jack, you moron, sort out this stupid mess, then get the fuck back to work!"

"When I want your advice, Stef, I'll ask for it. Now, fuck off!"

Gasping, Ellie turned back to gawp at the man getting himself back into bed. "Yan! Apolgise you ungrateful bastard. He's been really worried about you!"

With a wave she gestured to the blond still hovering in the doorway, and lingering deliberately to give his friend a second chance, Stefan swallowed heavily.

Ianto ignored the both of them.

Visibly distraught, Stefan span on the spot then left the room.

With Ellie standing there forcing out a frustrated growl, a sighing Dan forced himself up onto his feet. "You're an idiot." he told Ianto sadly before scurrying after his boyfriend.

Gaz looked up from his mug with a sigh; as always he just wanted everyone to be happy. "Yan, you and Jack are meant to be together, we can all see that; even Stef can, and he ….. well ….. anyway, I was thinking that maybe if Jack knew ….."

"Where is he, hmmm?" The Welsh stare shot over in the peacemaker's direction. "I fucked up, Gaz! Jack's gone! In fact he couldn't have taken himself any further away from me if he fucking tried."

Ianto stared blankly at the bank of wardrobes opposite. "He must hate me. I didn't give him one single chance to explain. All those fucking shit situations he got himself into with Joe, just to make sure he didn't lose me - and what did I do? I just pushed him away. Even if he did come back, how could I ever face him again?"

"Yan, you need to contact him; it's Jack you should be pouring your heart out to, not us." Happy to point out the obvious, Gaz climbed to his feet. Larry did the same, and slipping a supportive arm about his boyfriend's waist gave him a hug, The smaller man smiled up appreciatively before returning his attention to Ianto. "I know you can't see it yourself right now, but anyone that's seen you two together knows how much in love you both are and …"

"Look! Will you all just mind your own fucking business! You don't know the first thing about me or Jack! He's gone! And he's not coming back! That's all there is to it, okay?!"

With their friendship already under threat of termination, the smallest creature in the room decided she'd finally had a gut-full. "Look, you thick son of a bitch, people don't just stop loving each other - it don't work like that. I don't care how badly you think you've fucked up, wherever the bugger is right now, I can guarantee that not only is Jack missing you, but he's also still in love with you too, you fool, and ….."

"STOP IT! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND FUCK OFF!" A shaking finger was pointed at the doorway. "Fuck off the lot of you! The last thing I need to hear is shit like that! See! This is why I haven't answered my fucking door for the last two fucking weeks! All of you - stop trying to tell me how to live my life! I'll deal with this in my own way and I don't need a fucking babysitter!"

"Fine." Arm still around his boyfriend's waist, Larry held out his free hand for Ellie to take. "Come on you two," Shaking his head he began to usher his boyfriend and the trembling redhead from the room. "You wanna do this on your own, you go right ahead,. Just don't expect us to all come running when you realise what a fucking sad prick you've been today."

Eyes filling, Ellie looked back over one shoulder.

Ianto held her stare for a second then looked away, his heart pounding as he heard his friends leave the room.

Then the front door slammed for the final time.

And that was that.

Over.

It was certainly a bittersweet situation, but, finally, he'd managed to lose everything ... his parents, to whom he owed so many apologies. Jack, the most special person to ever have entered his life ... and now his friends ... he'd just lost every single one of them too.

But at least he now had what he deserved - his punishment for all those times he really had been a selfish prick in the past.

Logic was already insisting that the pain would eventually fade and, in time, he knew it would lessen to a certain degree. But sadly the passing of years would also have him forget the simple, the most important, things about Jack ... and one day that would eventually be the case.

.

.

.

But not this day.

Not today.

.

.

The wallet inside his bedside cabinet was lifted free and,still there waiting patiently for their daily viewing were the two photos.

Tips of fingers secured a grasp around one edge, and for a long moment Ianto forgot to breathe.

Then they were there in front of him - reminding him - haunting him.

Breaking him all over again.

He really did love that smile so very much ... and he still loved the man behind it even more.

.

The images were brought to his lips and, very slowly, each one was kissed in turn.

"I miss you so much ….."

Shoulders rocking he began to sob, the loud, heart-rending sounds telling their own story.

"I'm sorry, Jack." Each photo was kissed again.

"I'm so sorry …"

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

tbc.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

 **A/N :**

Completely on his own with not a friend left in the world? Yep, I guess we all saw that coming ... silly boy.

Next chapter we'll be hopping over to the States to see how Jack's doing.

Cheers 'til then ….. bwb.


	3. Mother knows Best

Chapter Three

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Mother knows Best

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"Son please ... stop. Wherever it is you're going I'm sure it can wait a little longer. Come sit with your mam for a while instead; I've sent your tactless father out to get the groceries especially."

The disgruntled frown forming across the hall was taken on board and dealt with accordingly. "Look, I know you don't want to talk about it Jack, but bottling feelings never did a good thing for no bugger's soul."

Having just caught her eldest trying to sneak out the front door unnoticed, with a backward tip of her head Jack's mom suggested that if he had any sense at all he'd change his plans forthwith and follow her through to the kitchen.

For a moment he seemed to consider the invite, he even took two positive steps in the necessary direction but in a heartbeat changed his mind. "Ma, I wish you'd stop worryin' 'bout me, I'm fine, really; was just gonna grab some fresh air that's all." In what appeared to be a consolation prize, he kissed his fingertips then blew the small token ,of affection his mom's way.

It didn't work. No son of hers was going to get the better of her today. Through marriage and motherhood, Gracie Harkness had remained a strict disciplinarian, she'd had no choice with two boys and a lackadaisical husband to care for. Even now she was well known for being the real boss of the household, that same dependent husband continued to be a glutton for being bossed around, her needy brood, in varying numbers, would still appear on the scene in need of love and guidance, and having failed her first born once already in his lifetime she was determined not to make the same mistake again.

"Fresh air?" While one hand flew downward, finding a hip to rest on, her other was extended in invitation. "Well you can grab all the fresh air you need out in the garden with me. Come on….."

Responding compliantly a sighing Jack did as he was told, and leading the way his mom stepped from the entrance hall into the kitchen. "I can't help but worry about you son; it's what mother's do."

She dragged her son over the threshold.

He made no effort to pull away.

"There's a good boy." she joked with a wink.

Lips curling upward despite his current mood, Jack rolled his eyes at his mom. And that was mistake number one for the day.

The muscle twisting hard, his heart clenched inside his chest and while the excruciating pain held his breath in stasis, his head held onto the vivid image of his gorgeous boyfriend performing the exact same gesture.

His gorgeous boyfriend?

Damn!

Gorgeous? Yes.

Boyfriend? No.

God there were so many things he missed about Ianto; each new memory left him feeling a little more hollow inside, and yearning constantly for the chance to feel Yan's arms holding him close again still had him questioning the soundness of his own reasoning.

Had he been too hasty?

No, he didn't think so ...

Well, not really, no ...

Or, possibly ...

Probably.

He hated that nothing seemed real right now, or that it truly was possible he'd never see those beautiful steely blues again. With regards to him 'grabbing the bull by horns' his mom would say he was his own worst enemy and she'd be right ... to an extent. When he could've just gone for something he wanted, an inbuilt level of insecurity had always held him back. Okay, the throwaway one nighter's? Those he'd never had a problem with and the short-term 'let's use each other for a while' associations, he'd dominated completely. But give him a moment where it really mattered ... like telling Joe to go fuck himself for instance ... he'd just go to pieces every time.

The whole 'moment' with Ianto had been one of those. Despite knowing the devastating consequences, this fool here had just let the situation run and run.

So ... again ... there was the question: 'Had he really given up on the love of his life without even the slightest of fights?' Well, again, no, he was sure he'd made an effort, despite his ultimate fear of being rebuffed. Back in the UK he really had made every effort. It was just since then that he'd managed to spend whole nights and days crying into his pillow, had allowed the ball of mind-fuck thoughts swirling around inside his brain to push the answer he was looking for only further and further away.

-o-

From an outsider's point of view, the one thing that Gracie knew for sure was that the true enormity of her son's situation had still to hit home. That baby and its impact was just hanging around in the background waiting to happen. She hadn't known his very first partner; the bastard that had used him, then callously kicked him out on the street, Jack had been very young at the time and on that occasion it'd taken a trigger, something as big as Christmas to see him finally decide to, first, step out in front of a moving vehicle then ultimately swallow down far too many pills.

Back then Jack hadn't been able to appreciate how falling in love must really feel, but even so the consequences had been almost terminal. This time, over in the UK with Yan? Well that had been something completely different. Being already concerned, this over-protective mother had needed to be in the young couple's company for a second only to see how deep their shared feelings of adoration ran. This time around it'd certainly been the real deal, and when this current sorry state of affairs finally did hit home, whether he wanted it or not, Jack was going to need a lot of motherly consoling.

"Juice …?" Looking over her right shoulder Gracie drew Jack's attention to the jug sat in the middle of the table. "Freshly squeezed?" she added by way of persuasion.

"Hey, I got a better idea ..." apparently not convinced, "... how about we try a late-mornin' pick me up instead?" Jack suggested, filled with a sudden and new burst of enthusiasm. About-turning he took one hurried step after another to make his way back through to the living room where the liquor cabinet was housed.

"If you really want to stay in my good books young man, you'll be picking up nothing of the sort!" his mom called after him, her sharp tone predictably bringing his progress to a halt. "And just so we're perfectly clear on that, that means you're to have no form of alcohol at all; not one single drop. And no illegal substances either….. Oh, and while we're at it, make sure you stay away from my medicine cabinet; I haven't forgotten what happened the last time you had your heart broken."

Having sensibly changed his mind, a shamefaced Jack was already back, lingering in the kitchen doorway. Tactically reminded of how he'd selfishly once tried to take his own life whilst in his mom's presence, now finding himself riddled with guilt as well as sorrow, he weakened completely and started to cry.

"Oh, Jack, no love ... Jesus, I'm so sorry; that was really thoughtless of me." Across the kitchen a devastated Gracie looked mortified witnessing the effect her panic driven words were having on her son.

In an instant she was there to put things right. As she stood there in front of him, her arms spreading wide in invitation, instead of feeling reassured, with a sob Jack broke down completely. "I'm so sorry I scared you that day, ma ….." Stooping, he reciprocated the hug. "I'll never forgive myself; I didn't really wanna die, I was just so ….."

"Shush, not another word. Believe me son, I'm the one that should be sorry; I should never have brought it up again. You're older now, I know that and I'm pretty sure you learnt your lesson that day anyway, so I'm taking the whole lot back, okay? I never said a word of it. I trust you my love, don't ever think otherwise."

Peeling herself out of hold, Gracie used one hand to wipe away as many of Jack's tears as she could. "That's all in the past, and I promise I'll never mention it again; cross my heart."

Taking hold of one hand she led him over to the table and pulling out a chair nodded that he should make himself comfortable. "Now," with a smile, she took the seat opposite, "Let's make this moment count shall we? We should really be talking about you and that daft bugger of a boyfriend of yours, shouldn't we."

That was Jack's cue to break down again.

Face filling with concern, Gracie was back by his side in a flash. Crouching down next him and cradling one cheek with a palm, she 'hushed' as she tried to console him.

"I miss him so much." Jack managed between sobs.

"And knowing Yan, my guess is he's missing you too." he was told as he blinked rapidly, trying to peer through his wet lashes.

"No, I really don't think so, ma. I mean, I messed up real bad this time."

As his mom reached out for the jug, Jack nodded that he would like some juice after all. "You were right with what you said from day one." he sniffed, "I should've told him the truth straight away. But I didn't," Face crumpling, as he started to cry noisily the rest of Jack's words were barely coherent. " and now …. he … just … hates ... me."

A loud sigh floated in his direction. "I thought you said you were going to try setting things straight with a letter?" Placing a glass in front of Jack, Gracie left it three quarters full with juice then topped her own up too. "I'm guessing there are plenty of secrets I still know nothing about." she added, smiling understandingly.

"Yeah, the ones you're never gonna know about." Jack promised, picking up on her show of amusement and jokily narrowing his eyes at her.

Taking the seat opposite again, clearly thinking things over, Gracie was starting to look a little confused. "So, am I to assume that you did leave a letter that day, that Yan has read it, but still wants nothing more to do with you?"

Jack swallowed his first mouthful of juice with a nod. "That's pretty much about it, yeah." he confirmed with a sigh. "I laid it all on the line, the whole lot just to prove that I trusted him with the truth. Plus he already knew how much I felt for him, and I was hopin' he still cared enough about me too, but ..." With his mom staring on, still waiting for the punchline, Jack paused; his smile sad as he shook his head. "But the call to say he wanted to try again never came. I wanted to make things right, ma, I really did, but he didn't give me the chance. That very first night when the shit hit the fan at the club, he decided to go awol, just disappeared completely, makin' it clear he didn't want anythin' more to do with me."

Gracie was still frowning, mulling things over between sips of her drink. "I can't believe he'd just run away like that, he really didn't seem the sort. If anything he seemed very protective of you."

Sighing quietly she thought for a little longer, studied her son sniffing away between sips of his own drink. "What about those friends of his? What about young Ellie, surely she …"

Looking up, meeting her eye to eye, Jack sent a shrug across the table. "None of his friends were willing to help me, but I can't say I blame them. All they've ever seen are the black and white facts. They'd been given the impression that I was sleepin' with other guys behind Yan's back just for the sheer fun of it, but I swear, honestly it wasn't like that."

Gracie nodded, waited for her son to finish explaining his point of view before offering two premeditated, and very carefully chosen words of advice.

"Phone ... Him."

Sending a sincere 'mother knows best' stare across the table, she took a long sip of her drink.

Jack's shoulders slumped. Sighing, he rested his now empty glass on the table. "I know to you it must sound as simple as that ma, but what's the point? Yan knows the whole truth now, all of it, like I said, but he still doesn't wanna know." Pausing, he started to become distressed again. "I blew it. I've messed up so bad ..."

Another set of tears appeared; pooled for a second in each eye before spilling free to soak his cheeks all over again. "I just wanna hold him; hold him close and be able to hug him again …. that's all …." As he began to sob hard, the rest of his words were forced out with a whine. "I miss him ... so ... much." A deep breath was gasped inward. "I just feel …so ... lost without him."

As she appeared beside him again, crouching down to clasp a comforting hand around his left forearm, Jack lifted his gaze presenting his mom with a tear strewn face to examine. For a second time a loving palm cupped his left cheek, and this was when Gracie began to cry too.

Jack felt the warmth of her hand, leaned into the loving caress and closed his eyes forcing yet more tears free. "What am I gonna do, ma?"

As she rocked forward, balancing on the balls of her feet to hold her son, Gracie's expression suggested that, worryingly, she was starting to wonder exactly the same thing.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"Jack? I know you're up there! Just pick up will you; it's for you!"

Hearing her son's tentative "hello?" down the line acknowledge that her yelling efforts had been heard, Gracie placed the system's main receiver back onto its base.

"Is it him?" her husband asked, almost predictably, as she walked back into the living room.

"Yan?" Accepting Jackson's nod up at her as an affirmative, "No … 'fraid not," she sighed sounding heavily disappointed. "Whoever it is he sounds a lot older than Yan, and a bit overly friendly, if you know what I mean. A bit … arrogant."

Stopping in her tracks she seemed to have gained a conscience. "I might be wrong of course, about him being arrogant I mean, but that accent definitely wasn't Welsh; that much I do know."

"If you ask me, that son of ours needs to snap out of it." Jack's dad decided. "It's not right ... you know? A lad of his age just sittin' there cryin' the whole time. He should try thinkin' about somethin', or someone, else for a change."

Picking up her magazine, pouting as she flicked through, searching for the right page again, Gracie fell back hoping to find her spot on the sofa still warm. "Love, it's still early days. You can't expect him to stop thinking about the lad just like that, it's not in his nature. Haven't we both said in the past that Jack's too soft for his own good?"

"Yeah, you're right there, and better that than a nasty bastard, I guess." Jackson smiled across at her.

"Who's a nasty bastard?"

Authentic G 1 flight-Jacket being hurriedly shucked into place, and apparently now on something of a mission, a curious looking Jack shot in from the entrance hall.

His dad lowered his newspaper. "Well get you Biggles, standing there lookin' all dressed up and chocks away old boy. Flyin' somewhere nice are we?"

"Jackson!" Looking away from her biggest worry to catch her husband's eye, Gracie made a big point of adding a scowl to her scold, "Don't interrogate the boy so! This is the first time he's been out properly in weeks." Realigning her gaze she sent her eldest a warm smile, one filled with affection and approval. "You just go enjoy yourself love, and ring me if it looks like you'll be home in time for dinner, okay?"

"Not sure how long I'm gonna be, to be honest, ma ... you remember Nick Challis?" Catching sight of his reflection in the mirror to his right, with an unimpressed hum Jack turned down his furry collar then tried to neaten the closet-kinked corners with a smoothing of fingers. Although perfectly suited to the slight chill in the air, teamed with the usual pair of pale blue Levis the entire ensemble was one that Jack hadn't donned in years. It was certainly nothing that Ianto would ever have seen him in, that was for sure.

And, subconsciously, maybe that was the whole point.

"Yeah, Nick, that producer guy I worked with a few years back." he finally continued giving up on smartening his appearance.

There was a necessary pause as Gracie gave it some thought, then she nodded agreeably, looking genuinely interested.

Jack smiled happily back at her, clearly pleased that his mom seemed to remember who he was talking about. "Well, he's asked me to meet up with him. In fact he's waitin' right now, wants to buy me a drink and said somethin' 'bout me possibly takin' the lead in his new production."

His ears picking out the relevant bits, Jackson felt inspired to look up from the stocks and shares page yet again. "Nick Challis? Oh yeah, I recall the loudmouth. That guy really loves the sound of his own voice. Didn't he show up to one of our pool parties with some trophy schoolgirl on his arm or somethin'? The guy came across as a bit of a jerk off if you ask me, and I have to say, son, he's not exactly BBC material, is he?"

"Daaaaad …" Big, blue and briefly drifting in his mom's direction Jack's eyes begged longingly for a little maternal support. The imploring look drew an unimpressed grunt from his feeling ganged up upon dad, who immediately returned his attention to his newspaper.

Heaving a sigh, "Look, I'm really tryin'a move on here." Jack assured both parents. "I know I need to forget the past and right now I'm wondrin' if maybe me acceptin' this part, if it's offered, will be the kick in the butt that I need."

Gracie sprang to her feet, ready to walk her son to the door even though she was secretly feeling just as unconvinced as her husband. They had to show a little trust at some stage, and at least this would mean Jack getting out of the house for longer than it took for his usual walk around the block for some fresh air.

"Take no notice of that miserable old bugger, son," she advised with her next breath, "Every time he opens his mouth you just know it's gonna be his backside that's doing all the talking."

"Neh, neh, neh …." sounded from behind a raised newspaper.

Ignoring her husband, Gracie chuckled as she followed Jack from the room. "You go ahead and do what you think's best son, you deserve a little bit of luck," she encouraged tapping at the back of a shoulder as she quickly added, "But before you go …... is there any chance of you listening to your wise old mam for a second?"

Still heading for the exit, Jack didn't hold back with the loud teenage tut, his 'here we go again' reaction seeing him receive a smack on the arm for his troubles.

"I just wanted to say ….." Continuing undeterred Gracie stepped alongside, lifted her hand again, this time remorsefully rubbing the spot she'd just whacked. "Before you do anything hasty, I think you should make sure you're not just doing this to block out your memories of Yan."

They reached the front door in silence. Jack fell back, landing heavily on the wall to the right of it. All Gracie had to do was stare up at him; they both knew she was right.

Jack lifted his gaze to return her stare, his trademark twinkle and sparkle noticeably absent. "Ma, I know you mean well and, okay yeah, you've hit the nail on the head; that _is_ what this is all about. But I gotta do _somethin_ '; this is killin' me. Walkin' away from Yan was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I changed my mind so many times on that last day, even at the airport I still wasn't sure - final call I was still on the verge of just walkin' straight back outta the place to give it one more try."

Pausing for breath, the distraught young man swallowed heavily. "Thinkin' 'bout him hurts so fuckin' much; I don't know how much longer I can go on like this, you can understand that, can't you ma?"

Lips pursing sadly, Gracie nodded that she could. As her son's eyes began to shine she grasped the arm closest, squeezing her wish for strength his way.

Jack looked to the side, blinked a few times before turning back. "I been tryin' to ignore it, but I gotta accept it sooner or later."

He locked eyes with his mom, saw that she still wasn't convinced. "Ma, I can feel in my heart that we're over. I've lost him, and I've lost him because I've been a fuckin' idiot, so every crap role, every shit situation thrown my way from now on, will be my punishment for treating Yan so badly."

The response was immediate and Gracie made no effort to disguise her disappointment. "So that's it? You're just giving up on him? This is you, standing there, telling me that you're quite happy to completely forget Ianto Jones, is that was this is?"

Recoiling at the comment Jack pulled back, his reaction suggesting that his mom might just as well have slapped him round the face. "No!" The abrupt motion lifting his shoulders from the wall, he began to shake his head fiercely. "No, of course I don't wanna forget him! I _can't_ forget him …. but I know that I've at least gotta try. Every day the pain just gets worse and worse …."

"Then _phohhhhne_ him!" A hard punch landed on Jack's left bicep. "I've seen the two of you together enough times to know how much in love you are …. Were … Still are." was finally settled upon.

"Maaaaaaaaaaa …." Cleverly avoiding his mom's eye-line _and_ the truth to boot, Jack dropped his chin to his chest.

"Try calling him again, son … for me, hmmm? Just give him one call, that's all I'm asking. If this thing between you truly is over I'm sure he'll soon enough tell you, but at least then you'll know for certain where you stand. You gave up too soon and too easily, Jack, that's the feeling I'm getting. You should've stayed over there, walked away from that airport that day and fought to keep him, or at least have given him a little extra time to think things through instead of just taking the situation at face value and running away like you did."

"I didn't run away! I didn't! And I didn't just give up on him. I'd been phoning constantly, wantin' to explain. I called over and over but he'd killed his cell. And I tried leaving that letter. I laid my whole life on the line for him, but he just ignored it. What was I supposed to think, eh?" The defeated expression said it all. "I may as well face it, he just don't wanna know anymore. I mean, if he did he'd be on the phone himself wouldn't he? Wantin' to discuss what's happened and tryin' to sort this out too, right?"

"I still think you'll be jumping the gun if you go accepting a job over here so soon, son. Why tie yourself down so many miles away? Take my advice: give it a few more weeks before doing anything drastic. It may just be that Yan takes longer to cool down after a fight than you do." Knowing her son was awarding her a runner's up kiss, as she was pecked on the cheek Gracie couldn't have hidden her sigh if she'd tried.

"I really have to go." Forcing a smile for her benefit, Jack stepped up to the door. "Look, thanks for tryin'a help, ma, I know you like him a lot too but, seriously, Yan's one stubborn as hell guy and I don't think he'd make the first move even if he wanted to. Plus, when you really think about it, regardless of why I did what I did, it was actually _me_ that did the cheatin', not him, remember?"

"Don't forget to call if you're coming home for dinner." Gracie reminded, pulling the door inward as she was treated to another kiss on the cheek.

"I'll catch you later." Jack promised, requesting cagily, "And if someone ….. I mean … if _anyone_ calls, can you just say I'll get back to them asap?"

"Hey! Is that literally,son? Or figuratively?"

Pinning both mother and son to the spot, Jackson's critically edged voice had barracked out from the living room.

Gracie sent Jack her best ' _you just leave this to me'_ look, hollering "Oi! Stop eavesdropping you nosy old goat! You don't even know what we're talking about!" over one shoulder before whipping round to face front again with a grin.

"Oh yes I do woman!" the same booming voice countered, "He was born in the same town as my wife, and for the past two weeks his very existence has been makin' not only my son's, but also my own life a goddamned misery!"

A wounded Jack peered first over the top of his mom, and then a little further inside the house. "Hey! He's gotta fricken' name you know!" was shouted straight back, instinctively defensive.

"So why not phone him and try usin' it you fricken' dipshit!" came flying forth with just a hint of jubilation coming through.

Jack opened his mouth to respond, found he couldn't think of a quick enough comeback and with his mom already raising one brow at him he snapped it shut again.

"Actually, love; insensitivity and irritating manners aside, your father's quite right," Gracie felt obliged to concede with a chuckle. "You really should be phoning Yan. The pair of you need to draw a line under this. Regardless of his reasoning, that young man over there is still very much one half of the problem, while you, you soft touch, are the other fifty per cent. Oh, and for the record, if ' _he_ ' does call, make no mistake, Jack, I shall be telling the stubborn bloody idiot to get on the first plane out here!" was promised with a frown.

Looking secretly pleased with the comment, Jack helped himself to yet another kiss.

"Don't do anything hasty." he was instructed with a motherly smile.

"I love you, ma." Turning with a sigh, Jack began to walk away.

"But you love _him_ more, right?"

Gracie could do nothing but stand there laughing as she waved him on his way. "Yeah, I know, son ….. I know."

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Already aware of its existence, having just made his way across town, Jack, plus his jittering insides, found the place he was looking for pretty easily. It was one he'd often used in the past that had apparently had a name change. Within a second or two of casting his gaze left to right, once inside the main bar he picked out his animated ex-boss over by the back wall. Already up on his feet the producer had spotted him too, and was beckoning him over.

Disguising that a ball of nerves was still making his insides squirm, Jack gave his trademark smile. Taking a lingering, but not disrespectful, time to skirt the first table, he commenced his approach. There was still several feet to go when a hand was thrust eagerly in his direction.

"Jack! Damn, it's good to see you again! How are ya, kid? Doin' well I hope? ... Still fighting off all the prettiest boys?" was added in a quieter voice.

As he drew closer, Jack felt the same inquisitive stare study him just that little bit harder.

In a beat, the welcoming grin faltered. "You look like you've lost a bit of weight, Jack. And your eyes …. is it just me, or are they really looking a bit rougher than usual? You're not ….. ill …. or anything … are you?" was wondered with the subtlety of a sledgehammer at full swing.

Ignoring the obvious reference to every gay guy's nightmare, Jack covered the last few feet, sent his palm across the table, then shook politely before taking his seat.

"No, not fightin' them off exactly, Nick, and not really encouraging them either. I guess you could say I'm 'off the market' right now. Oh, and I'm not ill, either," Jack clarified as his meet sat down on the padded bench opposite, "Just been a bit under the weather lately, that's all." A knowing grin appeared. "But don't panic 'Manic', it's not even remotely contagious."

Falling back and smacking heavily on the wooden paneling, the other man began to roar with laughter.

"So, you cheeky son of a bitch, you still think I'm a paranoid hypochondriac, then." he noted waving and catching the eye of the waitress as she finished serving a few tables away.

Jack tried his best to look relaxed, sat back, crossed one leg over the other; resting his right ankle just above his left knee and laughed as he gave a fresh set of pins to their old running joke. "You mean - am I still callin' it as I see it?" he checked sarcastically, "Damn right I am."

As the young waitress drew closer, stared down already mesmerised as she came alongside, slipping back into his old ways with noticeable ease Jack smiled then winked, deliberately drawing a blush to her cheeks.

Satisfied with a job well done and treating her mean to keep her keen, he looked back to continue with his line of premeditated small talk.

"So, you still seein' that cute and incredibly young brunette?" he laughed, teasing, "What was it again? Mary Lou? Mary Jane? Damn! Hold on …" A finger and thumb were snapped loudly then a forefinger was pointed across the table in triumph. "Got it! That was it! Mary Christmas!"

"It's Marianne, and you damn well know it." Nick corrected with a jokey scowl. Shaking his head he sat there chuckling across the table; this cheeky young guy calling his lady friends anything but their real name, even with the passing of years remained an old joke they never seemed to grow tired of. "And actually Jack, I made an honest woman of that cute and _incredibly young_ brunette about eight months back." was revealed with a smug grin.

"You're kiddin'! Really? Wow. Congratulations."

Whether the other guy picked up on the fact or not, Jack's tone and raised brows were suggesting total surprise and nothing more. "So, you've finally settled down with just the one woman." he managed to observe without giving too much away. "You're a very lucky guy; she's a really lovely girl and, actually, speakin' of lovely ladies I think this one right here might be waitin' to take our order ….."

With the prompt, Nick took a moment to smile up at the bottle-blonde, his eyes fixing without too much effort on her bright red lips. "Sorry, honey, didn't mean to ignore you; you can blame that guy over there for my unforgivable rudeness. Now, I'll be havin' the same again and ….." He broke eye contact to nod across at Jack. "… same as usual for you, bourbon boy?" Shaking a negative, Jack looked up at the waitress himself.

"I'll just have a mineral water thanks." he relayed, thinking at the last minute to add yet another wink for good measure.

Not bothering to write the uncomplicated order down, she smiled sweetly, pursed her lips in something of an offer for later, then slipped her unused notepad into the front pocket of her monogrammed apron promising, "I'll be right back gorgeous."

As she turned away, Nick's hand on her arm stopped her dead in her tracks. "Wait! Hold on just a sec honey." His eyes traveled away from her and across the table. "Am I hearing things, Harkness, or did you really just say you'll have a mineral water? Come ohhhhhn! The guy that used to drink me under the table every night wants a fuckin' mineral water?"

With her staring down awaiting his response, Jack nodded that the young girl could get back to her duties. "I'm givin' the hard stuff a wide berth for a while, Nick." he explained with a laugh, "And water's not so bad once you get used to it."

Noticeably clammy palms, a shiny band adorning third finger; left, were raised in surrender. "Hey, whatever you say kid, just don't expect me to be joining you any time soon. And by the way, speaking of soon, Harry should be here any minute now. You remember Harry ... don't you Jack …..." was assumed rather than asked.

Pretending to think for a moment, Jack stared out across the room, his eyes taking in the bar's latest showing of clientele as he faked deliberation. "Oh, hold on, was he the guy I met at Adrian's Valentine's party that night in Chicago? The one that got really stewed then threw up in that ornamental fish pond? A little on the short side? Kinda loud? Curly black hair? Loved flashin' his cash? Your regular 'got more money than sense', type a guy?"

Across the table, Nick was looking extremely impressed. "Yeah! That sure sounds like Harry. You _do_ remember him, then?"

"Nah, can't picture him at all."

Grinning as he drew the desired reaction, Jack finally gave in and began to rock with laughter.

.

.

Then felt guilty for forgetting Ianto for a whole thirty seconds.

.

.

"N E Way," Still laughing, the older man came back down with a long, drawn-out sigh. "He's on his way right now and, hopefully, he's gonna be pouring a shitload of cash into this new venture of mine. I'm practically all set to go; every last detail's already in place - the venue finished a run a month back, they've given me a little leeway; letting me take advantage of the space now that it's empty which means the set's three quarters complete, even if the crew haven't been paid yet, and the cast is practically set in stone; I've already told Harry you're gonna be my lead man, which had him hooked straight away and, yes, I know you don't have a very high opinion of him, but, Jack, that guy thinks you got the voice of a fucking angel."

Finally the excited man opposite paused for breath. He sat there smiling away, pleased with himself but, with an image of Ianto's smiling face now fixed firmly in his mind, Jack's own smile had yet to find reason enough to return. Lower jaw dropping, it was clear the producer's words had left him in a state of shock. "But … What? Nick, what are you on about? I haven't agreed to anythin' yet. I haven't even heard any of the songs for Christ's sake ….. are they original? What's the story-line?"

"Jack, old buddy best pal," Palms were pressed together. "This is my last shot at getting that real big hit and I know this one's gonna be real special … I can just … feel it ….. y'know? I'm hoping it's gonna take me all the way to Broadway."

"But ... you haven't even told me what theatre! And Broadway? Who's gonna come see the small-town productions you normally put on?" Jack closed his eyes, could picture Ianto shaking his head, begging him not to do this. It wasn't really what he wanted to do right now ... and what if a miracle happened, and he suddenly had a reason to fly back to London? "Nick … look ….."

"Jack, give me a break will ya? I got a little one on the way that I most definitely didn't plan for; didn't even know I had any live swimmers left down there, if you know what I mean, and just to top everything off the old lady's viewing our new six bedroom place as we speak …. meeeeeeeaning, I need this run to be a success ….. meeeeeeaning, I need you on board, Jacko."

Sitting upright, uncrossing his legs, not only was Jack still not smiling, he was now starting to look pressurised and very uncomfortable. "I'm flattered, Nick, don't think I'm not, but I hadn't even thought about doin' anythin' new 'til you called a coupla hours back. I mean, had my situation been a little different right now I could still've been workin' in the UK. Just a couple of weeks back I was settled with someone over there, my life was there and even now I could still get a call from the BBC at any time, so ….."

The producer sat forward in his seat. "You could what? I didn't know you'd been working for the fucking BBC! How the hell d'you swing that? You mean you were appearing on tv and everything?"

Despite it being a monumentally good thing, Jack was looking almost embarrassed by the fact. "Well, yeah. Actually, I'm quite well known over there and was anticipatin' spendin' much more of my time in London, but ….."

"But now you're back here …. And your best pal Nick's much more important than the BB fucking C, right?"

"Nick, I need more time to think this through. I'm gonna need all the details for a start, like how much of my time are you gonna be needin' to start with? I didn't realise you were thinkin' of goin' into production so soon with this; my head's really not in a good place right now and ..."

"Hey, hold up, here we go, he's here."interrupted Jack mid-flow, "Act confident, shower me with praise, that kinda thing y'know? ... Harry!" Nick stood up. "Great of you to meet us like this. Take a seat ….sit down, sit down! Jack, you remember Harry, right?"

Feeling totally out of his depth and suddenly no longer in control of his own life, standing to shake the new arrival's hand Jack tried to ignore the dizziness and feeling that couldn't breathe; like his chest was being crushed by the biggest fucking weight ever ….

"Guys, could you please excuse me for just one second, I need to use the bathroom." he lied, quickly stepping out of sight behind the screen separating their table from the walkway. Stopping on the spot and waiting for another patron to slowly push their way through the loo's swing doors, he couldn't help but hear the ensuing conversation at the table.

"Still as cute as ever." Harry was already observing. "I think a few favours with young Jack might be in order if our negotiations are to be successful."

Jack's palms began to sweat. Heart pounding he held his breath and continued to listen.

"I'll see what I can do," was promised straight away, "But, _one_ , he's on the wagon, _two,_ it sounds like he's just come out of a serious relationship and, _three,_ he said he's not on the market right now. Like I said, I'll see what I can do, but, Harry, I've known Jack for a long time, and for him not to be drinking or playing the field? Well there has to be one very special guy involved somewhere along the line and that fact alone is gonna sway any decision he makes, I'm pretty sure of it."

Jack wiped his hands on his jeans, gave it a few more minutes then made it seem like he was returning from his toilet break. "Sorry fellas, had a call while I was in there and I gotta run, but, Harry, you go ahead and do your dealin' with Nick here; I'll just wait to hear from him when you're both done, okay?"

Nick was on his feet, his expression panic stricken at best. "You have to go? Right now? Are you sure?"

"Family troubles, they need my help right away but, look, it's been great seein' you again Nick. And, Harry, it's been as brief as it was the last time but it's been great meetin' you again, too."

Jack shook the hand of each guy in turn then fled, hyperventilating, out onto the street.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"So you're gonna tell the bastard no, right?" Looking up with his question, Jackson fed a piece of chicken into his mouth and began to chew it, very slowly.

Flicking it back and forth with his fork Jack shrugged and continued to play with his food. He was still feeling jumpy; trying to dislodge certain paragraphs of dialogue from his memory, but Nick had been very right on one point …. for him to be off the market completely there had to be someone very special on the scene.

Only Ianto wasn't on the scene anymore, but he was still so very much a part of his life - like he was going to have this hold over his heart forever - forever keeping him 'off the market'.

"Jack, please love, try and eat some vegetables at least, won't you?"

Jack looked over at his mom, pursed his lips to form a halfhearted smile.

"Tell you what, you go and have a lie down for a while, I can reheat this for you later on." she reconsidered sensing the pain and changing her mind.

Nodding as he left the table, "Sorry guy's, I'm just not feelin' very hungry right now." Jack explained, patting his dad's shoulder on his way past.

As he left the kitchen with a sigh, his parents shared a worried look.

-o- -o-

Up in his room Jack stared out the window, down to the garden where Ianto had, just weeks ago, been playing Cowboys and Indians with Bobby.

And the damn broke.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Jack's parents didn't see him for the rest of the night.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

tbc.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

 **A/N:** So, deep down Jack realises that he's made the biggest mistake of his life ….. but will he ever feel strong enough to do something about it?

Next chapter, we're back in London … See you there!


	4. Communication Breakdown

**A/N:**

Firstly …. deepest apologies for the longer than expected delay ... (frowns)

Secondly ... many thanks for the passion-filled reviews ... I'm only sorry I can't make you all love Jack just an eensy weensy bit more right now, or at least as much as Ianto does ... (smiles)

And Doshie? ….. for the butt-kicking hint to get a move on, this chapter is for you. Hope it proves distracting enough ... (grins)

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Communication Breakdown

-o-

Part One …. That Slippery Downward Slope

-o-

London

February had been and gone.

And with the working element of it finally coming to a close, the first week in March was almost over too.

For many Greater London residents the arrival of a Friday night was an excuse for them to wind down, chill with a takeaway and a few glasses of something inebriating. For most twenty-somethings there was nothing more important than getting home, snatching a quick bite to eat then ramping the stereo up full volume whilst getting dressed to hit the pubs and clubs.

This enjoyable sequence of events, of course, didn't apply to every twenty-something's weekend. And definitely not to those folk still referring to themselves as the best friend of one Mr Ianto Jones.

Over recent weeks, still deeply wounded, therefore still stubbornly maintaining a face-saving distance, the gang had been discreetly vigilant whilst looking out for the troubled young Welshman. Even when he'd been kicked out of his 'local' for causing a disturbance, then thirty minutes later had been spotted crawling along on his hands and knees in the dark, no move had been made to assist him. And a short while later as he'd made it to his feet to totteringly complete the final home straight - the whole time a watchful eye from afar had been trained on him, right up 'til the moment that he reached his front door …. at which point the oblivious fool had been left to his own devices, just as he'd ordered.

As for the man himself, with his deepening depression, constant mood swings and continuing slovenly state still managing to rule his life, Ianto had _indeed_ been assuming that he was now completely on his own.

But he wasn't.

Not really.

And he never would be.

This was despite the fact that this whole 'keeping a watchful eye' lark was proving to be something of an ad-hoc job; the assuring of Ianto's ongoing state of well-being was definitely not something to be easily planned around ...

As one friend in particular (blond, ridiculously pretty for someone so utterly testosterone fired), was currently finding out.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mohhhn. Pick up, pick up, pick uhhh …..Dan! At last! Where the fuck've you been you irresistible pain in the arse? I've been ringin' you non-stop for the last ten min ….. You were _what_? Oh, right. No you numpty, of course you're allowed to have a soddin' shower - just next time you jump in, make sure you take your bloody phone with you."

It was seven thirty pm, and making the fact very plain indeed Stefan was already feeling fed up, tired and irritable. A long day in work had been followed by a long wait in heavy traffic. Then finally arriving home he'd discovered that his mum wasn't in, and therefore hadn't cooked him any dinner.

And now this - the latest of many developments in his 'Ultimately Good for the Soul' guardian angel stakes. He wouldn't normally be letting things get to him like this - it wasn't exactly the first time in his life he'd been called upon as a matter of urgency regarding a certain Welshman. But this particular occasion tonight was more than threatening to interfere with his carefully pre-arranged plans.

"I'm sorry if I sound snappy," he quickly apologised to his boyfriend, "You _could_ say I'm feelin' a little bit disappointed right now; I'm afraid we're lookin' at makin' major changes to tonight's plans and, well, let's put it this way, I don't think we're gonna be doin' much clubbin', if any. As it stands, I'll be leavin' my place in roughly five minutes." was warned with a sigh. "In other words, shower-boy, it might be a good idea if you shoved some clothes on pronto. Though I'm still in my work gear, so don't feel obliged to make too much of an effort, if ya know what I mean."

A burst of animated chatter sounded down the line. A silent yawn gaped wide as the incoming reply was heeded. Then Stefan began to laugh out loud. "Oh yeah, sorry, I s'pose an explanation might help." he admitted, still laughing away to himself. "D'you remember Dave Moore?" Waiting for the cogs to finish turning at the other end, he thought to check his watch and mouthed 'oh fuck' as he realised what the time was.

The answer when it eventually did arrive wasn't favourable. The weary blond began with a sigh. "Yeah, course you do. I'm sure you do. Dark curly hair? In the year below me and Yan at school?"

A smile appeared. "Yeah that's it, you got him; tall dude, big nose, scary omni-brow. Anyway he's been working the Heath on and off for a couple of months now and, luckily for us, for some reason tonight he decided to head down there a bit earlier than usual."

Brushing a hand down over his dusty Jeans, one manual worker did his best to keep half an ear on what his boyfriend was saying. "Hmmm? Why's that lucky? Y'know, that's a very good question, and as the leader of our little rescue squad I feel duty bound to tell you it's because he's just found Yan in the middle of a rose bed, jeans round his ankles lyin' in a puddle of his own puke."

Unsurprisingly a barrage of suitably worried expletive-enhanced concerns, came bellowing down the line.

"Whoa ….. Dan. No ... no, Dan? Dan! DAN! Chill! There's no need to start panicking just yet; Dave said the stupid bastard's okay ... well, he said he thinks he's still alive, which I guess is somethin' positive to hold onto for now so, anyway, I'll see you in a mo, right? Yeah, here we go, team Jones to the rescue again. Sorted, I'll see you outside yours, okay?"

-o-

Just ten minutes later the pair were leaping from Stefan's car and running onto the Heath to go find Ianto's historic touting spot.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"Yan, you never go out this early. And what the fuck were you doing on the Heath in the first place? You stink to high heaven, Jones and if you think I'm cleaning you up smelling like that, well you can just fucking well think again!"

Stepping up to the couch and lifting her right foot sufficiently high enough, a furious Ellie kicked out at Ianto's left trainer. "How much longer is this gonna on for, Yan? How 'bout you try thinking of somebody else's feelings for a change? i'm getting way too old for this shit!"

The same foot was kicked again, and as the impact sent his lower half rocking, one groggy Welshman gave a halfhearted groan of displeasure. Squinting against the bright light above him he peered in the general direction of the nagging voice. "Munsh? Munsh thar you? Wha _you_ doon inner park diss time a nigh?"

He lifted his head, chanced opening his eyes a little more to take a lazy look around. "Whoa …Munsh? Sums noh rye …. where'dawlder fuckin' trees go?"

A brief moment of panic seemed to set in, during which Ianto sat up ...

"Whoa ….. ma livvroom? Wha's goan on? Ugh! Wallser spinnin ….."

... then lay straight back down again.

With all assembled comrades sighing deliberately loud enough for him to hear, groaning again Ianto held a hand to his confused and fevered brow. "Fuuuuuck. Noggood. Noggood. Efflumps stampindin', efflumps stampennedding, efflumps runnin' roun' ma brain. You effer 'addat? Efflumps stampending? Narrssy fuckers."

A furry tongue was distended. "Bleurrghh! Dishomeone shih in my mow while I wazzshleeep?"

Bleary-eyed, he looked round again, this time realising that his whole band of helpless devotees had arrived to stare down at him.

"Yawl here? Yeah! Orrrgeee! Ugh ….." A gurgling belch was followed by a self-pitying groan. "Atchly, I cud do wiff a stiv dring furs."

"Yan …..….listen," Stefan squeezed into the spot left at the end of the couch. Grasping just above one knee he gave Ianto's right leg a firm shake. "We know you're still hurtin', and we all feel for you, we really do, but I'm not sure how much more of seein' you get yourself into this state we can take."

Making sure he had their needy friend's full attention, he gestured around at everybody still stood loyally in attendance. "Y'know, at this very moment in time, Lals and Gaz are supposed to be at Gaz's parents helpin' them celebrate their weddin' anniversary. Me 'n' Dan should be out on the town enjoying ourselves and poor Els over there, well she's fast running out of tears and tissues."

An open palm was held out in Ellie's direction. "Yan, have you taken a good look at that little face of hers lately? Just look at that nose; she's wiped it so many fuckin' times it almost matches the colour of her bloody hair! We've already renamed her Rudolph! We've started making her go up front when we go out in the dark!"

Ianto was the only one not to get the joke.

"Okay, look," Smiling at the others then looking back, Stefan nudged sideways, placing as much of his weight, without going overboard, onto the soles of Ianto's feet. "That last part, 'bout callin' Els Rudolph? That was a joke, obviously, but it's not a joke that you think it's okay to keep worrying us like this."

Ianto sighed heavily. "Nommeye foal …nommeye promlem." Raising one hand, he wafted it dismissively through the air. "Dint I arrs yawlda leaf me 'lone? So why cahnn you juss fuhhin leaf me 'lone?"

Reaching down with a snap, grabbing himself two fistfuls of jacket to hold onto then lifting the Welshman from the couch, it was Larry who lost his temper first.

"Because, you ungrateful bastard, we all love you, that's why!" the Welshman was reminded. "Not that you give a flyin' fuck 'bout any of us." Larry decided, still trying to shake the living daylights out of their prone friend.

Gaz pulled his boyfriend away, offered a few comforting shushing noises before moving in to try the softer approach himself. "Yan, listen. It's like Stef said, we know you're sad right now, and we do understand, but you're gonna have to snap yourself out of this …. for your own sake if nothing else. You're not being very fair, baby, are you? We care because we're your friends, and we do all love you, don't ever forget that. All any of us wants right now is for you to be happy again."

Both hands covering his face while he listened, Ianto peeked through splaying fingers. ""I'm fiiiiiiine! An' I donn wanna snap owvit. Juss leaf me 'lone. Onissly Gazzybobo … bo, I'm fiiiiine."

"No, Jones, you're not fine! You're not fine at all!" This time it was Ellie who'd lost her cool.

"You're in the shit! And you're not just in it – you're right up to your fucking ears in the stuff! Where you been tonight, hmmm? Can't hear you Yan. Come on, tell me! Where you been tonight? Forgotten already have we …. or cat got your fucking tongue? How about I remind you? You got plastered, you hit pond-land then you fucked a complete stranger. Oh, and at some point around that same time you decided to throw up! Then ….. just to top it all off, you decided to pass out in a municipal flower bed … on full public show with your jeans round your fuckin' ankles!"

A foot was kicked again. "Which particular parts of that scenario do you actually think are fine you selfish bastard? And while we're at it … how many times has this happened without us finding out?"

"This wass fursss time …" A head was slowly shaken; the sad expression slowly forming seemed confusingly genuine. "I couttent, Munsh. I couttent do it to Shack ….. … I couttent dootim … I ain bin fuhhin wihh nohhhwon sins ee leff me, okay?"

Ellie pointed accusingly.

"Your jeans were round your fucking ankles you liar!" Giving her usual frustrated growl, she clenched her fists.

"Ma gins ….? Roun mankels?" Ianto rolled his head to the left, looked up at her, confused. "Ohhhhhh ….. thass rye ….. I ad axdent dint eye …. y'know ….piss misseff? Gins goh weh 'n' I tryda tay the bassar's ov, bye fell inner bushes. Dee I pass ow? Hmm, guess eye mussa dun."

"Oh, great! So what he's sayin' is that he got pissed, pissed himself, puked, then passed out in the park. Wonderful! Now I definitely _have_ heard it all." Rant over, Larry sent the others and then the inebriate below, an unimpressed glare. "Okay, that's it; I've had enough of this shit. And you were right, Stef, we do have somewhere much more important to be. Come on Gaz we're leavin'." In response to the horrified looks, he shook his head, held his hands up, then swept them dismissively across each other. "No. I'm sorry, guys, but that's it, I've had it with him. The stupid bastard's on his own from now on. Grown fuckin' man should have a damn sight more self-respect than this." He shook his head, disappointed. "You're a fuckin' embarrassment, Jones!"

Watching his boyfriend storm from the room; as soppy as ever, Gaz quickly perched his bum on the edge of the couch again. "Yan … we're leaving now." Taking hold of one hand, he gave it a squeeze. "Promise me you won't drink like this anymore, pleeeeeease? I hate seeing you like this, and I hate it when Lals gets angry."

As a gentle kiss was planted on his left cheek, a flinching Ianto pressed himself further back on the couch. "I'm fine …." Looking uncomfortable with the show of affection, he sent his gaze downward.

An unimpressed noise preceding him, Stefan left the couch to stare down at his exasperating friend. "Oh come on, Jones, get back in the real world for fuck's sake! You're clearly miserable without him; every single one of us knows that Jack's the answer here, so why the fuck can't you just bite the bullet and fuckin' phone him?" He threw his arms wide. "Look what you're doin' to us, Yan. For all our sake's yeah? Just … phone ….. Jack. You obviously miss him like mad, and you clearly aren't coping without him.

"And _we_ can't cope with you." Ellie tagged on for good measure. She'd been biting her tongue, holding back on true feelings just in case her anger made her say something she'd later regret. Everyone could see it apart from Ianto, that him being like this really was dragging her down. And in saying ' _we_ can't cope', what she was really trying to get across was that _she_ couldn't cope anymore. Constantly worrying about her 'soulie' was slowly ripping her apart.

"Seersly, Els. Awller ya, I min it, Stoh wurrin. Eyedonneedany helb, An r'eye now I'm gonna go tay a shour, an' theh I'm goin'a beh ... soh bye."

"Gaz, are we leavin' or what?" Coming in from the hallway Larry stomped to a meaningful halt, his shoulder slump a second later helping to reveal that he was secretly feeling defeated more than angry.

As the others took the hint in finally made tracks for the hallway, a tired Ellie, losing her fight, stayed behind to stand her ground. "Okay, for the record, Jones I've just about had afuckingnough of you!"

Arms folding, she glared across the room. "Phone him! Just stop being so bloody stubborn, stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself and fucking PHONE ….. HIM!"

"Wassapoin?" Now sitting up, Ianto managed to send Ellie a slow shrug. "I thingee's madees feelins perf clear, dohhn yooo? An' ryely so. I leh 'im down Els. I juss soomed the worss bou 'im. Whyafuhh wouh he wannknow me now, eh? I neh rilly disserf 'im in furs play enway."

"Of course you deserved him!"

As she finally started to cry, making every effort to steer her in the direction of the doorway Stefan grasped Ellie by the shoulders.

"Have you any idea how much he fucking loved you, Yan?"

Determined to peer around him, asking the question the tiny redhead turned in her friend's arms. "Jack was in love with you from day one, and wherever he is now I can guarantee he's feeling just as devastated as you are! Now just _phone_ him you FUCKING MORON!"

"Els? Els, come on, babe ….." As she pressed her face onto his chest, Stefan cradled a sobbing Ellie in his arms. Looking over one shoulder he scowled at a wavering, frowning Ianto. "You're killing her! Can't you see that? Don't you care?" Ianto's expression failed to change. "Y'know, for the first time, I'm actually beginning to wonder if you do." was consequently decided with a sigh.

Releasing a sniffing Ellie, Stefan turned completely to face the Welshman. "No, on second thoughts, Yan, actually I do know you care, and I can also see what you're tryin'a do here. but, trust me, it's not gonna work. You see, you can be a cunt all you like, it's not ever gonna matter. Yeah, I know we all lose patience and storm out sayin' we've had enough, but deep down you must know we'll always be here for you … and that's whether you want us or not."

Shoulders rose and fell, dislodged a blond ponytail. Stefan shook his head until it slipped round to re-site itself mid-back. "How 'bout you try givin' us a break? How about you stop throwing everything we do for you back in our fucking faces? All these years the five of us have been constantly here for you, how about in return you show us what we really mean to you? Prove you're not really a selfish bastard, Yan. Go on, do it for us ... prove it."

Reacting appropriately to the verbal slap, a silent Ianto cupped his face.

"Ahm sawwy." was eventually mumbled in admittance of so many things.

"Gonna stop being a twat then?" Ellie asked, walking over to kiss the top of his head.

The twat's head was nodded. She kissed it again. "One of us will call you sometime tomorrow, just to make sure you've survived the night. Okay?"

This prompted another bout of nodding ... and there it was, another Jones the Bastard crisis dealt with.

Once everyone had let themselves out - and before he could sober up completely - Ianto found the wherewithal to do the self same thing he'd been doing every single night for the past week or so - he used his secret new mobile to dial Jack's home number.

But again, the same as every other occasion, having taken his time to make sure he'd punched in all of the correct numbers, he chickened out and failed to hit the 'call' button.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Part Two ….. Out of the Mouths of Babes and (their) Mothers

-o-

California

"Daaaaa….. deeeee?"

The small voice and its plaintive call fell on deaf ears. Jack may have been looking in the right direction but his eyes seemed to be focused on absolutely nothing. Not even the young lad looking back from the front window clearly desperate for some fatherly attention.

Not for the first time since arriving - despite this being the first occasion that himself and Bobby had been allowed to stay at the beach house together alone - another individual, someone equally as important as the fruit of the Harkness loins, was managing to occupy Jack's thoughts. These stupors and daydreaming moments had become very common of late, yet, amazingly, on this occasion some quality father-son time had actually been enjoyed. Since Friday evening the two of them had spent many moments finding all manner of wonderfully childish and silly things to do; a whole new level of bonding had taken place, which had only given Jack more of a reason to feel guilty. Considering he'd always known how little time they'd have to spend together, as the boy's parent, his genetic instincts should've been telling him to keep Bobby uppermost in his thoughts at all times.

And there lay Jack's parental duty problem, because as much as he knew what the real answer was, it just wasn't that simple a solution to bring about.

Long - short of it?

Jack's biggest problem of all?

That would be the forgetting. The losing of memories.

Not thinking about Ianto Jones, for whatever length of time, had fast become the trickiest mental task ever devised. Wherever Jack Harkness went, Ianto Jones went right along with him; the indelible Welshman was right there right now, being treated to a weekend at the Harkness holiday retreat, and the gorgeous unattainable dope back in the UK didn't even know it.

In the real world, the current mood at the beach house wasn't exactly light. Sunday afternoon had flown around far too quickly, meaning that one dad and his ever-idolising boy were almost at the end of their very first, newly agreed upon, one weekend per month together.

Their break had been tiring to say the least. As soon as they'd arrived early Friday evening, Jack had been forced to hide all forms of soda and candy, had been dishing them out only when he considered it safe to do so. His excited son had been hyper from the word go, the last thing the lad had needed was extra sugar and additives pumping round his system. The moment Jack buckled him into Gracie's car, Bobby had become a frenzied wild thing. Yelling - ' _dad_ _can we do this when we get there', or_ , ' _hey, I know, why_ _don't we do that as well_?' - he hadn't stopped gushing for the entire journey.

The show of enthusiasm and eagerness had continued into the next day and, despite feeling totally worn out, Jack had been only too happy to join in. On more than one occasion he'd been forced to blink away tears of joy. To spend time with his son like this, had easily been treat enough, but seeing Bobby so excited, so genuinely happy to be with his dad, had been the icing on the cake.

Not that all moments had been pleasurable, a whole day of running, jumping, piggybacks and sword fights was always going to have taken its toll on at least one individual. Struggling to keep up with the constant string of activities, an already mentally drained Jack had repeatedly felt compelled to use their need for sustenance as an excuse to have a rest and, not usually known for taking his time when eating, he was suddenly starting to appreciate the benefits of some leisurely chewing then letting your food go down properly.

Young Bobby, of course, did not share these sentiments. All of his meals had been gulped down at lightning speed. As they'd tackled breakfast together, first morning, Jack had struggled to keep his eager son sitting still for more than two seconds. Despite accepting this was just a case of 'like father-like son', on more than one occasion he'd threatened to permanently tie the agitated youngster to the chair he was bouncing about on.

By contrast, today, on their here all too soon Sunday morning, he'd found himself having to drag the sulking five year old out of bed. The next two hours had been spent trying to coax him into losing the PJs. There'd sure been a lot of pouty faces going on around breakfast time today, and it'd quickly become clear that someone didn't want the weekend with their dad to end.

For the record, Bobby hadn't been alone in that respect. For in as much as he was forever doubting his frame of mind, since arriving Jack had realised that being around Bobby was probably the best thing for him right now, and just like his son, he didn't want the weekend to end either.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Always the sensible third of the whole, Bobby's mom had been the one to set a time limit on their fun. Laying down the law on Friday evening she'd stated quite categorically that she expected to have their son back Sunday, by six thirty at the latest. Despite it being the correct call, the decision hadn't gone down overly well with the youngest member of the family. It seemed that getting to spend time with his dad really had meant that much to him.

.

But now, still waiting to be acknowledged by that very same dad ... he was bored.

Bored as bored could be.

Bored to the back teeth.

Bored to tears.

Bored, bored, bored.

.

Boy, was he bored.

And whose fault was that?

.

"Daddy?"

One, two, three …

"Daddy?"

One, two, three ….

"Daddy I'm borrrrrrrrrrred, can we play monsters? I'll let you hide in the cupboard this time if you want, I don't mind. Come on … it'll be fun."

Yet another considerately timed pause was indulged, and yet again a young boy continued to wait in anticipation. He wasn't angry; his plaintive tones were borne of frustration only and certainly nothing sinister. Because, you see, he'd had plenty of time to get used to the situation. Since his dad's unexpected return a month or so back it could regularly take four or five attempts to get his attention. But never once had his son thrown a strop. Not once had he yelled in anger, saying he didn't want to be around his silly daydreaming daddy.

Today, aware that his dad was looking heaps sadder than usual, Bobby sighed and resigned himself to waiting like a good boy. A response would come eventually. And when it did, his dad would be happy again.

Chewing on a thumb, still caught up in this thoughts; remaining in whatever land he'd found agreeable today, an oblivious Jack exhaled through his nose then fell silent again.

 _Yep_ ,

Bobby studied the far away gaze anew

 _His dad sure did seem to have a whole lot of something on his mind today_.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

And Jack truly did.

He'd just spent a miserable two months with no Ianto in his life, hadn't realised before now that missing another human being could hurt so damned much.

Of course, it went without saying that missing Bobby had left him experiencing some of his most painful moments ever; he'd been to hell and back so many times trying to deal with the equal amounts of longing and guilt involved.

But this new pain was totally different. Was so different it would be a travesty to compare the two. Both were relevant in their own way. And both were equally as distressing to deal with.

Two months ago, and still refusing to go away now, an ache, a feeling of complete emptiness had settled right at the centre of his heart. Intensifying daily it was making it almost impossible to concentrate on anything else.

.

A fact that a certain five year old would readily pay testament to.

"Jack!"

One, two, three.

A different line of attack had been tried.

It worked no better than the tried and tested.

"Daaaaaa … deeeeeeeeee ..." Bobby continued to look despairingly at his dad. "Okay, we don't have to play monsters." A hope-filled smile slipped into place. "I know! If I put my coat and boots on, can we take a walk along the beach instead? Can we just do that one thing before we have to go …. pleeeeeeeeeeease?"

This time the higher pitch seemed to register, and one absent father returned from his musings to find a bottom lip pouting in his direction.

"Hit the beach, Bobs? Sure we can! Great idea!"

Jack leapt to his feet, sent his son the biggest bullshit beam he could manage. "You go get your boots on, grab a ball from out back and we'll have ourselves a bit of a kick about while we're down there."

As his cheering son shot past him to get ready, a laughing Jack clapped his hands in encouragement.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

As far as days in early March went, weather-wise this one hadn't been too bad at all. An agreeable sun in a clear blue sky, feeling pleasantly warm each time the wind dropped, had seen folks look over and smile happily at each other as they passed. Even those individuals encountering a giggling boy and his dad chasing a 'seen better days' ball around on the sand, had laughed, not grumbled, about having to dodge out of the way.

Slamming his right foot onto anything not fixed to the ground was currently Bobby's favourite pastime. Since watching the second half of a match on British tv with his favourite Welshman, the youngster had become obsessed with soccer, suddenly preferring to 'kick and run', rather than 'catch and run'.

"Oh come on, what was _that_?! Daddy …. you're rubbish!"

As his dad landed on his left-hand side, having made yet another lunge in the wrong direction, one easily hoodwinked penalty taker stomped forward to confront the particularly useless goalkeeper.

Lips were pursed in frustration and sitting below the deep cuff of one grey woolly hat, two tiny, unimpressed brows met in the middle.

"You're supposed to be watching the ball you dummy …. not me!" In a habit recently adopted, piercing blue eyes were rolled, a head was shaken in a gown-up scold and two duffel-coated arms wrapped themselves into a no-nonsense fold. "Even mommy does better than that!"

Jack picked himself up from the sand and began to brush himself down. He'd been assuming that faking a show of incompetence would be the right thing to do, but was now looking more than just a little wounded over the critique of his goalkeeping talents.

A warning stare was shot jokingly at Bobby. "Hey! Don't dis the dad. He's just gettin' warmed up is all." Jack kicked lightly at the ball, sending it on ahead. "C'mon …." He started to chase after it, "We'll play tap 'til we're in line with that white post up there, then I'll race you all the way back. Winner gets to finish the milk when we get there."

Eagerly jogging along to catch up, Bobby collected the incoming ball with the instep of his left boot then tapped it back to his dad.

"So, you and your mom play kick about a lot do you Bobs?" Jack's expression was one of guilt and nothing else.

"No, not really." Bobby ran on a few feet, prevented the ball from completing its destined path to the water's edge. "But when she does play, she's heaps better than you."

"Ouch." Now the one doing the pouting, a worried Jack propelled the incoming ball back to his son. His kid already had far too many reasons to think he was nothing but a useless loser, and Bobby comparing him unfavourably to Mary like this was just one more for the list.

"Daddy ….." The young lad stopped for a break. "Can I ask you a big question?"

"How big?" Now Jack was starting to look really worried.

"Really, really, really big." was announced, confirming his worst fears.

"Come on then," Head lolling, Jack tried to cover his nerves with a small laugh. "Let's hear it."

"Well, I know you love ' _me'_ and nanna Wales and grandpa Harkness and Gray too _…._ " Earnest eyes peered upward. "But do you love mommy as well?"

"Do I love ….. ?"

His head snapping up in a flash, Jack was gawping. The look had never suited him, and it didn't suit him now. "Wow … Bobs. Where did that come from?"

"It's okay if you don't …." he was told by the five-going-on-fifty year old.

Dipping down in Bobby's direction Jack scooped the youngster up from the sand. Jogging along, taking small steps with the giggling lad clinging tightly to his side, he set off again along the beach. "Of course I love your mom, silly ….." Laughing awkwardly he reached the ball and toe-poking it on ahead, began to follow at a walking pace. "It's just not how most mommy's and daddy's love each other, that's all."

Hooking his arms as tightly as he could around Jack's neck, Bobby seemed to be making sure he was secure. "Daddy? ….." He leaned away, balancing backward over his dad's forearm as if aiming to get a better view of the response about to come his way, "The way you love mommy, then ….. … is that how you love Yan?"

The lad's face was a picture of total innocence.

By contrast, Jack's very mobile features were failing to resemble any single expression currently known to man. "Whoa there, tiger!" Clearly shocked he paused mid-kick, nearly falling over the ball in the process. "Where the hell did that come from?"

As Bobby decided to pout rather than talk, it offered Jack a much appreciated moment to think the issue through. It didn't take long for him to conclude that if his son was suddenly assuming he was in love with another man, it could really only mean one thing.

"Ohhhhhkay. I get it …" Re-enforcing the theory that no five year old could ever be anything but entirely innocent in such matters, suddenly things were becoming clear.

Heaving a knowing sigh, "What's your gran been sayin' this time?" Jack challenged. He lowered Bobby to the sand, held out a hand for the youngster to take then looking down and up respectively, they began to walk along side by side.

And still the look remained innocent. "She said that you and Yan had a big fight. So is that why you're sad all the time, daddy?"

"Heyyyyyyy ….. I'm not sad Bobs …. look!"

Jack spread his lips to form the widest, most sincere smile he could manage. "I'm fine! But I still think I'm gonna have to have a word with your gran. This kinda stuff is for grown-ups only Bobs."

A loud sigh signalling that a tantrum might be on its way, sounded above the hiss of waves. And sure enough, his hand still held fast by his father's, Bobby slumped downward toward the sand. Balancing on the balls of his feet he began to swing left right, left right.

"Ah c'mohhhhhn! Hey! Can we not do this now please?"

With the twisting motion still wrenching his right wrist back and forth, Jack began to lose patience. "Hey! Lose the attitude ... that's an order! You really wanna spoil our weekend Bobs? 'Cause that's what's gonna happen if you keep on like this."

The swinging stopped and "I'm sorry, daddy, I didn't meant to make you shout. Can I just ask one more tiiiiiiiiiny little question though?" was begged with a righting of lower limbs.

Jack looked down, his best grumpy face on show, but nodded, nonetheless, that his son could go ahead.

"You do still love Yan …. don't you." was checked, as if the fact was already more or less established.

As the grumpy face disappeared completely, the features up above opened wide with shock.

Jack's mouth opened, closed, opened, closed. A long moment passed, it saw dad and son standing there, just staring at each other. Then Jack opened and closed his mouth again, but still no words were forthcoming.

The brain of Harkness Senior, in an instant had turned to mush.

Did he love Yan? Jesus! Yes, of course he did!

With every fibre. Heart and soul.

But how the hell was he supposed to explain the reasons why to a five year old?

Was there even a conversation to be had here?

Jack glanced down with a fatherly stare. Not harsh, just concerned. "Bobs, look, I know you're at that curious age, y'know, learnin' things all the time an' gettin' to be a clever kid 'n' stuff, and I don't mind if you wanna ask me all these questions. But, listen, today, as a dad that loves ' _you_ ' very much, I'm askin' nicely, just for me yeah … can we leave this one question alone? When you're a bit older I promise, we'll sit down an' talk about everythin' an' anythin'. Okay?"

A sulking, miniature-style Jack frown appeared. "Oh daddy, you really are being silly today. You can tell me now if you want ... I'm not a kid anymore you know …. ... I'm nearly six!"

A jaw dropped.

Dramatically.

"You were five just three months back! Which makes you definitely still a kid in my books. I'm sorry, but we are _not_ havin' this conversation, d'you understand? Now come on, let's go, I need to get you home before your mom finds another reason to rip me a new one."

Crouching down, retrieving the ball and nestling it in the crook of his left arm, Jack turned in the direction of the beach-house then, securing a tight clasp around his son's hand, he began to lead him across the sand.

"Well I know that mommy loves Cassie."

An undeterred Bobby dutifully began to trot alongside. "I heard them whispering outside my bedroom door the other night."

"You mean Cass stays over?" Jack suddenly found himself with a real reason to indulge his son's inquisitive nature. "So ….. her and your mom are still, um, friends …. are they?"

"Of course they are, silly. She stays over all the time." Bobby's voice dipped to a whisper. "The other night I crept downstairs and …"

"Hold on. Why were you creepin' downstairs?"

In his most calculated move to date, Jack's son aimed one open and honest expression up at his gullible parent. "'Cause I was thirsty. I was only gettin' a glass of milk, daddy." Big blue eyes opened as wide as they could go. "Mommy didn't know I was there; I could see her because the door was open a little bit. She was on the couch and Cassie was laying underneath her. They were hugging upside down and making funny noises."

Apparently lost for words, a paling Jack stared down performing a very deep swallow.

Bobby made the most of the back-foot moment. "So is that why you don't live with us? Because mommy loves Cass and you love Yan? I saw you hugging Yan on your couch in London … but you and Yan were asleep and you both had your clothes on."

"Oh Jesus."

Hands shot up. Slapped into place as they cupped a face.

With a groan Jack came to an abrupt halt, sending a small cloud of sand flying on ahead of him. Hands finding his hips he looked down with a scowl. "Okay, that's it son, I want you to stop right there. You're _not_ to mention this ever again. Not to anybody, you understand?"

"But ….."

"Bobby!" Expression and voice both now screaming ' _panic!',_ "Look, we are _not_ havin' this conversation, period …. okay?" was relayed at volume. "You're to drop it. I mean it … I won't tell you again."

Betraying his usual headstrong nature, Bobby's top set of pearly whites sank into his bottom lip. With his angry dad still staring down at him it seemed odds on that the lad was about to burst into tears, but aiming his gaze at the sand he sent an unhappy glare up through his lashes.

"I hate you! Yan was my friend too! He was really cool, and really nice, and he used to call me all the time. But you were horrible to him daddy, and you upset him!" A small, booted foot was stamped hard. "I heard mommy talkin' to nanna Wales on the phone. Nanna has been telling grandpa they need to help you. She told mommy you know you messed up and that you still love Yan! So if you still love Yan daddy, why don't you want to see him anymore?" Fists were clenched. "It's not fair! ' _I'_ love Yan too! And ' _I'_ want to see him again!"

The same boot thudded down into the sand. "It's not fair! Why don't you like him anymore? It's not fair!"

Jack watched as at last the first tear slipped free. Crouching down he pulled his distraught son into his arms. "Bobs, I do still like Yan and, yeah, an awful lot as it happens, but this is complicated grown-up's stuff and …"

"Don't you want to see him anymore?"

Jack didn't hesitate. "God, of course I do. I mean, I really, really miss him, just like you. But the situation's not that simple …"

"I think you should call him tonight."

Understanding far more than his father was giving him credit for, Bobby began to nod sagely. "First you need to tell him you're sorry, and then I want you to make sure he's okay. I heard Mommy another time on the phone to grandma."

"You did?"

"Uh huh. She was telling nanna Wales that she's really worried about him."

"That she's worried about Yan?"

"Uh huh …."

"Why …. exactly? And you listen in on far too many conversations by the way." was concluded with a hidden smile.

Bobby cleverly ignored the chastising comment. "I heard her say she's been calling Yan to make sure he's okay, but she can't get through."

"That's what she said?"

"Uh huh …." The baby-Harkness baby-blues began to water again. "Can you phone him for me, daddy? Pleeease? I need you to let him know I miss him loads an' that I really wanna see him again."

Blinking to stem the flow of his own tears, Jack dropped the ball. "Bobby, listen." He crouched down, wrapped a hand around each of his son's arms. "You gotta understand … it's not that I don't _wanna_ call Yan …."

Lips pursing he looked down and away, took a second to swallow the lump in his throat before turning back again. "It's just ….. complicated."

"Pleeeeease …"

Bobby dragged himself out of hold, and with a sudden lunge threw his arms around his dad's neck. "Please phone him and tell him to call me ….. I miss him loads."

"You, me, both kiddo." Upright again, this time with his son clutched tightly to his side, Jack took the first step in continuing their journey. "Look ... not promisin' anythin' you understand ….."

He kissed a wet cheek. Looked down to find the ball. kicked it on ahead.

"But leave it with me …. okay?"

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Mary answered the door.

"You're late."

Jack handed her Bobby's backpack. "Um, yeah, we might've been unavoidably delayed by hunger, then forced to make a quick stop on the way home."

"Well thank god one of us is a responsible parent. You're still ignoring my views on fast food then?" Her expression blank, despite the hint of sarcasm coming through, the unimpressed mom stood there shaking her head at the second child in her life. "Come on then ….. what's he had this time?"

"Burger and fries."

Grinning, overjoyed, and loving being naughty, Jack darted past her, into the house.

"Nothing like looking after your son's health is there?" she called out lightheartedly, closing the front door before following him on through.

A little hesitantly, Jack turned back to find himself greeted by a smile. Looking decidedly disappointed, he sent Mary a frown in response. "You're not gonna rip me a new one for feedin' him junk food?" Taking a few steps back in her direction, he gave her a belated peck on the cheek.

"Well I think I'm already fighting what's called a losing battle with you two, and downing a burger every once in a while isn't going to kill him, I guess." she conceded, gesturing that Jack should make his way through to the kitchen. As he turned away, cleverly obeying instructions, the same acquiescing voice followed him on through. "And anyway, Jack, on top of everything else you're trying to deal with right now, I don't suppose you're in any frame of mind for getting a lecture off of me too are you, though, actually, there is just one quick question I need to get off my chest. I mean, you know, while we're still on the subject of you and Yan ... and everything."

"Do you have to?" was wondered with a blatant sigh."

"So, have you given him a call yet?" was asked anyway.

"Oh Jesus, Mair … don't you start."

Jack frog marched the rest of the way in, found the kitchen table then span back theatrically shaking his head.

Arms were thrown wide in disbelief, were left hanging there for maximum effect. "Why is everyone bein' so damn insistent on gettin' involved in my private life today, huh? Even our son's been givin' me the third fricken degree. You know what he asked me earlier?"

Crossing the threshold carefully holding her tongue, Mary shrugged her way over to a row of swinging mugs.

"He asked me if I still loved Yan ... Mair, our kid asked me if I was in love with another man!" Jack clarified, looking suitably incredulous himself.

Lips rolling inward, a sheepish Mary turned slowly back. For a long moment she couldn't hold eye contact, but eventually winced; guilty as charged.

"Ah, yeah, sorry Jack, that might be my fault. I've been wondering if he overheard me and Gracie talking the other day, and now it seems he definitely did. I might've repeated out loud what she's been telling your dad. So, what did you tell him?" she wondered, admitting, "He's been asking me all sorts of things too."

Jack's still extended arms made their way into a fold. "Well I told him the subject wasn't up for discussion of course." Brows lifting, he gave one heavy and very conclusive nod.

"You did? Nice one. I'm guessing that made everything perfectly clear for him." A mug was lifted to the same level as the pair of sarcasm filled, rolling eyes. "Coffee?"

The ridiculed dad went straight into sulk mode. "Well what else was I supposed to say, Mair? Yes son, really I'm in love with the guy that for almost a year now I've been tellin' you is my best pal? Yeah, coffee will be fine, thanks."

After getting their drinks underway, Mary turned back with a sigh. "Okay, yeah, I'll admit that a year ago I probably would've maimed you for saying something along those lines to our son …"

"But not now?" Reaching back to locate the table with his palms, Jack gingerly balanced his backside on one edge. "So what's changed?"

"Bobby has." he was told in a rush as if the fact was not only something he really needed to be aware of, but was also something the boy's mother was finally pleased to be getting off her chest. "I know he thinks the world of Yan and …."

"And …?" Jack tipped his head to one side, eager for her to continue.

Mary heaved a sigh. Jack was sent a nervous smile. "Okay, I suppose it's only fair that you know. A couple of weeks back, and I promise you, that's the first I knew anything about this myself, your bundle of joy let slip that while, we were in Cardiff, after New Year's, he saw you and Yan holding hands. He didn't say where or when the pair of you slipped up, but it now seems that, especially since over-hearing recent discussions, he's starting to put two and two together."

"And hittin' the correct answer every time," Jack realised, absorbing the news. "He's a bright kid. I mean, he doesn't seem to be freaked out by any of it, does he ….."

"Don't forget he has two huge shots of very sensitive genes running through him." he was reminded with a wistful smile. "Jack, he saw you and Yan holding hands … and it doesn't seem to have fazed him at all." an excited Mary reinforced, smiling even more.

"Actually, there's somethin' you need to know too ... hmm, shush, hold on a sec …"

Having pushed himself up from the table, with one finger pressed to his lips Jack was already making his way back through the kitchen doorway. Laughing quietly as he gazed aloft, he quickly checked that no small personages were creeping down the stairs to eavesdrop on something else.

Making his way back into the kitchen, "He's seen you and Cass gettin' all cosy too. " he finally got around to explaining. "You remember you two doin' a bit a sixty-ninin' recently? On that couch through there? Oh, and he overheard you tellin' Cass you loved her."

Son or no son in the vicinity, Mary turned very pink, and then some. "Oh my god ….." The hand flying up to cover her mouth barely managed to stifle the whisper.

"Come on, Mair, at least it's good news for you. I mean, aside from bein' more careful where you get down 'n' dirty from now on, at least you can move forward with Cass. Y'know … without hidin' it."

Stepping closer Jack wrapped his arms around his oldest best friend. As she hugged him back he began to rock them both on the spot. "God knows I've blown all my own chances with Yan." he sighed, his chin resting lightly on top of her head. "But now you've got this chance to move on with Cass, you need to make sure you hold on to it."

The woman in his hold, arched away, looked up allowing their eyes to meet. "Now you listen to me Jack Harkness, you need to sort this problem through with Yan and you need to sort it right now." Mary tightened her grip on Jack's waist. "You can't just give up on him like this."

Stepping away completely, she made her way over to the table. "You two are meant to be together, any fool can see that. Jack, that guy is head over heels in love with you, even _you_ must realise that by now. Surely if _we_ can all see it, you must be able to see it too. Look, I don't care what crap went on between you two over in the UK, it's just not possible for a person to eliminate their feelings like that."

Still not convinced, Jack was stood there shaking his head. "I've fucked up so bad.. I really can't see a way back. What I was doin' behind Yan's back was unforgivable. God knows how much I've really hurt him. I don't blame him for kicking me out his life, it''s all my own fault, I know that."

"You sure this isn't just you jumping to conclusions as usual, you dummy?" was checked with a knowing smile. "I mean, how can you really be sure he doesn't want anything more to do with you?"

Mary was sent a halfhearted shrug. "I haven't heard a thing from him, not even while I was in London. Did mom tell you I left him a letter? I gave him everythin' in words, my heart – my soul, the good about me - the bad, the works. I apologised then laid the whole lot on the line so he'd know exactly what he'd been dealin' with from now on. But even that wasn't enough for him. I never heard one word. Not even to say 'thanks but no thanks'. I guess just knowin' how much I feel for him, won't ever be enough."

"And you do still love him, Jack … don't you ….."

Finally, the bottom lip began to quiver. "You wanna know the truth? I feel like dyin', I mean, this is killin' me anyway. I hurt so bad inside. I've never felt pain like it and I can't believe that after finally findin' my perfect guy I'm never gonna see him again."

"Then phone him you fool! And if you can't get through to Yan, try one of his friends! You can't just give up like this. Call the UK. Find out for sure just how the land lies. Christ, Jack! For all our sake's, just stop wasting time!"

"I gotta lotta sortin' out to do, don't I ….." Nodding, that Mary was right, Jack began to leave the room. "Maybe I have given up too easily, and maybe it is time I did somethin' positive. But first off I wanna have a quick chat with our mini private eye up there."

As he ascended the stairs, Mary followed with a whisper. "Jack, what are you proposing to say to him? I don't want tears before bedtime."

"No tears, I promise. And anyway it's way past bedtime; he's already in bed. At least, I think he's in bed. I definitely heard him bouncing about on it earlier."

Jack looked back with a chuckle.

His rear end, at Mary's face level, was given a light slap.

"Actually, I'll let you talk firmly to him if he hasn't cleaned his teeth." was reconsidered as they covered the last few stairs. "I hope you made him clean them while he was with you." Mary added, lifting a finger to her lips as they reached the top landing.

Pursing a devilishly naughty grin just to tease her, Jack stepped into his son's room. "Hey Bobs! You under there somewhere, kiddo?"

His outline initially jumping with shock, on hearing his dad's voice rather than his mom's Bobby poked his head out from beneath the duvet. "Am I in big trouble? Have you guys been talking 'bout me down there?"

"No, you're not in any trouble, sweetheart." his mom reassured from the doorway, "Your dad just wants to have a quick chat with you, that's all."

Sitting himself up in bed, chin on his knees, the young lad gazed at both parents in turn. "What about? You sure you're not gonna shout at me?"

"No, no shouting, but we do need to talk about certain things you might have heard us grown-ups discussing lately. You do know what I'm talking about, don't you Bobby ….." was checked with a soft voice.

"Yes mommy. Can I have some milk please?"

"Okay, just a small glass, but not 'til your father's had this little chat with you."

Mary nodded that Jack might like to get the ball rolling.

Having perched himself on the edge of the bed, the edgy looking dad leaned down to kiss his son on the forehead. "Okay look, you obviously understand certain 'things' about me an' your mom now, and it's great that you don't mind who we wanna be friends with …."

"You mean the friends that you and mommy love, daddy?"

"Yeah, okay," Jack gave a defeated shrug, , "It's great that you don't mind who me or your mom want to 'love', but what I want you to understand too, is that not everybody - an' I'm not talkin' just kids here, I'm talkin' parents too - is as grown up as you are 'bout these things, okay? There are loads of other moms and dads out there who don't understand, which means they don't agree with us bein' how we are."

"You mean they don't like that mommy loves Cass, and you love Yan?"

"Exactly." Looking back to find her, Jack smiled at Mary then sent her an impressed nod.

"Well that's just silly." was concluded without any fuss.

Jack sent Mary another poignant look. Their innocent and accepting child, with not a poisoned bone in his body, had just hit the nail, slap bang, on the head.

"You know what, Bobs?" The clever child's head was ruffled. "You're right, sport …. and you know what else? You're far more grown up than any of those moms and dads are. But on toppa that there's something really important we need you to remember …. because what _can_ happen is that when these other mommies and daddies find out about us from their own kids, they can sometimes make a whole lotta trouble for all of us. They could even turn their kids against you, and the last thing me an' your mom want is you gettin' a hidin' every day in school."

Jack looked back at Mary again. Despite finding her nodding agreeably, "Am I makin' any sense here?" he checked, clearly still worried.

"Perfect." she told him with a reassuring wink.

"Perfect." Bobby imitated, then he gave an over-accentuated wink too, earning himself a beaming grin and another ruffle up top.

"So, anyway Bobs, what I'm tryin'a say is, even though we know that you, me, ya mom, nan, grandpa and Uncle Gray are all cool with it, you can't go sayin' nuthin' 'bout anythin' to no one who isn't family ….. you get me?"

Bobby sent both parents a pout. "Not even my bestest friends?"

"I really need to have a word with his tutor."

Mary was chuckling as she made her way over. "Bobby is there any chance of you sticking with the word 'best' from now on, please?" she smiled sitting down across from Jack.

"And, no, you can't say a word to anyone, and _especially_ not at school" Jack confirmed. "Now, can I get a promise you won't tell a soul? Not even your bestest friends?"

"Harkness, you make my life so much easier."

Sighing in Jack's direction, Mary started to laugh. He winked at her, then started to laugh too.

Clearly requiring their undivided attention, Bobby clapped his hands loudly. The approaching moment, it appeared, was about to become something very important for him.

"I swear I won't tell a soul." He promised, solemnly crossing his heart.

"Good boy!" Jack dipped forward to grab a hug. "We don't want any trouble do we?"

As his dad sat back, Bobby shook his head in agreement.

And then he smiled, unusually gleeful. "So, daddeeeeeeee …. does this mean you're gonna be calling Yan for me tonight?"

"Ha!" Mary stood from the bed laughing loudly. At the door she turned back to give Bobby the thumbs up. "God I fucking love our son," she declared with a slip of the tongue, still laughing away, "He's so damn cute when it comes to working you out."

Bobby whispered behind his hand so that only Jack could hear.

"Daddy, mommy just said a bad word."

"Yeah, an' I should really be givin' her a good tellin' off." his dad agreed with a smile, "But even I have to admit that, this time, your mom might actually have a valid point."

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"I think I'll pass on the coffee, I should really be gettin' back; gotta whole list of scenes to cram before tomorrow afternoon's run-through."

"Oh yeah, your latest venture. When does it open again? ... I know you did tell me. And have you pointed out to this new guy how important seeing your son is going to be for you?"

"I'm not even sure how long the run is, but I already told him I want one weekend in four free."

Jack helped himself to a hug then stepped away. "I guess I'll just have to deal with the hissy fits when the fact finally sinks in."

Mary failed to raise a smile. "Well I hope you know what you're doing, Jack. As much as I want you to be here with Bobby, there's also a part of me that agrees with Gracie, you should still be in London working."

"And working on my failed relationship?" Jack's smile held just a hint of irony. He was punched lightly on the arm.

"Wherever you are, you fool, just make sure you try to sort this whole thing with Yan out, okay?"

"I promise," Jack kissed Mary on the cheek. "Tell Bobs I'll call him next weekend, will you?" As he slumped past, the boy's mom reached out to catch hold of one arm.

"Jack, just promise me you'll give Yan a call. I really don't like seeing you like this. And I hope you know you're worrying the life out of your mom, too?"

"Maybe I will give ringing him a try ….."

Jack leaned forward, landing another kiss on the same cheek. "Thanks Mary …. I'll let you know how I get on."

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Later that night, clutching the handset to within an inch of its life, Jack dialed Ianto's home number. A posh woman informed him it had not been possible to connect his call.

Heart beating ten times faster, he tried calling Ianto's cell instead then sent his gaze skyward as he found no joy that way either.

Already damaged beyond repair, cogs began to turn.

Had Ianto deliberately changed both numbers? Was he really that determined never to have to talk to him again?

Of course the option was always there to call Els of Stef, or any one of Ianto's other friends. But from the start they'd all made it perfectly clear that they now hated him as well. Even if he got through, they were hardly likely to want to help him, were they.

-o- -o-

Cross-legged on his bedroom floor, Jack leaned back on his bed and heaved a sigh. His family cared about him, he understood that. He loved them all the more for it. But maybe it was finally time for them to accept reality too. That Yan didn't want to know anymore. It wasn't as if he'd not tried at all. In his letter, blame had been laid, faults accepted, and it hadn't changed a thing.

Could he really spend the rest of his life wishing and waiting for the man that he loved to change his mind?

No, was the only fair answer. He had to move on for his family's sake as well as his own. He'd encourage Mary to keep trying for Bobby's sake ... but as for himself? It was time he got the message. Ianto no longer wanted to be one half of their imperfect perfect whole; had probably already met another guy and was driving him crazy instead.

And with that final thought, there came the tipping point.

Returning the handset to its base Jack reached beneath his pillow to find the newly purchased bottle of scotch.

He was about to break a promise. About to do something really stupid.

About to let himself, and everybody that cared about him, down.

His mom was gonna be disappointed, for sure.

But right now, he didn't have the heart ... or a reason ... to care.

tbc.


	5. Drastic Measures Moving On

**.**

 **.**

 **A/N:**

Content warning:

This chapter reflects on two separate situations, both of which _suggest_ that Ianto is considering returning to his old ways.

As I've made clear from the very start, he's not only plagued by an ongoing lack of self-worth but is also renowned for employing both sex and drugs as a coping mechanism. It's not how any of us like to see him behave I know, and I'm sorry for ever having to take him down such routes, but this tale is 'au' in as much as it's real life - not 'Torchwood wishful thinking' - and for the sake of continuity, if he's to realistically appreciate the future 'good', our beloved Welshman must first taste a little more of the present day 'bad'. I know I'm giving him a really rough ride right now, but I feel it's important that I stick to not only my original story-line but also all character concepts as planned.

However …

Having said that ….

Even though, theoretically, the boys are now single and free to do exactly as they please, it was never my intention to engage either of them in the most drastic of scenarios possible - in being gay, both men could have come away from the break-up with a renewed 'casual' approach to fidelity. I mean, the Atlantic's no small pond by any stretch of the imagination; it's easily distance enough for them both to have lazily concluded that things had been good while they'd lasted.

But that was never the idea, and, just as originally planned, I've instilled a deep-seated emotional longing for only the other in each of them, which I suppose in reality means that what you're about to read probably isn't half as bad as I've been making it sound - but by the same token there is absolutely no way either that this coming chapter could be labelled 'a quick foray into the realm of hearts and flowers' …. lol.

Part Three hasn't been a very lighthearted read thus far, has it folks? I do feel bad, because, (surprise surprise) I've known this situation was on the cards from day one and you, you lovely lot out there, didn't have a clue (sorry). Consequently ….. I'd like to use this moment to thank those of you still faithfully returning to check out each new chapter as it appears and to ensure you that your patience will eventually be rewarded tenfold. Your continued interest is actually appreciated way more than you could ever imagine.

And Sandylee007 ... (ducks to avoid all low flying missiles) ….. if you're still out there trying really hard to force yourself to read this - - - - - You already know my feelings, bless you, and it still stands that I'm looking forward to seeing your return very soon ... maybe try giving things a go in another few chapters. ... (Slowly peeks out from behind chair and smiles, all friendly-like.)

-o-

Okay, here we go.

It's not overly nice ... so 'brace yourselves'.

btw … that instruction does not apply to our resident psychic Doshie, who is apparently already braced for anything I choose to throw into the mix, lol. Thank you hun. (Here - have one of my scrummy cyber cupcakes! I just made it!)

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Chapter Five

-o- -o-

Drastic Measures Moving On

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

He'd traveled the breadth of the capital. Had been forced to haul his denim clad arse up and down one too many non-functioning London Underground escalators, and when he'd finally arrived at his last stop it was only to have a screaming match with some sour-faced jobsworth who didn't seem to give a toss that the ticket barrier didn't want to let him through.

Just to add injury to insult, in his haste to get back up to the surface he'd managed to trip up the end few steps of the subway. With a bark of expletives he'd hit the concrete at speed, had scuffed the heels of his hands and come away from the episode with a fetching combination of grazed lines and dirt on both left and right examples. It was as he'd been giving the injured spots some self-pitying licks that the skies had opened up. He'd consequently been forced to _JOG!_ , god help him, for a whole ten minutes as he tried to evade the increasingly heavy and " _FUCKING ANNOYING_!" moment of drizzle.

But the anger hadn't lasted - this was a new Ianto hitting the streets. Tonight, a revitalised Jones the Bastard had left his safe and secure mode back at the apartment. His tears had dried hours ago and his psyche was now that of a man on a mission. A resolve had set in that not even the British weather could put a dampener on. In fact so eager had he been to reach his destination that he'd remained unusually focused, had ignored all invites to use his fists en route. He'd not even shown a middle finger to those deserving idiots waiting on his final approach, had just suffered the stupid cat-calls, disapproving looks and volleys of pathetic insults.

Ironically he'd been feeling quite smug for thinking to use the understated side entrance of the building, but still the stupid phobes had spotted him and singled him out for some verbal abuse.

But, at last, here he was - warm, not too wet, and worry-free. The new and, quite frankly, extortionate entry fee had been handed over and he was safely descending to the bowels of the building. With a long-stepping left-right repeat, he was currently forcing his feet to take him to the end of the second of three dimly lit corridors. There really was no stopping him - the momentary glitch of the past year was about to be readdressed and it was time for everybody to realise something very important.

Jones the Bastard was back.

The final corner to the last slope was stomped around. Through the gloom he could make out two familiar, windowless swing doors. He drew closer. Held posture. Kept his bastard shoulders back and his bastard head held high. Two unsmiling bouncers studied the confident gait and pulled the doors open in readiness. The soundproofing properties of the portal gave way, sent waves of rhythmical, hypnotic, gut-rumbling bass notes ahead in a welcome.

And the Bastard smiled.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Striding past the two sentries, offering both men a confident nod, Ianto made his way further into the place. Without hesitation he stepped onto the dance floor, began to side-step one gyrating couple after another on his way to the bar. Over to his right a dusty metal box sat high above the dj sent a blast of pungent smoke into the air. As the cloud drifted further out, gradually filling the room, an echoing howl came through the speakers and the track currently playing was spliced neatly into the next.

A loud cheer went up. Bodies twisted and turned with a new enthusiasm. Arms began to fly into the air. Ianto dipped left then right, laughed to himself as he tried to avoid the sea of snaking appendages. He approved greatly of the change in tempo; not only the dance techniques, but the view as a whole had improved massively. At several spots all around him, sinfully ripped, now barely clad torsos had begun to writhe against each other; in the space of just a few seconds the entire room had become a mass of hypnotic hip grinding, lip compressing, and tongue tangling.

There was so much to love about these places. In this one tonight the atmosphere was heavy; the beat was even heavier. Already both of these elements had managed to drag their old friend Ianto Jones under their spell. Sight, sound, smell - the young Welshman was slowly drowning. With a familiar aching desire driving his needs he was theirs once more, body mind and soul.

The heady ambiance? The salacious thoughts? The returning memories?

He didn't stand a chance.

The bitches were making his cock twitch.

And he needed to scratch that itch.

-o-

Oh yes.

-o-

He was definitely back.

-o-

-o-

Still destined for the bar, he managed to ignore the sweat soaked, half naked bodies and instead checked out the current status of his all-time favourite haunt.

Aside from the clientele not really that much had changed. Beginning to look a little shabby in places, even the décor was the same. The black walled alcoves skirting the main dance floor were still there, all as inviting as ever, full of promise and deliciously gloomy, while the wide centre circle with its chasing strobes and three caged podiums with neon blue tubes were still proving successful in deflecting all unwanted attention away from those shrouded spots he remembered so well.

He'd spent many a night lounged in those darkened booths with a stranger crouched down beneath the table giving him head. He'd been respected for always repaying a favour; even more well known for his lack of subtlety whilst doing so. Regularly drawing a crowd, not caring who or how many had left the pretty lights of the dance floor to watch, Jones the Bastard had been proud of how quickly his oral skills could see him finish off a victim. Many had volunteered, had tried to resist his renowned techniques.

Not a single one had left the place victorious.

For the record, the only length of hard flesh he hadn't been able to take down at first attempt, had belonged to a person very heavily blessed in that department.

A guy called Jack Harkness it'd been.

And wasn't that the biggest bitchin' fucking piece of irony ever.

It was also a memory for another day, because tonight the Jones psyche was 'right here - right now' ... And he was sure he was 'right here - right now' for a very good reason - even if that very good reason had yet to be fully defined.

He'd actually done some serious mulling during his journey across London … but still wasn't entirely sure of the answer. He'd first wondered if this was just him trying to convince himself he was still that same man he'd been 'back in the day'.

How shallow was that?

But of course there was one, even more plausible reason in the running. That the entire visit was amnesia driven.

Could he really be here solely because he wanted to forget Jack?

Well, yep.

That was it.

Nail on the fucking head.

He was here to fuck and forget …. simple as that.

There was his real answer.

The Bastard was back on course.

Bring on the action.

-o-

With its bootleg atmosphere and safety in numbers, it was some years ago that the underground joint had come highly recommended. Barely in his twenties at the time, a tormented Jones the Bastard had turned up to find just what he'd needed - a haven, a place to forget the harsh realities of life.

In truth, this was another reason for his being here tonight. That same desire to escape from reality had returned with a vengeance. Over recent weeks he'd grown used to the idea of coping on his own; being suffocated with kindness, as was the case right now, felt so much worse. The resurging gang, it seemed, were under the impression that if they could keep him constantly occupied, they were ultimately going to make everything better.

Just like that.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

He was still moving across the dance floor. The chances of anyone finding a perfectly clear route, were now practically zilch. He teasingly stepped between the nearest couple currently _not_ dancing up close and personal.

That message-laden move was all it needed to start the first ball rolling. With the barest of touches a body came up close from behind, the sensation was electric; a static tickle was sending shivers down his spine. Closing his eyes he eased the tip of his tongue through his lips. Slowly licked at their centre as he made sure his expression was giving something, but not quite everything away.

The same body behind, wasted no time in pressing fully onto him. He arched his lower back, inched his hips to the left, then the right - invited the conveniently placed engorged length to grind onto him.

Arms encircled his waist.

He was being claimed.

The hardness pushing onto him nub-rubbed to and fro - to and fro - to and fro. One of the hands at his middle slowly descended. It cupped, massaged - did everything a well-practised hand should, and the Bastard centre of attention began to forget what when why where. The ghosting breath on his neck grew closer. It felt hot. Felt arousing. Above the top line of his shirt collar, a pair of lips made contact.

Soft and sensuous.

It felt nice.

But it was too much too soon.

Jones the, 'teasing', Bastard, stepped out of hold. Satisfied he'd shown sufficient 'new-comer's' willing for now, he carried on his way. Looking around him again, pushing a new way through, he was starting to genuinely relax. When offered a smile, he would smile in return. He even winked at one guy suggesting he could soon be back to take things a lot further than just eye-fucking.

And finally he made it to the main bar.

"Well hell – oh, oh, ohhhhh! What can I get you, you gorgeous thing?"

Aware that if his latest admirer had been able to see him just a few hours back he'd have been running a mile, Ianto forced down a laugh; it was amazing the things a trimmed beard and change of clothes could do for a man.

His trademark small, yet character-filled smirk appeared. Already things were looking very promising.

"Depends what's on offer." With one final step he brought himself up flush with the bar frontage and flicked his brows.

Fingers gripped onto the far edge of the counter and the young tender pulled himself in Ianto's direction. "I finish at two you sexy boy and I'm all yours as soon as my shift is over."

Ianto flinched, a little taken aback as a quick lunge of a kiss was pressed to his left cheek. Regrouping he leaned in close, cupped a hand to the barman's ear. "Thanks for the offer, but I don't think I can wait that long; I've already got a fucking hard-on like you wouldn't believe. I want a cock buried inside me while I make myself come …. and I really need to come …. right now ….."

His lips curved upward into a taunting smile, "….. shame you're not available, isn't it."

The young guy fell back with a whimper. It made Ianto laugh out loud. This was starting to feel just like old times. "I'll have a bottle of Becks when you're ready." he decided with a grin, then looked around to see who else might be on offer.

"We only do Corona my love and it's five quid a pop."

Making a quick mental note that at least three other guys were blatantly checking him out, Ianto turned back to find a bottle of Corona had already appeared. He produced a ten pound note. Told the barman, "Get one for yourself".

A head nodded, graciously grateful. "Thanks my gorgeous valley boy, I'll just have a Coke if you don't mind. My bosses are watchin' and I'm not allowed to drink the hard stuff on duty, which is a pain. Now don't you go anywhere sweet-cheeks, I'm just gonna go get you your change, okay?"

"Keep it for the machine! You never know, you might still find you have a need for at least one of the three before the night's out!"

With a wink Ianto turned away.

Behind him a bottle of Coke was lowered to the counter. Hands cupped a mouth, and the result was megaphonic.

"I'll be looking out for you later Welsh ….. make no mistake!"

-o-

Still eager to impress the home-crowd, with a returning air of confidence the newcomer inched his way along the front of the bar. Deliberately smouldering, allowing his steely blues to do the talking, he put on a show for the stares following his every move.

Further along, leaning at an angle with one elbow resting on the bar, a floppy haired kid sporting a plunge neckline, leather jeans and just the merest hint of eyeliner was making it clear he wanted to catch a certain someone's eye. Pursing his lips in a definite come on, the pretty twink was just bursting with eagerness for the handsome stranger to approach.

So the handsome stranger did.

"Dance first, Newbie? Or are you just here to fuck?" Getting straight to the point, it seemed the peroxide blond wasn't keen on wasting too much time either.

Ianto felt his own confidence levels step up a notch. It was time to relax; no introductions - no names. - no small talk, this was exactly how he liked things to go in these places. He offered one of his more disarming smiles. While it did its work he made a point of holding eye contact - a method he'd employed many a time to determine age, experience and intention.

A relieved expression appeared on the face opposite. It instantly told him everything he needed to know - That this youngster wasn't experienced at all, that he was barely beyond innocent. And as for his intentions, well, the kitten wasn't there to pick up a trick that was for sure. Cash for trash was playing no part in tonight's evening out for him.

The game continued. Chewing on the inside of his bottom lip, Ianto stood there seriously considering his options. He knew exactly what'd be on the cards if he took things further with this one….. the exact opposite of what he'd come here for.

A loud bark of a thought flew into existence and refused to go away. Taking up residency at the very back of his cherry picker's brain, the same recurring phrase was pricking at his conscience, was reminding him that Jones the Bastard was through with young kids like this.

And it was true; what Ianto Jones needed right now was a guy willing to take total control - a dom who could get him to the next level with the minimum of fuss.

Because the plan tonight was still to get his arse fucked 'til it was raw.

And things didn't get much simpler than that.

-o-

The bewildered bleach-head, puzzled by the delay, tried his sweetest smile on the fascinating Welsh guy.

Despite his best efforts a few bricks tumbled free from Ianto's wall. If nothing else the past twelve months had witnessed a softening of his soul and right now he was feeling inclined to throw a reassuring beam back at the confused kid.

And besides ...

... those lips really were temptingly pretty.

The Jones resolve weakened further and right on cue, two bright blue eyes appeared, added a visual to the nagging voice still there inside his head. He tried to ignore them, but they continued to pierce through his defences, could see straight into his very soul. Clearly they were there to observe his every move.

They were still beautiful ...

But they weren't exactly welcome.

He tried not to frown, that really would confuse his latest friend. The situation was so unfair - he'd come here to forget Jack, not feel as if he was about to betray him. It didn't take a lot of overthinking to realise that hooking up with a complete stranger wasn't an ideal cure at any time, but things had gone on long enough, it was time for something to give - Jack was gone for fuck's sake; the man he'd fallen head over heels for, wasn't coming back. Which meant that nothing was ever going to feel the same again. No longer able to call himself Jack's boyfriend meant he'd been forced into making a decision, and that decision had been to move on. What he was about to do here tonight wouldn't be a betrayal of the love he still felt for the man, it would be one body using another, a physical release, that's all.

It was sex.

Just sex.

-o-

Those sapphire blue orbs burned stronger. Unblinking they seemed to be suggesting otherwise. An inward sigh was heaved in their direction, but, still, not even the smallest flicker of lashes was conceded.

Buying himself a little extra thinking time, Ianto pretended to be thoughtfully 'top to toe-ing' the body stood before him. He either had to call a positive shot right now, or simply just walk away. Because this was crazy - he was clearly creating this situation inside his head as some kind of subconscious stalling method. So was he really that uncertain? Was it still too soon?

Well, yeah, probably. But he was here now, so why not go through with it just this one time, just to get it out of his system, then he could shelve the idea for a little bit longer? There'd be no feelings involved. No requests for a return match.

What harm could it do?

A new image appeared.

The blue eyes had filled with tears.

Jones the Bastard and his troubled psyche tried to contain yet another moment of frustration. He and Jack were over, so why was himself taking this tiny little step, proving to be so difficult? All he was asking was to be allowed one single night of meaningless passion. It wasn't as if he was looking for another boyfriend or anything.

Oh yeah ...

And that was another thing.

No more boyfriends.

That was the new ruling.

There were to be no more relationships.

None.

Not ever again.

Never.

Ever.

-o-

Okay, final decision - it was time to get on with what he'd really come here to do. But first he had to find a way of letting down his eager piece of sweetmeat.

"What you lookin' for?" was shouted in his ear before he got even half the chance.

A steely eyed Ianto reached down, promoted a shocked gasp as he cupped a crotch. Without warning he began to roughly massage the instantly responding handful. "What you got hidin' down here for me pretty boy? You seriously think you're gonna be worth my time and effort?"

Naive lids flickered shut, a lower jaw fell slack. With no sign of a reply forthcoming, silence reigned.

The visiting Welshman smiled as he studied the aroused expression. Some guys were just too easy. Casual as you like he slugged from the bottle in his free hand, took a second slow sip as he released the growing length pulsing against his palm.

The kid opened his eyes, stared beseechingly at the intoxicating Welsh guy, who winked and smiled around the lip of his bottle.

Despite the smile in return, the off-guard victim was still managing to look completely terrified. The Bastard took pity on him - he had, after all, been brave enough to make the first move ... so maybe he did deserve a chance.

"You really want this, Blondie? Yeah? Come on then ….. turn me on … make me want you."

Ianto Jones was ready to cut a deal, but with his features brightening just a little too cockily, the youngster's attitude changed in an instant.

A cool, unimpressed Celtic brow was raised in response.

Sadly the hint wasn't taken. "You're so fucking hot, mister." A head came closer. An unsubtle tongue made contact with a lobe. It left Ianto's right ear feeling unpleasantly wet.

He managed to contain his shudder. "Sorry kid, you're gonna have to do a lot fucking better than that. Are you quite sure you're up for this? It's not cheesy moves I'm after. I need a stayer; you're gonna be no good to me if you don't know what you're doing. You gonna disappoint me by getting your shit off after a couple of quick stabs? I hope not 'cause I need someone who can fuck me ragged."

Another slow swig created a deliberately awkward pause and Ianto watched the expression opposite with a vested interest. "You think you can keep pace? You think you can take me all the way before popping?"

The kid's show of confidence had faltered in an instant, which had been the whole point of Ianto's assertive test in the first place. One stuttering mess had been left looking down at his New Romantic black suede boots, initial bravado noticeably absent.

Ianto had been assuming all along that the hopeful was way too inexperienced to be playing in a joint this heavy, and now his instincts had been proven right.

He raised one superior brow, sent the youngster glancing downward again, his face glowing red without the aid of flickering lights.

"I deep throat, I mean, I could bring you off no problem." was offered with an apologetic shrug. "And I don't mind swallowing but …"

"Thanks … I'll let you know …"

Ianto was already making tracks to go find the next contender. Eyes skipping left right, he smouldered his way back onto the dance floor.

"Hi. Not seen you here before." A strong hand appeared from his right, wrapped itself around the crook of his right elbow.

Ianto gave it a cursory glance before allowing it to stop him in his tracks.

"And there's a very good chance our paths will never cross again." was pointed out by the mouth positioning itself just behind his right ear. "So ... are you gonna let me show you what I can do, handsome?"

Ianto sucked in a silent gasp. The lips were as close as they could ever be without actually making contact. The warm notes, deep and dark, were still washing over him while an even warmer rush of breath was sending the hairs on the back of his neck standing to attention.

There was a hint of raw need in the voice; a promise that an experienced show could finally be on offer. Reckoning in the added promise of anonymity, Ianto was seriously considering the possibility that his search might be over. He'd found his man, or rather, his man had rather conveniently just found him.

Looking over his right shoulder, he gained a glimpse of the guy odds on to be the first to fuck him since ….

since ….

since …..

Shit.

The eyes were back.

How the hell had things got this bad? He needed to deal with this problem pronto, then get back to living his life again; it shouldn't matter that this was going to be the first time since ….

since …

since ...

God help him, he still couldn't do it. Just imagining the name seemed to trigger a searing wave of pain.

The situation still didn't seem real. He obviously hadn't 'dealt' with anything at all. How could they be over? It just didn't make sense. He'd trusted his instincts, had been certain that the love between them was for keeps. He'd wanted forever - had even started to believe that his boyfriend wanted the same. They'd finally been in a good place, despite the awkward start. Despite protestation to the contrary, right from day one they'd been happiest in each other's company.

And the feelings they'd shared had been so real … had been so intense.

Maybe too intense for him ever to be able to let go of.

Which begged the question, why was he here now? Why was he on the verge of having a quick fuck with some guy who meant absolutely nothing to him? Did he really need this moment so badly?

Did he?

He knew it somehow felt ... ' _necessary'_ ….…

But in no way did it feel right.

And there was the crux of his problem. He'd got used to sharing the soul-singing, spontaneous moments like this, with the guy he was still so totally in love with. He'd started to appreciate those feelings that came only from making love with that special someone who loved you unconditionally in return.

But love hadn't been enough for either of them. Love had let them both down.

It was sad.

And it was unfair.

But sometimes shit happened, and now it was time to accept the situation for what it actually was.

Over.

It was time to move on.

Time to let a different guy give him pleasure.

-o-

"Can you make me forget?"

The words flew out to intermingle with the beat and all too late Ianto realised he'd asked them out loud.

"I can make you forget anything you want." The promise arrived in an instant, was delivered in that same deep, dark voice. "Even your name if necessary."

And Ianto was sold. It didn't matter that the Bear wasn't his usual 'type', tonight Ianto Jones was going to get a solid reaming.

Every ounce of pain and sorrow was about to be fucked into oblivion.

-o- -o-

Just minutes later he was hidden behind a locked door, backed up against a cubicle wall with his fly unzipped. Hungry lips crashed down onto his, set about devouring them with angry movements. The newly trimmed beard, it seemed, wasn't going to be much of a problem tonight.

A tongue plundered his mouth, a hand slipped inside his boxers; the other had a good feel of his backside. The movements quickly incited the necessary physical reaction, the wave of arousal should've made him feel better.

It didn't.

It felt wrong.

Very wrong.

Someone reclaimed his deceitful lips, turned his cheating head to one side. "Wait … sorry, I ... I just need a moment …"

"Y'okay there? Not changed your mind have you?" The disappointment was palpable.

The lie came easily. "I'm fine ... sorry, I just needed to catch my breath for a second, that's all - I'm okay now ..."

This time it was Ianto who initiated the kiss. Determined to make more of an effort, the second meeting of mouths was no less heated than the first. He edged his hips forward, encouraged experienced fingers to do their worst. The waves of pleasure began to dance through him again, getting him hard.

And this time it felt nice.

He tried really hard not to think about Jack; heard and felt his first cheating groan as it jumped from the back of his throat. Another conscience tripping spasm worked its way through him. His arousal levels dipped again.

The fingers around him became impatient, began to pull with a more determined tug. Blood surged faster, pumped back into his cock.

And Ianto groaned again.

 _Oh god, you can do this ... don't think about Jack._

 _Don't think about Jack._

 _Dont' think about ..._

Another strong twist of arousal left him aching inside. His hips hitched and kicked as he fucked through the hand squeezing tight around him.

With a gasp, this time it was the other guy who broke the kiss. "Sorry, can't wait any longer. I really wanna suck this beauty … "

Ianto held onto his breath as his cock was pulled completely free. Base to glans, soft lips brushed along his entire length. The hot breath was merciless, teased him as it ghosted over his skin. A desperate sounding, broken croak of a whine filled the small space around them.

Ianto closed his eyes. The gentle touch of a moistened tongue left him gasping out loud. The punter lapped at his eye-hole, torturously dipped the tip of his tongue into the slit couple of times. Then he was completely enveloped by that sweet, wet warmth he'd missed so much. Lids flickering he rested his head on the wall behind, a long groan of approval spent no more than a second trapped before breaking free. Sinfully slowly, lips began to slide up and down his shaft. He looked down to see the cheeks below hollow as the guy started to suck hard around him.

"Fuck!" Another twist of desire sent more blood into his deceitful prick. Digging his fingers into the guy's shoulders he squeezed his eyes shut again. Wave after wave of arousal was surging south.

Jesus, he hadn't been this hard since …..

Since …

Since ...

Fuck it! ... No! ... No more memories! This moment was way too important for that. He needed this. He could do this.

Okay, no more fucking around, this was happening, right here, right now.

"Stop ..." He gripped the shoulders harder in a hint. "Sorry, 'cause that feels really fucking nice, I mean ... really nice ... but you gotta fuck me, man … come on ….I need your cock in me right ... now ….. …"

 _Before these beautiful fucking eyes get a chance to change my mind._

They were back, watching his every move.

The guy rocked back on his heels, pulled his lips away, tipped his head back as he sought out the gaze above. "You won't hear any complaints from me, but have you got some gear we can use? Call me a prat 'cause I know damn well that I am; I forgot to get my stuff out of my jacket before I checked it in ….."

While his nameless fuck struggled to get to his feet Ianto forced his fingers into the right hand pocket of his jeans. "Bollocks. Sorry, hold on, I must have at least one of the bastards on me somewhere. Two secs ….."

Cursing away he dipped into the pocket on the opposite side. In front of him his quick fuck for the night was hurriedly pulling a thick, good nine inches, into view.

Ianto stared at it, licked his lips and delved around a bit more. The guy began pulling on his meat, set about getting it rock before keeping it that way.

A few more moments of awkward scrabbling passed. The punter slowed his wrist action, was already looking a little desperate.

"I'm really sorry 'bout this." Ianto looked up with a smile that was as awkward as his movements. "I usually make sure I've got at least one with me before I leave home …." He decided to try his jacket instead, going for the left pocket first. "Aha! We have lube ….. which means there's gotta be a skin around here somewhere ….." He used the tips of his fingers to pull the sachet of gel free. Handing it over for starters he commenced with tackling his final hope.

Hand delving inside his right side pocket, his eyes lit up as he struck gold. But it wasn't a condom that his fingers came away with. It was a neatly folded piece of paper.

He recognised the old receipt straight away. Instantly he was back there, recalling the last time he'd worn this particular jacket. They'd decided to shoot into town for an impromptu feast on fast food. But that was months back, and he hadn't worn the black bomber since; had only worn it tonight in the hope that it might make him less recognisable to those that mattered locally.

Standing there transfixed, staring down at the unfolded receipt, his change of expression must have been saying it all.

"Not what you were expecting to find I take it."

Frowning down at the piece of paper, Ianto's quick fix for the night was sounding mightily disheartened. "I make a point of never going in raw I'm afraid," he felt obliged to point out, "And I've got no change for the machine either ... but I could always get back down there and finish you off." was offered politely.

Ianto heard not a single word. He was too busy re-reading the same message he'd already absorbed twice over.

Heart pounding, he couldn't help but read it for a fourth time.

' _hi gorgeous! I guess this means you've found the check and my little note! I just wanted you to know that I'm the happiest boy in the world because Ianto Jones is finally mine all mine - - **xxJxx**.' _

The irony of the message was slow in hitting home - but when it did the resulting pain was immediate, was twisting and excruciating and Ianto couldn't breathe. A fist had grabbed a large handful of gut and was squeezing the absolute fucking life out of it.

He looked up, stared rabbit - headlights at the unsuspecting guy in front of him. A panic attack was fast approaching, the tell-tale symptoms were creeping in. He tried to breathe slowly, thought for one brief moment it might be having some effect, but a wave of nausea flew up from the pit of his stomach, and trying to swallow it back down only took him straight back to square one.

The person trapped in the confined space with him was starting to worry.

"Hey … you okay?"

A hand was extended. Assuring comfort only, it tightened around the top of one arm.

Ianto's ears were humming. He was listening through a loud rush of blood. The world was closing in, he couldn't do this. He didn't really want this guy to fuck him now or ever. It was Jack – just Jack that he wanted to feel pushing inside him. Only ….. that wasn't what this was about ... He didn't want Jack to fuck him, he wanted Jack full stop. And he wanted him so badly that it felt like he was dying, slowly and unbearably from the inside out. How was he going to survive without him? How could he carry on? It was Jack that he needed. Nobody else. Just Jack.

But Jack no longer wanted him. He'd lost the most gorgeous ... the most amazing ... the most ...

A new wave of dizziness hit home ...

Jack was gone.

He was gone and he was never going to see him again.

-o-

Back easing slowly downward, his defeated body finally began its descent of the cubicle wall.

"Oh, Jesus fella …."

Giving up on tucking himself away, the luckless punter fell forward, used the weight of his own body to hold the ailing Welshman in as much of an upright position as he could. "S'okay, s'okay, I got ya, I got ya …" He angled his top half away slightly, gripped a chin to note that, thankfully, the steely blues were starting to refocus. "Blimey mate, I thought I'd lost you there ... you need me to call an ambulance or something; you still don't look too good."

Still halfway bound inside his silent, tortured world, Ianto sniffed in three deep breaths, knew that, for appearances sake, he had to keep his sense of grief in check.

"Thanks, but …. ….. I think ... I mean … "

Muddled thoughts were re-jiggled.

"What I mean is … I'm sorry, I didn't know this was gonna happen to me tonight." Realising that the piece of paper was still in his hand, Ianto slipped it back into the same pocket. With shaking hands, straightening on the spot he began to address his own unkempt clothing situation. "I know you're gonna think I'm a fucking time waster and deliberately fucking you about, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to go through with this …"

"I have a funny feeling you should never've been doing this in the first place."

Spinning off a stream of loo roll, with his most amicable smile to date, the other guy handed it over. "Something in that note has upset you, I can tell that much at least, and going by past experiences of my own I can safely say that it's not good to bottle things up. So come on, you're under orders, just let it out, bless you … I can tell you want to."

So Ianto did.

With one heaving sob after another.

He began to let every ounce of anguish out on this complete stranger's shoulder. Allowing himself to recall those most precious of memories he'd 'til now been managing to block, he melted into the unfamiliar arms and wept loudly. It was seeing Jack's handwriting that had finally created a chink in the high-walled Jones Dam. The message was so perfect … and so typical of how comfortable they'd finally started to become with one another.

"How we doin'?" A subtle nudge gently rocked a forehead free.

Guiltily giving the Good Samaritan's shoulder a break, with a loud sniff, Ianto pushed himself away to lay his body flat against the wall. "I'm really sorry about this ….." The edge of one finger was wiped below each eye. More loo roll was produced to save the day. "Thanks …." It was accepted with a sniff and a nod.

"Some guy broke your heart then." was observed rather than guessed.

Ianto blew his nose. A ball of used tissue paper found its way into the toilet pan. He offered a smile as another length miraculously appeared for him to take hold of. "There was someone, yeah," he admitted, "And we did break up, but it wasn't totally his fault. I fucked up too you see. I let my stupid pride get in the way, didn't give him a chance to explain, which is why I lost him ... and the fact hurts so fucking much that I just don't know if I can do this anymore."

"So when you asked if I could make you forget, it was him you were hoping to forget."

Ianto's face dropped. Unmistakably appalled, he was quick to shake his head. "God no, not him …. I never want to forget _him_ ... it's this pain eating away inside that I need to get away from."

"Then tonight, my pet, losing the pain is what we shall concentrate on."

A hand found the door latch, prepared to liberate those inside. "I've got an unopened Glenmorangie and a couple of lifters waiting back at my place. Good idea, yeah? Come on, whad'ya say?"

"I …I don't know." Ianto dipped his head. His fingers found the middle of his forehead and he forced them across the top of each brow. "Thanks but, and don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate the offer, but I won't be able to give you what we both know you really want. I'm not ready to move on, I can see that now."

"S'okay, don't worry, I'm not gonna push you into anything."

The smile seemed genuine and Ianto took solace from the fact that it lingered without wavering. "Cheers … and, again, I'm really sorry. I thought I was gonna be able to do this tonight, but ….."

"Look, don't worry, I'm not about to pressure you into doing anything you don't want." The promise was accompanied by a reassuring grasp. "This is the new plan for what's left of our night, okay? We're gonna go back to my place, get drunk ….. or stoned …. or both, and while I get to have me some decent company for a change, you get to talk about anything you want ... you know … so's you can lose some of that pain for just a little while at least."

Ianto took a few seconds to consider the offer; it really did sound tempting. Maybe a night away from the apartment would do him good.

-o-

Having a word with Jack (apologising to the man inside his head), he readied his attire for departure.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

They made their way up to the top level. Ianto's newest best friend held out his ticket for his jacket with a not quite hidden wink for the coat-check who, for some reason, felt inspired to smirk knowingly at the bearded cutie bringing up the rear.

Ianto decided it was nothing to worry about.

A card for a local cab firm was lifted from the counter. His nameless saviour turned back with a crooked smile, then their journey was resumed.

Head down again, fingers gripping tightly onto Jack's note, an increasingly puzzled Ianto kicked up a gear to match pace and tried to ignore his worrying instincts. He couldn't deny that something about his situation was starting to feel a little 'off'.

The Samaritan up ahead turned with a smile. "All okay back there?"

His smile failing to reach his eyes, Ianto nodded for appearances sake. Finally conceding that, even with alcohol alone on the menu, the rest of his night might not pan out as he'd first been led to believe, he rubbed a thumb and forefinger over his reminder of Jack and tried to convince himself he was still worrying about nothing.

The final slope was ascended. Ianto was still self-doubting, which was stupid because Jones the Bastard wouldn't have been worrying like this.

"Even if we have to walk, it should only take ten minutes, max, to get back to mine." floated over to interrupt some complicated thoughts.

"Okay ... great."

He could do this. Of course he could. Jones the Bastard would be up for it with bells on, so of course he could go through with this.

Piece of cake.

Most definitely.

-o-

-o-

It was as they ascended to street level that an apology was hurriedly issued. The understanding stranger was promised 'maybe next time'.

Pointing out that it wasn't even midnight and that there'd still be plenty of choice available, the good-ish Samaritan headed straight back inside the place to try his luck with someone else.

-o-

-o-

Hands still in his pockets, head down again, defying more than just the elements ...

Ianto Jones was making tracks to catch the last train home.

.

.

,

.

His next test was to come just a week later.

.

.

.

.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

.

.

"Munch it's me. I'm on my way home … I love you ….. don't ever forget that…."

Ellie held her mobile up to Stefan, who read the message for himself. "That's all it says." she explained as a pair of confused eyes narrowed and stayed that way. "I've tried ringing the number back, but no one's answering."

"Weird. You sure it's him?"

Stefan took the phone from her and the wording of the message was checked again. "How long ago did he send it? And how long's he had a new mobile? And why haven't we got the bloody number?!"

"I don't know ... and of course it's him you numpty; who else tells me I look like a bloody Munchkin?" Retrieving her phone with a 'duh' expression set firm, Ellie proceeded to check the message's delivery details. "Ummmmm, it says sent at ten fifty-two. I'm guessing it must've come through while I was in the loo. I'd been catching up with Jo from college and left my jacket with her while I went for a pee."

A three sixty, just for the sake of it, was completed and she came to a stop with a shrug. "I didn't even realise he wasn't in the building anymore. I wonder if DanDan knows what's going on. Did he catch up with him in the end? I know he was looking around for him earlier."

Both friends looked over at Cherry's main dance floor to confirm that the dj was back up at his decks. Stefan raised one hand and waved - caught the attention of his boyfriend who waved back before pressing his finger onto his left ear so that he could hear what was coming through the cans pressed up against his right.

"I don't think he did find him, no." Ellie was reliably informed. "He mentioned he went for a leak earlier on and saw Yan talking to some guy over the back of the games room, but that was well over an hour ago."

"What guy?" Ellie began to bounce about, was clearly appreciating the change of beat. With a grin Stefan pressed a hand down on her head and deliberately held her still.

"Dunno, " he admitted, laughing as she pulled a grumpy face at him, "But whoever he is, Dan said the two of them seemed deep in conversation ... S'cuse me, mate!"

With an added wave of his free hand Stefan gained the attention of the club's latest tender.

Ellie used the opportunity to dip on the spot then wriggle free. Celebrating gleefully, she hopped into step and they approached the bar together.

"That guy we came in with earlier, have you seen him come past here at all?"

One brow rising, Stefan studied the growing blank expression. "You do remember him, yeah? Dark hair, roughly same height as me ... Beard?"

On the other side of the bar, lips were pursed in contemplation.

"No? Not ringing any bells yet?" Stefan rolled his eyes at Ellie and tried again. "Temptingly handsome, if admittedly a bit on the gaunt side right now?"

The barman looked up in the air as he thought a bit more.

A gobsmacked Stefan looked down at Ellie, then back across the bar. "Seriously? Still you're giving me a no? Jesus mate, how can you not remember him? He's fucking gorgeous! Okay, let's try this … dark blue shirt, top two buttons undone; smattering of sexy chest hair peeking out ... oh, and he swears a lot ... and has these mad eyes …."

"Oh, right ... you mean the Welsh fella!"

"Why is it always the mad eyes part that does the trick ….." Ellie watched the frame next to her slump in exasperation.

Wiping his hands on a cloth, the barman made his way over. "Yeah, I saw him walk out of here, oh, it must be getting on for an hour ago now. Why, does he owe you money?" was joked as the cloth was thrown beneath the bar.

"Oh, trust me, he owes us a lot more than that. And thanks for the info, Chief." His appreciation expressed with a nod and a smile, grasping Ellie by one arm Stefan began to drag her towards the exit. "So, that means he's definitely left the place then and, Els, look, before you start, please don't argue with me on this one."

"What one?"

The blond didn't bite. "Look, I want you to call Lals as quickly as you can. Tell him it's urgent and get him and Gaz to meet us over at Yan's place asap …. I have a really horrible feeling about this."

Already diligently studying her list of contacts, the last part of that sentence inspired Ellie to look straight back up again. "What d'you mean …a horrible feeling? Stef don't say things like that ... it's tempting fate. I'm betting it's nothing. He's probably just drunk again and ….."

"In that text he sent, he says that he loves you, yeah? Now ... bearing in mind that this is Yan we're talkin' 'bout, how often does he send you messages like that?"

"Well ... hmm, okay, I see what you're getting at now ... usually only when he knows he's upset me big time." Ellie was looking suddenly worried.

"Orrrrrrrr …..how about if he was planning on doing something he ' _knew'_ was gonna upset you big time?" Giving the suggestion time to sink in, Stefan held the swing door ajar for Ellie to slip through first.

-o- -o- -o- -o-

-o- -o- -o- -o-

-o- -o- -o- -o-

-o- -o- -o- -o-

Pulling up a just second before Gaz and Larry the cabbie promised double the fare to put his foot down had managed to get them to Ianto's place in less than fifteen minutes.

While Ellie quickly paid the driver, Stefan clambered out and ran over to the house. Ignoring the couple making their way towards him he banged his right fist on the front door then kept the motion on repeat. "Yan! I know you're inside …. your fucking light's on – I switched it off myself before we left earlier! Come on! Whatever it is you're doin' you need to stop doin' it right fucking now and let us in!"

Ellie had made her way out of the taxi. Up close to Ianto's front window, both hands cupping her eyes, she was currently trying to peer through the narrow gaps left in the slats of his front blind. "Well there's no movement going on."

She turned away with a scowl. "I swear if we find him in bed with some scaggy arsed twink, I'm gonna bloody kill him … very fucking slowly."

"Maybe he finally thought it was time to move on …" Larry decided with a shrug, tutting in despair at Stefan who'd taken to banging with both fists.

"Is his landline back up and working yet? Why don't we try ringing that?" Mobile in hand, Gaz was already preparing to call the appropriate number.

"I wouldn't bother babe …." Ellie walked over, hooked her hand through the crook of his right arm, "BT cable's still lying on the deck as far as I know."

The fists pounded regimentally ... One! ... Two! ... Three!

"Yan? Yan! Ianto Jones get out here now and open this fucking door!"

"Going a bit overboard tonight aren't we team captain?" Larry pulled lightly on Stefan's locks. A section slipped free from behind his left ear and was successful in redirecting his attention.

That's when the others realised he was as white as a sheet.

"I'm worried, okay?"was explained angrily. "You tryina tell me there's somethin' wrong with that?"

Ellie took a step closer, laid a hand on his arm. "Stef, come on, talk to us, it's time to come clean; what did Dan tell you?"

She looked up at the other two, explaining, "It was actually hours ago now, but it was DanDan who was the last to see Yan. After Stef called him from the taxi to say we were worried, he took another break to do a bit of digging. He's found out something bad, but this bastard here won't tell me what it is."

Little and Large commenced with the usual double act. Arms were folded, both tipped their heads to one side then Stefan was stared at until he cracked.

"Okay! Okay! That guy from earlier, the guy we're assuming Yan left the club with? He's a user. If Yan goes anywhere near him ... if he ends up fucking the cunt ... well ... I mean Christ knows what the bastard's infected with."

Larry's face screwed up in defeat."If he's had a drink, he probably doesn't even realise the risk he's takin' ….. Shit!"

"But that text he sent me ..." All three men looked down at a quavering Ellie. " ... it was really weird. Oh my God ... what if he does know ... but doesn't care anymore?"

Larry decided he'd quite like a go at pounding on Ianto's front door himself. "Yan? Yan! IANTO!"

Inside the apartment, things remained suspiciously quiet.

"They're already in the bedroom. Shit!" Ellie's eyes were begging someone, anyone even, to do something and quick.

"Lals ... out the fucking way!" With little success Stefan landed his right brogue just below the door's lock. "Fuck it! Why did I decide tonight of all fuckin' nights not to wear me fuckin' D M's?"

"Here, let me ….." Nudging the blond aside, Larry took over. A good five inches taller, and wiry if not muscle-bound, he hooked an arm around the shoulders of the other two men then kicked over and over again until the wood touching the framework began to splinter.

"Um, should I be calling the police?" The jokey query came from up above. It distracted all concerned bods below.

As Ellie looked up at her girlfriend, Kellie got a glimpse of the tear-stained face. "Babe? Oh fuck. Els honey? Els, look, it's okay, I'm comin' down okay? ….. Shit …"

As the window above slammed with a loud bang, the door below finally gave. With a hard push Stefan took the lead and sent it slamming onto the wall inside. As he ran into the hall the rest of the gang were literally 'on his tail'.

Noting that, through the opened door, there was clearly no one inside the main bedroom ahead, the gang flew straight into the living room.

They instantly came up trumps.

But what they found there waiting for them wasn't exactly what they'd been expecting to see.

It was much, much worse - careless liaisons were playing no part in the life of Ianto Jones tonight - this was something much more sinister.

Over on the rug in front of the fireplace, the first of two bodies belonged to a stranger who groaned when Larry kicked his right hip .

The other lifeless form belonged to Ianto.

Lying on his side in front of the couch one shirt sleeve had been rolled back and one of his best work ties had been tied around his left bicep. On its side next to him a three quarters full bottle of Jack was looking very lonely while, back over on the rug, a small leather satchel, a piece of scrunched up foil, a tarnished spoon, cigarette lighter, steripac with two sleeved syringes and one soiled needle, had been discarded.

Hand to his mouth, Stefan had come to a halt and frozen to the spot. "Oh, god no …"

"Nohhhhhhhhh!"

Ellie found no trouble in making her way forward. "Bastard! Bastard! Bastard! Bastard! Bastard!" With each irate yell, her right foot was making contact with their immobile friend's middle. "How could you? How could you? Bastard! Bastard! Bastard!" Another three kicks prompted one long groan.

"Oh, Jesus ..." Larry jumped into action. Encircling the sobbing woman's waist, he pulled her away. "Els … come on, darlin' …. let Stef deal with this …"

The blond pulled himself together. "Get her out of here ….." He crouched down to lift a flickering lid.

"He's a fucking bastard!" Despite her attempts to break free, a sobbing Ellie was successfully restrained.

"You gonna calm down, or am I lockin' you in the car?" Rocking her to and fro, Larry was trying to make it clear that he was doing this for her own good.

The tiny redhead calmed as suggested and was released. Slumping, still sobbing, she rested her back against the kitchen surround and slowly her backside found the floor. She drew her knees up to her chest and hugged her arms around her shins. "He could've died ... oh god he could've died.. Stef, is he okay? Oh shit ... I was kicking him! Have I hurt him?" The sobbing grew louder. "Yan? Can you hear me? Stef! Can he hear me! Yan, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ... are you okay? …. god, I was so scared ... I'm so sorry, I was so scared ….."

Crying noisily, she watched on helplessly as Stefan continued to examine the newly comatose form on the floor.

"I'll call an ambulance …"

Gaz was producing his phone again. Stefan shook his head; released Ianto's right wrist. "They're bound to call the old bill, besides, I've still got a pulse so I think he's gonna be okay." Grasping a shoulder he began to shake his friend. "Yan? Yan! Ianto! Come on, mate ….. wakey, wakey …"

Larry took another walk over to the other guy, kicked him as hard as he could. "Cunt!" Looking down at the evidence he began to shake his head. "How could Yan have been so stupid? I never once believed he'd do somethin' this selfish."

"Hun? Lals ...?" Walking around the back of the couch, something had caught Gaz's eye. He gazed harder, leaned forward and then down lower, just to make sure. "I don't think he has ….."

He nodded down at the disarray of soft furnishings, which drew his boyfriend's attention to a syringe, still with its golden brown contents intact, tucked away.

As his face was slapped hard, Ianto grunted and snuffled.

"He's got silly pissed and fallen asleep, that's all." Larry decided kicking out at the hardly touched Jack Daniels bottle sending it scooting along on one squared edge across the floorboards. "He's fucking pissed that's all, the stupid fucking bastard."

"Check his arm just to make sure ….." Ellie was scrambling to her feet.

A horrified Kellie, staying respectfully quiet until this point, moved forward to give her girlfriend a hug.

"No pin-pricks? No blood?" Larry assumed as Stefan twisted Ianto's arm around to take a proper look.

The blond heaved a sigh. "You stupid wanker, Jones, you stupid, stupid wanker ….."

Finally, with relief flooding through him, it was time for him to break down. Sobbing as he pulled his best friend into his arms, he began to rock them both to and fro. "What am I gonna do with you, Yan? What am I gonna do with you?"

Ianto grunted again, he appeared to be coming round.

Ellie crouched down, tapped Stefan on the shoulder. He propped their Welsh friend up against the couch and, happy to allow her a moment of hugging too, edged to one side - only, the feisty Ms Taylor wasn't interested in dishing out hugs, instead she took one big swing and slapped their best friend as hard as her little frame would allow.

"You selfish … selfish …. fucking … bastard!" She slapped him again sending his head snapping to one side.

"Owwww ... fuck ….."

"Ow, fuck? Is that it?" Her tiny hand gripped his chin as firmly as it could. "Look at me! Come on, open your fucking eyes properly and take a good look at me you bastard!"

Clearly not quite paralytic this time, Ianto blearily did as instructed.

"You just scared the fucking life out of us, you idiot! What the fuck did you think you were playing at?" Her fingers got to work on the knot of the tie wrapped around his arm. Behind her Larry was holding aloft exhibit 'A' for the accused to see; using a piece of paper towel to pinch it between his fingers, he was dangling the unemptied syringe out in front of him.

"Yeah ... okay, okay, I know ... but I didn't do it, did I ... I'm not that fucking stupid." Ianto nodded groggily up at the corroborating piece of evidence.

"But how fucking close did you come?!" Ellie held his tie up as exhibit 'B' then slapped him hard again. "Have you seen the state of that scag lying over there, Yan? Christ knows what shit he's got flowing through his veins - he could have anything – and you know what I mean by anything!"

Ianto slowly twisted his head, got a glimpse of the guy he'd brought back to his place for the night. To his credit he looked down again, ashamed and embarrassed. "Not touched him. Not been near him ….. didn't want him for that."

"So this is the new you is it Yan? You gonna consider shooting up _every_ time you start feeling fuckin' sorry for yourself are ya?" On the other side of the room Larry was still angry.

Ianto looked up at his friend then looked away again, proving that he couldn't hold eye contact. "I just got talking to him, that's all. He saw I was down, seemed genuine enough; asked all the right questions. I opened up about ... _things_ ... and he said that if we could come back here to my place he'd help me lose the pain. I just assumed he had some blow on him, or a few pills at best. When I realised what he had planned I felt stupid backing out, but I knew I didn't want to go through with it. While he did himself I lied, said I needed a piss and that I'd do myself when I got back. By the time I walked back into the room he didn't even know I was here, let alone what I was doing."

Head falling, lids closing, Ianto tried to hide the first tear as it slipped free. "I'm so sorry ... I didn't mean to frighten anybody, I just wanted to forget for a little while …."

The broken whisper didn't impress Larry one little bit. "But you could've ended up killin' yourself you fuckin' idiot! You know, I really can't believe you've been so stupid." Turning away in disgust, hands finding the counter's edge to grip onto he leaned over at an angle. "Fucking selfish bastard ….." Looking down between his splayed arms he began to shake his head at the floor.

Gaz made his way over, rubbed a calming hand up and down his boyfriend's back. "Don't be angry with him, Lals. He's missing Jack - he can't help it if he does silly things like this ... he's really upset."

"Don't be angry with him?" Spinning back, Larry stood there pointing down at the syringe now on the floor. "I've got a good mind to stick him with that fuckin' needle myself - scaring the fucking shit out of the rest of us like that. It's not on! It's not fuckin' on!"

Ianto was still staring at the floor. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"We need to get him away from temptation. He can't be left here on his own anymore." Stefan decided. "Els, can he stay at yours for a while?"

Her calmed state proving somewhat deceiving, kneeling down beside her best friend Ellie carefully brushed some wisps of fringe from a dipping forehead. "Course he can ….. 'cause ..."

Making everyone jump, her hand snapped lower to grip Ianto around the throat. " ... it'll make killing him myself just that little bit easier to accomplish."

She fell from her haunches onto her backside and started to laugh - relieved at the final outcome. As she sat there, tutting as she shook her head at her best friend, the icy atmosphere finally broke. Even Ianto was left with a smile on his face.

"Okay, let's get him up on his feet."

On his hands and knees, a smirking Stefan crawled closer. "Will you be okay with running these two over to Ellie's place?" he directed up at the cavalry who just happened to own the only car available.

"Like I'm gonna say no …" Larry's sigh was long and loud. "But first there's somethin' else I wanna do."

-o- -o-

Whilst Stefan phoned DanDan to let him know what was going on, two sets of rubber gloves were found under Ianto's kitchen sink. Taking great care, Larry and Gaz shoved all the evidence back into the satchel, ungraciously threw Ianto's unsavoury companion into the rear of Larry's hatchback, then dumped him outside the local walk-in med-centre. And just half an hour later they were back to carry out the next stage of their task.

It'd been confirmed during their absence that a certain Welshman would be staying with Ellie for the foreseeable future. She hadn't really given him much choice - had already taken the liberty of packing a few things into a holdall for him and was feeling pretty confident that during the hours that she had to be in work, her mum wouldn't mind stabbing the git with something sharp if he tried to escape.

And so, having kindly agreed to wait in situ until the necessary repairs had been carried out, Kelly was armed with the number of a locksmith whom she was to engage the services of at first light, and with a groggy - nothing more sinister than 'heavily inebriated' - Ianto Jones in tow, the gang set off for Ellie's place. One way or another, the life of their friend had to be sorted out - and as imprisoning him indefinitely wasn't exactly practical, the only other answer was to do the blindingly obvious:

Ignore all current instructions ... and get in contact with Jack themselves.

Problem was …

Only Ianto knew the number.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

tbc.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

 **A/N:** Bit of a cheek after all that, I know ... but ... Merry Christmas 2016 everyone. Hope you all have a good one!


	6. Taking Charge

**A/N:**

 **Happy New Year! (er ... that is ... I mean ... okay, yeah ... better make that a 'belated' Happy New Year.)**

.

My apologies for yet another long delay, I really will try to speed things up now that the holiday season is finally well and truly over.

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And Grobbebol – thank you for your very kind comment following the last chapter.

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Okay … let's get this show back on the road.

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Chapter Six

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Taking Charge

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"He needs a job."

And wasn't that the truth, someone had seriously far too much time on their hands.

"Yep, we really need to get him back to work ... like ….. really, really soon." Though grossly ill-considered, Stefan's words just happened to be some of the more genuine spoken of late. In trying to protect his sensitive feelings all of Ianto's friends, even Ellie, had been stuck in full-blown pussyfoot and pander mode. They'd even given him a break from the usual bouts of nagging and, in return, Jones the Disgraced had begun to respond most positively ...

... for the most part.

-o-

Initially glad to be back on his own couch, as he grunted then slouched a few inches lower it became clear that he'd reacted badly to the critique of his current circumstances.

And he'd been doing so well, too.

Coiled-springing it, sat there right next to him just in case any unpleasant ones should spout forth, his tiny guardian angel was poised, ready to hang onto his every word.

Also on the boll, over by the kettle, and still doing his part for a very good cause, a peacemaking Gaz was waiting to top up Ianto's cafetiere. Tactically he'd already thought to add the Welshman's blend of the moment to the pot. Everyone but everyone knew that coffee was the quickest way to Jones the Bastard''s heart, so a pack of ground French had hastily been purchased on the way over. Coincidentally, the very same 'e _veryone but everyone'_ was still praying that their friend would see sense very soon. Unfortunately their perpetual attempts at'keeping him sweet were fast becoming une tache ingrate - which was a shame - for the duration of his confinement Ianto's hold your breath moments had been few and far between.

So ... did this mean the Deja vu days were back again? Suggesting that they well might be, the air right now was thick with dread and expectation.

And it'd all been going so well, too.

-o-

Breaking the pregnant silence to enter everyone's crowded thoughts, the same caveman-like noise sounded for a second time. The two attentive friends currently at his beck and call, studied him with eyes slyly askew. While Stefan, having carelessly prompted the reaction in the first place, was being careful not to respond in any way whatsoever. Tucked away behind a surround of base units, and already with the Situations Vacant page spread out beneath him, he was hunched low over Ianto's kitchen table. It was no secret that he'd shown up today determined to play it cool.

Clearly becoming more wound up by the second, Ianto grumbled to himself again. The ungrateful intonation contained therein saw his best friend's best laid plans fall at the third fence.

"Right, that's it, look Yan if you've got somethin' to say, just say it, okay?"

With blatant disregard for his own rules of self-preservation, first the top-knot of blond locks, then Stefan's pretty face itself popped up to peer above the edge of his cuisine lined bunker. He fixed the enemy across the battlefield's divide with a no-nonsense stare. "Look Yan you're gonna have to do somethin' positive pretty soon. _You_ might think it's perfectly fine to carry on livin' like this, but it's fuckin' not, okay? You can't just sit around here mopin' all day. The more time you have on those death-wish hands of yours, the more chance there is of you doin' somethin' stupid. And by that I of course mean that there's a good chance of you doin' somethin' stupid … ' _again'."_

Speech marks were bravely waved. Mainly because Stefan had forgotten that there was only so much that anyone could get away with where Jones the Bastard was concerned ... such had been Ianto's agreeable mood of late.

Now slomped with his feet stretched right out in from of him, a silent, though maybe now not quite so agreeable, Ianto scowled back at his friend. Holding stare, he narrowed his eyes confirming there was only so much interference he was actually prepared to tolerate. During the time spent at Ellie's, with him feeling ashamed at best because of recent events, the troubled Welshman's surprising show of compliance had been noted with the least amount of fuss possible. It wouldn't be wise, the others had decided, to patronise or embarrass him too much, the sooner he felt able to return to his normal self, the better things would be all round.

As plotted on the day of the junkie fiasco, the heartbroken love had not once been left to his own devices. He'd been kept out of harm's way, had been fed, watered, mollycoddled - his damaged soul, nurtured in the most above and beyond manner possible. Caring nights had followed each attentive day, and the cosy evenings sat fireside with Ellie seemed to have worked really well. With them indulging in one meaningful chat after another, he'd eventually promised to remain open to suggestion. He'd even insisted he'd comply with all words of advice without a fight.

Consequently the originally planned 'foreseeable future' had ended up being just two short weeks.

The promises had been flowing like wine ... a certain Welshman had more than earned his reprieve.

Never before had a more contrite expression been so readily displayed.

-o-

The bugger must've had his fingers crossed behind his back the entire time.

Bit of a crafty thespian on the quiet, that Ianto Jones.

Not that he'd been deliberately ungrateful in any way. Even during his most extreme moments of disregarding, his thoughts had never once been nasty or disrespectful; the only reason he'd allowed his friends to believe he was genuinely appreciative, was because his appreciation for their original motives really had been nothing but totally genuine. And in accepting that they truly did have his best interests at heart, he, in turn, had shown that he was truly grateful … ...

well ...

... as grateful as his already fate-filled mind would allow him to be, anyway ... but it still counted.

-o-

 _'Trust'_ ... had been the word most bandied about on his day of departure. In return for him agreeing to uphold his end of the bargain, the others had agreed to do their best in helping him stay on the straight and narrow.

 _'Trust'_ , it'd quickly become clear, really was their biggest issue.

But that show of trust was supposed to have worked both ways. As far as the reformed Ianto Jones was concerned, he'd agreed that his friends could oversee his ongoing welfare - 'oversee' and 'advise' where necessary - not take away every single ounce of self-control. How could a situation like that be any better for his frame of mind? Didn't any of them realise he still had a little pride left? Initially prepared to make an effort as a thank you to them, he'd promised he'd behave himself, that he'd be fine if left on his own. And he'd actually meant it, he hadn't touched a single drop of alcohol; hadn't even set one foot outside his front door to go purchase any.

He'd even cooked himself a proper meal. That had been yesterday evening, on his very first day back …

Yes. ... His very _first_ day back. He'd been ensconced within the security of his own four walls for less than forty eight hours, and here they all were again, already crowding him and taking control.

Sadly, the fact was confirming only one thing. That regardless of how much effort he was prepared to make, not a one of them would ever really have any faith in him. Not one of them believed that he could get past this episode without him needing some kind of intervention.

They _still_ didn't _trust_ him ... and he was no longer a happy boy ... so maybe it was time for him to claw back a little of that thoughtlessly seized control.

-o-

Rendering his comfortable slouched position redundant, and holding his head high, his propensity for regularly managing to do 'somethin' 'stupid', became the first to incur his wrath.

"Well thanks for that huuuuuge vote of confidence, Stef. You want me out of your hair and back at work do you? Well personally …. Oh, not that it's got anything to fucking do with you, by the way ... anyway, personally, I fail to see what the big deal is. I mean, it's not as if I need the fucking money is it? The mortgage on this place, _and_ all the bills, are covered no probkem by the monthly allowance from mam and tad's estate. And what food bills do I have, hmmm? It's not like I eat like a fucking horse, now is it?"

"Agreed ….." Returning from the bathroom and stopping on the spot, Larry thought it might be a better idea for him to linger in the living room doorway for a while. "Food shoppin' clearly isn't much of an issue for you," he nodded, "We can all see you don't give a toss that you're slowly wastin' away to nothin' ... but, come on mate, even you have to admit, you _do_ drink like a fuckin' fish. How much have you been spending on booze lately?"

The Celtic scowl was instantly applied. It achieved optimum effect, and deciding to shut up for now Larry chanced taking a seat up the other end of the couch.

"Here we go ... this one sounds okay."

Once more out of sight, Stefan had his head back in the vacancies section. "Care home requires full time assistant, forward slash, handyman. Police check essential but no experience required as full training will be given."

"Sounds interesting," Gaz filled the last of five espresso cups then left it on the table for Stefan to find. "If no experience is required, that means it'll only be basic duties; Yan should be able to manage that no problem." Arming himself with his laden tray, he walked through to find the others.

As lazy as ever, Larry helped himself to the blue cup because it was closest. Sending a wink and smile up to his beloved, he ignored his drink for now to peer kitchen-bound. "Oh come on, Stef. ... are you havin' a laugh? Yan? In a care home? The dozy wanker has enough trouble wipin' his own arse let alone anyone else's. He'd probably be okay with the forward slashin' part, but, seriously man, would _you_ let him loose in a room full of pensioners?"

Before Ellie could snatch it up for herself, Ianto laid claim to the classy, burgundy example on the tray; it was still his favourite from the set that Jack had bought for the apartment late last year. "Feel better now, do we Lawrence? Quite finished assassinating my blemished character have you Mr I'm perfect in every fucking way? Anyway, I'm not looking for a job," was concluded between sips, "So my arse wiping abilities, and which direction I choose to take a piss, are completely irrelevant thank you."

Too excited to join in with the sniggering, Ellie finished blowing then hurriedly took her first sip. "Actually, Yan, I'm in total agreement with you babe. I think we should just forget the job search full stop. You've been completely sober for a couple of weeks now; you've been seeing things so much more clearly, so if anything it's getting back with Jack that you should be concentrating on. Seriously, I really think it's time you got past this silly phase you're in. Just give him a quick ring. I know he'll be able to sort you out and …."

"Silly phase? For fuck's sake, Els!"

The brave, if a little ill thought out, effort was brought to an abrupt halt. "Will you all please get it into your thick fucking skulls that I am NOT going to be phoning Jack - not today - not ever! We're finished, okay? I thought you lot were supposed to be helping me move on ... why can't you all just get off my fucking case and leave me to get on with things how I fucking want!"

The tormented friend left his seat, smacked his half-empty cup down onto the counter, then stormed from the room.

As her thirst disappeared, Ellie sat her cup on the floor and sank back with a sigh. "Damn, I thought he'd finally got past this self-denial crap.

Well aware of his part in things, a guilt-filled Larry scooped up the cushion next to him. As he aimed it across the counter it bounced off of Stefan's head, shot off at right-angles across the kitchen then knocked the dreg-filled cafetiere into the washing-up bowl.

"Oi, you can get over there right now and clear that bloody lot up, you messy git." Knowing he'd end up doing it himself anyway, walking back through the gap, Gaz was still grumbling away to himself.

Larry watched as a stream of paper towel was reeled off in readiness. The consequent change in topic was blatant but administered without a care anyway. "Okay, so what do we do next, Els is clearly losing her magic touch." He pretended to be deep in thought, a contrived moment that nobody fell for. "Oh ... I know ... why don't _you_ try havin' a word with him Stef? After all, you _are_ his closest _male_ friend."

"Cheers Lals ... do I look like a fuckin' masochist?"

Stefan shook the newspaper out in front of him. After folding it into a neat enough shape to pacify Ianto he left a crafty Gaz hopping in to keep his seat warm for him.

He emerged through the gap in the kitchen units. "Anyway, Els is much closer to him than I am, and if she can't get through, what sort of a chance do you think I've got?" The two friends sat below him, shared a look.

"Stef ….. just give it a try, yeah? You know it makes sense." Now sitting where Ianto had been, Ellie stretched out lengthwise preventing Stefan from taking up the middle for diddle seat on show. "Tell him if he can't face making the call himself, all he needs to do is pass Jack's number on to me and I'll do all the talking for him."

Still propped up at the other end Larry twisted himself sideways. Lifting them high enough he rested his feet on Ellie's thighs, thereby taking up all other expanses of available room. She gave him a thumbs up and the pair lay there laughing at their blatant use of dirty tactics.

Chiseled Scandinavian cheek bones (courtesy of his mum) becoming only more defined, Stefan pinched a very brief, but incredibly pissy look in their direction. Then he skulked off in search of Ianto

-o- -o-

"It's customary to knock, you wanker."

Sat on the end of his bed apparently guessing who'd just stepped over the threshold, chin balanced on his palms and staring straight ahead, Ianto had that very distinctive my world has just come to a very sad end, look about him.

"Yan …. c'mohhn ... we all know what you really want, so why won't you just let us help you?"

Stefan sat down with a light bounce, nudged deliberately sideways to shunt his friend in the most amicable way he knew how. "D'you really wanna stay like this, miserable and lonely? D'you really wanna be on your own for the foreseeable future? That's not a very nice prospect, is it Jonesy."

Ianto's heart skipped a beat. It'd been so long since his friend had used that particular nickname. Memories of much happier times were flooding back making him wonder 'where had the years gone'? The face sat next to him looked a little older but not that much, so why wasn't the same Stef still hiding beneath? Could the same be said of himself? He'd had so many personality changes over the years, but it hadn't been that long, surely? What'd happened to them, as friends? At what point had it all gone wrong, become so serious? They'd laughed so much together in sixth form, had done nothing but lark about get into trouble ... and along with Ellie, all three of them had always been there for each other.

Everything had been perfect until …..

Until the accident …

Until the day his mam and tad …..

-o-

"Oh god, Stef ….."

With new memories came intensified pain and his first set of tears for the day. Did he want to be on his own? No, of course he didn't.

He stared down at his thighs. "No, you're right, it's not a nice prospect," Locating Stefan's gaze, Ianto shook his head. "I hate being like this, but I don't know how to move on from Jack without feeling guilty."

The head opposite was nodded and an arm slipped around Ianto's shoulders. "Well, the way I see it, gorgeous,you have two choices ... you either sort out this stupid mess - ie, just get you and Jack back to normal - or you forget about him altogether. If you really can't see you two ever gettin' back together, maybe you should be thinkin' 'bout gettin' yourself back in the game 'cause, frankly you daft bugger, you're fuckin' crap at keeping yourself company. Please, Yan, make a decision one way or the other, I'm not sure how much more of seein' you in this state I can take. I hate that you're so sad all the time ... I just wish there was somethin' I could do to away take the pain. You really need someone, someone permanent ...you're no good on your own - don't you miss having somebody around, ready to hug and kiss you when you need it most?"

"Yeah ... course I do …." Eyes watered some more, the following sniffs were loud and telling.

"Then do something positive you dope. Look, if you're feeling smothered right now, just say the word and I'll go straight back out there and ask the others to leave."

The shoulder hug was tightened. Stefan rested his forehead against his friend's temple before leaning away again. "Come on, surely you can let _me_ of all people try to help you? I know Els has been good, but try me ... I'll just sit here and listen if that's what it takes. Just say the word - use me - I'm at your disposal - I'll do whatever you need …"

As Ianto turned in his arms, Stefan pulled him close. "You are allowed to hug me back, you know ... I promise I won't molest you."

With a small laugh Ianto did as he was told. "I'm sorry, Stef, I just don't know what to do for the best about anything lately." As long fingers began to squeeze the tension from his nape, with a soft sigh he allowed it to continue.

"Okay, today we sort this. That means no bullshittin' me, Yan, I want you to be honest with me ... " Topping up the courage levels, Stefan drew in a deep breath. "You still love Jack, don't you ... and more than anythin', all you want is to get back with him. I'm right, aren't I?"

Nodding, Ianto pulled away to face front again. Stefan grasped one shoulder, made a point of gripping it tightly. "So why are you so determined not to get in contact with the guy? This is killin' you ... I can see that. If you think this much of him, why can't you just pick up the phone and ask him to start over?"

It was time for the truth.

Ianto closed his eyes. "Because not knowing is already hard enough. If I talk to him and find out for certain that he really doesn't want me anymore ... I don't know what I'll do . Stef, this hurts enough as it is, and I'm scared I won't cope. At least this way I can pretend that he still cares."

"Oh, Jesus." Hugging tighter this time, Stefan pulled his friend back into hold. "You can't spend all of your life wonderin' ... and if he does still feel the same way ... Christ,Yan ... all this fuckin' time you're wastin'."

A silent Ianto melted into the embrace, was hugging back just as tightly before he realised what he was doing. "Shit ... sorry ... this is a little inappropriate isn't it; we'd better stop."

Stefan laughed, embarrassed. "Okay... awkward, mustn't forget I have a wonderful boyfriend I'm supposed to be meetin' in half an hour." He checked his watch. "Actually, I'd better get goin'. You gonna be okay?"

Ianto stared down, located the healing scar on his left palm then traced his right forefinger along its length. "Yeah, course I am, you'd better go." Raising his gaze he began to smile. "Can't keep someone as hot as DanDan waiting, can we now? And Stef, honestly, I'm really sorry for ruining your evening."

"You know the best thing you can do for me right now you tosser?" Stefan was grinning as he cuffed the head next to him. "Either call Jack yourself, or give Els the number so she can do it."

Ianto looked away again.

That was all it needed for his friend to know he was wasting his breath. "Look, I gotta go." He pushed himself up onto his feet. "You're not gonna get rat-arsed the minute your'e on your own, are you?"

Ianto blew a breathy laugh out through his nose. "I have a lot to think about ... " He turned to face his friend again. "And I can't do that when I'm pissed, now can I?"

-o-

-o-

"Any luck?" Seeing Stefan out to his car, Larry opened the front door for him.

They stepped out onto the pavement together. Stefan looked back with a sigh. "He's admitted that he still loves Jack, and that he still wants to be with him ..."

"But?"

"But we're no closer to gettin' that number out of him."

"Bollocks."

-o-

Back inside, seeing Ianto enter the room, Ellie dragged herself up into a sitting position. "Yan? You been crying again? Oh babe, you know you can't go on like this."

She left the couch to go greet him. "Okay, no arguments this time ... I want Jack's number and I want it right ... fucking ... now."

Ianto's lolling head was moved from side to side. "Why, Els? What good would it do ... it's way too late to make any kind of difference that'll count. Too much time has passed, and even if I do still want him, Jack's not gonna want to know me after all this time ... he's bound to have found someone else by now. Someone that's not …"

Stood there, arms folded, about to take no nonsense, Ellie wasn't in the mood for holding back. "Like you? Is that what you were gonna say, Yan? Someone that's not like you? Oh,just stop talking bollocks will you!" She unfolded her arms, then changed her mind and quickly folded them again. "The sooner you two get back together, the sooner you can get on with your life. So, are you gonna give me his bloody number or not?"

"Yan, honey, just give her the number ... pleeeease ... just do it for me, yeah?" Quiet up until now, Gaz was leaving his seat at the kitchen table.

Ianto watched him approach with a sigh. "But it's been over two months, Zeebo. I really think we should just leave things as they are. What if he gets embarrassed, pissed off, 'cause we've put him on the spot? He could end up hating me even more than he already does."

"Fine, I'll take that as a no then, shall I?"

Having already stomped her way past, Ellie couldn't resist turning back for one final parting shot. With Ianto turning to stare mutely in her direction, she snapped her hands to her hips.

"Well done Yan. Jack was the best thing to ever happen to you." Still yelling, she turned away again. "And for the record ... Jack could never hate you. Now do try to have a nice life all on your own, won't you."

Snatching out, she grabbed her bag from the hall table, then stormed out into the street.

"Oh now look what you've done, you silly dope."

As it was offered, Ianto accepted a hug from a sad-faced Gazebo. The diminutive friend stretched up to press a kiss to his left cheek. "You know I still care, don't you Yan but, sorry, I'm gonna have to go find Lals. You do understand, don't you?"

Managing a weak smile, Ianto nodded his comprehension, then watched the cute and caring one of the bunch walk sadly away.

-o-

Out in the street, still trying to right a few wrongs with Stefan, Larry looked over to spot a fiery ball of five foot nothing striding on by. "Els? Oi, Els ... where _you_ goin'?"

Lips pinching hard, stare fixed firmly ahead, Ellie stomped away without a word.

Stefan rolled his eyes. "Els? Oi, Els ... come on, what's he done this time? Oi, don't run off ..."

She didn't bother looking back. "The man's an A grade idiot. How comes we can see the solution and he can't? He's clearly not firing on all cylinders ... so, if bollock-brain back there won't give me Jack's number, I'm just gonna have to find another way of getting it."

An unsuspecting Gaz stepped out to join his brothers in arms and all three of them stood in the middle of the road watching the jittery redhead storm off into the distance. "She's only saying those horrible things because she's frustrated." he consoled. "She's missing Jack just as much as Yan is, and for what it's worth, I really miss him too …"

His admission, delivered with a sigh, was topped off with a final wish. "Whatever she's got planned, I really hope she has some luck."

Larry slipped an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders, kissed the top of his head. "Yeah, I know what you mean ..." Nodding he heaved a deep sigh."... if only Jason bloody Cooper had kept his big fuckin' mouth shut that night at the club, eh?"

"WHAH! Lals! That's it!"

Stefan slapped an unsuspecting Larry hard on the back. "Well done genius ... that's our answer! If we can persuade Jay to help us, he might have some luck in getting Jack's number out of Joe! Els! ….. Els!" Still bellowing, the blond took off like a rocket. "Taylor? Oi! Els! Stop ignorin' me you stubborn cow and wait up!"

"Somethin' I said?" Trying to reach the newly acquired sore spot between his shoulder blades, Larry couldn't help but frown as he watched a suddenly cheerful Stefan fly full pelt after their little miss fix it.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

It'd been a good idea.

A really good idea.

Even a rampaging Ellie, with her ' _interrupt me and you die'_ head on, hadn't been able to argue with the timely piece of logic. Stefan had been congratulated, and Jay had been approached the next day. Still having a soft spot for his ex-fuck-buddy and, of course, still riddled with guilt, naturally he'd been only too glad to help.

Joe, on the other hand, hadn't been very cooperative at all. Insisting that he'd ditched his old mobile several months back and hadn't bothered to transfer any of Jack's U. S. details, he'd sent Jay away with the message that even if he did still have the required number, there was no way on earth he'd ever do anything that might assist that bastard graffiti artist Ianto Jones.

-o-

Now already started on the second morning of her quest, still determined to find success Ellie's first stop had been Newman Street. Her brilliant plan had been to turn up early when, hopefully, Steve, Jack's UK agent, would still be half asleep but, sadly, creating another twist to her tale, Steve. she'd been reliably informed, was going to be out of the country for at least another week. His secretary (approached nicely; flirted with a little - just in case), although friendly enough had been quick to confirm that even if she could get access to Jack's file, she'd never ' _dreeeeeeam'_ of sharing such confidential information without having 'their client's' total permission to do so first.

So this was why, at nine forty-five am, one 'dog with a bone' redhead was currently clicking her Dorothy heels outside the doors of London's Cambridge Theatre.

"And, Tom, did you say his name is?"

The middle-aged box office clerk, dragged away from preparing for 'doors opening', shivered and edged the door closed just that little bit further.

Nodding with a wide noisy gape, Ellie shivered too, then immediately apologised for having yawned in the first place - she'd had a long night of thinking and planning, and it was still relatively early now.

"Nohhhh, sorry," The woman didn't seem to be in the mood for deliberation,"There's definitely nobody here with that name." though another short moment thinking and hmmm-ing did produce a slightly more positive offering. "Anna might be able to help you."

Ellie became visibly cheery. She nearly forgot how tired and cold she was.

"But it's only nine fifty, and Anna doesn't start 'til twelve today …."

As her smile faded, "Damn. Are you sure there's absolutely nobody else inside you can check with?" Ellie made sure every ounce of desperation was showing on her face. "This Tom that I'm after, he was definitely working here last year. He's a choreographer and he was working with that creep Jerry whatsisname who was directing Grease …. you know ... Grease the Musical? Danny? Sandy? Summer Nights?"

The same level of desperation saw our heroine burst into song. "You're the one that I want ….. hoo hoo hoo, honey."

She even jigged about on the spot but stopped for fear that a crowd of tourists with cameras might gather.

"Know it? Oh, come on love, you must know that one ... hoo hoo hoo honey?"

Looking down, face hidden, the woman's expression had actually melted way back with the very first of the six 'hoo's'.

Sighing as the door edged just slightly ajar, she clutched her clasped palms to her chest. "Ohhhhhh, wasn't it the young man from that musicals programme on telly that was playing Danny? Oooh he's dead gorgeous he is."

One classic Jones arc was replicated to perfection. "Yes ... Jack. Matinee idol smile - drop dead fuckable ... bingo ... now we're getting somewhere." Ellie took a chance in edging closer. "So, as we've now established that I'm not stark raving mad, is there any chance you could just pop backstage for an eeensy weeensy bit to ask if anybody knows where I can find Tom the choreographer? It won't take a minute, now will it?"

"Well, I guess it won't hurt just this once."

Madame Box Office disappeared within.

But not before locking an already chilled to the bone Ellie, without.

After ten minutes of suffering drizzling rain blowing beneath the canopy Ellie groaned with relief as the door reopened.

The same woman gestured for her to enter. Squeezing in through the begrudging gap left on offer she heard a shout and spotted a joyously happy March bounding in her direction.

He reached the entrance just as she made it all the way inside, "Hi Els, this is a nice surprise." With his mouth twisting cutely confused to one side, he stood there studying her appearance. "Why the fuck were you standing out there? It's raining."

"A very good question, even if I say so myself." Ellie walked completely into the foyer. Shuddering noisily she spared a glare for the woman climbing back behind her desk. "I didn't realise you were still working here." she admitted turning back.

"I'm fixtures and fittings." March sent her a conundrum of a smirk.

Turning back from locking the door he stepped forward with the same secretive grin on board. "I work for the theatre, not the Companies that play the place. It's my old man's idea, he's been producing West End shows for years and basically, what it all boils down to is that he's always been too busy for family life - which means, for the most part, I've always got my own way. But for the last year or so he's been mega pissed off with me."

"Why?" Ellie removed her jacket, shook it out noisily in the hope that 'Ms Hospitality Year 2k' might notice.

"'Cause I won't go to uni." was explained with a laugh, "He knows what I really wanna do - I've grown up spending nearly all of my time around actors and performers, but he's adamant I'm not going down that route. He's sent out strict instructions that nobody's to offer me anything. Apparently, making me learn the nuts and bolts like this, is his idea of teaching me a lesson. Anyway …..you're privileged ... this is one story I usually steer well clear of sharing – So, who was it you were after, again?"

Ellie blinked, refocused and started to laugh. "Oh yeah, sorry, I need to get hold of Tom … but way more important spoilt little rich kid, is you spilling the beans on who this famous dad of yours is." Her curiosity had become just enough for to forget her current dilemma. "So come on then, who is he?"

"Long story ….." March looked down and then away. Avoiding eye contact, and in turn the issue, seemed to be his prime concern right now. "Anyway … Tom? Why the hell d'you need to get hold of that dickhead?"

He looked up again, smiled and tried to distract Ellie by running his fingers through his thick and enviable shoulder length locks.

She pursed a smile, had sussed the game playing from the word go. "Okay, we'll leave the telling of your fascinating back-story for another day and, look, I know nobody really likes Tom but, seriously March, he's literally my only hope."

"Lucky you."

"You do know what's happened, don't you?" she thought to check. As it'd been a couple of months now, she'd just assumed that he would've been told.

"Jack and Yan, you mean?" March sank his teeth into his bottom lip, confirming that he did. "Yeah, I couldn't believe it when Eddie told me. It's such a shame ... they made a gorgeous couple, and they were so great together."

"Exactly, and they should still be together … which is why I desperately need to get hold of Tom; he's my last hope of getting a contact number for Jack over in the States."

The saddened eyes lit up. "Wait here a tick, I just might be able to help you there ….."

She'd always joked about finding March attractive, but the dimpled smile as it appeared sent Ellie weak at the knees. "Okay, you win, Ianto Jones ..." Still mumbling away to herself she watched the young stagehand disappear from sight. "... finally I get why you have such a thing for pretty boys."

Just minutes later, March returned with a scrap of paper bearing the address of the studio where Tom took his dance classes. "He usually takes a break for lunch between twelve and one. He even still pops back to see us occasionally." he forwarded helpfully.

Ellie studied the hand written details. "You're not gonna get into trouble for doing this, are you? I mean, you haven't been breaking into any locked cabinets or anything."

"Building manager's assistant's got the hots for me ..."

March was already chuckling away. "... she's twice my age and yet to realise that I'd rather stick my tongue down her boss' throat than hers." Sighing he sent his gaze skyward. "Els, he's fucking gorgeous, just the right side of forty and sooooo sexy." The grin reappeared. "Such a shame he's straight." Ellie swatted a shoulder that continued to shake with laughter.

"Hit him with the cute smile, he won't be able to resist you." she suggested ignoring the new and disapproving stare coming from the ticket office. March pouted his lips, temptingly sexy at her, then winked seductively. She pretended to fan herself. "Okay, can we stop this now ... I finally thought I knew what I wanted, but I'm really starting to get confused here."

"I won't say a word to Kelly." was promised with another wink."

"So ... Tom's not on tour with that other prat, then?" Ellie thought to check before shooting off round the streets on a wild goose chase.

March shook his head. His long floppy fringe did its usual in colliding with his lashes. He brushed it out of the way, giving Ellie a better view of the bright hazel eyes beneath. "Nah, he stayed behind. From what I've heard they've had a massive bust up. My guess is it was over the way Jerry treated Jack, but, anyway,Tom's at the studio most week days; the word on the vine is that the classes are all he's got to keep him going right now, but Eddie reckons Tom don't give a toss 'cause he's got a stupid-rich partner. Personally? I think the man has a secret obsession with Lycra; I'm pretty sure he goes to bed in it every night."

Their loud burst of laughter loosened many a weeks-worth of tension, and was a welcomed moment for Ellie. Thanking March she hugged him tightly. "Cheers Marchie, you've been just what the doctor ordered."

"Let me know how you get on." The stagehand accompanied her over to the exit. "And say hi to Lals and Gazebo for me - let them know I'm up for a replay of the three-play anytime they are."

"Only if I can get to watch again."

Pleased to be back on her mission, Ellie headed out onto the street with a wave. "And of course I'll let them know, you dirty little minx."

-o- -o- -o- -o-

EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV EV

-o- -o- -o- -o-

Ianto's soulie should've been lovin' life - floatin' on air at the very least. With the most positive lead so far at her fingertips, her eagerness to get a fix on Jack's home number had initially benefited from a new burst of Taylor-style enthusiasm. A warming coffee and a Quarter Pounder had provided some much needed refueling, then after a quick consultation with a helpful tourist's A to Z, the correct street and building had been located.

But since then all notable moments of progress had come to a dead stop and never, in the history of numb backsides, had a backside been more numb than Ellie Taylor's was right now. She'd been balanced on her tippy toes, with her backside perched upon a 'just too high to be ideal' concrete bollard, for longer than she cared to consider. The poor thing was seriously considering calling it a day, the whole idea was beginning to stink with the threat of it being a complete waste of time. Even Tom's usual time for nipping out to lunch had been and gone.

-o-

After a lot of soul-searching she decided to give it ten more minutes. She didn't realise it, but her final decision was fated to do her a massive favour.

In fact,, just five had time to pass.

"Hallelujah... and finally we have lift off ..." She watched Tom land cat-like on the pavement and slipped from her own perch.

Preparing to follow, with a smile she gave the hem of her jacket a confident tug. She felt neatened up, felt ready for anything; knew exactly what she was going to do.

Which is why what happened next threw her a little ...

Okay, it threw her a lot, but she was buggered if she was going to advertise the fact.

As the Taylor chin was raised a little higher in readiness, Tom continued to stride across the road in her direction. Her little heart was doing the whole fluttery butterfly thing…. but not in a good way ... he really wasn't her type at all.

"Okay ... you wanna tell me why you've been waiting out here for the last two and a half hours? You're Yan's friend, right?"

Ellie was rendered momentarily speechless. Bringing surprise number two to the plate, along with remembering her from Jack's first night party, the dancer was sounding nothing like as unhappy as she'd thought he'd be.

She decided it might be best to keep things short and sweet. "Tom, I really need your help. It's Jack and Yan ... they …"

"Yeah …" The hasty interruption really did make for a very short moment indeed; whether it would be sweet to boot, had yet to be discovered. "... I heard there'd been a parting of the ways."

Tom was looking genuinely sad. "Okay, it's sad," he confirmed appropriately, "But what happened has got nothing to do with me." A genuinely perplexed expression appeared. "Look, I'm sorry ... but I don't know where Jack is, if that's what you're thinking."

"What? Oh ... sorry, no. God, no, ... it's nothing like that." Aware that she was already sounding flustered, Ellie paused to catch her breath. "I mean, we know for definite that Jack's gone back to the States, it's just his number that we're after."

Tom shrugged, voiced his assumption with maybe just a hint of new suspicion creeping in. "Really? Surely Yan's got Jack's number."

"And that, I'm afraid, is where our problem begins." Cold hands were stuffed into jacket pockets. Big eyes peered desperately up at the dancer. "Unfortunately Yan is being very stubborn. He won't ring Jack himself, and he won't give any of us the number to get in contact with him either. It's just one big, stupid bloody mess; they're sitting on either side of the bloody Atlantic not knowing how the other's really feeling ... " A trainer was scuffed, a sigh was heaved. "... so we really need that number."

Checking out a passer by with no subtlety whatsoever, Tom found himself viewing the frowning waif side-long. "And you were confident I'd hand over Jack's details just like that, were you?"

Ellie shrugged. She was fast running out of exuberance and, anyway, she'd be lying if she said she'd been hoping for anything less from her target. "Well to be honest I thought that as you know how sensitive Jack can really be, you'd at least be able to appreciate how important it is that we get in contact with him." she explained half-heartedly, "It's his home number that we need, not his mobile ... that's been out of service for months."

A sympathetic smile appeared. "Seriously love, I really am sorry ... and believe it or not I do understand why you're doing this. But whether I have Jack's number or not is irrelevant, I'd never go handing out his private information just like that."

Lids fell. "Tom ... look ... this is the situation. There are two thoroughly miserable guys out there who desperately need a helping hand to make everything right. I'm not only running out of ideas myself, but I'm also losing the will to live so, please, can you not play games with me ... just put me out of my misery, am I simply wasting my time here? Have you actually got Jack's number, or are you just playing with me?"

The compassionate smile became one of amusement. "Actually, I've got every single one of his numbers, thanks. I copied them out of Jerry's folder when Jack first came over, just in case I needed to get hold of him once the run had finished."

"Well we, his closest friends, are now in desperate need of one of those numbers. I promise we won't tell anyone we got it from you."

"No."

"But you're Jack and Yan's last hope!"

The embarrassing whine was reined in a tad. "Tom, this could be the difference between them getting to sort their way through this mess, or never seeing each other again."

The smile above her, faded.

Someone was looking most unimpressed. "You're seriously trying to pin the blame for everything on me? Like their inability to communicate is my bloody fault or something?"

Ellie shook her head. "No, no of course I'm not. Doh, this is all going wrong!"

Tapping her right foot she looked along to the end of the road, thought for a bit, then looked back again. "Tom, I really am desperate … I don't know what else to say. Pleeeeease, can you let me have Jack's number?"

"No."

Brows shot inward to meet in the middle. "Okay look, I know you're not Yan's biggest fan but …."

"Actually, you're wrong …" Tom was smiling broadly again. "I have a lot of respect for the guy. Okay, yeah, I'll admit that initially he was the biggest pain in the arse going, but having got to know him a little better through Jack I can now understand why he acted how he did and, truthfully,on top of everything else I was pretty impressed with the way he stood up to Jerry, because, believe me, that's one guy that's not used to having anyone confront him like that. Let's just say I can now see what Jack sees in Yan ….. and I don't just mean the fact that he's as handsome as fuck."

"So you'll help us … you'll give me the number?"

A regretful sigh was heaved. "Sorry, it's still a no I'm afraid ... I don't want to get involved." Tom turned on the spot then began to head back from whence he came.

"Really?"

"Yes. Really. I'm sorry, but I can't help you."

Trying to work her way through some very conflicting emotions Ellie's growing look of disappointment was for one reason only; she was genuinely starting to like the guy, but, she still had a job to do and sadly she'd now been given cause to use her below the belt back-up plan.

-o-

Feeling guilty, but knowing she mustn't show the fact, she gave her next move one last moment of serious thought before finally going for it.

"Tom?"

The call was successful in claiming his attention, but there was no turning back to acknowledge her.

"Look, I really didn't want to have to go down this route but ... okay, this is your last ' _c_ _hance'_ to cooperate. Is that really your last word on the subject, Mr Summers? I mean, d'you really think you should be taking this much of a _'chance'_ on ending matters in this fashion ….. _Chance_?"

Tracks were retraced at speed, and this time Tom's mood was very different. "Okay, I don't know what you _think_ you know about me young lady, but don't for one minute start to think that you can secure my assistance by ..."

"It _is_ ... Chance Summers …. isn't it?"

Ellie peered casually down at her scarlet fingernails, brushed a thumb over them a couple of times - blew victoriously on them before looking up in silent expectation.

"Okaaaaay …. so you obviously know something you're not supposed to." A nervous, right-eye'd twitch appeared. It happened again, and again, and was successful in giving the game away; the dancer was feeling far more troubled than he was letting on. "So come on, what _exactly_ is it you think you've got on me, how did you get hold of it in the first place, and what've I gotta do to keep it out of the public domain?"

Victory was in someone's sights. That elusive phone number was all but written down.

"Popped over to Ibiza for a few days last June. Brought something very interesting back through customs. Would you like to know what it is, Tom?"

Ellie paused, gave the man opposite her time to nod ... which he didn't.

She continued anyway. "You do? Okay then, I'll tell you." The tips of both forefingers were employed to draw a rectangular shape in the air. "It was a video, Tom. A video of you wearing, ooh let me see ... stockings, tight little panties, stilettos ... that kind of thing, and I have to say. Mr Summers, you looked pretty hot writhing round that pole. Later on, it also shows you getting your wicked way with this really, really young kid ... Perry, I think Yan said his name was. Oh, and let's not forget the best part ..."

As a restrained chuckle was finally vented, Tom's staid expression stayed the same.

"... this video?" Ellie was on a roll. "Tell me, has that old boss of yours ever really watched it back properly? Does he realise he can clearly be heard directing those filthy man on man moves that you and young Perry were pulling? He won't be very pleased with you if you fail to prevent his little masterpiece from hitting the streets, now will he?"

Big reveal complete, Ellie gave the evidence time to sink in. In a way she was quite sad that the moment was over. For months she'd been looking forward to one day having a reason to confront the dancer, if only to see the resulting look on his smug face. It'd been a good call on Yan's part, thinking to smuggle the video back in the first place. Not that he'd ever intended for it to be used under these circumstances of course - she suspected he'd even forgotten that she still had the thing boxed away beneath her bed.

It suddenly hit her. She was going to have a lot of explaining to do once today was over. Still, if the end result meant that her favourite couple would be reunited, she'd take the consequences gladly.

With the seconds still ticking, she looked away again. A couple in the distance,walking toward them was given a cursory glance, then she looked back, eager to gauge Tom's latest expression. Taking the wind out of her sails, she found that, if anything, the dancer had relaxed his stance a little, which was annoying to say the least. By this point he should've been feeling suitably horrified and damn well looking as such.

As Tom took a leisurely step in reverse, his posture softened even further. "Nice try kid." His smile was slowly turning into a sneer. "Yeah, okay, so you found a video of me and, yes, you've clearly watched it, but I happen to know for a fact that Jerry's been out to the villa since Jack and Yan got back ... and, guess what? He thought to check out that cupboard up in the loft that you lot obviously came across, and he's pretty convinced that no items have gone missing."

Ellie's tongue found the inside of her right cheek. "Interesting. He checked everything up there, did he?"

"Everything."

"You're certain?"

"Yes, miss clever pants, I'm certain, now stop trying to bluff me. He checked everything, and nothing had been taken."

Ellie nonchalantly checked the status of her pretty fingernails again. "So tell me ….. _Chance_ … did he think to check the contents of each individual video case?" Oh this was becoming far too enjoyable. This time the nail-bound burst of air was delivered with a laugh interrupting its flow.

As he stood there watching the confident move, at last Tom's smile began to waver. "You tellin' me you switched cassettes?"

"We switched cassettes." was affirmed with a triumphant grin. "How fond of Kevin Costner and Sean Connery is he? 'Cause if he bothers to check out that bluey of you in your stilettos for real, he'll find himself watching The Untouchables instead."

One heavy head dropped forward.

Tom's sigh was deep and defeated. "Okaaaaay, come on then, let's get the dirty part out of the way. What have you done with the original, and how many copies have you made?"

"Help me get in contact with Jack and I promise you'll be reunited with everything single thing we have on you."

Recalling how agreeable her victim had been up 'til this point, Ellie was starting to feel a little sorry for him again. "Look, for what it's worth, only myself, Yan and Jack have seen your Oscar winning performance ….. but I'm sure I don't have to point out that there must be a shed-load of influential folk out there in theatre-land who'd be most interested to learn what you do as a side-line."

"A side ... Jesus! ... a side-line?!" Tom stared down, appalled. "It's not a side-line for fuck's sake. I've never been a part of Jerry's little set-up. It was just a laugh okay? Just something fun for me and Perry to do while we were out there."

"Of course it was." The grin was wide. Easily that of a champion. "I believe you ... millions wouldn't."

The accused's deep brown eyes lost their velvety lustre. "Okaaaay …. okaaaay, I'll help you. But you have to promise you'll hand over every single piece of evidence you have on me."

"Cross my heart and hope to die." Ellie dutifully crossed her heart then held three fingers up in the air. "Tom, I'm not interested in destroying anybody's career, none of us are. All we want is to get Jack and Yan back together, and to do that we need Jack's land-line over in the States ... if you let me have it I promise I won't tell him I got it from you."

The choreographer assessed the situation, rubbed thoughtfully at his chin for a very, very long moment.

"Do we have a deal?"

The fiery redhead was back on form. In holding out her right hand she was anticipating it was about to be shaken.

It wasn't.

"I'm only doing this because I want what's best for Jack." Tom announced bypassing on the chance to physically seal the deal. "But before we go ahead and do this, I need to be certain ... you're completely sure he still wants to be a part of this relationship with Yan, are you?"

Ellie thought this might be a good time to practise her best ' _are you kiddin' me_?' face, there was no way she was giving in now. "Tom, Jack's devastated. I saw him just before he went back to California. He was a wreck. He was devastated that things had gone so wrong ... and Yan's just as bad ... they're both heartbroken, but both too bloody stubborn to do anything to rectify the situation."

"This is the only deal I'm prepared to make." she was told sombrely. "I've only got the one class today …. actually that reminds me, I need to get back up there before a riot erupts over pre-paid fees …. so, if you can wait 'til I'm done I'll drive you over to my place. I'm certain Jack doesn't know my landline, so if he decides to ring it back he'll just get sent through to the automated ansafone, which means I should get away with this."

Ellie nodded her understanding.

"I'll be leaving here around four thirty, okay?" she was told. "I don't mind footing the bill, but I want your complete assurance that you'll be handing over all incriminating evidence."

She only just managed to ignore the impulse to hug the guy. "I have it all at my place, I'm the only one that knows where everything is, and I promise I'll hand the whole lot over as soon as we get back to mine. Thanks Tom."

"Okay, seems we have a deal. Just bear in mind that you won't get to know the number, okay? I'll be doing all the dialing so it's up to you to ask Jack to tell you what it is once we've made contact. I'm assuming you can hang around here until four thirty-ish. .."

"Yep …. not a problem."

"We'll make a move as soon as I'm ready; it's still getting dark relatively early and I don't relish the idea of driving you all the way over to bloody Hampstead at stupid o'clock at night."

The neatly coiffed action man bonce was given one firm nod. "Make sure you're here when I come out."

"I'll be ready and waiting." Ellie promised.

And, god, did she mean it.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Early evening ... GMT

-o-

Mid-morning …. California.

-o-

-o-

Things were moving along.

Not exactly nicely, but they were definitely moving along.

And all things considered, Jack knew he should be feeling very grateful indeed. That local gig he'd reluctantly agreed to take the lead in, was due to hold its opening night this Saturday coming. Not only would it provide him with a sufferable income for a while, it would also give him something positive to focus his thoughts on other than the state his love life.

Okay, make that his _non-existent_ love life and, more to the point, how it might've been had he not decided to behave like the biggest jerk-off in London ... no ... make that: in _history_.

The irony to his tale (and there always was one), was that the very existence of this new show was a completely moot factor. No matter how distressing, he didn't want to stop thinking about 'what might have been', meaning he didn't need the show, he didn't need a reason to lose himself - and he'd never really been looking for a distraction at all.

Because he never ever, not for one single second, wanted to forget Ianto Jones. He'd become accustomed to drowning daily in this deepening pit of memories of his, he didn't want to pass any of them by ... even if they did sometimes make the pain ten times worse.

Of course, he hadn't reached the point of becoming a completely lost cause just yet. There were days when he'd force himself to just get on with things. But on others, it was true, his grief would leave him immobile, unable to function at all. To the point where he'd be unwilling to accept the existence of the outside world even.

These days were spent in his room. Not eating. Not drinking. Not talking.

Not existing.

And despite there being a very real need for his presence at rehearsals right now, so far today was easily one of those days.

"Jack honey, are you in there? Only ... you seem very quiet today …."

A pause, a deliberate opening for Jack to respond, was slipped into the carefully thought out moment of speech.

No reply seemed about ready to fill it. "…. only, I just wanted to let you know, sweetheart, that I'm going to be popping out for a while."

The original light tap from seconds earlier was gingerly repeated. "Jack? Are you gonna be okay on your own for an hour or so?"

Pushing the bedroom door inward, Gracie caught the day's first glimpse of her son. "Oh my lord …."

Tucked away, his back pushing tightly into the corner opposite his sheathed bedroom window, hearing his mom enter the room Jack lifted his head from his knees.

"Jack …." Gracie crouched down beside him. "Sweetheart you really can't go on like this." As her son stared at her, a matching set of wet parallel lines slid down over each cheek.

She pulled him into an awkward hug. The move proved to be the tipping point and with a choked sob Jack began to cry full force.

A couple of shuddering breaths were gasped inward. "I'm sorry ma, I'm really tryin', I swear I am, but … it's ….. so ….. hard …."

Jack's head lolled forward. A kiss was pressed to his left temple and he gave a couple of loud sniffs. "I miss him so much, and I ….. I …" The gasps were growing louder. "I'm sorry, ma, but I don't know how to make it better …"

There was no hesitation. "Well that's easy. You just get yourself back over to London, then you tell that young lad of yours exactly how you feel. _THAT''S_ how you make this better, son."

Twisting on the balls of her feet then falling onto her side, Gracie sat as close as she possibly could. "Please Jack, I'm begging you sweetheart, you need to do something positive about this mess; you're really starting to worry me again."

As his head snapped up to find her, the expression on Jack's face was filled with nothing but regret. "Ma, I swear I'll never do anythin' stupid like that again." A snotty nose was sniffed then cuffed.

"I know …. I know …." Gracie maneuvered herself around a little more allowing her to pull a paper handkerchief free. "Here ….." With a scolding smile she handed it over. "…. take this. And by the way, you're old enough to know better! Don't use the back of your hand, you dirty little bugger."

Accepting the deserved, if only playful, clip round the ear, Jack used the tissue to blow his nose then started to laugh.

His mom used the tips of her fingers to soothe the point she'd just whacked. "That's better. Now, pull yourself together because we're both going downstairs and i'm going to make us both a nice cup of …"

"Ma, honestly, I'm fine. Really, you said it yourself - you need to go out and I'm sorry if I've made you late." Offering his hand in assistance, rising Jack forced the point by climbing to his feet.

Gracie seemed hesitant at first, her manner was uncertain as she allowed herself to be pulled upright. "Are you sure you're going to be okay? You know damn well I don't like leaving you here alone when you're like this. Hey, I know, how about you come downstairs anyway? You'll be better off in the land of the living. You could even save me a job and make yourself a drink ….. and then maybe you could think about giving young Ianto a ring. He …."

"Maaaaaaaa …"

"Okaaaaay, okaaaay, Mr Cowardy Custard, I'm shutting up - I don't want to start a row, but I'm going to have to insist that you come downstairs with me anyway; it's high time you showed that pasty face the light of day, oh and by the way, tonight you're going to be eating with the rest of us. Your brother's coming straight home for a change and we're having a full roast to celebrate you getting this new part of yours."

Looking almost embarrassed, Jack took a step back. "Honestly, I don't want any fuss. I thought I already told you and dad - this part is nothin' special, it's just a local production, that's all. Okay, yeah, Nick's good; knows how write a pretty tune an' all that, but he's definitely no Stephen Sondheim."

Gracie waved the explanation aside. Leading the way she took them both out onto to the main staircase. "It's getting you out of the house and up on stage singing again, that's all that really matters. You could be singing Pop Goes the bloody Weasel for all I care."

-o-

Down in the hallway Jack hugged his mom tightly. She laughed out a squeak as he rocked her to and fro.

"I'll be here down here ready an' waitin' when you get home." he promised, releasing her before opening the door with a smile.

"Oh, before I forget," she remembered, collecting up her clutch-bag and gloves, "I'm expecting your father to call with the name of that aircraft program he wants me to record for him … vintage something or other. If he does ring, make sure you write everything down word for word ... the state you're in, and what with me and my old brain, we're bound to get it wrong between us if you don't."

Pointing to the outside world, Jack responded with a tut. "Will you stop worrying? If he calls I'll make sure I get all the details you need, okay? Now go."

Giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, with a playful shove Jack sent his mom on her way.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Late evening …. Choreographer Heights …. Greater London

-o- -o-

The traffic had been bad, it was seven pm exactly. Ellie climbed from Tom's car to find herself pleasantly surprised by the grandeur of the home sat before her. She'd already heard plenty about it from Yan - despite getting paralytic on the night of his own visit, then briefly breaking up with Jack the very next day, he'd been eager to divulge all gossip regarding the house and its owner, and when he'd said you had to see the property to know exactly how very much its styling didn't suit Tom, he hadn't been far wrong.

"Shall we?" The man himself gestured for her to follow him over the impressive threshold.

Once inside, naturally he seemed eager to get the whole affair underway. Sitting straight down at his dining table he was deliberately ignoring all random comments regarding his ideas on interior design.

Flicking through the small notebook in front of him he quickly found the number he was looking for. "You sure you want to do this?" He looked up to catch Ellie's eye ... which was otherwise engaged. "You might actually be making the situation worse." he pointed out. Hearing the concerned tone and finally responding, a magenta topped head reappeared from the inside of a gold-tone, fringed shade.

Ellie didn't need to think twice - she turned away from the floor lamp nodding furiously.

Tom punched down on the digits then held the handset out for her to take.

"I hope you're doing the right thing ….." he whispered as she waited for the call to connect.

"It can't get any worse."

"Famous last words?"

"Shush." Someone didn't want to admit that her legs had gone suddenly shaky.

Sitting down alongside Tom, Ellie held a finger to her lips. Making her jump, the call was answered surprisingly quickly.

A lump formed at the base of her throat, the sudden stinging feeling at the inner corner of each eye quickly became her first teardrops of the day.

God, how she'd missed that voice.

She'd know it absolutely anywhere.

It was Jack, no doubt about it ….

.

.

….. and for the first time in all of her twenty six years …. ... Ellie Taylor didn't have a clue what to say.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

tbc.


	7. Baby Steps and Bombshells

Chapter Seven

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Baby Steps and Bombshells

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

California

-o- -o-

"Hi, you're through to the grossly underpaid secretary of Gracie Harkness."

Guessing that a moment of father/son banter might be on its way, Jack quickly cleared his throat in preparation. "Hey dad! How's the last day of Biggles reunited goin'?"

The reward for his unusual show of enthusiasm was one very long moment of silence. "Hey Iceman, you receivin' me? 'Cause I sure as hell can't hear you at this end."

He pinched the end of his nose, closed the dual airway completely to achieve maximum effect. "Iceman this is Maverick ... Difficulty hearin' you Iceman ... Over."

The nasal sounds of radio contact went unacknowledged.

Nothing.

Not a peep.

"Dad, I'm gonna hang up so's you can try again, okay? Mom's asked me to get the details of that aircraft show you wanted recordin' this afternoon."

The well-defined nose was pinched again. "Call back Iceman; a successful end to this mission is paramount - failure is not an option. This is Maverick signin' out."

-o-

Jack cancelled the call.

Then berated himself for having just made a joke of the situation. To experience any amount of humour right now, was the last thing he deserved.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Choreographer Heights

-o- -o- -o- -o-

Ellie hung her head.

A minute at the very least had passed and she'd yet to say a single word. A fact which Tom was well aware of.

Reaching over her shoulder, he pried the handset from her fingers then checked the screen. "What's up? Did I dial the wrong number?"

"No ... the number was spot on ..." she flopped back in her seat. " ... it was _Jack_ that answered."

Tom wanted more. "Ever heard the saying- half a story's no story at all?"

One brow was raised as a precursor. "So if it was Jack that answered, what's with the waterworks? I thought this was what you wanted?"

A hand was dragged across each leaking eye. "I didn't realise how much I'd missed his voice."

"That doesn't really answer my question." Tom tried to knit his arms together. Still holding onto the phone, completing the move left him looking uncomfortably awkward rather than commanding. "But now we're on the subject of his voice anyway ... Why didn't you just go ahead with the conversation? I thought this phone call was imperative? What happened to operation get Jack and Yan back together, hmm?"

Ellie looked down, embarrassed. "Soon as he picked up I could tell he thought it was his dad calling. Yes, okay ... I know I should've corrected him straight away, but hearing his voice again after all this time threw me completely. I couldn't think of a single thing to say."

"So after hounding me all day for his number, you ended up not saying one bloody word to him."

Ellie fidgeted around, slunk lower on her seat; even she had to admit it didn't sound good.

"Always give up this easily, do you?

"I _didn't_ give up! It was Jack that hung up on _me_. He's waiting right now for his dad to call back. He thinks they had a bad line." Balled fists gave each thigh a good hard thump. "Ugh ….. of all the times to lose my fucking bottle."

Tom hit redial, "My time is precious." and passed the handset back to her. "Which means you, young lady, have got one more chance. May I make the simple suggestion that this time you don't waste it?"

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Top Gun Control Tower

-o- -o- -o- -o-

Pen and notepad at the ready, Jack answered on the third ring. "Okay, let's try this again ... Please tell me you can hear me this time."

"Ummm, yeah ... I can."

-o-

-o-

-o-

"Huh?"

-o-

-o-

Eyes widened.

-o-

-o-

-o-

Well he wasn't expecting that.

-o-

-o-

-o-

Two seconds became four seconds - and so on and so on.

Not totally convinced he hadn't been hearing things, Jack was praying for the voice to say something else.

"Actually I could hear you fine the first time and, um ... yeah ... sorry 'bout that. Anyway, how's my favourite All American Boy?"

His prayers had been answered. "Els?"

It really was her.

A lump, huge and painful became lodged at the base of his throat. At the other end Ellie was crying her heart out and the fact wasn't making him feel very proud.

He squeezed his eyes shut; the sharpening sting had started to feel uncomfortable and it was time for it to go.

"Jack? Oh God I can't believe this ... I've missed you so much."

The stinging feeling remained, which saw stemming yet another flood of tears become Jack's next challenge of the day. Giving the task his best shot, he swallowed hard and tried to think logically. He wasn't a complete moron, he'd been assuming from the word go that Ellie must have an ulterior motive for calling, but at the same time there was no doubting the sincerity of her words - she'd said she'd been missing him, and he believed her. Even with the thousands of miles currently sat between them, he could feel in his heart that she still cared.

God he'd missed her funny little ways.

"Jack? Please say something. Babe? Are you still there?"

The words sliced through his barricade exposing nothing but pure cowardice. He had no excuses this time - unlike earlier he was hearing her loud and clear, but to acknowledge the fact would give the game away, would tell her straight away that he was crying too. He really was trying his best to hold it together, but memories of past wrongdoings were returning with a frightening clarity. And hot on their tail was the vivid reminder of the man he still loved.

The man he'd carelessly lost.

"Jack? P please t talk to me ….."

He listened as Ellie's sobs grew louder. Her voice was coming through in stops and starts, was sounding jagged and broken; this certainly wasn't going to be the easiest of conversations he'd ever had.

"Please, babe ... please come back."

And there she was again, assaulting his senses with her emotional blackmailing begging and crying, and this time it was all too much.

The handsome features became distorted; tears were on their way. "Els, I can't …. it's too late."

At the other end, the sobbing sounds became soul deep; totally gut wrenching. He'd never heard her sound so devastated.

"But Y .. Yan needs you Jack, he misses you s .. so m .. much."

That was it. Grief took the win. The mention of Yan's name had finally sent him over the edge.

"Jack?"

She was still trying.

 _Damn her determination_.

He used his free hand to cover the phone's mouthpiece, the last thing he wanted was for her to hear the true extent of his reaction - that the volume of his own sobbing had suddenly become so much louder than hers.

"Jack? Oh god please don't cry, I didn't mean for you to get upset like this. Jack I'm sorry … please stop."

Well that plan clearly hadn't worked.

Feeling stupid for ever imagining something so pointless could've succeeded in the first place, making a big effort to calm himself he took his hand away. At the other end it sounded like Ellie had managed to rein things back to just a sniffle, so there they were, back to nothing but silence again. It occurred that she was probably waiting for him to become one half of a conversation. His insides began to twist and knot with nerves; him being the one to make the next move was the least she deserved, but he was so scared of what she was going to say in return. He didn't want his bubble burst or any of his what if's, ruined.

He stood there brushing his lips back and forth over the handset's perforations - the gentle movement normally helped him think a whole lot better, but it sure as hell wasn't working today; for so long there'd been so much he'd been wanting to say, for months he'd been dreaming of how moments just like this one would pan out - but right now he couldn't recall a single one of those pre-planned speeches that were meant to pave the way.

The moment left him thinking something much more damaging.

"Els, listen, I know it's not what you wanna hear, but it's true ... I'm no good for him - trust me, he'll be much better off without me in his life."

Deep down that wasn't what he was really thinking, but at least now she couldn't go back with the report that he was too chicken to even talk to her.

"But he was better with you."

Oh that made him laugh. "You actually sound like you believe that. God, I wish I could too."

"Jack he was! And I don't give a toss what you think you've done wrong, will you pleeeeeease just come back."

"Els ..." More guilt brought more tears and another lack of something to say. God he wished he could tell her he'd be getting on the first flight out, that he'd forget all about his life in L.A.. But he couldn't leave Nick in the shit. That just wasn't going to happen.

"Now you listen to me, Harkness!"

The sudden interruption made him jump.

"This has just been one huge, stupid, fucking mistake from day one. You two were meant to be together; you should still be on this side of the Atlantic with Yan."

 _Yan_. ...

There it was again ... that name ... clawing chunks out of his heart.

He sniffed up, deep and noisy, made an effort to clear his throat.

It was time to get real.

"Els I've signed a contract to say I'll be performin' in a show that opens in just one week's time. I have no choice. To fulfill that contract I have to be right here in L.A.."

"But Yan misses you so much ..." Although quieter now, the moments of sniffing at the other end were still going strong. "Yeah, he's trying ... but he's not coping. God knows we've tried to help him get through this, but he's just getting worse and worse. He's a mess. He's in limbo, Jack ... and he can't move on because he's still in love with you." The crying sounds intensified, tugged harder on his conscience. "Jack this is k, killing him ... he luh, loves you s, s, so muh, much …"

An ache, an unbearable pain began to form right at the centre of Jack's chest ... he didn't need anyone to tell him it wasn't a pain he didn't fully deserve to suffer, but its reason for being there? That was just unfair. Yan was still in love with him? What the hell was Els on about? This was crazy talk, how the hell could he be? He knew about Joe; was now aware he'd been cheated on ... how many times ... with that bastard? Too fucking many.

-o-

Quiet for now, at the other end Ellie was still sniffing away. Jack closed his eyes and used the moment to imagine how wonderful it would feel, to hear Yan tell him he'd been forgiven; he'd give anything to hear him say not to worry, that they were still a couple and that everything was gonna be okay.

The pain grew suddenly worse. He'd spent so many lonely nights missing those seductive tones, had dreamed of hearing that gorgeous …. ... voice ... ... again …..

"Oh you stupid, desperate son of a bitch, Harkness!"

Still cursing he kicked out at the living room door.

The loud slam sounded all the way over to England. "You still there, babe?"

God he was angry ….. with her ….. with himself … "Yeah …. you could say that, I mean it's not as if I ever really had a reason to be goin' anywhere else, is it?"

A killer of a question had reared its ugly head. It was about to put all of Ellie's dreams on hold, but Jack wasn't about to ignore it for anybody.

"Els ..." God, how could he have been so stupid?

.

.

.

"Why didn't Yan call me himself?"

-o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o-

-o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o-

Choreographer Heights

-o- -o-

Ellie's incisors found the inside of her bottom lip. They nipped hard as she sat there feeling obliged to face the truth herself.

"It's because he didn't want to ….. isn't it." Jack's whispered assumption left her crying silently; she had no answer to give him, well, nothing that he'd want to hear anyway.

"Yan's never had any intentions of callin' me himself, has he, and he has no idea you're talkin' to me right now ... does he Els."

The correct guesses were coming in thick and fast. Propping herself up, one palm cupping her forehead, Ellie rested her elbows on the table. It was all going horribly wrong.

"Jack …"

And now what? What was she supposed to say to him? How the hell could she just sit there feeding him lies when he clearly still cared so much?

"Babe, it's not that simple …."

Simple? What a joke! No ... there'd never been anything fucking simple about any of this mess. This was the worst mess her soulie had ever dropped in her lap.

"Jack, he genuinely thinks you've given up on him, that you don't care anymore. He thinks you left because he didn't give you a chance to explain what'd been goin ..."

"Whoa …. time out!" The explosive interruption had been instant. "I'm sorry Els, but that excuse is total bullshit! I did explain. I wrote down every little fuckin' thing there is to know about me, but Yan …."

"The letter! Shit ... of course!" A sliver of hope had appeared. "Jack, you mean your letter, don't you. Yan never got to read it, he cut it up without opening it. We didn't get to find out any real details about it until one evening when Jay showed up. He said he'd come to find Yan 'cause you'd asked for his help, said you'd told him something about a letter - that the contents were really important to you and that you were really upset because Yan hadn't been in contact since reading it. Babe, that's Yan's whole problem ... he thinks you went home because you didn't hear from him; he's convinced that he fucked up." A pause for breath was taken at record speed. "Jack, he never really wanted to lose you ... and he's never stopped loving you."

The line went quiet. Worryingly quiet.

Ellie waited with baited breath and prayed that this new piece of info might have a more positive bearing on things.

After a few seconds, she heard Jack clear his throat.

"I don't know what's worse …." Once more his voice was barely more than a whisper. "… believin' all this time that Yan didn't wanna know me because of my past …. or knowin' the truth … that he never cared enough to open my letter in the first place. Els …. I put my heart and soul on the line for him ... literally. And it was all a waste of time.

Ellie closed her eyes, breathed quietly. She could hear that Jack was crying again, she could feel his pain. The sense of defeat was slowly building. And it was starting to overwhelm her.

But was she about to let that happen? Ellie Taylor never gave up. So, of course she wasn't.

"Okay, I can see how him doing something like that must look on the surface, but it's really not how it seems. Please Jack, just give him a moment to expl …."

"Look Els, I'm sorry, I know you mean well but, from where I'm standin', it looks like you've been readin' not just Yan, but the whole situation completely wrong. I'm pretty sure that if he did still care about me he would've been makin' this call himself ... months ago."

The elephant joining them on the line from the outset, had finally been set free of its tethers. Siding with Team USA it had begun to stomp and trample over every single one of Ellie's dreams.

For the second time in one day she found she had no words to say. As she sat there trying to think of a way to get through to Jack, the atmosphere between their two nations was slowly becoming chillier and chillier.

A second later it was Jack that rectified the small thermal problem for them both.

"I gotta go … bye."

-o- -o-

The line went dead.

-o- -o- -o- -o-

Her devastated features begging him to make everything better, Ellie turned to face Tom.

He showed her his palms, "Sorry love - not getting involved, I've done my bit." then gestured that he'd like his phone back.

Dragging a palm over one cheek, then the other, Ellie passed him the handset. "I guess you'd better take me home before it starts to get really late ….. Oh, unless you'd rather I arranged for someone to come pick me up instead; you've been so good today, I couldn't have done any of this without you and I …."

"Appreciate the offer," Slipping back into his jacket, Tom nodded over to the doorway. "But I'll be the only one running you home tonight thanks, I'm coming to get what's rightfully mine, remember?"

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

California

A short while later ….

-o- -o-

Clutching her impromptu grocery shop onto her middle, Gracie dragged her key from the lock then stepped sideways over the threshold.

"S'okay Jack, don't you worry yourself you big strong man - I've managed to open the door all on my own! Wouldn't want you to put yourself out for nothing, now would we?"

Her message, bordering on the scathingly sarcastic, had actually been delivered with genuine show of amusement - if anything, all she'd been looking to create was another jovial moment for herself and her distraught son to bond over.

"How did you not hear me kicking the life out of this damn thing?" She back-heeled the door into place. "Jack? A hand with the groceries would be good, honey."

A short-gapped shuffle of a sprint saw her cross the hall and get to the kitchen in record time. She dumped the overstuffed bag of packets and jars on the main table. "Jack? Jack, where are you? Still not talking to me, mab?"

With a frown she made her way back out into the hall. In the living room she found a notepad bearing the appropriate program and time details, waiting by the phone for her.

Back out in the hall she paused at the bottom of the staircase. Looking up she listened intently - a good sign would have been the sound of Jack's tv chattering away - the absolute quiet she was actually being treated to, was sending a feeling of dread straight to her core.

"Jack?"

Shouting up again at the first landing, she was already ascending at speed. Holding a hand to her churning stomach she called out again. "Jack? You promised me you'd stay down here, where are you?" Same as earlier she tapped lightly on her son's bedroom door, only this time she didn't bother waiting for a reply, just barged straight in.

Jack wasn't there.

Dashing along to the family bathroom she was feeling nothing but appalled with herself. How wrong was it that her first thought had been to check on her supply of meds?

Nothing had been touched.

Her sigh was of relief, but she couldn't help but hate herself for having straight away thought the worst.

Tripping back down the stairs, she was shouting out again.

"Jack? Are you home, honey?"

She dashed from space to space; every room in the house was checked, but Jack clearly wasn't there, which was strange because he never usually went anywhere without leaving a note.

With a sigh Gracie took herself back into the kitchen; a camomile tea had suddenly become a necessity.

While the kettle boiled she thought she might as well pack the groceries away. That plan lasted for just sixty short and very agitated seconds - she had to ring her wayward son. Before anything else could happen she needed to make sure he was okay.

Using her left hand to press the kitchen extension to her ear, with her right she got busy liberating her box of herbal tea. Still multi-tasking, waiting for the call to connect she gazed out into the garden ... "Ohhhh, Jack ….." ... and hurriedly cancelled the call.

Eyes closed, still scruffy and unshaven, he was stretched out, rocking gently in the hammock.

"Ohhhh, son … what am I gonna do with you?" Abandoning the calming option, she began to make them both a mug of brain sharpening coffee instead.

-o- -o-

As it was dragged aside, the patio door gave off its usual distinctive squeak.

Jack lifted one lid. Then closed it again.

"Jack … move your butt!"

That was mom spiel for 'This time I really mean business'.

Problem was, he wasn't in the mood for discussing his business with her or anyone else right now; he'd actually come out into the fresh air hoping it might help clear his poor confused head.

"Can we do this later, ma?" It had to be worth a try, even if he did already know what the answer was going to be.

Just as expected, the same order as before flew over in his direction, but this time the words 'or else' had been tagged to the end of it. He made a point of obediently slipping from his makeshift bed, but it was a reluctant gait that took him over to the patio where he joined his mom at the nearest of the picnic benches.

She studied his expression then shook her head. "Ohhhhhh no. What's happened this time?" It was clear that something major had occurred during her absence.

Jack sent the same head movement back at her ….. only his version meant ' _hey_ , _I really don't wanna talk about it, okay?'_.

"Come on, son … I'd know that look anywhere."

"Okaaay, you got me."

Surprising Gracie, her son was laughing at her comment. He was coming across as fairly okay, relaxed even - though he could have been faking it of course - after all, this was her famously traumatised son she was trying to deal with here.

He stepped through the gap on his side, then sat down to claim his drink. "Had a call from the UK."

Gracie continued to study him, apparently the casual approach was still his flavour of the day; he was smiling broadly, as if his receiving the call hadn't been any kind of issue at all.

"It was Els" she was informed brightly. "You remember Els don't you ma? Tiny thing, Yan's friend ….."

She wasn't buying any of it.

"Jaaack …."

"Redhead ….."

"Jack!"

"More balls than a pool table. Part woman- part pixie and …"

"Son!"

Jack clamped his lips together. Drawing them inward then looking down at his mug, he was still trying to divert by making a joke of things.

Gracie aimed a sigh across the bench. "Of course I remember who Ellie is. My memory's not _that_ bad thank you." Her son was still trying to conceal his real feelings by laughing at her. Ignoring the fact she made a new start on getting to the bottom of things.

Staring through wafts of steam, she callously burst his bold-front bubble. "So this call - I'm guessing it wasn't good news. Oh, and the truth, for once, would be nice son."

The broad Harkness shoulders sank lower than low; his mom had just managed to hit a sore spot. "Well it wasn't Yan on the line was it? So, no, it wasn't good news."

"So why did Ellie call you? Is young Ianto okay?"

That warranted a heaving shrug of those low slung shoulders, but nothing more was offered.

"Well? Is he okay or not? Stop being evasive, Jack; come on, what did she say?" Someone was going to talk about this whether he damn well wanted to or not.

Jack shrugged again, took a sip of his drink then made a big show of swallowing it slowly. "She said he'd been strugglin' a bit."

"And ...?"

"And nuthin'."

Inhaling through her nose, Gracie bit down hard into her tongue. Least said, soonest mended, her mam had always used to say. But unfortunately for him, the idea of letting her own son get away with this kind of behaviour today, was irking beyond reason. It just wasn't going to happen.

As she turned her face away with a snap, Jack looked just as quickly down at his hands. He knew he'd fucked up. He sat there, fingers toying with his mug, looking only more and more guilty ... filled with suspicion, his mom was sending him a narrowed, sideways stare.

"So, let me get this right, son, _you're_ telling me, that after all these weeks of making no contact at all, the girl went to all the trouble of dialing international, just to tell you …. ' _he's been struggling a bit'_?"

Jack's eyes had focused on his mug. Unwilling to answer, he kept them there.

"Son, do I look like I was born yesterday?" The long unkempt fringe of the chestnut locks opposite, were continuing to shield the view she was really hoping to see. "Just answer me this: who is it you've come to for comfort every other time your life has fallen to pieces? Who is it knows you better than anyone else?"

Still ignoring her, Jack lifted his mug, gulped down another mouthful of coffee. The moment gave him time to think of an escape route.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Dad called - 'bout twenty minutes ago, I guess."

He'd become visibly relaxed. This topic was plainly much easier to deal with. "I left all the info you said you needed on the …"

"Jack! Stop bombarding me with this pointless bullshit and do yourself a big favour; start playing it smart son, because I'm really not in the mood for any of your silly games today."

As it was banged down, Gracie's mug lost some of its contents.

She pretended not to notice. "Have you any idea how worried I was when you didn't answer me in there? _Any_ idea, Jack? You could've been anywhere ….. done anything. I don't mind admitting I was close to tears the whole time and to be honest I'm beyond disappointed that you had no problem letting me worry like that in the first place ... so, please son, try really hard not to test my patience any more than you already have ….. 'cause right now I am REALLY fucked off with you."

Jack looked up to meet his mom's gaze; naturally the desire was there to voice his displeasure at her unusual use of bad language, but he was quick to change his mind; he'd caught an early and fortuitous glimpse of the new expression going on - the look was enough to make an entire SWAT team chuck their towels into the ring.

After a second's reconsideration, an apology seemed the safest move to make. "Sorry ma, no more foolin' around. And I'm sorry for, you know ….. worryin' you like that …"

They both knew what he meant.

A nod dismissed the issue in an instant. "Now, is there any danger of us talking sensibly for the next five minutes?"

The thoughtless son knew when it was time to comply.

With his very next breath he did just that. "What Els actually said, was that I needed to get back over there asap."

"Why?"

"Because they all really miss me …."

"And …..?"

Jack's sigh was deep - the next part he was still having trouble getting his own head around. "She said that Yan is still in love with me and, well, yeah, that was it …. more or less."

"But when I asked a moment ago, you said it wasn't good news. Jack, how is this not good news? You've just found out that Ianto is still in love with you - and we both know that you're still in love with him so …. what am I missing here?" Her expression a mixture of confusion and disbelief, this time Gracie lowered her cup, and its contents, 'gracefully' to the table. "Son ... why aren't you doing cartwheels round the garden?" Her eldest son's reaction was taken on board with a loud sigh - that shrug of his, really was working overtime today. "Sohhhhhh?" She frowned across at him, as if to say, _don't you even dare think of_ _leaving it there._

"Ma ... I don't think he does."

"Explain."

"Well, he can't still be in love with me. If he was he'd have called me himself, wouldn't he."

"No you bloody fool, of course he wouldn't! Not all the time he's as stubborn as you are!" Her bellow of an interruption complete, Gracie looked skyward. "Heaven help me. What the hell am I supposed to do with the two of them?"

"Don't matter now anyway, does it?" Jack drained one long last drop from his mug. "I know it's only a local production, but I've already signed the contract - Nick really wants me to be a part of it and I'm not about to let an old friend down on the off-chance that I might miraculously be welcomed back with opened arms."

Scooting back on her seat his mom moved her mug out of the way. Leaning forward she began to rhythmically bang her forehead on the bench below. "You know, sometimes I could bloody brain you, Jack Harkness …" She looked up with a grin. "Mind you, it'd help if you had one to start with of course."

"Thanks."

"Well try using it once in a while!" She was upright again, expression exasperated. "Even if you can't be over there with Ianto right now, you could still give him a call to clear the air. Or if not, just give young Ellie a call back."

The matriarchal features brightened enormously. "Y'know, actually, that's not such a bad idea."

"No."

"Fine, I'll call her then, what's her number … do we have landline details for the poor girl?"

"No."

"No you don't have her number? Or no you don't want me to call her?"

"No, I don't want you to call her."

"Well as your father would say …. t _ough titty young man_! Now give me her fucking number!"

"MA!"

"Don't you ma me! Give me that number right now! Someone's gotta sort the pair of you out so, come on, dig deep into that cell phone of yours and find her details for me."

Grumbling to himself, Jack pulled his cell from his pocket. With a sulky frown going on he scrolled through until he came to ' _Els – Home'_.

With a sigh the phone was handed over. "Don't even know why I bothered transferring any of these numbers to be honest, none of the gang really wanna know me anymore; I can tell you right now, ma, you're gonna be wastin' your time …."

"I'll be the judge of that."

Finishing her drink and sliding from beneath the bench, reminding Jack of that other feisty female that he knew, Gracie stomped back towards the house. "I'll just make a note of these details then you can have your phone back, okay?"

-o- -o-

Thirty minutes later.

-o- -o-

"What's happenin'?"

Fed up of being out the garden on his own, Jack poked his head around the living room doorjamb. As promised he'd been reunited with his cell and it'd been clutched in his right palm ever since ….. just in case.

Gracie looked over. "I've tried a couple of times, but no answer so far." She sent her son her best 'I can see right through you' smile. "I see you _are_ actually bothered after all then. Still think I'm wasting my time, do you?"

Staring defeat in the face, Jack harrumphed his way through an abrupt about turn, then shot up to his room to sulk and hope in equal measure.

-o- -o-

At the fifth time of trying, Gracie's patience was finally rewarded. Contact was successfully made and, before anything else, apologies were offered from both ends – Gracie for calling out of the blue, and then Ellie for having only just got home to take the call in the first place.

'Plain sailing' very quickly became their favourite phrase, and a brilliant plan was hatched: As soon as it was viably possible, something very special would be winging its way through the post to Gracie and, if all went swimmingly, that miserable eldest son of hers would be back with his stubborn boyfriend in no time.

-o- -o- -o- -o-

An hour later as they hit the kitchen to prepare his celebratory dinner, finally conceding that his mom might have been right after all, Jack questioned the outcome of her trans- Atlantic call.

Gracie listened, then with a smile silently handed her son a potato.

"Great, thanks ma; just what I've always wanted."

She hit him on the head with the peeler then held it out for him to take. "You'll find out soon enough, son. But if you can't wait that long, maybe it's time you made a few phone calls of your own."

Jack looked down ... in silence, he began to peel his first potato.

It was time to daydream.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH JH

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Two weeks later

"What's that?" Forgetting his magazine, Jack stared up from his bed. In front of him a brown envelope was being waved to and fro.

His mom held it over for him to take. "Open it and find out."

The addressee details were the first thing to be clocked. "But it's for you. Why you givin' it to me? ... Oooh …" The squarish protrusion, sat centre of the packet, had just been spotted and was in the process of being investigated. "Hmmm … interestin'."

As he sat there feeling around all four edges of the bulge his mom took a step closer. When he didn't look up she tapped him on the shoulder. "On the inside you should find there's an envelope addressed to you. Now ... will you please just start opening the damn thing?"

"Okay, okay."

The tape double-securing the outside flap, was peeled away. "Aha …" Sliding the second envelope free, Jack discovered that it was indeed addressed to him.

"Open it." As her son obeyed instructions, Gracie watched him deal with the second seal. As he shucked out the contents she laughed quietly at him; his latest expression, alone, was worth the two week wait. "Not what you were expecting?" she guessed with a more motherly smile. Still gawping downward, Jack shook his head. "I said I'd only take a look at them if you wanted me to." she told him with a small laugh, "Ellie explained that they were a bit on the personal side."

Jack shuffled the six Polaroids, studied each one over and over. "I didn't realise she'd taken this many …." The quietest he'd been all day, he was totally absorbed. "I know there's at least another two to go with these - Els even had one copied then framed as a gift. They're all from that break we took last year in Ibiza."

He shuffled them a bit more. "Here …"

He'd selected one of himself and Ianto cuddled up facing each other on their bed at the villa. With their lower limbs entwined they had an arm wrapped around each other's waist and, with their lips and noses just about touching, they were both sound asleep. "We're on top of the covers naked, but you can't see anythin'." he assured as he held the pic over.

Gracie looked down at the snapshot, pulled an 'awwwww' face before smiling at the contents. "Ellie told me she managed to take the whole lot without the two of you knowing." She looked up imploringly at her son. "This is lovely Jack, any chance of me seeing the rest?"

Jack handed them over. "You might as well. As you've gone to so much trouble to get them to me, I guess it's the least you deserve."

Gracie smiled her thanks and studied each photo in turn before returning her attention to one shot in particular. The two of them were sat outside in what appeared to be a sizable garden; in the background she thought she could just make out the edge-tiles of a swimming pool. At the forefront, sitting upright with a bottle of beer on the table next to him, unaware that his boyfriend was gazing lovingly at him, her son was totally wrapped up in whatever it was he was reading. He had no clue he was being studied so adoringly.

"This young man loves you very much." she concluded showing no sign of being embarrassed by the sight of certain body parts in some of the other shots. "Jack, if there's even just the slightest chance that you might be able to save your relationship with Ianto, you'd be a fool not to try." A knowing smile found the fool on the bed. "I can see in your eyes just how much he means to you."

Handing the photos back, Gracie pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "Now I suggest you just stop all this nonsense and phone him."

Staring down at the same shot his mom had found so fascinating, Jack stroked a finger over Ianto's handsome face. A devastated breath was gasped inward. "Oh god …"

The inevitable happened.

Gracie had already prepared herself for the fall out - that it hadn't arrived much sooner was still her biggest surprise so far.

She watched the first tear miss the photo by a smidgen and the second land smack bang middle; bottom edge.

Prising the stack from his fingers and placing them on the bed, she knelt down in front of her son. "Love, you can't go on like this."

"I miss him so much ma ….."

With a sigh Gracie shook her head; the admission wasn't exactly old news. "Then do something about it you daft bugger."

"But I can't just walk out on the show. I'd never do something like that, it wouldn't be fair on Nnnnnn….."

The matriarchal forefinger being held to Jack's lips was removed. "No, that wouldn't be fair, I totally agree, but you could at least speak to that young man of yours, let him know how you feel. It wouldn't hurt to explain that at the moment you have commitments over here. You just need to reassure him that they're not going to last forever, that's all."

Shoulders were gripped, then shaken. "Love, you need to call him as soon as possible. I know Ellie believes there's been nobody on the scene so far, but how long will it be before he does find someone else? Jack, the longer you leave this, the more chance there ….. "

"But what if Els has got this all wrong?" Eyes were wiped. "Ma I haven't heard his voice in so long and …. and if the first time I do get to hear it, what if it's just for him to tell me I'm wastin' my…."

"Okay, compromise." Lips pursing as she contemplated, Gracie pushed herself upright again. "Why don't you give Ellie a call first? Have another chat with her. Put your mind at rest in that respect."

"Yeah ... maybe …"

-o- -o-

As a thoughtful looking Jack scooped up the photos for a second look, with a knowing smile his mom discreetly left the room.

The second flood of tears began. Each image was lingered over, was leisurely absorbed with an aching heart, every moment, every reason for them being there together, was remembered and revered, every pose was logged, banked indelibly; the lingering touches, the clasped hands, the linked fingers …...

They looked so natural together. He'd never noticed before now, how much they held hands whilst sleeping.

-o- -o-

Time passed. He sat there for hours, spotting something new which each viewing - ended up sitting there for most of the evening …. just shuffling … gazing ….. and crying. In leaving him to it totally undisturbed, it seemed that for once his mom had thought it best to just let him get on with things.

He'd carefully made the most of, not abused, his unexpected reprieve.

-o- -o-

And during the early hours, when he should have been fast asleep - hoping to catch her before she left for work - Jack convinced himself to call his favourite girl.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"Work can wait, you're much more important." His timing, it seemed, wasn't about to be a problem.

"Okay … as long as you're sure …."

"Jack, I'm sure. Forget work, I'd cancel anything to talk with you. So ….. did you like the, um, little selection of photos I sent? Crafty move, eh?"

Jack didn't miss the hesitancy there in her voice, but for now it was being outweighed by a big dose of chuckling cheekiness.

This was the Ellie he knew of old.

Smiling sadly he stared down at exhibit 'A'. "They're beautiful ….."

It was true, he couldn't deny the fact. "And seriously Els, I really mean it - thanks for goin' to all this trouble."

"No probs. But why do I sense there's a big 'but' on its way?"

Damn her. She was right of course. "Please don't take this the wrong way …."

"Oh great …. that means it's gonna be bad."

Silence filled the gap where a chuckle, or sigh at the very least, would normally have been.

"Okay ….. carry on." he was ordered.

So he did, even though he knew she wouldn't like what he was about to say. "Els, I love them, they really are very special but, oh god, know this is gonna sound awful, but ... I kiiiiiiinda wish I hadn't seen them?"

"Bring back a few memories did they?"

"Of course." If he'd said no, she'd only have accused him of lying. "But not every memory brings happiness, does it Els? Rememberin' things can sometimes make the pain worse. Ibiza was then ... and this, what's real and hurtin', is right now … you get what I'm sayin'?"

"I guess."

This was a much better situation; he actually had _her_ on the back foot for a change. "So how did Yan react? I take it he's seen them?"

"Ah … yes ... well, when I say _yes_ what I really mean is ….. no, he hasn't; which leads me onto my next question."

Someone was sounding very cagey. Jack waited in silence for the rest.

"You couldn't bring them over with you when you come, could you? Actually, that's more of a demand than a request; I've decided not to give you any options on this by the way, so, when do you think you'll be getting here? You're welcome to stay at mine to start with. And you know that I really, really _really_ love you, right?"

Jack was tempted to laugh and play along; he'd almost forgotten how cheeky she could be. She certainly hadn't lost her touch for making the best of a situation, but she couldn't change reality this time; it was bad news he was about to give her, and she wasn't going to like it.

Before he could respond, she was back again. "I didn't have time to make copies you see, and I'm sure Yan would like to see them too so, yeah - quick as you like; tomorrow will be just fine."

And there she was, making him laugh, just like old times, but as much as he loved her, it was time for the joking around to end. "Hun, I thought I explained everythin' yesterday? You know I have commitments over here now; even if I wanted to I couldn't just jump on the first flight out."

"But you _do_ want to see him! I know you do!"

The bold statement left him stunned and momentarily speechless. As she continued, all he could do was stand there, open mouthed, and listen.

"I know you still love him babe, and the only reason Yan's such a fucking mess right now, is because he's still in love with _you_."

"Els, I know you really think that... but after what I was doin' behind his back? How can he be?"

Damn her for making him open this, the deepest of all his wounds all over again. "He must hate me for that alone."

He'd betrayed the man that he loved, this was the reality they both had to face. Just thinking about going there himself, was already hurting so damn much.

Damn her for making him open old wounds. Damn her and her wishful thinking.

"I beg to differ." And still she wouldn't let it go. "But, Jack, if you don't believe me ….. why don't you try asking him yourself?"

Closing his eyes,Jack groaned as quietly as he could. Why couldn't she see the situation he was in? It didn't matter who did, or didn't love, who. He couldn't go anywhere right now ... so that was the end of the matter. If he did speak to Yan about it, knowing him he'd take the fact as an excuse and nothing more, so they still wouldn't have a hope in hell.

That was real life. That was his reality. And his pain was indescribable.

"Look, Els, I should be asleep, I have rehearsals at ten a.m. but, please, I mean this, I don't wanna lose you as a friend so … keep in touch, yeah?"

And still she wouldn't give up. "Look, I get it ….. you don't wanna call Yan 'cause, just like him, you're scared of being rejected."

"I'm wha ….?" He didn't get the chance to finish.

"It's true! And I can see I've still got a lot of work to do but, before you go, I want you to answer just one small question."

Jack braced himself. He'd known her for long enough to know that trouble was on its way. "Go on …."

"If you hadn't signed that contract of yours, would you, right now, be thinking of making a reservation - would you be getting yourself on that first plane out?"

Oh, she was good ... he had to give her ten out of ten for trying. "First be honest with me Els ... If I did come back, would I just be wastin' my time?"

"Look, gorgeous, I think deep down you already know the answer to that one, so how's about you just answer my question."

She had an answer for everything, he was never going to win, whatever he threw at her.

"Okay, you want my real answer? Yeah … Yeah I would. Is that what you wanted to hear? Yes ... I'd be on that first fuckin' flight out …. Yes ... I'd take a chance on gettin' my fuckin' heart broke all over again ... because he means that much to me ... okay?"

"Okay. That's all I needed to hear." Finally she'd started to cry. "Jack ….. we're gonna sort this … trust me."

How could he not believe her? "I hope so …."

"Right ... you'd better ... get to bed."

Her sniffing between words made him smile.

Almost as if she'd seen him she suddenly cleared her throat, gave one last sniff, and the problem had been remedied. "In the meantime I shall spend my entire day at work thinking of where we go next, okay?"

"Okay …"

"Bye babe, sweet dreams. Luv ya ... see ya"

Jack jumped in quickly ….. "We'll talk soon, yeah?"

But Ellie had gone.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Them 'talking soon', as it happened, arrived far sooner than he'd been expecting.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"Jack!"

Already on the verge of choking to death, hearing his dad yelling loudly for him had set Jack off laughing and coughing at the same time. As he sat there spluttering, eyes watering, rhythmical bursts of smoke were forcing their way out through his lips; down at the far end of the garden, sat on the lowest wall of his mom's favourite raised flower bed, he was sharing a soda and a rare crafty roach with his baby brother. Hence the coughing fit. Making the most of the impromptu bonding session, Gray had been asking for Jack's advice on how to gently let down his latest 'clingy' girlfriend, and feeling obliged to share something back, Jack had been trying to explain, in the briefest of terms, what had gone wrong between himself and Yan.

"Sorry. ... It's been a quite a while." With his brother still creasing up beside him, Jack continued to cough and laugh and cough and laugh and cough and laugh.

Gray toked for a second time then offered his sibling another go at getting it right.

"Better not ….. fresh air is much better." Shaking his head, Jack inhaled a deep breath in demonstration. "Supposed to be lookin' after the old lungs and vocal chords."

"Jack? Jack! Stop ignorin' me, I know you're down there! You gotta call ... I got some hysterical woman on the phone demandin' to speak to you asap so get your scrawny ass in here and stop wastin' my goddamned time! Oh, and don't think I can't smell that shit up this end!"

Gray pinched the cherry free then blew on his fingers. "You'd better go."

Jack was inside in seconds. "Is it Mair? Is Bobs okay?"

"Your son's fine as far as I'm aware and, no, it's not Mary." his dad confirmed.

There was only one other person it could be.

"I'll take it up in my room." Jack shot past his dad, through the kitchen, out into the hall then up the stairs.

"You gave birth to that." Jackson reminded his wife before flinching as a bedroom door slammed hard in its frame. With Gracie snapping a pair of scissors in his direction, he waited to hear his son pick up at his end then replaced his own handset in the cradle on the wall.

-o- -o-

Up in his room, Jack was trying to calm Ellie down. She was borderline hysterical.

"Take a deep breath." He made a loud point of breathing in then out again himself and sighed anxiously as she tried to follow his instructions. "Okay, now tell me again."

Listening for a second time he was still feeling a little perplexed, he'd been out of the loop for so long, most of what he was hearing wasn't adding up.

Yan, had apparently fallen off the wagon; that the love of his life had needed to climb onto one in the first place, was news in itself. "So he's been drinkin' heavily, is that what you're sayin'?"

"No! It's not! He's been as good as gold for weeks, but …"

Loud sobbing took precedence over speech.

"Els …. ssshhhh ... come on hun, you can do this. First tell me if he's okay."

Still she couldn't answer.

Jack tried to ignore the painful thumps his heart was now giving. "Okay, I'm assumin' somethin' bad's happened to Yan so, Els, start by tellin' me what's happened to him."

And still the heaving sobs continued.

"Els! For fuck's sake just tell me! How bad is he? Where is he right now?"

"He's beyond bad …" A deep sniff was followed by another loud sob. "He's put a guy in hospital. He's hiding from the police and ….. oh, Jack ….."

Jack's pacing of the room became more urgent. "Els? What is it you're not telling me?"

He listened intently as something about broken ribs, possible concussion and a broken nose, was sobbed down the line, but that clearly wasn't all that was upsetting her.

He stopped pacing. "Els you're fuckin' scarin' me! For fuck's sake just take another deep breath and tell me what the hell's goin' on over there!"

The deep breath, as instructed, was taken.

"Jack, it's Stef …" Ellie's sobbing grew louder. "Yan's put Stef in hospital."

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

tbc.


	8. Signed Sealed Delivered

Chapter Eight

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Signed Sealed Delivered

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"No ... no way," Jack shook his head ... the movement dragged the phone away from his ear. Panicking he pulled it back into place and noticed he was trembling. Clenching his left hand tighter around the handset he formed a fist with his right, and exhaling slowly through his nose, tried to quell the tremors. "Els, I know Yan, you hear? I _'know'_ him ... and hurt Stef? _'No' ..._ he just wouldn't ... no way."

He heard a subtle, feminine sound of disappointment and ignored it. She could sigh all she liked, this was Yan they were talking about here - what else had she been expecting him to say? Of course his first instinct would be to defend the man he was in love with.

"I'm sorry Jack ... I really wish it wasn't, but ..."

"Don't say it." He was happy enough with his version. "Els? ... Don't ..."

"... it's true."

Why did she have to say that? Why couldn't she have just started laughing and told him it was all a sick joke? Even the judgmental sighing had been preferable to hearing this.

"But Els, he ..."

"Jack, listen to me - I saw everything - he was drunk - I mean, really, drunk - still is drunk for that matter."

Now it was Jack's turn to sigh; he just knew he wasn't going to like this. "What happened?"

"It all kicked off a few hours ago, he got angry at something Stef said then just lost control. "

Jack closed his eyes. With that simple explanation Els had confirmed what he'd already been thinking ... the worst. "He got drunk because he's still angry at me. This is all my fault ... if he hadn't already been so mad at me, then Stef would never've got hurt like this ..."

"Oi! You can stop that bollocks for a start!"

Jack recaptured his breath. The interruption and its harsh tone had made him jump at first, but it was also pleasing to hear Ellie talk like this again - it was a good sign, it meant she was already starting to feel a lot stronger.

"Jack, I'm not interested in laying blame; I'm way past the ' _why the hell_ _has this happened'_ stage. The only thing I give the slightest fuck about is ... what happens next."

"With Yan, you mean?" Like a good boy he'd taken his scolding on the chin and was now prepared to play it her way.

"Yeah, I'm really worried about him. There's a very good chance he's gonna be completely on his own now, and I have no idea how he's gonna react when it sinks in that the lads have finally abandoned him for good." The tone changed, became apologetic, embarrassed almost. "Not that I'll be blaming them if they do decide to walk away, you understand … they've given him more than enough chances to get his act together, and when he does manage to sober up I'm pretty sure that even Yan himself is going to realise that this time he's blown things for good."

Staring straight ahead Jack forced a hand back through his hair. Things weren't sounding good at all; he'd known all along that Yan had quite the temper on him, but he still couldn't imagine him behaving quite this badly. There'd obviously been a lot more going on over in the UK than he'd been made aware of - the question was ... could he face knowing the whole truth ... or was he planning on being a coward his whole life?

"Jack?"

"Sorry, still here; I was miles away. So what the hell has gone wrong over there? When we spoke yesterday you seemed real positive about things."

As Ellie began to relay the whole sorry tale, Jack promised himself he wouldn't interrupt, no matter what she said.

Apparently it'd all kicked off early evening - Yan had sent her a text saying not to bother going round 'cause he was going out to get laid and she'd guessed right there and then that he'd been drinking. Having just got home herself, she'd rung his landline to say she was on her way. But he hadn't picked up, so she'd sent him a text instead. This had also been ignored.

Her next port of call had been Stef, who'd decided to leave work early and pick her up on the way through. They'd arrived at Yan's a short while later to find an angry drunk opening the door to them. She'd got upset straight away - the fact hadn't helped matters one little bit- Yan had started shouting at her, telling her to mind her own business, so she'd informed Stef it was his job to try and talk Yan out of going down the club, then she'd started to look around the place for clues - a receipt on the kitchen counter had told her he'd gone out around midday with the sole aim of restocking his booze cupboard, then on the table she'd found two photo-booth pictures, both of which had gone a long way in explaining why Yan looked like he'd been crying all day.

"Wait!"

Stateside, someone's broken heart had just skipped a beat. Could Els be referring to the same strip that himself and Yan had got done during their first walkabout in Hammersmith? He'd snipped it down the middle and slipped one half into Yan's wallet the first time it looked like they might be breaking up .

The decision not to interrupt was thrown completely out the window. "Els ... are you tellin' me he's kept hold of those very first photos we had done together - that he's still got his half of the strip?" Just the thought that Yan might still want to look at them was making this sad ex-boyfriend's heart leap with joy.

"Well did ' _you',_ Jack? Did you keep your half?"

"Wh ...what?"

Thrown back at him in a beat, Ellie's question had managed to leave him in a spin.

"Did I keep them?"

What sort of a crazy person did she think he was?

"Yes! Yes of course I did!" ... they were currently sat in their usual top drawer awaiting the tear-filled viewing they received each and every bedtime.

"Well there you go then!" Ellie's voice had brightened considerably; clearly this had been exactly what she'd been hoping to hear. "Is that one teensy tiny coincidence not telling you something very important you idiot?"

Jack rolled his eyes at the comment; this was one special lady who always knew exactly what she was doing. "Okay, okay ... so what happened next? How did things get so out of hand? I've worked out that Yan had been drinkin' all afternoon, but was this all his fault, or did Stef provoke him in some way?"

"Bit of both," was admitted with another round of quiet sniffing ... And then they were off again, with Ellie relaying the horrors of her still yet to end, evening from hell.

This time Jack kept quiet as she explained that her and Stef had thought it best to stay with Yan until he'd sobered up - upsetting them both he'd been saying the same thing over and over again; that he wanted to lose the pain and that he didn't care how he did it. Apparently he'd gone on like that for over an hour - every so often he'd tried to leave the room, and each time he'd been successfully stopped at the door. But the more they tried to stop him, the shittier he'd become - according to Els she'd never known him to be so sarcastic or so nasty, but it was when he'd decided to get himself another drink, that things had started to turn really ugly.

Stef had been forced to wrench the bottle of booze from his hands ... and that's when he'd started acting scarily angry.

Over in London, Ellie's voice began to break. "Jack, I lost count of how many times he said he hated me."

Jack winced. Hearing that from Yan would've twisted like a knife in his guts too. "No ... no way, Els ... Yan loves you more than anyone else on the entire planet ... you know that. And you also know that he didn't mean a word of what he was sayin'."

"I know …. " The tears were back in full force. "But it hurt so much to hear him talk like that."

The guilty feelings intensified. "I can't help thinkin' that if I hadn't left the UK in such a rush - if I'd just tried a little harder to work things out - then maybe you guys wouldn't be in this mess."

"Jack, stop it! I already told you - no one over here's laying any blame for what happened. I've already spoken to Lals and Gaz and they both agree there's no point pointing fingers. Yeah, we know Stef's in hospital - almost unrecognisable and probably concussed - and we also know that, regretting every second of the past few hours, Yan is currently upstairs with Kelly waiting for the fuss to die down, but you feeling guilty like this, Jack, isn't going to change any of that. What we need you to focus on is what's best for you and Yan. In the meantime we all need to concentrate on how we're going to put everything back together. I've already started the ball rolling by dealing with the old bill ... all on my bloody own I might add. It's not his fault, I know, but Stef had already been taken away in the ambulance, so I had no choice. I was ready to go with him by the way, but this snotty copper insisted I stayed behind to answer a few questions. Anyway, I did it, I spoke to him. But to minimize the damage I've had to lie through my teeth and ….."

"Shit! You lied to the cops? What the hell did you tell them?"

"That it was all a case of mistaken identity - that a couple of meatheads we'd seen hanging around outside the club recently had turned up looking for Yan, and when they realised he wasn't here they thought they'd have a go at Stef instead. My only hope is that he remembers to stick to the same story, after all, it was his bloody idea to play it this way."

"So didn't the cops find it strange that Yan wasn't there? Where do they think he is?"

"Visiting family in Cardiff, and that he'll be back sometime later today ... I told them I'd been here flat sitting for him and that Stef had popped round to check on me. As far as the old bill are concerned, this has just been a case of 'wrong time, wrong place'."

"Well that's something I guess, but how did things come to be so bad between him and Yan in the first place? That's what I still can't work out."

"Stef lost patience with him …. it's that simple. Whereas I've learned to put up with Yan's strange little ways, over these past few weeks Stef has been losing patience with him more and more. When Yan realised we had no intentions of letting him walk out the door, that's when he started pushing Stef's buttons. He decided to make things personal; accused Stef of using Dan, said he was being a selfish prick and that if he was a real man he'd let Dan move on to someone that really cared about him."

"Ouch …..that was a bit nasty."

"Yeah ... I know. But knowing Yan inside out as I do, I could see this was just him trying to hurt Stef in any way possible, and that he didn't really mean it."

"But Stef didn't see it that way?"

"No, of course he didn't. He just went right ahead and told Yan some home truths of his own and, believe me, it was quite a list. The final one was all about you - that you'd been out of Yan's league since day one, that he'd never deserved to have you in the first place - that you were way too good looking for him and that you only ever saw him as a novelty shag, someone to share a laugh and joke about each time you got back to your luvvies in the West End."

"But that's not true!"

Mortified didn't quite cover it.

"He … he had no right to say that!"

"I know, I know … and Stef knows that too, but he was hurting so much he just wanted to hurt Yan in return. You can see that, can't you babe? It was never meant as a personal dig at you in any way."

"So that's what tipped Yan over the edge?" It was a relief to know the gang didn't really think that way about him, but the concern still remained that Yan might've taken every word as the truth.

"Yeah, it was horrible. He got that look on his face, the one I hate so much. You've seen it too, I know you have - when his eyes go wide and wild and it's just not him you're seeing anymore. It's so bloody scary …."

He couldn't argue with that ... "Oh yeah … I know that look alright." ... so he didn't.

"Exactly, and before I knew it, everything had gone to shit. He'd called Stef a 'Next Tuesday', had laid him out with one punch and was already going in for more."

"Well, I guess that explains why the poor guy didn't try to defend himself or head straight for the nearest exit."

"Yeah, I guess so. I felt terrible leaving him to it, but I was too scared to go over there and get involved. I swear I did try to stop him though. I was yelling at the top of my voice, but he just wouldn't take any notice. God it was horrible ... it was like he'd been possessed ... Stef was lying there, already practically out for the count, but Yan just kept kicking and kicking and kicking."

"Shit! He must be in agony."

"His mum called me from the hospital; he's definitely got a couple of broken ribs, his nose is broken, he's turned black and blue round his middle and, according to his mum, his face doesn't belong to him - though apparently it looks a lot worse than it really is because of the swelling. Oh, and they're not taking any chances - they're keeping him in for a couple of days; there could still be complications because of it being a head injury."

"The poor guy."

"Yeah, he's in a right mess; he scared the bloody life out of me if I'm honest - he actually passed out for a while - that's why I panicked and called for an ambulance. It was when Yan saw me talking on the phone that he came to his senses and shot off to his bedroom. And it was around that same time that Kels appeared on the scene. She'd heard him yelling and swearing from up there."

"Shit."

"Yeah, you could say that. Anyway, I made sure Stef was okay - when he came to I had him tell me his name, then do a finger count for me - then with Kelly's help, luckily about ten minutes before the ambulance arrived, I managed to get Yan upstairs. I didn't know what to say to Stef. It was horrible Jack. He was in such a state, there was blood all over him, his face had already started to puff up and I didn't have a clue what to say to him about you know who. I feel bad now, but at the time I was so angry that all I wanted to do was punish him. I told Stef to tell the police the truth, we knew they'd be on their way; they would've been notified automatically, but Stef managed to talk me round and we agreed on the story that I ended up giving them. Of course, I'm glad I went down that route now,, but at the time I was ready to put Yan behind bars. I told Stef again before the cops arrived that I wouldn't blame him if he wanted to press charges. But he won't ….. he says he's still in love with Yan ... work that one out."

Hidden away at his end, Jack didn't bother disguising the wistful smile. Ellie had spoken as if Stef's claim was the most ludicrous thing she'd ever heard ... but to a person already under Yan's spell, the notion was quite simple to comprehend. "Not difficult to work out at all if I'm honest; as things stand I don't think there's much that could change _my_ feelings for Yan either. But I'm happy to admit that he needs some kind of professional help - I've already said somethin' along those lines to him over another issue."

"See a counsellor? Nah, forget it, he'll never go down that route again. No ... it's you he needs to talk to Jack; it's getting to see you again that'll help him get better."

-o-

And there was his statutory conundrum for the day. Did he take a chance, head straight out onto the battlefield and get caught in the crossfire? Or did he hold back - wait until things had died down a little before making any advances?

Well one thing was for certain. "Els, if I call him straight away he's gonna know we've been discussin' what's happened. As much as I wanna hear his voice, I don't want our first conversation in months to end after five seconds with him tellin' me to mind my own business."

"But …."

"No. I'm not givin' in on this one." God he loved her desire to make things right, it totally broke his heart to spoil her giddy matchmaker plans. But she really was way too close to the problem to see the bigger picture. And now she was sighing at him again, pulling the whole guilt trip thing on him. "Els we've already discussed this - you know why I can't just pack a bag and come over there. But I promise, as soon as the dust settles, I'll give him a call to get the ball rollin', okay?"

This time there was no sigh, just a disappointed silence. "Look, I know what you're doin', so cut it out. Stop tryn'a make me feel guilty ... I want this just as much as you - c'mon Els, you know that! But I need to do this my way, okay? If I'm bein' given my one chance to get back with Yan, then I gotta make sure I get it right first time. And that means you not sayin' a word about already gettin' in touch with me, okay? When I do call him I want his reaction to be natural. That's the only way I'm gonna know where I stand."

Holding his breath, Jack waited for Ellie's response. In the background he could hear a voice calling out to her, it sounded like her girlfriend was in need of her company. His first thought was that Yan was now giving Kelly grief. "Everythin okay, hun?"

He relaxed as the reply came back as an affirmative; he was assured that Yan was still sleeping like a drunken baby but that, nevertheless, Kelly was getting twitchy sat up there on her own with him.

"Okay you'd better go. Love you. And Els ... keep me in the loop, yeah?"

Jack smiled as a concerned Ellie made her own goodbye a quick affair; Kelly needed her now. She really did care about everybody.

"Oh, and Els? Give Stef my love will you? Tell him I'm thinkin' of him, yeah?"

Hoping that everyone over in the UK was going to be okay, Jack wondered if Ellie had managed to hear his request before hitting call end.

-o- -o-

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IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ

-o- -o-

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"Shit piece of fucking furniture!"

Ianto was finding it hard to get comfortable, and not just in the physical sense. Already a week had passed ... (the most humiliating - the most soul-destroying, week of his entire life actually - but he knew he only had himself to blame) ... and he still hated himself as much as everybody else seemed to.

He'd made it as far as the club at last, but only because there was no longer anyone left to give a shit what he did with his life. Not without it's irony, the big joke at the moment was that, after it being such a big issue for him the week before, he was now beginning to wonder why he'd bothered coming down to Cherry's after all; the place had really gone down hill.

Okay it was only a few weeks since he'd last shown his face, but tonight things seemed to be bugging him far more than usual. The bar stools certainly hadn't improved on the comfort at all times, front - his left arse cheek had gone completely numb, he kept getting cramp in the back of his right thigh and, oh yeah, the elbow he'd sat the bar, to stop him wobbling about, was resting in something decidedly sticky.

Pulling his best 'I am not fucking impressed' face, he looked around him again. The place was filthy. And it smelled rank too. There were empty crisp and peanut packets everywhere, the carpets needed replacing, and the bar area definitely looked like it would appreciate a very long moment of soggy mopping.

It was fucking appalling. You just couldn't get the staff.

Whoa ... You just couldn't get the staff? Where the fuck did that come from? Great, now he was quoting the old boys down at the store, which meant that everything about his life was now just about as wrong as it could get.

-o-

Wishing that Jack was around to make everything better, still filled with regret, he sat there and stared at his glass of Coke.

Yes ...

Coke.

That's what putting your best friend in hospital did to you - it turned you tee-total, it 'woke you up', it made you see with much more clarity what absolute cunt you'd finally managed to become. Everyone, not just Stef, had been affected by last week's brain-dead actions. Els was a mess, torn like never before. Shouting, then hugging, then shouting again, she'd spent the first two days in floods of tears. She'd been so upset that, come Monday, she hadn't been able to go to work.

Lals hadn't cried. Or shouted. Or hugged. The very next morning after the harrowing 'episode', he shown up announcing he was about to give the guilty party a taste of his own medicine.

He hadn't blamed Larry. If anything, the Londoner's promise had left him feeling reprieved in some way; a good beating from the man would have left him feeling even better but, not surprising any of those present, it'd been Gaz who'd intervened just in time. The dearheart hadn't said one single word to anyone, he'd just stepped into the fray, dragged his boyfriend out of the apartment ... and nobody had heard a word from either of them since.

In a rare moment of making his feelings known, it was Dan who'd done the most damage. Turning up after visiting hours on the second day, the sweetest member of the crew had asked just one simple question: ' _what have you done to my beautiful boy?'_ then he'd stood there, hands covering his face, and he'd sobbed uncontrollably.

It'd been just desserts for himself, the villain of the piece, and aware that the moment was going to stay with him forever, he'd broken down too. Even now, days later sat in the middle of a dingy club, the memory of seeing Dan cry his heart out like that was triggering one of his anxiety attacks, and actually, now thinking about it, it seemed to be getting worse.

He'd been hoping it might be a false alarm.

"Oh no ….. God, please no ...not here ..."

Focusing on his thighs, he wished the feeling away and hoped that nobody had heard his distressed mumbling; if anything, the tight feeling in his chest seemed to be getting worse.

He tried a sip of his Coke. The drink was warm - not surprising considering he'd been sitting there staring at it for the best part of two hours.

He took a couple of deep breaths and forced the words free. "Can I get another Coke when you're ready mate?"

The tender locked eyes and nodded. Ianto nodded back then continued with his breathing exercises.

He tried to clear his mind - the mental reminder of Dan was still tearing strips out of his soul and, again, he knew he'd rather have received a good hiding for his efforts. But violence wasn't DanDan's style at all, and it probably never would be; unwittingly, with that gut-wrenching emotional reaction of his, he'd managed to cause his boyfriend's attacker far more damage than a pair of fists ever could.

For the record ... the punishment was no less than a bastard like Ianto Jones deserved.

And how was this for another piece of irony - he'd always been secretly proud of the nickname the locals had given him - but not anymore. He'd been in full Bastard mode that evening he'd texted Ellie, and he hadn't liked the person he'd become - over recent weeks it had seemed to everybody, even himself, that he was improving - was getting 'back to normal'. But for some reason he'd started to relapse. The photos had been coming out far more often than usual, and the urge to lose himself in alcohol had been resurfacing. Of course being on his own again, he'd been the only person to realise this, and that night, in deliberately sending Els such a taunting message, he'd known he'd be inciting a 'situation'. He'd been feeling sorry for himself, that was the truth of it, and he'd guessed that if he was really lucky, the evening would end with them having big one massive row ... because that would result in him receiving their help without having to ask for it.

But it all went horribly wrong. That's what alcohol did to you ... hence the glass of Coke.

Long before the cavalry of two turned up that night, he'd already managed to down a half litre of scotch plus two beers. He shouldn't have been able to stand, let alone fight; that's how angry with himself he'd been. Most of what happened was still a blur, he still couldn't remember the exact moment Els and Stef showed up, still couldn't recall any of the embarrassing details he'd been reminded of since the event. He'd simply woken up several hours later to find he was in the apartment above his own and from that moment on, a sobbing Ellie had sat there filling him in on what had happened.

He'd not believed one word of it.

It was catching sight of his battered hands as she was speaking, that'd altered his shuttered mind.

The split skin and bruising on his knuckles had gone the longest way in corroborating her claims.

His sense of shame had been complete.

And that, had been his turning point.

He didn't think he'd ever be able to describe exactly how he felt in that moment, but even with his head spinning like fuck he'd known that everything was about to change. His inability to deal with something as simple as a break-up had seen him ruin everything. There was no way his friends were going to forgive him this time. They'd all spent months trying to make him see sense, he knew that. But he was a stubborn bastard ... yeah, he knew that too. Those that cared, even Jack, had tried to warn him about his binge drinking, but he'd not seen the problem himself - as per usual he'd been wrapped up in drowning his sorrows - as per usual he'd been too self-absorbed to care about anything relevant.

It was also true that he'd spent more time _thinking_ about Jack, than trying to plan a future that didn't have him in it.

But that was understandable ... wasn't it?

He couldn't move on from Jack ... how could he?

He didn't want to ...

... knew he'd never be able to.

Because he loved him too much.

It was as simple as that.

-o-

-o-

Tonight though, in tolerating one shit-hole of a nightclub, it had to be said ... he was giving it a damn good try.

Not in the sexual sense - getting laid was no longer a priority; there was a very effective way of emptying his blue balls he could employ anytime he was home alone.

No, in surpassing all recent expectations of his miserable, ungrateful self, tonight Ianto Jones was mingling companionably. He was there on a social level only.

And with the 'Bastard's' moment of self-pitying over - it was now time to get back to being Mr Sociable.

-o-

Grateful that the panicked feelings seemed to be abating, he looked over one shoulder. The latest wannabe in his life appeared to be making his way back from the gents. Craig, his name was, a local lad who'd turned nineteen just a few days back and, yes, already the 'Bastard's' ultimate recipe for disaster seemed just a rendezvous away from becoming a reality. Despite that worrying fact, he was still determined to be good - even if the kid was offering it on a plate. Medium height, medium build, medium looks - his companion for the evening was your medium sized example of a medium sized guy who was 'just begging for it'. And just a little more worryingly, it seemed he'd also been aware of the Bastard's reputation for quite some time.

Any notions he might've had, had nipped in the bud straight away. Before he could get around to asking, young Craig been informed that a fuck was most definitely out of the question. He'd looked disappointed at first, but Ianto had been pleasantly surprised by the kid's eagerness to stick around regardless. He'd been enjoying having somebody different around him for company ... someone that didn't already know him inside out.

-o-

The floor, plus its spillages, was carefully tiptoed over, then one delightfully pert bum was relocated on the stool alongside.

With a nod, Ianto allowed the getting to know each other chatter to resume.

"It's a shame you're not working at the store anymore Yan, you were the only thing up on the second floor worth looking at."

"Thanks." Ianto allowed the compliment to go to his head, it'd made a nice change from certain other remarks he'd been hearing of late. Taking a sip of fresh Coke, he proceeded to lose himself ... the unexpected mention of his old workplace had suddenly made him miss being there.

"So Mr store manager, what you doin' when you leave here tonight? I could always come back to your place if you like."

The unexpected suggestion had been delivered with a saucy smile, and Ianto felt instantly obliged to utilise a scowl as his sole reply. Someone was clearly still hoping for far too much.

The smile opposite faded, and someone got cracking with some rapid back-stepping ... of sorts. "I meant just for company, mostly. Honest, Yan, nothing, you know ….. too physical."

"Try nothing physical at all."

Ianto was still scowling. The last thing he needed was another love-struck kid fawning away at his side every time he left home. "Look, Craig, I've enjoyed talking with you, but I'm going to call it a night, okay?" The rest of the Coke was downed in one go. "If I'm honest, I never meant to be here quite this long."

He twisted away from the bar, and with a wobble slipped down to find his feet. "But thanks for the company, it's been fun."

He'd barely left his stool when the begging voice appeared. "Please let me come back to yours. I won't get in the way. I could watch telly with you then kip on the couch, you won't even know I'm there - promise."

Ianto was trying his best not to smile at the comment, but his lips seemed to have developed a mind of their own. "So why is it so important that you come home with me?" Now he was laughing. "And why am I starting to get this strange feeling that all you're really after is a roof over your head?" The shamefaced look he was given made him laugh even more. "I knew it!"

"Please, Yan. Pleeeease. Mum and dad have gone away for a couple of days and my sister's got her boyfriend round tonight. She said she wants me outta the way too and ,seriously, if I go home tonight, I face certain death."

"I don't think that's really likely to be the case, do you?" Ianto was still failing to locate his straight face.

"Look, trust me ... my sister? Whoa, you don't know her ... I mean it, she's a psycho bitch - she reckons she's gonna stab me in the eyes with her tweezers, then throw me in the bath with her hairdryer if I show up before tomorrow lunchtime."

At last Ianto's expression changed, and a disappointed breath slipped through Bastard's lips. "And here's me thinking young guys still found me attractive. You've just done wonders for my already battered ego, Craig. Thanks."

With the young kid about to break into his best apology spiel, turning to face the exit Ianto used body language to suggest that Craig should follow him. "I must need my bloody head testing but, come on, you'd better move your arse before I can change my mind. But in the morning you're buying me breakfast at McDonald's; that's the going rate for a night on my couch, deal?"

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

After a sleepless night spent thinking about Jack, missing Jack, and wondering what Jack would make of him bringing a young kid back to his apartment, doing his best sloth impression Ianto slummocked along the hall to the living room, where his house guest had been spending the night. It was just before nine am, and tucked cosily beneath the quilt from the guest room, young Craig was still out for the count.

Recovering from a wide yawn Ianto stared down at the relative stranger on his couch. "This is not good Jones; this is not good at all." He used his right palm to push his fringe back from his forehead. "How the fuck did I get myself into this?"

Making his way through the kitchen to get to the sun-room, he reached out to flick the tab of the kettle - a strong, cheap and nasty supermarket cup of coffee was definitely going to be his first order of the day; a decent one, along with his preferred choice of a McDonald's sausage and egg muffin, would need to be purchased before ten thirty, meaning his meal-ticket would soon find himself awake and on his merry way.

Out in his den he found the sun already shining through the glass. The heat made a quick start on seeping through to his bones and, slowly, he began to relax.

The wide expanse of windows giving a panoramic view of his garden, was his first port of call. Stepping over to them he found himself transfixed by the birds on his back lawn.

With a half-smile he stood there watching them. This was something he used to do with Jack. They'd sit out here for ages just watching the birds flutter and dance around each other as they pecked at crumbs thrown from the windows above. It was an experience they'd both found quite calming, they used to enjoy coming out here for an hour or so late afternoons. The tiny two-man sofa, the small table; great for putting your feet up on, and his books stood neatly in a line over on the far window ledge - they weren't much by way of your top notch interior design efforts, but everything about the room felt cozy, and that's what Jack had liked the most about it. Whatever the weather, he'd loved just sitting out here killing time. It'd been his favourite room for so many reasons; not only had that bijou sofa borne witness to some very romantic moments of kissing and cuddling, but when aimed at the French doors and angled just right, it had afforded them both a very convenient view out to a certain wooden bench.

That was where he and Jack had conducted their first heart to heart - it'd been past midnight when the party's stunning latecomer had joined him outside. He'd already been dragged into sharing one dance with the hot American, and at that point in the proceedings it had actually been Jack's choice of music that was playing on DanDan's decks serenading them through the gloom. Straight away Jack had embarrassed him by insinuating that the track playing at the time, My Eyes Adored You, had been picked with just himself, the host, in mind.

And that had been the start of something deep and meaningful ... and fraught ... and confusing ... and traumatic. And without much persuading, he'd agreed that Jack could join him on the now famous bench. With just the light from the apartment to illuminate them both, pretty sure that this had been love at first sight, he'd sat there feeling shy and inexperienced. But Jack had been so easy to talk to; he'd had them chatting away in no time, and within minutes he'd already asked if they could meet for lunch the next day.

Totally in awe of the man's looks and charisma, despite his heart pounding like mad, he'd tried to play it cool - in truth, he'd simply not been able to believe his luck - but Jack had been at his insistent best that night, and in the end he'd got his own way. And that one fact was the most stupid thing about their situation right now. At that moment of asking him out on that first date, Jack had known him for an hour at most, but already, even back then, he'd been determined to win him round. And from that night on, the gorgeous fool had never once given up on trying to win his heart ... not for one single second.

-o-

Already aware of what an idiot he'd been, a sighing Ianto was wondering if that one significant fact about Jack, was something he should've paid heed to well before now.

But it was too late for regrets - too late to profess how very sorry he was for being so embarrassingly blind.

-o-

He leaned forward, pressed his forehead onto the window. The cold pane began to feel nice against his skin and he was sorely tempted to stay that way all day.

Sadly the kettle decided to ruin the moment. He felt compelled to ignore the loud click of domesticity badgering him to return to reality, so that's what he did. He pretended he hadn't heard it - pretended he hadn't heard a thing, because he wanted to stay in the past, he wanted to pretend that he was watching the birds and holding hands with Jack. He wanted to pretend that everything was still at its perfect best.

A few months back, everything between them had just been starting to come together.

And then Jack had gone and done something human ... he'd made a mistake.

.

Trust Ianto Jones and his stupid bloody pride to ruin everything.

-o-

-o-

The coldness of the glass was losing its appeal. He pushed himself away from the window and turned back to head inside.

"Yan? I think there's someone at the front door!"

Ianto had already made it as far as the kitchen. Just like his guest, he'd also heard the sudden knock.

In the living room he found this season's waif and stray special, propped up against the end of the couch. He had the quilt pulled up over his shoulders, almost as if he had something to hide.

"Morning …" Ignoring the fact, and leaving Craig to get on with his cowering, Ianto headed out into the hall.

-o-

-o-

"Alright?"

Her expression as flat as her voice, Ellie slowly made her way inside. Ianto watched her take two steps into the living room, then another two as she reversed straight back out again.

"Who the fuck is that?" A finger was being aimed roughly in the direction as the couch.

"Why don't you ask a bit louder?" Ianto shut the front door with a frown, "I'm not sure he heard you the first time."

He pushed his way past to get through to the living room himself, "Craig - Ellie. Ellie - Craig." and made sure his smile was as sarcastic as possible.

She hadn't said a bloody word to him for days on end, and now here she was trying to take control again, just like she owned both him and the bloody apartment.

Christ she had a nerve that woman.

Turning on the spot someone reminded himself that he loved her truly madly deeply.

"Kettle's just boiled," He was already on his way out again. "For a change there's milk in the fridge, oh, and there's sugar in the bowl too ... so you two knock yourselves out ... I'm going for a piss."

With Ellie's probing gaze watching him very carefully, he slunk sideways out of the room.

"So …. " Ellie glanced back to make sure they were completely alone. "Craig ... been on the couch all night have we my sweet?"

Eyes wide, Craig sat there nodding up at her. "I needed a roof for the night."

"And Yan slept in his bed all on his lonesome, did he?"

That was worth a change in expression, it seemed the firecracker's possessive tones were starting to confuse the youngster. "What are you, his girlfriend or something? I didn't realise he dabbled with both holes."

Ellie gave a loud tut. "He doesn't." and pulled a face at the distasteful comment. "He has a steady boyfriend - one that would be very unhappy were he to find you _lounging_ away on Yan's couch like this."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, well if he's that possessive, why isn't he here right now keeping an eye on Yan?"

"Er, I think you'll find his name's Ianto." The correction was delivered with a scowl, "Mr Jones, to you - and for the record his boyfriend just happens to be away on business."

"Yan told me last night he's had enough of relationships - he said he wants to keep things casual ... wants to be on his own from now on."

"Er, that's Mr Jones, remember? Not Yan."

The reminder was delivered with a scary death stare. "And he's actually been with the same partner for nearly twelve months. In other words, sunshine, he is still very much part of a relationship."

"I don't think he is."

"Look! He's got a boyfriend, okay? And I don't care what you bloody think!"

"He's gorgeous ….. which means I don't care either way. The boyfriend can join in if he likes."

"Get your coat smart-mouth, you're leaving."

Revealing he was still wearing every item of clothing he'd arrived in, but blatantly zipping up his fly, with a grin young Craig climbed from the couch and made his way out into the hall. "See ya doll, it's been interesting. Tell ' _Yan'_ I'll give him a call, will ya?"

Ellie opened the door wearing her friendliest smile.

"Fuck off."

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"Still haven't lost your touch, I see." Now wearing jeans and a baggy jumper, Ianto reappeared to find Ellie using both hands to noisily stir two mugs of tea.

"You heard then?" Holding one of them out in readiness she stepped through the gap and smiled as Ianto accepted it with a nod.

At the front window she lifted one of the slats and peered out. "Well he's gone at last. I thought he was gonna be hanging around out there all bloody day." She turned back with a frown. "Yan he's trouble. You shouldn't've let him know where you live."

"He's harmless. He just needed somewhere to kip for the night, that's all."

A small head was shaken in despair. "You're still brain-dead then ..."

Ianto smiled prissily onto the rim of his mug. "At least you've managed to stop crying. Are you back at work on Monday?"

"Nice of you to ask." The same sarcastic smile was returned with bells on. "And as if happens, no, I'm not. The doc signed me off for a fortnight - stress, he wrote on the sick note - can't think why. Oh … wait a minute, wasn't it because the most important person in my life had just turned psycho and beat the living daylights out of our mutual best friend? Yeah, that was probably it."

Eyes rolled. "So enlighten me ... you talking to me again like this - is it a permanent situation? Or have you just popped by to stick your sharpened words into my gaping wounds?"

"He's looking a lot better by the way."

"Don't ..."

The abrupt change of subject had been callous and quite deliberate.

Someone's mug was found another home; there was no more time for humour, forced or otherwise, and a period spent investigating the outside world was suddenly proving much more appealing.

"Don't you DARE walk away from me Ianto Jones!"

The firecracker was back in the room. "You fucked him up , so you can just fucking well stand here and talk to me about him!"

"What do you want me to say Els? What could I possibly say that's going to make any difference?"

The expression opposite, softened considerably. "He's been out of hospital for four days, and at the start of every single one of them, he's asked to see you. Come over there with me, Yan ... right now."

"No way."

"Never took Jones the Bastard for a coward."

Any other time, that would've worked.

"Els, I can't face seeing what I've done." One hand found a hip, the other cradled an aching forehead. "Can't you understand? It'll make everything real."

"News flash! Everything's already ' _real'_ Yan! You've done it! It's happened! We can't turn the fucking clock back just for you!"

"He must hate me …." someone's mouth turned down at each corner, features began to crease.

"No …no, Yan, that's just it - he doesn't! He doesn't blame you for any of this. Don't you see, Babe? This is your one big chance to save your friendship …. Stef blames himself for what happened."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"It's true. He knows it wouldn't've happened if he hadn't said what he did about you and Jack. He still loves you just the same you know."

"Well he shouldn't. And even if he does, it doesn't change how I feel about seeing him. I'm sorry ... I just can't face him."

"But you'd like to ... really ... wouldn't you." No one knew Ianto Jones like Ellie Taylor.

"Els why can't you understand? This is Stef we're talking about ….. my best mate. Knowing how I've ruined everything between us is killing me, and all the time I don't have to see him ..." At last, the tears appeared, "... I can pretend it never happened."

Sliding her bag from her shoulder, Ellie reached inside. Dragging her mobile into view, she began to tap away.

"Er, what you doing?" Fear slowly etching its way across his face, Ianto stood there eyeing her suspiciously.

Her phone found her ear in readiness, "Calling a cab," then she looked directly at her best friend. "Get your coat, Jones ... we're paying the walking wounded a visit."

"No ... No way."

Shaking his head, Ianto was already out in the hall making a run for it.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJIJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ IJ

-o- -o-

-o- o-

Second only to the joint funeral of his mam and tad, getting to see what he'd done to his best friend's face, had been the most harrowing ordeal of his life.

He'd ended up visiting Stef that day. Of course Ellie hadn't taken no for an answer, that was never going to have been an option, and deep down he'd known himself that if he didn't visit Stef to at least apologise, he'd end up hating himself for the rest of his life. He just hadn't been expecting his friend's injuries to be quite so bad, that's all. The prettiest boy he'd ever seen, had been left almost unrecognisable. The bruising was horrendous, both eyes were still swollen, and even though the doctors had managed to straighten, then, set it, Stef's defined, Scandinavian nose was never going to look quite the same again.

His mum hadn't said a word - having shown Ellie and himself inside, she'd vacated the room and left them to it. Then a moment later, after giving Stef a gingerly kiss hello, Els had tactfully left him to it, too. Alone with him, he'd caught Stef gazing at him and averting his eyes had started to panic - shuffling his feet and scuffing his trainers, he'd looked anywhere other than at the injured man in front of him.

And watching him squirm, his ruined best friend had said just two words …

' _It's okay_.'

But it wasn't okay. And things were never going to be ' _okay_ ', ever again.

Beckoned to come closer he'd finally sat there on the floor at Stefan's feet, and with his forehead resting on his friend's knees he'd sobbed like never before. This was the reality he'd so selfishly been hoping to avoid and, as suspected, his pain had been indescribable. The forgiving fingers stroking their way through his hair had tried their very hardest, but they hadn't been able to console him in any way.

.

And Jones the Bastard, had been no more.

-o-

-o-

That'd been two days ago. The two of them had spoken on the phone a few times, they were still friends; they still loved each other in exactly the same way, but because of his own guilt, things were still awkward between them ... and would probably never be the same again.

As for the others? Well, Ellie had gone quiet on him again. And there'd still been no contact from either Larry or Gaz so, ironically, it seemed that Stef was the only friend he had left.

Back in the real world, and forcing himself to think of something a lot less gloomy, for the umpteenth time since sitting down, he stared down at his outstretched palm. As he moved it gently through the air, the small oval object sat at its centre began to rock from side to side.

That morning he'd emerged from his bedroom to find the foil covered, chocolate egg lying on his hallway floor; someone had clearly posted the six days early Easter gift through his letterbox while he was asleep.

Placing it on his mantelpiece he decided he'd keep it as evidence, then he mooched off to get himself a stimulating glass of Coke.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Wednesday – Day Two

A feeling - a fawning- twink type of dread -was starting to creep in. Yesterday a tiny choccy egg, probably one taken from a whole pack of the things, had turned up out of the blue, and now here he was today inspecting a Cadbury's Crème Egg for clues. Same as yesterday, he'd found it waiting on his hallway floor; sadly the drop from the letterbox had left it with one side caved in but, still, he'd already decided to sit it up there right next to its counterpart.

He was really hoping that a magnifying glass and deerstalker weren't about to become essential accessories, and was sorely tempted to stay up all night peeking through his front blind.

He was also hoping that his initial thoughts on who it might be, were completely wrong. The last thing he needed right now was a hopeful nineteen year old stalking him day and night.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Thursday – Day Three

"Are you sure you haven't seen him? About my height? Young? Was sat here last weekend right next to me?"

"Oh, him!" The bartender flinched as a bag of Cadbury's Mini Eggs was waved in his face for a second time. "What about him?"

"Has he been in? Have you seen him at all?"

"No." A head was shaken conclusively. "Are you gonna open those? Only I quite fancy a bit of chocolate now I've seen them."

Ianto's right hand disappeared behind his back.

"No ... I'm not." They were evidence, but he wasn't about to make himself look a right knob by admitting the fact. "Well if you do see him, can you just tell him thanks, but he's wasting his time."

This time the head was nodded. "Yeah, sure. But I can tell you now, he don't come in that often."

"Right ... but if he does, could you pass my message on to him?"

"Will do." The barman leaned a little further forward. "Are you quite sure you're not gonna open those?"

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Friday – Day Four

Well his quiet word with the barman seemed to have done the trick - almost midday and not one sign of anything chocolaty. He'd been sorely tempted to consume some of the damning evidence already accrued, but in the end thought it best to err on the side of caution … just in case.

But this had left him with one colossal problem- he'd been left with this mad craving for chocolate, and the only examples to hand, just happened to be exhibits A B and C.

He snatched up his keys then his wallet and rushed out of the apartment. That was when he found the medium sized 'Black Magic' egg sat on his doorstep. As his right toe clipped the far edge of the posh cardboard box, with a loud exclamation he stumbled over 'it', then the step, and then out onto the pavement.

He turned back with a sigh. This really was rubbing salt into the wound, he loved dark chocolate and this bloody egg was just sitting there crying up at him, 'eat me, Ianto, eat me'.

But it was evidence. So he couldn't.

Placing the larger egg next to the other three examples, he rearmed himself with keys and wallet and went shopping for the biggest bar of dark chocolate he could find.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Saturday – Day Five.

He couldn't help but wonder what kind of offering Easter Sunday itself would bring. The foot high box he'd found on his front step first thing this morning, was suggesting something of huge proportions. This latest box contained one very large patterned egg at its centre, then there were lots of smaller eggs sat all around the outside of it.

It looked even posher than yesterday's offering. And bloody expensive at that.

He'd actually stayed up all night; what a joke that was. Determined to nab Craig in the act, he'd sat there with the light out waiting to hear any strange noises. It must've been sometime after three thirty when he'd nodded off - his sofa had felt much more comfortable than usual - which meant the culprit was still at large. He'd already decided he clearly wasn't cut out to be a private detective, and now he was seriously looking forward to Monday, when the whole weird experience would be over.

The strange array of eggs was still up there on his mantelpiece. It seemed the kid had been spending every last penny of his hard earned dole money on him, and whatever his mam was expecting to receive at the end of the month in rent from him, she was going to be sorely disappointed.

On the 'friend's' front, there'd still been no word from anyone other than Stef ... Ianto was guessing that Ellie was either away, or just plain ignoring him. He couldn't blame her for doing either.

Accepting that he was just going to have to get used to being on his own from now on, with a sigh he snapped off another few squares of Bourneville, then sat back to wonder what the morning might bring.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Easter Sunday

.

.

Nothing.

Not even a card with a little bunny on it.

He'd bought a bunch of daffodils the day before, he'd thought they might make him feel a bit more like himself, but each one of those ruddy blooms was now dangling there laughing at him. He'd spent most of the last week complaining about receiving these anonymous gifts, and now here he was, on the most important day of the holiday feeling disappointed at receiving nothing.

The front step had been checked five times so far. He'd felt stupid every time he'd gone out there, but he just couldn't help himself.

Talk about hypocrite.

Over in the kitchen his kettle gave its usual loud click. It was almost one pm and he'd decided that for lunch, along with a nice cup of green tea, he was going to devour every single piece of chocolate sat up on his mantelpiece.

He'd barely half-filled his mug when the knock came on the door.

Lips parting, eyes sliding sideways, he relocated the kettle and waited for the knock to come again.

"Delivery for Jones?"

Outside, a lorry was taking up three quarters of the road. Its tailgate had already been lowered and a sack-barrow, with a very large hessian bag sat on its flat-plate, was waiting to be off-loaded.

"Delivery of what?"As Ianto's eyes became transfixed on the lorry's load, the driver checked his clipboard.

"Doesn't say. If you'll just hold onto this for a sec for me, I'll wheel it over for you."

"But ….."

"We don't normally do deliveries on Sundays … you're very lucky mate."

"But …."

The upright barrow was tipped back, carefully edged from the lorry onto the roadway, then trundled over to the kerbside where the clipboard was reclaimed.

"It says here that I'm to take the packaging back to the yard, so I'm gonna need you to relieve this bag of its contents before I leave, if that's not too much trouble."

"This is ridiculous." Ianto moved closer enabling him to study the bag properly. It was easily seven feet high and had been secured at the top with a simple slipknot.

Reaching up he pulled on the drawstring until it loosened, and, eyes wide, he watched as the top of the bag began to edge its way downward.

The first thing that came into view was the tips of two, skinny, furry grey ears.

As the bag dropped gradually lower, a little more of them came into view; they were long, skinny, furry grey ears.

Growing more and more curious, the parcel's recipient gave the sack another helping hand. Once more, the hessian cover began to slip downward.

And as the material lodged itself firmly on the bridge of one not very bunny-like nose ... Ianto found himself staring into the bluest pair of eyes he'd ever seen.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

tbc.


	9. Project Easter

**A/N :**

Grobbebol ... Thank you for yet another entertaining review! ... We've had hate and hope in equal measure from you so far - it'll be interesting to see what you make of this chapter ... (grins).

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Chapter Nine

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Project Easter

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

As Christian holidays went, this particular one was in danger of becoming the Easter to end all Easters. It wasn't enough that Ianto had been subjected to the daily appearance of some very dubious looking chocolate eggs, he now had a seven foot (inclusive of ears) bunny standing right there in front of him, and it wasn't just any old bunny, oh no; this one just happened to bear a striking resemblance to his, incredibly handsome, ex-boyfriend.

It did indeed seem that very strange things were afoot in West Hampstead.

Getting on with the normal side of life; still loitering in the real world and apparently oblivious to the scene unfolding just a few feet behind him, the delivery driver was on his way back to his truck.

Interrupting a moment of cheerful whistling, he looked leisurely over one shoulder. "I'll just get the paperwork for you, Mr Jones ... won't be a sec."

With the jaunty tune starting over and the driver's head disappearing into the depths of his cab, Mr Jones was making no effort to answer; mostly because he was staring in disbelief - he couldn't be anymore frozen to the spot if he tried, actually. Locking his gaze onto the baby blues opposite, he'd even managed to trap Jack in the moment too, proving they were still just about as hopeless as each other.

-o-

Currently unable to do anything other than stare straight back at his ex, the man in fancy dress was painfully aware that he wasn't helping the situation. It was just as well the few brain cells he'd been blessed with at birth were now working overtime in getting him to break the hypnotic trance they were in. All he wanted right now was to feel Ianto in his arms again, it was something he'd spent months dreaming about and he didn't care how stupid he looked right now, didn't care what extremes he might be forced to go through - nothing would ever be too much if the end result meant he could have the man he loved back in his life; he was prepared to do whatever it might take, and finding no reason to disagree with the present idea coming to mind, with a quick shimmy of his upper rabbity parts, he sent his hessian outer cover, plummeting to the ground.

And that was it - that was all the impetus Jack had needed; suddenly he was back to firing on all cylinders. Almost immediately another idea was coming to mind and he was wasting no time in implementing it - raising one grey velveteen paw above his head, then grasping just below the tip of one towering right ear, he bent it forward in an over-accentuated dip-dip of a wave 'hello'.

The man just inches away from him seemed not to notice.

Next, he splayed his arms wide; held the pose giving Ianto time to absorb his new and welcoming posture. He'd been hoping that, if nothing else, the move would make him more noticeable ... but still he'd received no reaction from the love of his life.

As a last resort, he sent his trademark smile as wide as it would go. "SURP..."

Without warning, his growing moment of courage failed him disastrously.

"...priiiise….. ?" he finished in a weak voice.

Aware that his soul-melting smile was fading fast, he was forced to admit that the move hadn't gone exactly according to plan; Ianto was still away with the Faeries for a start ... never a good situation.

Groaning inwardly at his sudden lack of confidence, Jack tried not to let the moment get to him, but of course that was easier said than done. He'd really thought he'd found his answer; as a softener for the deluge yet to come, he'd been hoping his enthusiastic 'ta da!' style of greeting would set them off on the right foot. He'd really wanted to give Ianto and himself something lighthearted to bond over, well before the inevitable dose of shit-coated reality could materialise then fan itself all over them.

Still, as successful scenes of reparation went, this one had yet to become a complete disaster; Easter bunnies were a force to be reckoned with - they simply didn't give up that easily - and, moreover, this particular example hadn't voluntarily hopped across five and a half thousand miles of land and ocean, just to give up at the first hurdle.

That hurdle, as it happened, was still balancing precariously on the edge of the pavement, and was still being just as unresponsive.

Changing tack, going for the cute and irresistible approach instead, Jack brushed the back of his right paw over the tip of his marker-penned nose, twitched it a few times in a 'Bewitching' fashion, then waited for Ianto to react.

And waited.

And waited.

The expression opposite still gave nothing away; lips parted, still transfixed by the familiar features mere inches from his own, Ianto appeared to be catatonic. If he was blinking on any level, it certainly wasn't on any regular basis that Jack could make out.

In a 'sod's law' moment, just to prove a point knowing him, the statue on the pavement chose that very moment to finally blink. Quickly fluttering his lashes not once, but three times on the trot, he managed to make Jack jump out of his bunnykins skin. As if he hadn't already looked silly enough, the mystery gift was now clutching a furry paw to his chest, and the set of whiskers, aptly sat directly beneath his nose 'til this point, had promptly fallen off and headed south. Both men ignored the fact that the strands of nylon were now floating below in a puddle in the gutter, and while a startled and whiskerless bunny was trying to compose himself, Ianto appeared to be making every effort of his own, to move his lips.

"I ..."

Admittedly it was a little hesitant as starts went, but at least he'd finally made one.

"You..."

And of course two words was an improvement on none at all, bless him; no one was about to criticise his monumental effort.

Still holding onto his furry hopes and dreams, the bunny in the road was trying his best not to dissolve into a puddle of goo - he'd almost forgotten how vulnerable Ianto could be at times. Faltering and stuttering as he did his best, he was looking so adorably confused.

" _Jack_?

Very slowly, he seemed to be getting there, but although there appeared to have been sufficient recovery to allow the forming of words, Jack had to concede - they hadn't exactly been the most encouraging the man of his dreams had ever spoken.

For one brief moment he considered joking about the fact. But then he spotted something new - a vast amount of anguish tracing a worrying path across Ianto's gaunt features. Trying not to blatantly stare at the expression, he felt his heart begin to sink. A mixture of joy and jubilation were the feels he'd been hoping to get from his beloved today, not this lost and devastated reaction. The look on Ianto's face was proving beyond painful to witness, would have been reason enough for him to simply walk away again, had he not spotted something much more reassuring peeking through. It wasn't a blatant amount, he could never claim that, but the show of love shining deep within those glistening pale blue eyes was more than enough to convince him that Ianto truly did still care.

In truth, it was the one definitive sign that he'd been hoping to be shown today, and now that his most important question of all had been answered, he knew it was safe to really set their ball rolling.

And this time there was no hesitating.

"Hi Yan! God, you have no idea how great it is to see you again and, hey, I'm sorry for not warnin' you I was on my way round but, well, you know me! And anyway ... it would've spoiled the surprise wouldn't it!" The upbeat exclamation was topped off with a, this time successful, bright and cheerful, smile. "Like I said ….. _SURPRISE_ _!_ "

This time it really had been one huge belter of a 'ta da!'.

Meanwhile, clearly having been forgotten about, the delivery driver was deciding it was time to make a move. Stepping closer to stare first at the bouncing bunny, and then at the stunned customer on the pavement, he made a very deliberate point of clearing his throat. "Yep, I think we can definitely say this has been one hell of a ' _surprise'_ all right."

He waved speech marks. The move really didn't suit him.

Next, he sent his attention in Jack's direction. "Okay Bright Eyes, I'm gonna need you to hop out of that sack for me - I gotta get ' _it'_ and the truck back to the yard before the guv'nor does his weekend check. If he notices one of his vehicles has gone awol, I'll be waving bye-bye to next week's five -year service bonus."

A distracted, and now embarrassed Jack, gave himself a mental shake. "Oh. Oh yeah ... sure, no problem …." He lifted his rear left paw into the air and lowered it again, then still balancing very carefully, he did the same with his rear right. "Thanks for goin' along with this, Bill, I know it should've been your day off."

The driver began to fold the bag into a neat and storable shape, "It's young Els you should be thankin', guv; she could charm the birds outta the bloody trees that one. Let her know it'll be good to see her back at work next week and that it'll probably be when I deliver to the office on Tuesday, will you?" With Jack smiling and nodding at him, he made to leave. "Right, I think that's just about it for me ... see ya lads."

Jack watched him disappear around the side of his lorry before making a big point of relocating Ianto's gaze. "We goin' inside, Yan? Or you gonna let your nosy neighbours watch you stand here starin' at a giant rabbit, all fricken' day?"

He made sure his grin negated the cussing element, and hoped Ianto would realise he'd only been joking, period.

"Jack?"

Finally he'd spoken again, but Ianto was still sounding lost and confused. Jack was struggling with the temptation to wrap his furry arms around him, then squeeze every ounce of doubt from his painfully thin body.

"Jack, what ... " Two words in a row ... that was already an improvement. "What are you doing here?"

The sad voice once again began to pull on the bunny's heartstrings. "What am I doin' here? I just traveled five and a half thousand miles to get a hug ... that's what I'm doin' here! Don't s'pose there's any chancer me gettin' one outta you, is there?" It'd been worth a try, but Jack wasn't surprised when his request was ignored.

Meanwhile, still drowning in thoughts of Watership Down, Ianto had progressed to shaking his head. With a pained look he was sending his special delivery a top to toe stare of inspection. "I'm standing here talking to a fucking rabbit. A _fucking rabbit!_ " he repeated, as if hearing the words the first time around, hadn't quite been enough to convince him.

"Easter Bunny actually." Jack's face had crumpled with happiness; his new smile was full of nothing but love for the man stood opposite. "Happy Easter, Yan." He said softly.

Ianto sent him a startled rabbit trapped in headlights, stare. It seemed the blindingly obvious might have just occurred to him. "Easter! You! The eggs! They were from you! Of course! The eggs! They were from you!"

He really was repeating himself a lot today.

Still smiling away, "Guilty as charged," the Easter Bunny admitted. "The eggs were my idea; Els has been deliverin' them for me. And you're still standing out in the street talkin' to a seven foot rabbit, by the way."

"Jack."

Ianto's face had lost every ounce of emotion, and it had only been one word, but that one word had made the guilty party swallow very deeply.

"Yeah?" Jack was trying not to let his nervousness show. Under normal circumstances he'd be able to keep a show of bravado going all day if necessary, but right now his heart was pounding so hard it was starting to hurt quite badly. Yan had said his name, nothing more, but the tone he'd used was suggesting he'd already come to a decision ... and it wasn't promising to be a good one.

"I …. I don't know what to say." Ianto straight away contradicted in a quiet voice, his gaze pleading with the man opposite to help him out with his usual show of confidence and wit.

Heart-rate slowing accordingly, "Well that makes two of us," Jack admitted. "I haven't gotta clue where to go next with this, either. Hows about we take 'it', and 'us', inside away from pryin' eyes, before we both make complete fools of ourselves in public?"

With a nod Ianto turned to face his apartment, and taking slow steps in the necessary direction he silently began to lead them both inside.

Cottontail twitching as he followed on behind, Jack's smile had returned with a vengeance. He wasn't ready to give up hope just yet. True, this hadn't been the joyful reunion he'd spent months on end dreaming about, but, at the same time, things seemed to be quite positive.

At least Yan hadn't punched him in the face. Yet.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Entering the living room, Ianto wasted no time in turning back.

"So, ... ... Jack ..." Voice noticeably sharper, and concentrating his gaze, a braver sounding Ianto immediately ruined the effect by shoving his hands deep into his jeans pockets. His posture that of an awkward teenager, the new level of vulnerability was making him seem attractive on a completely different level. "How long've you been back in the UK then?"he forced out, trying to regroup.

Jack stared back guiltily. "Flew in to Heathrow early yesterday mornin'. Steve picked me up so we could discuss business on the way, then he dropped me off at Els' place around lunchtime."

He hadn't seen any point in lying, knew his delay in making his way across town would've hurt Yan's feelings however it was explained away. It'd actually been a very tough call, not coming round to his apartment straight away, but Els had agreed that by priming the moment - teasing Ianto with the lead-up of little gifts first - would be a better idea than just turning up out of the blue to get a surprised reaction resulting, quite probably, in a regrettable moment of violence.

Whether the plan had worked or not, he was still undecided; his poor love sure had been surprised all right. And of course, on a more realistic level, there was no reason at all for Yan to ever have suspected who the eggs were really from. But at least this hopeful dope, and his aching, breaking heart, had made some sort of an effort; no one could ever say the thought hadn't been there.

"Els is lettin' me stay with her while I'm over," Jack explained, trying not to notice the hurt look appearing on Ianto's face. "She helped me arrange all this."

As a hand was waved over one rather in-your- face outfit, a nod was aimed past Ianto then over to the collection of eggs sat on the mantelpiece. "She's been organisin' things; been dealin' with the hire shop, been goin' round the stores to purchase the eggs for me, and just generally runnin' round like an idiot. There's no way I coulda made any of this happen from back home ... she's been brilliant."

Ianto seemed to forget himself for a moment - he very nearly held onto the smile forming for the past few seconds.

Clearing his throat he made quick work of readdressing the situation. "Okay, so the eggs were from you, courtesy of Munch ... am I supposed to be gleaning some deep and meaningful message from the fact?"Hands found hips. "Are you going to tell me why you're really here, Jack? And don't insult me with that _'it's because I need a hug_ ' bollocks." Bony, broad Welsh shoulders were hunched in a shrug. "Had another offer from the Beeb, have you?"

"The ... the BBC?" Jack was looking genuinely confused by the suggestion. "No ... not the BBC, I mean, yeah, there may be somethin' in the pipeline, but me bein' over here has nothin' to do with that. As it happens, I'm just about to start in a new show back home - would still be there right now if the run's start date hadn't been delayed by two weeks; that's what's given me this chance to get back over here for a while."

"Oh .. right ..." The day of highs and lows seemed set to continue. Finding another need to hide his disappointment, Ianto lowered his gaze. "So you thought you'd just ... drop on by ... did you?" he appeared to ask his feet.

A bristling, wounded Jack, straightened his bunny coated posture and prepared to defend himself. "Hey ... look at me." He gave it a moment, then tried again. "Yan? Look at me."

Ianto did as he was told; those steely blues fixed themselves on Jack who quickly allowed the smallest of reassuring smiles to come into play. "Remember those eight months we had together?" he queried straight away, "They weren't perfect; weren't no bed of roses, and they were quite possibly the most frustrating eight months of my entire life ... but every single second of each one, meant, and still means, the world to me - which means that this, right now, is a lot more than me just - 'droppin' on by' - okay?"

It seemed the emotional moment of truth had been just that little bit too much for Ianto; expression resigned and shoulders drooping, he sighed then looked away again. "I still don't know what to say." he admitted looking for all the world like he really wished that he did.

"Then how 'bout you let me do all the talkin'?" Jack chanced, taking a step closer. "Apparently I'm pretty good at doin' that." he joked, hoping to melt away a little more of the icy block still sat between them.

Having clearly found a need to hold himself together Ianto was staring at the floor; he hadn't moved a muscle as Jack's familiar torso came up flush with his own. Jack nervously wrapped his arms around him and held on for dear life. "Yan I'm so sorry …. I'm so sorry ….."

Filling him with relief, a relenting forehead buried itself into the fur of his right shoulder. But it didn't take long for him to spot that Ianto's hands were still in his pockets. "Yan ... listen to me," He tightened his grip, "if I'm wastin' my time here I need you to tell me right now, because if that is the case I promise I'll walk out that door behind me an' never come back again. Is that what you want?"

Ianto slowly dragged his hands free, then without a word, pulled Jack onto him as tightly as he could.

"Oh, thank god …." Jack closed his eyes. "Thank you ...… thank you ..."

He pressed his fur covered cheek against Ianto's and silently promised himself that if he was blessed enough to be properly forgiven today, he'd never do anything ever again to hurt the wonderful man in his arms - the man he'd never stopped loving with all his heart - his boyfriend - his partner - his 'til death do us part' eternal love.

As they melded together just like old times, he made a point of hugging Ianto a little harder. A single tear escaped ... then another. "Yan, I'm never gonna hurt you again …. I promise."

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Two long minutes later it was Ianto who separated them.

"We have a lot to discuss." he pointed out with a sigh.

"Yeah ... 'course; I gotta lot to say sorry for, I know I have." Taking a step away, Jack was looking suitably chastised. "And for starters I'd like to say I'm sorry if you felt I was, y'know ... jumpin' the gun a bit, there. I mean, I meant what I said,, but don't want you to feel I'm pressurin' you in any way."

Relinquishing his grip, Ianto turned away. With another sigh he began to head over to his kitchenette. "Actually, I wan't talking about you ... I was talking about the two of us discussing me and _my_ situation."

He lifted a mug into view. "Coffee? Tea? What is it you drink these days? Champagne?"

"Yan …."

"No, seriously, I have no idea; why would I? You're a big high-flyer now - you could be drinking bloody Moet every fucking lunchtime for all I know."

"Yan …"

"Tell you what … I'll fix us both a strong coffee, how does that sound? We're going to need sharp minds to deal with the amount of shit we've got to get through. Just out of curiosity, did Els tell you how much of a cunt I've been acting lately? Actually, you might not want to be associated with me anymore; has that occurred to you at all? For the record, personally I'm not expecting you to want to hang around. I mean, did she tell you that I …"

"Yan, stop! Please don't do this ..." Jack stepped over to the couch and, turning back, slowly sat down on it; his theory being that if he was seated, it might make it more difficult for Yan to take a full on swing should the urge appear. "Sayin' crap like that's not gonna help us get anythin' sorted is it? But if we're already goin' down the 'damin' admissions' route, it's only fair that first I let ' _you'_ know … " he took a moment to not only compose himself; steady his voice, but prepare himself for the expected backlash about to come.

"Let me know what?"

Whatever the reasoning, his decision to pause had been a mistake; it'd served only to intensify the aura of guilt about him, nothing more and in a beat his show of uncertainty had been mercilessly pounced upon.

A second mug left the cupboard. With an unsteady hand, it was lowered to the surface below. "Back five seconds, and already you're keeping secrets from me?" Ianto hadn't been brave enough to look over, but his tone had been loaded with enough accusation to compensate.

Jack dropped his head. "Yan, I already know about Stef ... "

Ianto barked out a quick laugh, "Now why doesn't that surprise me. All been having a good old laugh at my expense , have you?"

He might've been laughing, but there'd been no humour present.

Righting it, Jack shook his head; that wasn't the case at all. "I mean I've already seen him; I know what's been goin' on." he blurted out before any more damning conclusions could be drawn.

A sharp look was snapped in his direction revealing that Ianto's expression was a mixture of many emotions. "You went to see ' _him'_ before coming to see me?"

The hint of jealously had been a hint at all, it'd been colossal.

Praying that something placating might come out, Jack opened his mouth to speak, but almost instantly Ianto's expression softened, changing his whole demeanour completely.

"No ….. no, of course you did, " he muttered apologetically, "Why wouldn't you? I mean, after what I've done it's only natural you'd prefer to …"

"No! Yan, no, stop ... that's not how it is!" Trying to ignore the eyes narrowing suspiciously at him Jack prepared to make quick work of explaining why he'd paid Stef the scheduled visit; the last thing he wanted was to make Yan feel insecure, but at the same time he'd' never been planning on lying about things either.

With a dismissive shrug he relaxed his pose, gave the impression it'd been no big deal ... even though, in truth, it really and truly had. "I called round to see him yesterday evenin' and, okay, yeah, I won't deny I wanted to check on the poor guy, make sure he was okay, but I was also there for another very important reason."

All signs of tension slowly leaving his face, "Go on," Ianto encouraged, "This should be interesting." Folding his arms, he nodded that Jack should enlighten him as soon as possible.

Jack sat back. Confidently raised his chin as he started to talk. "I wanted to sound him out."

Perfect tone ... short, sweet ... just right. He sighed quietly as he waited for Ianto to respond; the current stare coming out of the kitchen seemed to be calling his bluff. Again yet another moment of silence was settling in to spoil the progressive flow; these stalemates were getting a little tiring.

He held posture for a second, then mirrored the man opposite by folding his arms together too. As he kept his gaze trained on Ianto his own stare was begging .. 'do I sound like I'm lyin'?'.

Ianto cracked. "Sound him out?" Laughing blatantly at the explanation, with a snort he'd finally seen fit to react. "Sound him out about what? Whether I'm stable enough for you to be around now that I've turned Psycho, you mean?" While the show of sarcasm had been directed solely at himself, his glare was ordering 'I've had enough of lies, don't you dare try to take this any further'.

Jack opened his mouth to speak regardless.

Drawing a final line under the subject, Ianto turned back to continue with his coffee making. With a more positive air about him, he reached out for the sugar canister.

"Yan, you're not bein' fair on either of us by actin' like this ." Jack had taken to frowning again. He tried adding a little more authority to his voice. "Look I know what you're doin' ... and not talkin' 'bout this, won't make it go away. You really need to stop beatin' yourself up like this ... for a start you can stop thinkin' I have some kinda issue with you, because I haven't. I'm not judging you, okay? Whatever's been happnin' while I've been away, you need to draw a line underneath it and move on. The only thing I care about is gettin' to sort out what went wrong between me 'n' you."

As he was ignored, Jack tried going down a different route. " You're not the only one who dropped the ball you know ... have you forgotten what happened three months back? It was _me_ that fucked up big time ... _me_! I'm the one that should be feelin' worried Yan, not you."

"Really? That's interesting. So who's face have you ruined lately?" The sarcasm was still flowing freely.

"Oh trust me, Yan, you don't have to smash someone's face in to be classed as crazy. Have you forgotten that I was cheatin' on you? 'Cause that's what _I_ call fuckin' crazy. And how 'bout the fact that I was lyin' to your face the whole time? I lied to you for months ... and then I just ran away! I'm the fuckin' psycho round here, not you! So, no, for your information I wasn't there to get Stef to dish the dirt on your state of mind ….. I was there to ask how he felt 'bout me bein' a part of your life again; he's still your best friend and I wanna do this right. I want things to go back to the way they were, Yan ... just without the cheatin' and lyin' side of things."

The teaspoon still pinched between Ianto's thumb and forefinger was very slowly and very thoughtfully lowered. With a quiet clink, it found the surface below. "So you really want us to get back together, then."

It hadn't been worded as a question, but Jack answered it anyway. "Yep."

Ianto was still in thoughtful mode. "You and me ... just how we were, ... but this time without the cheating and lying element."

Again Jack felt obliged to offer a response. "Uh huh."

Ianto gave a smile. Then promptly lost it again. "So, let me get this right," He turned to face Jack fully, "You went into the house ... and you actually saw Stef, you actually saw him face to face, did you?"

Jack nodded with his reply. "I decided against phonin' 'cause I wanted to see for myself that his reaction was for real."

Ianto nodded back at him. "Okay, I get that part ... but if you've actually seen him, surely that must mean you've seen how much of a state he's in, which means you've also seen, first-hand, the exact amount of damage I did to him." A show of confusion slotted into place. "Jack, how the fuck can you want to get back with me now you know what I'm really capable of? That's me now! That's the sort of person I am! The person I've always really been! An unhinged thug! I'm dangerous!"

Jack felt the other man's pain, very nearly left his seat; the desire to throw caution to the wind and just go over to hug the hurt away was becoming hard to ignore. "Hey! Now you listn'a me, Ianto Jones ... you were in that bad place because of me, because of the things that I did. All the drinkin', all the bad things you've been doin' over the past few months - they all happened because I walked away and left you in such a mess."

Someone had found his balls at last. Jack finally started to take control. "Oh, and for the record? I've never once stopped wannin' to be with you. I know I may have been actin' like the biggest fuckin' asshole goin' since the day we met, but my feelin's for you have never changed in any way. I hated myself for being so weak with Joe; knowin' what I was doin' to you every time I was with him, was killin' me."

Teaspoon back in hold, Ianto hovered over what they both knew to be Jack's usual mug; he himself was well aware why the vessel was still in existence; why it hadn't already been smashed to smithereens, and on seeing it a few moments ago, Jack would already have drawn his own conclusions as to why it should still be in someone's kitchen cupboard. The blue and white horizontal stripes were screaming game set and match at the pair of them, but neither man was ready to be quite that hopeful just yet.

"Can I assume you still take sugar in your coffee?" Sliding his gaze over to his right, Ianto glimpsed Jack nodding out the corner of his eye. Not bothering to acknowledge the fact, he looked down to perform the necessary adjustments to his drink. "You're wrong, by the way ..." with a quiet clink of metal on china, he began to stir around and around and around. "Not everything about my fall from grace is down to you and your deceitful indiscretions; I'm more than unhinged enough to do some very stupid things all of my own accord, in fact I'm pretty much convinced that with or without your help, I'm always going to be a massive liability."

"So what are you sayin' here?" Jack had this look on his face - like he'd just passed the win-line then been forced to take two steps back. "That me doin' the selfish things I did, then running off without sayin' a word, has had nuthin' to do with how you've been dealin' with things?"

Ianto stayed quiet for a moment. The spoon stopped clinking while he thought the question through.

"No, I don't think that _is_ what I'm saying." he decided with a frown. "You hurt me, yes, I'm not denying that. As it happens you've managed to kill a part of me I never knew existed before I met you - don't ask what it is, I have no intention of discussing it, now or ever, so don't go getting any ideas." The pleased know-it-all expression appearing on Jack's face was ignored. "Anyway, I think what I _am_ trying to say here, is that you're not totally to blame for my many crass behaviour moments of late."

Jack was there, on the point of determinedly disputing the fact, when the look across the room became suddenly solemn.

"Jack, I'm not safe for you to be around."

Voice deadly serious, whether referring to a physical threat, or a threat to Jack's career, Ianto wasn't joking.

Jack frowned, folded his arms in a strop. "Ever thought maybe I should be the judge of that?"

The point was never meant to have been up for discussion, the assumption that he'd been merely speculating saw Ianto react angrily. "Jack! I don't trust myself anymore! Are you sure you've seen what I did to Stef'? Did you actually take a good long fucking look at the state I left his face in? I was supposed to be his best friend! I've ruined his fucking life, Jack ... why he still wants to know me, I have no idea!"

"Probably for the same reason that made me wanna fly all the way over from the States ..."

"And why was that, Jack? Why was it so fucking important for you for fly ' _five and a half thousand'_ fucking miles?"

Jack tried, but failed to stop the hurt expression from forming. "Because I wanted to see you, wanted to apologise, and I wanna make things right between us ….."

No drama, just straight forward facts.

Hands were wiped on a dishcloth, and once more the coffee was delayed. "Okay, let's say I believe you. You're saying you've just spent the last three months missing me like mad, and now you want us to get back together again, is that right?"

"Yeah, I'd love it if ..."

"But if that's true, I mean, if I was so important to you, Jack, how come it's taken you all this time to get in contact with me? Why didn't you just pick up the phone and ….."

"I tried phonin'! Loadsa times! But I couldn't get through to either your landline or your cell!"

The new look on Ianto's face, was saying he knew he had no valid argument. "Okay, yes, I admit they were both out of order for a while ... but you could've tried ringing one of the gang; they would've ….."

"And you think the thought never crossed my mind? Yan, right up 'til the day I left, the only thing I knew for certain was that every single one of your friends hated my guts. Even Els wouldn't talk to me, so what would've been the point in tryin' to get hold of Stef or any of the other guys?"

"Hmm, yeah, I see what you mean," The pursed lips and softened tone, were 'Ianto' for ' _I think their reaction might've been my fault'_. "So what happened to change your mind? What suddenly made you call Els? Or was it the other way round, was it that Els finally managed to get hold of a contact number for you? She's been desperate to get us talking again you know."

Shame made Jack hang his head, suddenly it was of the utmost importance that he avoid all eye-contact - it shouldn't have been the only reason, but Els making the first move was exactly how the story went. "Yeah, I know she has," he admitted, still staring down at his knees, "And, yeah, we've been in contact for the last few weeks. She's been up to all sorts; hatchin' plans with mom to try and get us back together. She kinda took me by surprise to be honest - I'd spent the previous coupla months truly believin' that, after the things I'd done, you wouldn't wanna know me anymore, and then up pops Els bein' her usual self. She explained you all knew the truth 'bout what'd been goin' on - 'bout me bein' blackmailed by Joe an' everythin'. She also promised that nobody hated me for what I'd done."

Sadness winning hands down over curiosity Ianto gave up on the third degree completely and stared silently at Jack; held onto the moment until he raised his head. "I wish you'd trusted me enough to share the truth ... I would've understood, you know." The show of sadness became frustration, a mourning for so much time needlessly wasted. "You should've told me, Jack."

"I know, I know ...I shoulda said somethin' from the start, but, give me a little credit, Yan, it's not like I didn't try at all, is it?" The soft sigh floating over from the couch spoke volumes; guilt and sadness were evenly matched. "I really thought you'd take a look at that letter and forgive me." Jack admitted. "It didn't occur to me that you wouldn't wanna read it at all; I truly had no idea that you hadn't, so when I didn't hear from you I assumed that instead of forgivin' me, you'd just gone ahead and shut me out of your life for good."

Someone looked down at the floor, presumably to see if it'd opened up to facilitate his escape. "Yes ….. okay, I admit that that was wrong of me - I should've read it, should've given you the benefit of the doubt. But I was so angry, Jack, and I was hurting so fucking much." Arms were splayed in exclamation. "Joe? Fucking Joe, for fuck's sake? Even now, I still can't bear to think of the two of you together; it was only when Jay turned up to tell me what had really been going on that I realised how unfair I'd been. I should've at least given you a chance to explain your side of things ... I know that now ... and I'm truly sorry."

Jack's sad frown softened. His crooked smile as it appeared, hinted that something cheeky might be on its way. "Have to say, Yan … you missed out on some pretty good readin' matter, there." A more thoughtful look slipped into place. "But what I can't make out, is, once you did get to know the truth, why didn't _you_ try to get in contact with _me?_ "

"How long's a piece of string?" There were so many reasons why. "Because I couldn't face speaking to you after letting you down so badly? Because I'd convinced myself you wouldn't want to know me anymore? Because I was scared?"

"Scared? Scared of what?" Both brows had lifted an inch or so higher. Jack looked up at the mirror above the mantle, a quick check of his phisog was in order; nobody had ever classed him as scary before. In fact he was pretty sure he never could be where Jones the Bastard was concerned.

"That things might work out." Ianto explained, cutting into his thoughts.

The Harkness brows went into orbit; he hadn't been expecting that. "And you thought that'd be a bad thing?"

"No, of course not!" Ianto rolled his eyes in a 'like I'd ever think that, you idiot' kind of way. "I sort of got it into my head that if we ever did get back together, there was always going to be that chance we could break up again … and I don't think I could bear to go through this pain for a second time."

Jack closed his eyes. "I know exactly what you mean."

And he really did. "But for the record I have no intention of losin' you for a second time, and I'm ready 'n' waitin' to tell you every last detail of what was in that letter ... if you want me to, of course."

"Of course I want you to, you dope. But not right now, eh?" Ianto sent his smile wide. "My brains fucking spinning enough as it is, and, be honest, Jack, it's not just that letter that we need to discuss, is it? There are so many other questions that I need answers to."

"Later then …. maybe when we've had a little more time to reconnect?"

As Jack smiled at him, Ianto smiled back. "Can it be tomorrow?" he suggested, "Or maybe the next day ... I'm gonna need a little time just to get used to the idea of you being around again."

Jack's smile grew wider.

Ianto actually started to blush. "Oh, unless you have to rush back home, of course." The shade of red grew deeper; cute and abashed was one of Ianto's specialties - he didn't really have to work at it at all - success in that area came quite naturally to him. "Sorry, I should've asked before making plans for us."

Jack stared, watched Ianto's transformation from caustic to coy and died just a little from the gorgeousness of it all. "You're okay, I don't have to go back straight away, in fact, I'm all yours for two whole weeks if you'll have me."

He paused, expecting the idea to be dismissed out of hand.

It wasn't.

"Great, so how about we have our coffees now that you've made them, then we could pop out to grab somethin' to eat; I've suddenly developed an appetite like you wouldn't believe."

Ianto finally walked through the gap with their mugs of coffee. "Go out to eat? Yeah, that should be interesting."

"It should?" Jack took hold of his mug. They both ignored the fact that his hand was shaking.

"Well, think about it," Ianto smiled, "I'll be having dinner; having dinner in a restaurant."

Jack shrugged. "So?"

"Having dinner in a restaurant, sat opposite a seven foot bunny?" Ianto took a sip of his coffee and started to smile. "Now that would be one very interesting meal, what are you going to have ... a few lettuce leaves?"

Jack looked down at his outfit - a big smile appeared on his face too. "I really need Els to bring me round a change of clothes, don't I?"

"Or you could borrow something of mine, we don't really want to disturb her around teatime, do we?" While the wide smile was saying 'aren't I considerate, not wanting to drag her half-way across town when she might be eating' - the eyes were saying 'I have absolutely no intention of sharing you with anyone else right now'. "And, actually, now thinking about it, why don't we just order in instead? Chinese and a few glasses of alcohol free wine sound okay?"

Torn between bursting into tears and shouting for joy, Jack was easily the happiest he'd been in months. He took a quick sip of his coffee. "Sounds perfect. I'll let Els know not to expect me back 'til later."

Ianto nodded his approval of their plans. "I'll get the menu." With his stomach grumbling he hurried over to find the appropriate kitchen drawer.

Jack watched the suddenly eager love of his life dart across the room. "Just order the usual. Still remember what I like do you?"

"Of course ….." A slightly indignant Ianto thrust his hand from sight then came back with the appropriate menu in hold.

He looked back to find Jack. "Why don't you hop out of your outfit?"

Jack groaned at the pun. Ianto grinned along with him. "You can borrow a pair of joggers and a sweatshirt to go back to Munch's in if you want. That way you won't look so silly climbing into the back of the cab, plus it means Els won't have to come out at all ... oh ..."

Curious Celtic eyes widened drastically, the arrival of a light-bulb moment seemed the most probable cause. "Of courrrrrrse ... you wouldn't by any chance be the reason she's been avoiding me all week, would you?"

The smile was only mildly apologetic; Els had deemed it necessary, and she'd been right - so far the means had resulted in a much happier than expected ending, taking place. "Yeah, that was my fault, sorry. She didn't wanna get into a conversation with you in case she let the cat out the bag."

"Or the rabbit, as the case may be."

Ianto allowed a tentative smile to fall into place, then looked down to continue with his perusing. "I'm not sure whether to go with Set Menu B for one, ... or just have my usual."

"Well whatever it is, make sure you order yourself a shit-load of carbs, we need to start feedin' you up." With his Welshman not taking offence at the comment, Jack spent a few seconds watching him mumble and deliberate, then he hastily finished texting Els to tell her that Project Easter was going way better than expected, and that he was staying on a little longer so they could have an early evening takeaway together.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"Ohhhh gohhhhd." Jack sat back rubbing his full belly, "I know you're not gonna believe this, but haven't eaten that much in ages."

"Me either." Ianto gulped down the last of his wine, burped rather deliberately, then sat there grinning. "Haven't had much of an appetite at all, if I'm honest."

Laughing, totally impressed by the uncharacteristic belch, Jack looked his skinny boyfriend (yes, boyfriend, he had to remain positive), up and down. "Don't take this the wrong way Yan, but you can kinda tell you haven't been eatin' properly."

"I am a bit a bit on the thin side, aren't I ….."

"Hmm, well I wouldn't exactly use the word thin," Jack lied blatantly, "But anyway, hopefully for both of us, that's all about to change."

Ianto heaved himself out of his seat and began to tidy the plates and trays into a manageable pile. "I'd better clear these away before I get too tired."

With a look of shameless contentment plastered right across his face, Jack began to help him.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Ten minutes or so later, with all items of rubbish cleared away, the couch was once again proving the most restful spot in the room; without either of them saying as much, both men seemed to have accepted that it was time to get back down to the nitty gritty.

Tucking his legs underneath himself, making himself comfy up one end, Ianto started the ball rolling by choosing something lightweight to discuss. "So how's everyone over in California? Your parents and Gray okay? Has young Bobby been behaving himself?"

"Everyone's fine, thanks." At the mention of his son's name, Jack's mood had brightened even more. "And speakin' of Bobs ... I need to ask you a big favour, he's really been missin' the chats he used to have with you. Not that I mean for you to get involved in anything heavy or anythin', I was thinkin'; give it a few days, then it'd be great if you could just let him know you're okay and that you haven't forgotten all about him. He's been really upset over what's happened between us."

"Of course I haven't forgotten all about him, the daft little bugger." Ianto angled himself toward Jack a little more. "Is he likely to ask any awkward questions, though?"

Jack grinned ... he'd spent the last three months trying to deal with his badgering son, so he knew exactly where Yan was coming from. "Tell you what, make sure I'm sat next to you at the time, and that way if he does throw somethin' you can't deal with at you, you can just hand the phone over to me."

Ianto heaved a sigh. "Okay, I'll think about it ... I don't mind talking to him, but I don't want him getting his hopes up for nothing."

He cast his gaze across the room to check out what was coming up next on tv.

Jack's head fell like a stone, he breathed slowly and silently as the damming connotations carved a path toward his heart. "So is that what _I'm_ sittin' here doin', Yan? Am I gettin' my hopes up for nothin'?"

The flickering images were abandoned.

"Okay ... maybe I could've worded that a little better, you've obviously taken what I said out of context, but as we've arrived at this point anyway, we might as well make it discussion issue number one."

Ianto wriggled around on his calves, got himself even more comfy. "So ... if you mean what you say, and you've seriously been getting your hopes up ... what is it you're hoping for Jack? And I mean realistically, not some fantasy situation in your imagination where we all live happily ever after. Are you hoping we can just forget the last three months ever happened? Or are you hoping we can salvage something out of what's left; going forward with me living over here in the UK while you're over there in the States? And if so, how's that going to work exactly?"

Up his end of the couch, Jack was frowning away. "You're gettin' a little intense, if you don't mind my sayin' ..."

"I know - intense is something I'm particularly good at - and, no, I don't mind you saying ... but do you see my point? In two weeks you'll be gone again. Can you understand why _I'm_ trying not to get my own hopes up too much?"

Twisting in his seat, drawing his legs up and crossing them as he sat side on, Jack stared solemnly at the doubting man who was sat way too far away for his liking. "The way I see it I've no reason _not_ to be hopeful ... I've been really pleased with the way things have gone so far, haven't you?"

Not having to think about it, Ianto gave a shrug. "Yep, I have no complaints either; things could've turned out a lot worse, you're right. But two weeks together isn't going to provide a solid enough base to rebuild a whole relationship on. I know for a fact that in two weeks time I'm still going to be hurting like fuck."

A small and hesitant smile appeared. "Don't get me wrong; I'm so fucking pleased you're back, Jack,"

Then promptly disappeared again. "But the wounds aren't going to heal in two seconds."

Lips drawing inward, Jack sat there nodding slowly. In taking his time it seemed that he was giving the issue some very serious thought.

"The only thing I want, Yan," he finally decided, resting back with a drawn out sigh, "Is for you to be back in my life. I'm not sure what impression I've been givin' since I arrived ... but after what I did? Jesus, Yan, I know you're hurtin' ... I was never expectin' you to welcome me with open arms, and, yeah, you're right, the distance sucks, and I know it's gonna be a tricky time for us, but I'll be on that phone every fricken day remindin' you just who your steady boyfriend is - remindin' you of all the good times about to come our way - and I'm gonna be countin' down the days 'til the show ends, when I can come back over here for good."

"For good?"

Ianto was suddenly all eyes, ears and gaping mouth. With some abrupt body movements, he sat himself to attention. "You're seriously thinking of staying over here full time? What about Bobby?"

"Yeah, I've spoken with him 'bout it bein' a possibility." was admitted nonchalantly.

"He was devastated, I bet."

"No, quite the opposite actually." Sitting there chuckling away, Jack set about explaining, "I've just had three long months of him hasslin' me to get back with you; he's quite the little match-maker I'll have you know. And as for his verdict on me movin' over here to be with you? You really wanna know what he said?"

With Jack sat there grinning like the cat that got the cream, all a wordless Ianto could do, was nod.

Jack folded his arms triumphantly. "He said that as long as it meant I'd be gettin' back with you again, he was cool with it. He knows I'll be goin' back for the odd visit here and there; I may still be accepting the occasional job over there, who knows? Oh, and he's already makin' plans to come over for the holidays ... just to see you, apparently."

Ianto was looking troubled. "No, that's not right ... why should he want to see me? Does he know that the reason you left in the first place is because I didn't give you a chance to make things right? Didn't you explain that I was the stupid prick that called time on us and not you? Does Bobby know all of that? I don't want him hero-worshiping me, Jack ... actually, when it comes to it, I don't deserve to have either of you in my life; I've already let you down once, what's to say I won't ...…"

"Whoa there, hold on just one sec! Who's let _who_ down, exactly?" Crawling along on his hands and knees, Jack was making his way forward. When he was as close as he could get, he crossed his legs again, and re-sited his backside. "Yan, _I_ was the one that fucked up, remember? _I_ was the one that hid the truth from you - _I_ was the one that was meetin' Joe behind your back."

"But that doesn't count! I understand now why you did what you did! I know you thought you had no choice!" Eyes glistening, riddled with guilt, Ianto was becoming emotional.

Jack took hold of one hand. "I'm so sorry Yan, I never meant for you to feel this way, all I ever wanted …"

"What? What _did_ you want, Jack?" Aware that his lips had begun to tremble, Ianto looked down.

As an afterthought, he drew his hand away from Jack's.

Not snatching, but definitely making his feelings known, Jack claimed it back in an instant, this time squeezing even harder. "The same thing I've always wanted, Yan ... for us to be together - to be a proper couple … for real."

"But ... but you never called or ... " Ianto looked away. Blinking purposefully he gave it a moment before looking back again. "Fuck it, Jack! Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you call me three months ago to tell me this?"

The desperation in Ianto's voice, the raw emotion coming through, seemed to have become too much for Jack to bear; tipping his head back, he stared at the ceiling. "I'm sorry ... I know I should have ... but in those first few weeks of not seein' you, of not even hearin' from you, I convinced myself you didn't wanna know anymore."

Ianto looked down. With a deep sigh he cupped his face, then fell silent.

A concerned Jack raised his head again. "Yan?" He'd had small moments here and there, of being lulled into a false sense of security, but, in truth, the situation was proving to be way more heart-wrenching than he'd ever imagined it might.

A moment later, just a few inches away from him, a couple of short sharp breaths were taken.

Ianto seemed to be stalling, - waiting for a little composure to return. Whatever it'd been, it hadn't worked; when he looked up, he clearly had tears in his eyes.

He quickly blinked them away. "That I didn't wanna know anymore? Jack ... I nearly fucking topped myself because I couldn't face being without you! That's how much I ' _didn't wanna know anymore'_ , you bloody fool."

Lips parted, Jack seemed lost in thought. The reality was that, watching Ianto sitting there waggling speech marks at him, he was simply busy convincing himself he must of heard wrong. "You ….. you did what? Sorry….. Yan, did you just say you tried to ….."

It was Ianto's turn to look confused; he'd gone one step beyond explaining the obvious. "Els didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Jack was slowly straightening in his seat. With a half-laugh he shook his head. "Y'know, I kinda got the feelin' she wasn't tellin' me the whole story." He wasn't looking impressed. "Yan ….. you need to tell me what the fuck's been goin' on over here, 'cause, right now ... I'm startin' to fuckin' worry. Are you seriously telliin' me you tried to kill your fuckin' self … and that nobody thought to tell ' _me'_?"

A nervous twitch appeared. "I just assumed she would've told you. I shouldn't have said anything ... it was nothing ….. sounds worse than it was."

"Oh, so what's this? Now you're backtrackin' on me? Oh no ….. you're not gettin' out of it that easily. Are you tellin' me you've really been that much of a mess? 'Cause if you have, then it's all been because of me." Accepting the truth, Jack's features were already creasing. "Oh Jesus ... what have I done? This is serious, Yan! Els shoulda told me!" The voice was getting louder. "Why the fuck didn't she tell me?!"

Softening his body posture, Ianto still seemed determined to play the whole thing down. "Would it have made a difference if she had? She may not have known at the time what your feelings for me, were. Not one of us over the last three months, knew for certain how you were feeling …. especially me."

"Would it've made a difference?" Jack pulled back, incredulous, as he blustered out a disbelieving laugh. "Yan, it woulda made all the difference. If I'd known you were feelin' that bad, I'd've been on the first fuckin' flight over to let you know how I was really feelin'. So come on, let's have it ... what did you do? Was it pills?"

Ianto shook his head.

Jack squeezed his hand reassuringly, "Just tell me ... I promise I'm not gonna get angry with you." he promised in a much quieter voice.

Studying their joined hands, Ianto looked down, embarrassed. "If you want all the pathetic details, you'll have to ask Els ... 'cause you're not going to hear them from me."

Sending a heavy breath out through his nose, Jack made a point of calming things right down. He softly brushed a thumb to and fro over the back of Ianto's hand. "Hey, look ... it's okay ... we all do stupid things. Take me for instance - I'm the King of stupid fuck ups! I slept with my own ex, _and_ yours, thinkin' I was doin' the right thing! How stupid is that?!"

"You were being blackmailed! You didn't have a choice! That doesn't make you stupid!"

Things were getting tense again. It didn't seem it was going to take too much to set them off each time.

Standing his ground, Jack responded just as emotionally. "But that doesn't make it right! I lied to you, Yan! I cheated on you, and ..."

"And you made me feel I was the luckiest person in the entire fucking world, Jack!"

Ianto hadn't hesitated to finish the sentence for him; with Jack staring wide-eyed, he nodded, confirming that he'd meant every word. "That's what you did! You? You're the most wonderful man I've ever known; you let me into your life - you always made sure I felt I was special - and when you tried to explain why your world had gone to shit, what did I do? I pushed you away. I didn't give you a chance, Jack ... not one singe chance. It was my own stupid fault that you walked away from what we had, so don't you dare try to take the blame for what happened!"

Remembering that he still had hold of Ianto's hand, Jack gave it a gentle squeeze. "I never wanted to leave you; I've been so lonely and lost these past three months. And I would've been here sooner, I really would ... but I thought you didn't wanna know me anymore …."

Ianto nodded. With a small smile he squeezed Jack's hand gently in return. "I believe you ... I can understand why you thought the way you did about me, because that's exactly what I wanted you to think. I deliberately took myself out of the equation, cut all lines of communication, so that nobody, not even Els, would know where I was. If I'm being honest, for a short while a tiny part of me actually did want us to end ... but deep down I never stopped wanting to be with you; I never thought I was capable of feeling this deeply about anybody ... but I do, Jack, I feel this way because of you ... And my life has been so ..." A breath was gasped inward. "So fucking horrible without you in it. Oh god ..."

Finally it had all become too much - the novelty, the humour surrounding the suspense of the past few days, it had all been pushed aside to make way for how Ianto had really been feeling all this time; that gut-twisting ball of grief he'd been suppressing since the moment he set eyes on Jack, had at last found a chink in the Jones armour wide enough to escape through.

"Yan no … hey, come on ... please don't ….."

"I'm sorry ..." Ianto paused, gasping for a second time. "I've been trying so hard not to get like this ….."

As Jack's arms came around him, he held on tight and continued to sob.

Starting to cry himself, as he rocked them to and fro Jack kissed the top of his 'boyfriend's' head. "I'm here now, and you listen to me ... it doesn't matter what side of the world I'm on, I'll always be yours, Yan, you hear? We're gonna be good together, even better than before; I'm sorry it's taken me this long to get my act together, but I'm gonna make everythin' right again …. I promise."

Squeezing harder around his skinny frame, Jack felt the tension within Ianto's body slowly begin to slip away. Eyes closed, he sat there, silently rocking away. The need for words no longer existed, they were right back where they should always have been ... on the right track. He could feel in his heart that this was real, that he and Yan truly wanted the same thing; he also knew that, finally, it was time for him to grow up and be an adult - sure, he still had that contract back home to fulfill, that was certain to delay things for a little while, but after that his whole life was going to revolve around Ianto Jones - he had plans …. so many plans …. and they were all really good plans ... the best plans ever.

Life could only get better from now on ... and he was going to make damn sure that it did ...

He'd just made the man he loved a solemn promise.

And it was a promise he intended to keep ... always.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

 **A/N: Happy Easter 2017 everyone**

-o- -o-

-o- -o-


	10. Getting There

**A/N:** **I'd just like to say 'thank you' for the encouraging reviews for the last chapter ... they were all very much appreciated.**

 **Plus** **I** **can't move on without extending a HUGE welcome back to Doshie ... Great to have you on board again!**

-o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o- -o-

Chapter Ten

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Getting There

-o- -o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o-

"Ow!"

A wounded escapee raised himself into a sitting position.

"Fuck that!"

An arm was vigorously rubbed.

"Oh ... "

There was a desisting of all and any movement.

"Oops."

The owner of the profanity spewing trap, had at last remembered he was supposed to be behaving in a stealth-like manner.

Hand gripping comfortingly around his right bicep, Ianto slowly glanced to his right. Despite his inspired moment of free-falling, the duvet-enshrouded form he'd left abandoned on the couch, appeared not to have stirred at all.

"Phew ..." He began to rub at an aching shoulder instead, the one he'd managed to land on before rolling onto his back commando style. Rotating the joint a couple of times he sat there performing his idea of what a pained expression should really look like; there was a definite twinge going on. He hadn't been expecting that.

Brows knitting, lips protruding, he sat there looking grumpily sorry for himself. The moment didn't last long.

"Oh you ... wanker ..."

At least this time he'd managed to keep his voice to a whisper.

His head lolled in disgrace, it was a good job there was nobody around to see him - he was overreacting massively. Still, at least he'd had one of his suspicions confirmed - that being in love had turned him into a right fucking wimp; a five year old could've handled the situation far better than he was managing. The not so daring move, had consisted of him rolling his body forward until he'd toppled over the edge of the couch, and the end result, of, course, had just seen him land with a thud on the wooden flooring below. But it'd been nowhere near as bad as his griping would have folk believe.

He was feeling overly sensitive, he decided, that was his problem. But on a positive note, at least he'd achieved his main goal; that being, to prove to himself that he still had the willpower to extricate himself from the warmth of a certain other person's possessive hold.

Something he'd just spent a considerable number of minutes seriously beginning to doubt. It was so overwhelmingly nice to have him back.

-o-

Crawling along on his hands and knees, his life-saver of a kettle had become the first destination of the day. It'd been a total of twenty minutes since he'd woken - a horn tooting further down the street, had inconsiderately dragged him from his dozy, dream-free slumber-state. And since that point, along with ignoring his need for a strong sweet coffee, he'd been laying there next to Jack pondering over the strangeness of his Easter weekend thus far. The previous day had certainly brought something of a surprise package his way; the shock of who'd been hiding inside that innocuous looking sack, had almost stopped his already broken heart from pumping forever - seeing Jack hadn't just taken the wind from his sails, it'd left him completely devoid of all sensible thought. But as far everything else was concerned ,he had to admit ... his Sunday afternoon hadn't exactly been the worst he'd ever experienced.

And the evening had been just as unexpectedly pleasant.

Okay ... true - punctuated with far more guilty silences than either of them would've liked, their heart to heart after dinner had made for some very uncomfortable scenes. But thinking to offer his own unique brand of reassuring words and gentle touches, Jack had been wonderfully considerate in trying to make each moment of fraught emotion as sufferable as possible for them both. Considering the whole unexpectedness of their impromptu powwow, they'd acted in a most mature manner. By the time they'd called it a day, all pivotal points of revelation and reconnecting had been classified as: hugely successful - seeds filled to the brim with hope and expectation, had been lovingly sewn on either side of their slowly disintegrating fence, and, most importantly, each problem as it occurred, had been tackled with a refreshing amount of openness and honesty.

It'd been draining affair though. They'd been left wrung dry by their eagerness to sort out all of their problems at once. So after a few hours the decision had been taken to chill for a while ... _'just like the old days',_ as Jack had put it. Stretched out on the couch they'd settled down to watch a bit of mindless tv - a recreation requiring minimal amounts of concentration, which'd been just about perfect for them ... considering. Blatantly admitting he wanted to get away with some catchy-uppie hugging, a jet-lagged Jack had insisted on adopting his historical position of snuggling himself onto Ianto's rear, but it hadn't taken long for his grip to loosen and the rumble of gentle snoring to fill the air.

Rather fortuitously, this had given the man in front a moment to react in private. Easing back into Jack's warm embrace, Ianto had lay there in the semi-darkness crying quietly to himself - not just the fact that he was in Jack's arms again, it had been, well, everything, really, that'd set him off. The day of strange occurrences had finally caught up with him, had at last become too much for him to deal with. Reflecting on the situation, he'd been forced to admit that he'd been feeling fragile for months. He'd been on shaky ground well before Jack's surprise arrival and in _his_ eyes, it was still a mystery how he hadn't become overwhelmed long before he had.

With the faint chattering of the tv disguising only the softest of his sniffs, worried that Jack might hear him, he'd wiped his cheeks dry then tried to concentrate on the flickering images instead. They'd become hypnotic pretty quickly and it'd been his own heavy lids trying to stay shut, that'd seen him make his most important decision of his day - he'd put his faith in the Gods - had gone with his gut feeling - had dared to believe that the change he was about to make to their plans, had been celestially predetermined.

Somebody up there just had to be looking out for them.

Whispering the little white lie that he needed to take a leak, he'd left Jack nodding back off in blissful ignorance. Grabbing the duvet and pillows from the guest bed across the hall, back in the living room he'd taken a moment to send Els a quick text. Hurrying in case Jack should wake again, he'd made a point of first insisting there was no need to reply, then he'd let her know that they'd both be round to see her late the following morning.

Aware that no words could ever fully describe how much he appreciated her efforts, he'd finished with an uncharacteristic …. _thanks Munch …. I owe you big time …._ _love you loads ….. Yan. T_ hen he'd set his mobile to 'vibrate-only' ... just in case she chose not to resist the urge to get an update on things.

Approaching the couch again, resting back on his haunches he'd knelt down to watch Jack sleep. He'd wanted to wake him so badly - being able to reveal that he really did understand and that he wasn't feeling bitter in any way, had suddenly become the most important thing in the world to him.

But he hadn't woken his sleeping beauty. His heart had told him that a weary Jack would appreciate a show of compassion far more, and as a consequence that very same heart had almost burst with the frustration of it all.

Because all he'd wanted was to show Jack that he cared.

Because only Jack had ever made him feel this way - so ... happy.

So ... at peace with the idea of having just one special person in your life ...

So ...

So ...

.

.

... so hopelessly in love.

-o- -o-

His moment of rueful adoration had continued for far longer than he'd intended. Kneeling there, looking for all the world like he was silently praying, he'd given himself a while to get used to a few facts - the main one being, that, if things did work out okay with Jack, then there was still a very good chance that he'd be spending the rest of his life with him.

Okay, he wasn't stupid. No situation in life could ever be set in stone, he knew that.

But for the time being it was going to be such a wonderful idea to cling on to.

-o-

Somehow, he'd managed to gently rest Jack's head on a pillow without fully waking him, then he'd gingerly reversed himself back onto the couch, and, after lightly draping the duvet over the pair of them, as a finishing touch, he'd killed the tv.

It was only later that the irony surrounding the moment had suddenly occurred to him - in settling them both down for the night, he'd actually been responsible for a timely piece of history repeating itself ... they'd unwittingly come full circle.

True, it probably wouldn't mean much to anyone else, but it'd been on that very same couch - and on the very first night they'd met, no less - that himself and Jack had first experienced the joys of spending an entire night together. It really seemed that Fate was trying to give them a bit of a helping hand. And with the newest morning of the rest of their fated lives just beginning, now pulling himself up onto his feet to see if his kettle needed topping up, a relaxed Jones the Seer was not only chuckling over the coincidence of it all, he was also allowing himself to feel just about the happiest he'd ever been.

.

Over on the couch (and making some very strange noises, for an inanimate piece of material), the crumpled duvet seemed to be coming to life.

"Hey Jonesy ... where ya gone? Get yahself back over here riiiiight now. Yaaaaaan? Ah come ohhhhhhhhn ... seriouzly, it's way to early for wakin' up! An' enway, I ain't finished with cuddlin' you yet …."

Ianto turned back to find just the top half of Jack's head peeking out from beneath the duvet; there was one bright blue eye focused on him and it was already proving very effective in distracting him from his original train of thought. "It's gone nine you dozy bugger. And we both need a shot of coffee, which is why I'm over ' _here'_ doing this, and not over ' _there'_ , with you, comprende?" The kettle, once more, was given his full attention. "Oh, morning, by the way."

Hiding his grin, he reached out for a teaspoon.

The one-eyed duvet remained unimpressed.

"Me no need no coffee …. me need my Yanno Jones …." Jack's deep and dozy voice was being used to its full advantage. "Hey, s'gettin' real lonely over here on this big 'ole couch. Can't you just come back for a lil while? Just for another five mins, yeah?"

The spoon was lowered and, with a long sigh, Ianto hit the kettle's on switch. Leaving it to its own devices, he began to make his way over.

"Five minutes …." he acquiesced climbing back alongside. As he got himself comfy, this time facing Jack, the duvet was stretched around to enclose him also, then a gentle 'thank you' kiss was pressed to the tip of his nose.

"I've missed your cute little nose." Jack admitted, taking a big chance in kissing his favourite facial feature for a second time.

Giving his crusty eyeballs a rest, but still feeling the need to respond reproachfully in some way, Ianto opted to raise one brow instead. "You know, I hate to say this but I'm beginning to suspect that my nose is the only thing you've been having trouble living without."

Head still buried side-on in his pillow, Jack lay there scowling disapprovingly at the comment.

"Okay, so you didn't just miss my nose." Ianto conceded, slowly melting at the sight.

He pursed his lips knowingly as an arm began to snake its way around his middle. Reciprocating in kind, he used his new hold on Jack to pull himself a little further onto the couch. "I s'pose we should really be thinking 'bout getting ourselves round to Munch's ... we need to pick up your luggage." Jack's hand deserted his waist. The fingers of the same hand very gently began to brush his fringe away from his forehead.

Ianto waited for the gesture to make him feel uncomfortable.

It didn't.

In fact he was feeling far more worried about the deadly serious look, slowly appearing on Jack's face.

"Yan, I'm not stupid ..." A noisy breath was expelled. " ...I know I can put us spendin' last night, right here, together, down to unusual circumstances, and, also; if you're serious 'bout me gettin' my gear and stayin' here with you while I'm over, I know you'll agree with me that it'll probably be for the best if I get my head down in the guest room." As the finger rearranging a few wayward wisps of fringe shot downward, a firm pressure was applied to Ianto's lips, preventing them from moving. "Now I don't want you to take this the wrong way," Jack reassured him, "I still want us to be a couple again ... trust me Yan, you have know idea how much I want that to be the case ... but at the same time I don't want you thinkin' I've come back assumin' I can just start takin' things for granted ... 'cause I'm not ... an' I won't ..."

Around them, the air fell silent.

One face was full of awe ... the other was looking both worried and wiped out.

That'd certainly been one hell of a speech.

"Thank you …." This time it was Ianto who kissed Jack's nose. "... for not being pushy, and for taking the situation seriously. I can't lie, I really enjoyed how we finished our evening; getting reacquainted with an innocent cuddle was a really special moment for me. But, yes, you're right; last night we were dealing with some very unusual circumstances."

A silent Jack acknowledged the observation with a nod and a smile.

An entranced Ianto could do nothing but smile back at him. "We have a lot more soul-searching to do," he warned, "A hell of a lot more, before anything genuine can happen in the ' _other'_ department - you do understand that, don't you Jack?"

And, again, the smiling face opposite dipped twice in a nod. "We're gonna do things properly this time."

Jack paused to prop himself up on one elbow. Cupping the side of his face with a palm, he looked down, deadly serious. "I mean it, Yan ... no more secrets ... no more game-playin' ... we're gonna be just your normal, everyday couple ... oh, but gay, obviously." Starting to relax in the moment, he grinned as Ianto tutted good humouredly at his need to point out the 'obvious'. "I want everyone to know we're together," he carried on, still as enthusiastic as before, "No matter what their opinion, I want the world to see we're out and proud. I want them to be able to look at us and say … Hey! ….. There goes Jack and Yan! ... And look at how happy they are! ... Those guys might not be conventional, but you gotta feel pleased for them, don'tcha!"

And with that ... Jack fell silent again.

The biggest speech of his life had come to an end.

Mainly because Ianto had kissed him.

Only very briefly mind ... but it'd been a firm kiss ... and on the lips, of course.

"You're making a very good start in convincing me you're taking this seriously," Jack was told with a smile, "And now I think it really is time for me to go make us some coffee. Tell you what, why don't you go grab a quick shower while I investigate what's in the cupboard; there might be something edible in there. Failing that, there's always bread, we could use that for toast."

Watching the love of his life make his way across the room Jack groaned then sat himself on the edge of the couch. After a wide yawn and a bit of a stretch, he managed to find the wherewithal to climb to his feet. "You're still bossy." he managed to grouse whilst grinning his head off'.

Pointing over to the doorway, Ianto was grinning too. "Go!"

He threw his arm wildly out to the side, accentuating the fact that he was pointing quite deliberately. "Els is expecting to see us before lunchtime, so shift your arse; I thought the three of us could drop your stuff off here first,by the way, then get the cab to take us into town to get some Bank Holiday grub inside us. Buying her a meal is the least we can do for now, don't you think?"

Face still red, dented in on one side; his hair as adorably mussed as it was ever going to get, already having made it to the doorway Jack turned back to send the man behind the kitchen counter a confused look. "You've already been in contact with her?"

The pleased grin opposite, told him all he needed to know. "But ... when?"

Ianto had already turned away. He had his head, plus his right arm, buried in a cupboard set at eye-level.

"I sent her a text late last night …"

He began to rummage around, moved items aside to find what he was looking for. "You were already in the land of nod when I ... AHA! There you are!"

The outstretched hand reappeared, "Gotcha!" to reveal that his fingers were gripping onto a box of Weetabix. As he stood there holding it out on show - triumphantly animated by his moment of success, the Jones train of thought continued to be interrupted in the cutest of ways; "Knew I had some somewhere! Look!"

Eyes shining, watching on with a wavering smile, Jack seemed on the verge of tears. "God I've missed you so much …."

Not trusting himself to remain any more composed than the emotional wreck across the room, Ianto tipped his head in the appropriate direction."Aren't you supposed to be taking a shower?"

Jack left the room without saying another word; it was clear from his guilty expression that becoming the cause of another awkward scene had been the last thing on his mind.

Ianto watched him leave, listened for the click of the bathroom door.

It was only then that he chanced whispering, "I've missed you too, Jack."

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"Anyway, I was thinking,"

Ianto was trying almost too hard to sound nonchalant. He'd actually been 'thinking' the same thought for the past five hours, but there was no way he was going to let Jack know that.

"If you're gonna be here for the whole two weeks, you might as well unpack all your stuff." he finished, deliberately avoiding Jack's gaze so as not to seem sadly desperate, even though he, very sadly, was.

Still bloated from the generous helping of lunch they'd recently shared with Els, landing on the bed next to his case, Jack patted the spot next to him. "Are you sure you want me to get settled in, Yan? It's still early days after all."

He made a blatant note of the fact that the space next to him was still vacant. "Are you gonna come sit down with me, or not?" Already following Ianto's orders; his right hand had landed on the first of two catches.

Ianto stepped all the way into the room. There was the tiniest of smiles teasing his lips into an upward curve. "Come on, open it," he encouraged, "I'll give you a hand if you like. The way I see it, the sooner we get this over and done with, the sooner we can sit down and relax; there's an old black and white film on later this evening I wouldn't mind seeing."

Jack released the lid with a loud click. It shot up into the air, revealing quite clearly that he hadn't packed it himself.

Ianto reached in and helped himself to the first item on show. "Oooh ..." He held it aloft by the shoulders. "I see you're still wearing this old thing, then."

A grinning Jack reached up to rescue his all-time favourite shirt. "I seem to recall a certain Departmental Manager tellin' me to get it 'cause it complimented the colour of my eyes." He fluttered his lashes a few times, as if doing so might help jog a certain 'Departmental Manager's' memory.

Guilty as hell, Ianto didn't bother denying the claim. "You bought it to take me on our first official date to Maria's." he reminisced, his smile hinting that the memory of the actual event was slowly returning.

Leaving Jack squeaking in terror, he quickly reclaimed the shirt. Wickedly choosing not to explain he'd already decided in advance that he was going to professionally hang all of the delicate items away himself, he walked around the bottom of the bed, across the room, then sliding back the mirrored door in the far corner, he made a start on performing his chosen task.

His free hand came away bearing a hanger, siting it lovingly around the padded arch he began to admire the shirt's azure blue hue and well cut lines. As he stood there using his practiced eye to align then realign the shoulders and collar, a noise resembling a groaned laugh escaped his lips. "You, you fool ... you were going to buy that bright orange effort, d'you remember?"

Back up on his feet and lifting the next item from his case, a gobsmacked Jack paused mid-move. "Do I ... do I remember?" His jaw dropped in amazement. "You playin' me for a fool, Mr Jones? Of course I fricken' remember ... c'mohhhn, it _was_ only last summer!" Amazement quickly became concern. "You don't _really_ think my memory's that bad, do you Yan?"

"Just checking." Determined to hide his show of amusement, Ianto quickly turned back to the wardrobe. "And anyway it's not your _memory_ I'm concerned about Jack, it's your appalling taste in clothing. I still can't believe you were considering buying something so fucking disgusting."

"Hey ... you laugh away all you wanna, Mr Floor Walker!"

Not unexpectedly, someone's tone had become decidedly defensive. "'Cause I'm standin' here right now thinkin' that maybe it's _your_ memory we should be worryin' about, not mine. May I remind you that it was your second in command that recommended I buy the damn thing in the first place ... an employee that I'm assumin' you must've been responsible for trainin'?"

Looking pleased with his come-back, Jack closed the gap between them then held over a second shirt for Ianto to deal with.

"That juvenile, thieving bastard, Brown, you mean?" His floor-walking wardrobe assistant took the garment from him with a snort. "Jack, he wasn't my second in command ... he was lead menial at best. The only reason I asked him to help you out that day was because at that particular moment in time, I didn't want to have to deal with you myself."

Jack span away; show of smug amusement long gone, he was frowning as he crossed the floor to get back to his case. "Wow, kick a guy when he's down why don'tcha? And thanks for lettin' me know what was really goin' on inside that head of yours that day, Yan."

Ianto kept his eyes on Jack, waited with baited breath for him to turn back and reveal with a grin that he'd only been joking. It was finally starting to occur that his merciless teasing of the man today might've been him going a little overboard ... especially given the newness of their time together. This had always been a particular weakness of his - nervousness always made him take the humour-filled route rather than the kind and sensitive option. Sensitive had a habit of leading him in the direction of something deep and meaningful, and that usually resulted in hurt feelings and a need to escape. He wished he could just say how he was really feeling - it would make perfect sense for him, now, to tell Jack that he'd never stopped loving him, and that he was desperate for them to get back together, but he was useless when it came to discussing feelings, that was the crux of his problem. And this was why Jones the Piss-taking comedian had resurfaced, same as always.

Sadly, he was pretty sure the fact hadn't done him any favours. As Jack turned back to face him, just one glimpse of the devastated expression opposite told him he was right. Yes, he'd spoken the truth of how he'd been feeling that day, but he hadn't meant to hurt Jack's feelings by being so cutthroat.

"What I meant to say, Jack, was that I couldn't _'face'_ seeing you, not that I didn't ' _want'_ to see you. You turning up out of the blue like that, sent me into panic mode, I didn't have a clue how to deal with the situation or what to say to you; I felt ... I felt ... awkward ... that's the only way I can explain it"

It was time for some major sucking up . "I was over the moon to see you ... and I swear I wasn't being a prick just for the sake of it."

So much for avoiding the deep and meaningful sensitive issues, then.

Watching Ianto's features twitch with an acceptable amount of embarrassment, Jack nodded that he was prepared to accept the explanation as an apology. "Yeah, I guess I can understand that." he admitted. "But you did set me up by sendin' me out onto the shop floor with that kid. How was I supposed to know he had no fuckin' idea what he was talkin' 'bout? I'd never set foot in the place before that day, let alone met any of your incompetent members of staff. I got Els to show me where I needed to go, remember?"

Ianto closed the distance. "Actually, despite what you might think, I remember the occasion with a surprising amount of clarity."

The closer he drew, the wider his smile was becoming. "And for what it's worth, I'm really sorry for being so tactless just now ... because the truth is, I happen to think that you choosing to go with my suggestion re: style and colour, wasn't the only smart move you made that week."

Jack tipped his head to the side, brushed a thumb over a logo-printed tee as he stood there admiring it. "Yeah ….." he agreed, suddenly wistful having caught Ianto's drift without making too much of an effort, "We did have a great time on the Friday evenin', didn't we ... and the meal was great too."

He located the stare of the man in front of him, the man he knew he could never stop himself from loving, no matter how much he teased, or how many secret thoughts he might choose to reveal from now on.

Their eyes locked. Jack's heart clenched as he found equal amounts of love and respect shining straight back at him.

A small, almost sad laugh slipped out. "Okay, I'll admit it was a real shame the mood during the meal didn't carry right on through to the end of the evenin', but that first attempt of us tryin'a get it right at last, was definitely a big step forward in my eyes."

"Maria's was an excellent choice of restaurant." Ianto could only agree.

That was all the encouragement Jack needed. "We should go there again … have ourselves a celebration meal!"

Considering the circumstances, coming from anyone else the effort to lift the mood would have sounded awkward at best. With Jack it was difficult to do anything other than join in with his show of enthusiasm - indeed, an almost relieved looking Ianto was already nodding away.

"Okay. When did you have in mind?"

"Why not tonight? It'll have to be you that rings through to book the table though. They might recognise my voice, and I don't wanna spoil the surprise."

Almost immediately, Jack's mood dampened. "Oh, damn ... d'you think they'll be open on a Bank Holiday?"

Ianto nudged into him purposefully, secured himself a better spot in front of the case. Moving the t-shirt Jack had just discarded to one side, he came away with a pair of neatly packed dress trousers. "Well I should imagine that Maria and her family, what with them being Catholic I mean, would definitely have been a little preoccupied yesterday, but as long as they get lots of nice customers willing to pay them lots of nice Pounds Sterling for their efforts, I can't see them giving much of a toss that the banks haven't been open for business."

The wardrobe was his next stop. One still neatly ironed pair of slacks was carefully hung over another padded hanger. "Gracie pack these for you by any chance, did she?" Adopting a show of false innocence he turned back to find a tongue being poked out at him. He couldn't help but chuckle and felt relieved as Jack smiled then started to laugh too. "All that aside, Jack, don't you think you ate enough at lunch time? You even ate half of Munch's panini and, more to the point, don't you think you might be tempting fate by taking us on this ' _celebratory_ ' meal of yours, so soon?"

Jack met up with his doubting Thomas by the wardrobe. With the lightest of touches he relieved him of the hanger. "You know what I think, Yan?"

He turned to his left, took the liberty of placing his trousers into the wardrobe himself. "You think I might be tempting fate, do you?" A firm grip was gained on each of Ianto's arms. "Well I'll tell you what I think Ianto Jones. ... fate can go fuck itself, that's what I think. There is no way I'm ever gonna lose you again, and tonight you an' me are goin' out to celebrate the fact ….. okay?"

"I'd better go find something spectacular to wear." Deadpan was one of the Bastard's specialities.

Lips wasted no time in finding his right ear. "Your birthday suit would be good."

As a blast of warm breath sent his lobe into tickle-mode, Ianto came dangerously close to giggling and puling away. The moment passed as soon as it'd arrived and he smirked as a reply flew into his head "Okay ... but only if you wear yours too. ... oh, and you've got to iron it first."

The burst of conjoined laughter was spontaneous and heartwarming. Ianto allowed himself to go with the flow and roared louder as Jack came back with a pointless comment of his own. It was these small moments of banter, the fact that they kept forgetting themselves to behave instinctively like this, that he was finding the most encouraging.

He began to head for the door. "Okay, Maria's it is then - but you can make the booking, I'll end up giving the game away knowing me."

Still laughing away, Jack wasn't paying him any attention.

"Why don't you treat them to your Irish Michael impression," Ianto suggested, "Nobody at the restaurant knows you as him, do they?"

Still Jack was too preoccupied with appreciating the previous joke.

"Okaaay ... if we're dining naked tonight I think I'd better go take a cold shower first " Tried as a last resort, the comment more than got Jack's attention.

"Um, Yan ... I was only jokin."

"I know ..." Ianto glanced back over one shoulder. "So was I."

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"So ... "

The figure in the doorway fidgeted uncomfortably.

"How do I look?"

Jack held his breath. The request for him to share his opinion had been delivered in a very unsure manner.

He flicked his gaze upward, stared into the mirror now showing two reflections - the one which wasn't his own, was shuffling nervously on the spot.

Turning away from the mantel, he left the neatly arranged row of chocolate eggs to look after themselves and made a point of slowly looking Ianto up and down.

"How do you look?" He stepped over to join him, snaked his arms around one very well-dressed, but way too skinny, Welsh waist. "Well to be honest, Yan, you look like you could do with a few of Maria's fattenin' pasta dishes inside you."

Self-conscious to the point of cancelling their date full stop, Ianto's already down on himself mood was sent plummeting even further. Features crumpling with embarrassment he gave a disappointed groan and allowed the suit jacket hooking onto one finger to fall to the floor. "I knew I shouldn't've gone to so much trouble. Fuck it! I look really stupid, don't I - this belt's pulled up so fucking tight, it looks ridiculous."

Jack raised one finger tutor to pupil fashion. " _BUT_ … ... despite my naturally concerned observation about yourself, Mr Jones ..."

He scolded Ianto by shucking him in hold, "….. you're still the most gorgeous thing I've ever set eyes on, _and,_ for what it's worth, I don't need to go out at all ... I'd be quite happy to just stand here and look at you all night long."

The owner of the commanding hold began to smile sappily.

Ianto promptly forgot that he was supposed to be feeling embarrassed.

"I don't know whether to stick my fingers down my throat and retch all over you, or simply hug you senseless." he admitted, not complaining as Jack leaned in to steal a gentle peck on the lips. "So we're agreed, yes?" He neatened Jack's tie, even though it didn't need neatening, "We go out for this meal - relax for a while and forget all our problems, then it's straight back here to continue with the serious stuff." The pout emerging, was ignored. "I don't know about you, Jack, but I still have a shitload of questions I need answers to, and the sooner we clear a few things up, the sooner we'll have a clearer idea of whether it's worth us starting over or not."

Jack heaved a sigh - after the day they'd had so far, he'd been living under the assumption that they'd already become an item again.

He scrunched up his nose, sniffed upward as he twisted his mouth to one side. "Yeah, I know what you're sayin'," Okay, he was prepared to concede that much. "But let's see what time we get back, yeah?" A cab tooted out in the street. Peering past Ianto and out into the hall, he was looking a lot more thoughtful than of late. "The way I see it," He began to lead them out of the room. "We'll probably get a better result if we tackle all the serious stuff durin' daylight hours ... y'know ... when we're not all tired an' irritable."

"Or drunk, in your case." In one smooth move, Ianto bent down mid-step to recover his jacket. It was one third of a very fetching dark charcoal affair and he was secretly pleased that he was actually going to be wearing it. With a half-smile taking up residency, he snatched hold of his door keys and followed Jack - as stunning as ever in his favourite blue shirt and silver/grey slacks - out onto the pavement. "Yeah ... okay, you're probably right." he pulled the door closed behind him with a sigh, "But tomorrow we talk ... okay?"

"It's a date."

Jack was already scooting himself along on the back seat. He rested his forearms on the back of the seat in front. "Hi, great evenin' isn't it! We're gonna be needin' the tube station, please."

The taken-aback driver smiled into the rear view mirror, then busied himself with setting the meter.

Jack watched Ianto climb in beside him, and grinned his way into stupidly happy mode.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"It's really weird, y'know … knowin' I'm not livin' upstairs anymore."

Looking around them as they slipped in through the restaurant's front entrance, a reminiscing Jack sent a disappointed sigh in Ianto's direction.

Ianto allowed him a small look of sympathy, one not too dissimilar to the one he'd felt obliged to offer as they'd climbed into the cab outside Hammersmith tube station, or the one he'd mustered by way of a response to the exact same comment while they'd been in transit on their way to the restaurant.

Sensing that something was amiss, Jack studied the expression opposite. It didn't take too long for him to see that, beyond the understanding look of sympathy, there was a distinct 'here we go again' glazing over of eyes occurring. He sent Ianto an awkward smile then looked over to catch the waiter's eye instead; with his back to them, Antonio was busy talking to a couple just about to leave.

Jack sent himself rigid. A thought appeared to have occurred.

He clasped a hand tightly over the shoulder nearest to him. "Oh! ...Yeah! I meant to ask you earlier ... but then I forgot again!"

Ianto jumped out of his skin then immediately blushed.

Jack looked suitably remorseful. "Did you get your garbage sack back, the one with all your gear in? When I left I gave it to Maria to take care of."

Someone ... the very same someone who'd rather not have been reminded of the issue ... looked down at his feet. "Um, yeah …" The same pair of feet was shuffled. "I mean I never intended for you to ... you know ..." A bottom lip was bitten then released. "Anyway ... you did ... and I did get everything back again, so ... thanks."

Mouth quirking up just ever so slightly on one side, Jack seemed transfixed by the show of awkwardness. He stepped in front of Ianto, brought them face to face. "Hey ... no problem. I mean, I couldn't just let you throw everythin' away like that, now could I? Those things had been a part of me too, remember?"

Ianto swallowed deeply - of course he hadn't forgotten that small fact, nor how he'd made his feelings perfectly clear by clearing all of his things from Jack's flat in the first place. A situation that'd been simply 'awkward' before, was now well on its way to becoming 'really awkward'.

He created a distraction. "Aha ... here we go; looks like Antonio's on his way over at last."

"Jack! Yan!" The young waiter was suddenly upon them. "Why did you not tell my aunt you are coming? I am sure she would have made you both something very special to eat."

"We wanted to keep things a bit low key, Antonio." Jack's smile went wide and bright as he made a display of slipping an arm round the man stood next to him.

Ianto tried not to react too much as the hand brushing just above his belt-line slipped further down to find the small of his back. Jack's touch was something he'd missed greatly. A warm feeling, a distinct feeling of being wanted, began to flow through his body. "Got our favourite table reserved for us, have you?" he asked Antonio, nodding in the appropriate direction across the restaurant.

The young waiter smiled knowingly at them. "Please follow me gentlemen."

"I'm already starvin' again." Jack admitted as they ambled between the tables, heading for the screened off alcove. Just a step behind him a smirking Ianto remained silent - Jack wanted food again ... things seemed to be getting back to normal very quickly.

"Get yourself settled my friends, your menus are already on the table for you. Would you like your usual excellent choice of wine?"

Coming to a stop then rotating on the spot, Jack smiled at Antonio and nodded.

The young waiter seemed overjoyed. "Excellent! I shall tell my aunt that she has to bring it through for you."

Chuckling to himself he bowed slightly then made to leave. "Oh this is going to be such a wonderful surprise for her." he decided, before disappearing round the corner.

Jack readied Ianto's chair for him and waited for him to sit. "Don't ever say I'm not a gentleman." he joked as he sat himself down on his own seat.

"He's just assumed we wanted wine ..." Ianto sat there playing nervously with his napkin. "I'm supposed to be sticking to water or Coke." he pointed out, looking guilty.

"Hey ... look, I'm not gonna force you or anythin' ..." Shaking his own square of white linen free of its folds, Jack began to wave it around in surrender. "The only thing I will say," he carried on, laughing at the dismayed look Ianto was giving him, "Is that I'll keep an eye on you if you do decide to have a glass or two; I was only plannin' on havin' a couple myself, anyway."

"You won't let me do anything stupid, will you?" Ianto checked., still torn between enjoying himself and not taking any chances.

"I'm not gonna take my eyes off you all night." was promised with something of an ambiguous tone going on.

His actions sufficiently disguised by the angle of the starched white table cloth, Ianto kicked out lightly, catching Jack on the side of the foot.

"Not quite what I was getting at," he pointed out, sounding sufficiently chastising despite his smile, "But, go on then, I'll join you in a glass of wine. Just don't let me drink any more than two, okay?"

"Your wish is my command, oh master."

Jack promptly earned himself another gentle kick under the table.

-o- -o-

A minute later Maria was approaching on the far side of the screen - they could hear the distinct sound of her matriarchal mutterings. Rambling away to herself in Italian, she was obviously unhappy at being given something so menial to do when she was already very busy preparing food and trying to run things backstage.

Professionally losing her feisty attitude at the last minute, dark hair pulled back tightly, as usual, and tray clasped safely in her plump, overworked hands, she stepped around the corner and into view.

Remaining seated to maximise the overall effect, both men looked up at her and smiled.

"HAH!" Very nearly dropping everything she was carrying, the restauranteur stopped on the spot. "Mama Mia! Santo cielo! …." Approaching the table she hurriedly balanced her tray then began to hug the two familiar customers rising to greet her. "Oh, Mister Jack ... you are back! And so handsome …. look at you - look at you!"

Turning to her left she clutched her hands to her bosom and beamed in a proud motherly fashion. "And my lovely Ianto ….. still so handsome, too!" The man in question was hugged hard around the waist, almost preventing him from breathing. "Che bello! Oh this is such a greater greater day for your Maria; she is believing she is never going to see you again! Come here, come here."

As she commenced with another round of hugging, Jack and Ianto smiled fondly at each other. It was indeed a great day; it was a situation that neither of them had expected to find themselves experiencing ever again.

"Order your starters," they were eventually instructed. "Maria is going to cook you special treat for your mains – you have time for me to prepare, yes?"

Jack looked to Ianto for guidance, receiving an eager nod in return he confirmed with their host that the both of them would relish the chance to sample some of her wonderful home cooking again. And off she shot, muttering away to herself once more, but this time in a much more affable fashion.

"Well that was encouraging." Ianto decided, retaking his seat.

Jack began to pour them both a helping of the red that Maria had left for them. He held his glass in the air, ready to clink. "Here's to us ... and our, hopefully, happy future."

Ianto raised his glass. "And family and friends who've gone above and beyond in helping us to get this far."

Jack brought their glasses together. "To us ….. to family … and to friends"

"And Maria!" Ianto added quickly, the afterthought almost choking him with his first mouthful. "Bit out of practice." he explained with a small laugh as he noisily cleared his throat.

A generous gulp had been sent shimmying around the inside of Jack's mouth. He hummed his approval then raised his glass in readiness again. "To Maria!" Another big swig was consumed. "Hey, we're gonna have to make sure we don't go home drunk." he warned, already lifting the bottle again in readiness.

The amount of irony lacing a path through that comment hadn't been lost on Ianto; the rate that Jack was topping their glasses up, they'd both be going home drunk, that was an absolute certainty. He wasn't even sure that them behaving in this manner was really appropriate; there was, after all, three months worth of confusion and uncertainty that still needed to be unraveled and dealt with. And not only that, he'd made a vow that he wouldn't drink ever again - right now a wealth of bad memories was telling him to err on the side of caution.

He stared across at Jack's almost ecstatic smile; the hopeless romantic didn't have a clue what he was sat there thinking. It was hard to believe, but the man he'd spent months thinking he'd lost forever, actually didn't hate him at all. In fact he seemed over the moon that they were trying to find a way back - even more amazing was the fact that it really did look like they could be getting there. Miracles didn't come any better than this? Maybe that was how he should be viewing things - he was a worrier by nature, and nothing had ever worried him more than the thought of losing Jack. But it'd happened - because he hadn't had the courage to give himself completely, because he'd allowed the man that loved him, to believe he was wasting his time.

Well they were here now, back in their favourite restaurant, drinking their favourite wine, and if anything the feelings of love coming from Jack were even stronger than before.

So was that all that mattered?

That Jack was still in love with him?

And that he was still in love with Jack?

The thought needed some serious consideration.

-o-

As Jack held his glass across the table, ready to make another toast, Ianto raised his glass too.

"It is a very nice red." he admitted with a smile, deciding to trust the man he loved, to get him home safely.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Starters almost devoured, they were still sober ...

... ish.

"Well it didn't take _us_ long to fall back into the old routine, did it?" Watching Ianto spear and then liberate the last piece of cannelloni left on his plate, Jack reached over to steal a juicy looking half a meatball. He grinned as he chewed, nodded an eager 'yes please' , waited for Ianto to do the honours with the wine before reaching for his glass to take a swig.

Having felt obliged to order the same as before, they were very nearly at the bottom of their second bottle.

It was, after all, a very nice red.

"To an unexpectedly enjoyable evening. Oh, and thank you for not stopping me at two glasses." Ianto held his glass across the table for Jack to clink.

"Absolutely, Mr Jones, and, anytime ... don't mention it!" Jack supped a deep quaff of his wine, set his glass back on the table then reached forward. Ianto flinched as his left hand was grasped firmly. "Thank you …" Jack squeezed his fingers around the hand buried within his own,began to brush his thumb to and fro, to and fro.

Ianto stared back in silence. He was trying desperately to think of something witty to say, but the copious amount of wine flowing through his veins wasn't doing him any favours when it came to straightforward thinking.

"For what?" was all he said in the end.

"Thank you for deciding not to hate me forever, and thank you for giving me this chance to make things right between us."

That went down really well.

"You're not the only one that's got some making up to do you know; I'm just as guilty as you are of fucking everything up."

Ianto tried not to scowl as he stared across the table; Jack was still there, weakening his resolve by brushing his thumb back and forth, back and forth. "Yan, look me in the eye. Tell me you can't see what I'm thinkin' right now." he was instructed. He didn't have to stare too deeply into those emotion-filled pools of blue to find the answer.

"I think it's called wearing your heart on your sleeve, isn't it, Jack?"

His cheeks were in the process of colouring up. Well aware of the fact he looked down at his empty plate. "If I'm honest, I have to say, I'm a bit surprised you still feel that way about me."

"Oh …..." Jack sniffed in a deep breath, "I see ..." With Ianto just a couple of feet away watching him intently, he held it for a second ... then noisily blew it back out again.

"So I guess that means you don't feel the same way about me anymore." He sounded totally defeated. "I feel kinda stupid now."

Ianto rolled his eyes.

Then instantly regretted it.

It still was a very nice red, though.

"What ' _are'_ you on about, you bloody fool? Of course I still feel the same way about you ..." A warning stare was sent across the table. "Just don't you dare fucking say it …"

"I'm still not allowed?!" As Antonio drifted around the corner to see if they were ready for their mains, Jack gestured that they were good to go then refocused on the man of his dreams. "But we're gettin' back together, Yan ... aren't we? We're gonna be okay."

Like a line like that was ever going to have worked with Jones the Bastard. "I don't care! I'm asking you nicely, Jack ... please …. don't ... say it."

Jack winced as the grip was reversed and his hand was squeezed impossibly hard.

"You fuck this up now, Harkness, I will personally castrate you myself. I want this just as much as you - don't ever think otherwise - but you've been back in my life for less than two days, which means we've still got a long way to go. I want nothing more than to make things work between us, but I don't want you and your loose tongue tempting fate for us, okay?" Eyes were widened. A head was shaken. "And who's idea was it to order fucking wine? I can't drink _and_ think ... it makes my head hurt."

Jack smiled at the comment, but only briefly. He didn't want the man with a strangle hold on his hand to think he was making fun of him. "Okaaaaay, we'll do it your way. But once I've proved you can trust me, - once we're good to start makin' plans for the rest of our lives - _that's_ when I can tell you, yeah?"

Ianto shook his head.

Jack's hard done by features, creased with despair. "Jesus, Yan ... You can't expect me to go through life without ever tellin' you that I …"

"DON'T ..."

The hand that wasn't doing the crushing,was waved through the air. "Don't you dare say it. Not now. Not ever. I'm not taking any more chances where you're concerned. If I really have got you back in my life there is no fucking way I'm going to lose you for a second time ... I know I couldn't go through feeling like this for a second time."

"Believe it or not, I do know what you mean." Jack tugged his hand away, fell back in his seat with a sad smile forming. "But it doesn't have to be that way. Think about it ... we both want this, we're both adamant we're not going to let the past get in the way, and in my mind that makes us already there, or there abouts. The way I see it, our home run's just about as close as it's ever gonna get … so this time it's gotta work."

Ianto breathed out a small, but in no way condescending, laugh. "You really believe that, don't you?"

"I have to believe it Yan," There was a look of desperation in those sad blue eyes. "'Cause if there's one thing I've learned from all of this, it's that I can't live without you, I know that for a fact, so, yeah, no question ... this time we're gonna be okay."

"I hope so ….." Ianto took another sip of his very, very nice red wine. "I really do." he promised, allowing his gaze to deliver the most important part of his message.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

tbc.


	11. Amelioration

Chapter Eleven

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-o- -o- -o-

-o- -o- -o- -o-

Amelioration

-o- -o- -o- -o-

-o- -o- -o-

-o- -o-

Loudly contradicting some very well documented government regulations, a car's horn was tooted twice in quick succession.

It was very late.

A curtain twitched two doors down.

Then a light came on in the property opposite, which was really bad news - day or night it was never a good idea to disturb Mr and Mrs Suspicious over the way - tongues were bound to be wagging by sun-up; when the old girl at number 41 had nothing juicy to gossip about, more often than not she took it upon herself to make something up, just to keep everyone going.

This one fact alone meant that the second they left the house for work, the young couple next door to her were going to be treated to something along the lines of …

'…. _now you know I'm not one to tittle tattle, my dears, but did_ _you hear the racket that taxi was making last night? Well between you and me, it was that strange young man opposite - the Welsh one - he was on his doorstep for over an hour with that handsome young man we haven't seen in a while ... you know, the one who turned up on telly last year ... seems he's back on the scene and, you mark my words, there's definitely something a little untoward going on between those two ... It's a rum old do, if ever I saw one …'_

Not only was she creative, she was also prone to exaggeration ... there was no way Jones the Bastard would stand on his front door step for an hour plus for any reason.

Oh yes indeedy, over the way at number 41, Mrs Suspicious was probably already working away on how best to have herself a field day ...

And it was all thanks to one friendly, but rather over-excited, cab driver.

"D'awww … what a nice guy,"

Too happy to care in any respect, the ' _handsome young man off_ _the telly_ ' was currently watching the cab and its driver, set off. In his usual flamboyant and enthusiastic manner, he was sending Maria's brother on his way with a fingertip stretching wave of farewell. "See ya! Tell Maria we'll see her soon! Byeeeee!"

If the loud toot hadn't done the trick, that little display most certainly had. As the car drew further away, curtains were starting to twitch all over the place.

"Yan?... Yan!"

Jack appeared to be on the brink of panicking.

"Yan? …. Yan, _look!_ … _L_ _ook_ Yan!"

Those sexy tones had successfully lifted a whole octave in one go.

"Yan, come on ... you need to start wavin'."

The giddy child inside was creeping ever closer to the surface.

"Yan? Yan look …. he's leavin' ….. Wave Yan, wave!"

.

High on life, but more so on love ... and okay, still just an eensy weensy bit merry, finally the logical solution occurred to Jack.

As well as yelling, he tugged hard on Ianto's sleeve. "Wayyyyyyve!"

It worked a treat. In the process of unlocking his front door, Jones the Keymaster turned back to instantly mirror Jack. Only his version didn't involve him reaching quite so hard for the night sky - - he used to be called Jones the Bastard, for fuck's sake … exuberant and flamboyant, as self- descriptive terms, in any case, had never once formed part of his vocabulary and, not surprisingly, there was very little chance that they ever bloody would.

"Yeah, you're right, Jack; he's a really nice guy," A post-badass Ianto slowly nodded his agreement, albeit a tad delayed the level of sentiment contained therein seemed no less genuine than any that offered with Jack's more over-the-top efforts.

.

Still with its ' _not-in-service'_ sign glowing away, the cab was continuing along the road. An arm was thrust through the opened driver's window, it briefly waved back but Jack soon found himself ' _aww-ing'_ ' as both vehicle and driver turned a corner and disappeared from sight.

Sighing heavily, he turned away from the road and followed Ianto into the hallway. "Yan can you believe that guy? He's actually driven us the whole way home. Y'know I'm sure you were right back at the restaurant; the tube would've still been runnin' ... if we'd left when we first said goodbye, we could easily'a made our own way back."

Walking on ahead Ianto wasted no time in humming his agreement.

Nodding and looking appreciative of the fact, Jack continued to slouch along behind him. "Maria can be so forceful sometimes, you know? I mean, the poor guy was probably too scared to say no when she suggested he give us a ride."

A melodramatic Harkness-style pause was deliberately inserted. It gave Ianto time to come back with another half-grunt of corroboration which, from Jack's relieved expression was still proving far better than hearing absolutely nothing at all. "I just wish he'd agreed to accept some cash from us," he admitted with a sigh, "We could at least've covered the cost of the gas for him ….. it's not as if we live just round the corner, is it?"

Feeling too tired to make an issue of the ' _we'_ ' element to Jack's logistical observations, Ianto came to a silent stop in the middle of his living room. Shoulders drooping he turned back with the visual confirmation that he was actually feeling equally as guilty. Teeth sinking into his lower lip, shaking his head and gazing across the room at nothing in particular, he was standing there looking a little bewildered by the show of generosity.

"Yeah …."

What seemed like ages had, in actual fact, been no more than a moment or two, but at last his incisors had given his poor tortured lip a break. "I know what you mean, it must've cost him a small fortune to come all this way. And all he probably wanted anyway, was to just get home and get _himself_ off to bed. The worst thing is that the poor sod's now faced with making that long drive all the way back over the river." The same bottom lip was relocated and gnawed anxiously upon. "We should never've accepted his offer, should we? Shit! This is all my fault ... I should've stayed sober …. there's no way I would've let him drive all this way if I hadn't ….."

"Yan ….."

"No …. don't bother, Jack …." A look of self-disgust, was sent across the room. "It's true and you know it. Fuck it! One day I might actually make a vow and manage to stick to it."

"In which case, this really is my fault and not yours." It hadn't been intended, not even in a roundabout way, but Jack had seen a finger being pointed directly at him. "I should never've encouraged you to join me … I didn't realise how serious you were takin' the whole 'not drinkin' thing' and ….."

"What? No ….. No, Jack ... I wasn't blaming you."

The gap was closed. "I'm sorry ….. I didn't mean it to come across like that."

Ianto took another step forward, bringing them within arms-reach. "It wasn't your fault at all, you were just being you ... you're always gonna encourage me to do all kinds of things I don't want to….. I know that, and I can accept that _._ I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to resist you once in a while, that's all."

"Oh yeah? So you're gonna resist me, huh? Hey ….. good luck with that!" The usual smile was back in place.

Ianto smirked at the comment before moving on to a more serious thread. "Anyway, Maria's brother has really gone out of his way tonight, and as he won't take any readies from us we're gonna have to find some other way to treat him."

Smile subsiding in a thoughtful way, Jack nodded as he hummed his agreement.

Ianto twisted himself around on the spot. Free-falling in reverse, he dropped down onto his couch. With a weary grunt he kicked off first one shoe, "Ahhhhh," and then the other, "Oh, yeah … that's better."

Jack flopped down next to him and did the same. "Oh wow, will ya look at that …. I actually got toes that move ….. ooooooh." The toes in question were wriggled in demonstration. "Hey ….. maybe we could ask Maria what his favourite drink is … y'know, buy him a bottle of somethin' really expensive."

One leg was crossed over the other and a hand extended downward, then with one long groan a socked left foot was rubbed and kneaded. "Be a hun and remind me never to wear these damn shoes again …"

Ianto laughed quietly at the request and as the body next to his relaxed back fully, he rested his head on one conveniently placed shoulder. "His favorite drink, did you say?" The sigh was deep. Full of remorse and disappointment. "Ohhhhh great ... here we are back to alcohol already. I really wish I'd been fucking stronger tonight, Jack."

It took a moment of awkward re-angling, but finally Jack managed to slip his right arm around Ianto's shoulders. "Hey, stop worryin' and stop overthinkin' things ….. they coulda been much worse, y'know. I mean we're not that drunk, are we ? If anythin' we're near as dammit back to full on sober again and, anyway, I was way worse than you. In fact, as far as I'm concerned Mr Jones, you've behaved impeccably tonight. Oh …. apart from all the kickin' me under the table of course."

Mouth skewering to one side; his lips distorting almost comically as he tried to purse them in readiness, Jack eventually managed to kiss the top of the head resting a little lower than his own.

Features contorting, Ianto was trying his hardest not to laugh, realising he just couldn't help himself he decided instead to make the most of the moment and just go with the flow. It was nice that they were reconnecting so easily ... little by little, things were slowly slipping back into place. "Well if my memory serves me correctly on that front, you asked for everything you got. Oh, and I know full well I didn't hurt you, so don't try pulling that one on me either, you sneaky git …"

Laughing quietly and leaning on each other for support, they both stretched their legs right out in front of them. Cherishing the moment they lay there in a comfortable silence intermittently laughing then sighing as the odd thought or two occurred.

The lull also allowed for a moment of reflection; a good few minutes had passed when, head still on his shoulder, Ianto took hold of Jack's free hand. Without a word, he squeezed it gently.

Still nothing was said, and the loving hold was maintained as they continued to linger down their respective memory lanes a little longer.

Arm still wrapped tightly around his shoulders, Jack pulled Ianto closer to him. "This is so nice. I …." He cleared his throat. "I mean we ..." Voice choking, it seemed he'd been concentrating more on the sentimental side of things and had successfully brought himself to the verge of tears. "God I've missed you so much ... I still can't believe I'm back here with you again; it's been so long and … I've felt so lost without y …"

It wasn't a loud affair, more a case of quiet tearful sniffing than bawling and wailing, but the flood gates had definitely opened at last.

"Here we go …. alcohol and emotions ... a fatal cocktail every sodding time ... and another very good reason why I should be avoiding the bloody stuff like the plague!"

Twisting himself around, making some consoling, tutting noises as he did, Ianto affectionately pulled Jack into his arms, "See, you daft sod … this is what happens when you drink too much red wine!"

Rocking each other gently from side to side, the pair set about silently confirming that their feelings for each other were still as strong as they'd ever been. It very quickly became a very special moment ... special enough to be misread, even.

"Hnnnmmnnnnn?" Ianto suddenly found himself pulling away with a gasp." "Jesus!"

Jack had backed out of the embrace then without warning had brought their mouths together ... and it hadn't just been an innocent peck.

Rolling his lips inward, determined that he and Jack should make no further contact, Ianto continued to inch himself out of reach. "Sorry Jack ... that was just a bit too full on; I don't want our first time on this occasion, to be a quick shag after our first night out." Still angling himself away he studied the expression forming opposite; cheeks still tear-stained, Jack had definitely assumed he'd just committed the worst crime ever and, worse, that he'd been kicked into touch.

"Yan I'm so sorry … I wasn't meanin' for us to y'know, go all the way ... I mean ….. oh god please don't make any hasty decisions about me - I really really want our first time back together to be somethin' special, too." Hand shaking, he began to brush the backs of his fingers over Ianto's right cheek. "I just need a little ...somethin', y'know? It's been so long. And I honestly didn't think one kiss would hurt. I promise, I've missed so many things about you, Yan … not just ….. _that_."

Now wondering if he may have overreacted a little, Ianto came to a decision. "One kiss … but nothing heavy."

Too scared of getting it wrong for a second time, Jack gestured that Ianto should make the first move and, lids lowering, he dipped forward in readiness.

This time there were no interruptions. Ianto pressed their mouths gently together and slowly began to move his lips over Jack's. Almost instantly a small, acutely embarrassing and needy noise, sounded at the back of his throat. He moaned again as Jack seemed to take the show of weakness as his cue; confidence returning he'd increased the pressure and was kissing him right back ... everything was starting to fall into place; all the gentle pecks, the 'testing the water' embraces of the last day or so, they were sent sailing out the window; there was a need there ... and it wasn't just physical.

They began to move their mouths in a more firm and reassuring manner - both were using flattened palms to alternately gently caress a cheek then stroke a back. Lips had parted further to allow just the moistened tips of their tongues to come into contact - a deep groan rumbled its way out of Jack - this was everything he'd been hoping for and more.

The tongue dancing over his own slipped all the way inside. He wondered if he and Yan were on the same page when it came to the real meaning of the phrase 'nothing heavy', but didn't once think of complaining as the kiss grew wetter and Yan's teeth smashed onto his.

Who was he to deny the man he loved a little bit of a sloppy kiss.

Breathless he pulled away ... but only briefly. After refueling his lungs, he went straight back in for more. And Jones the Pasher was there again, invading his mouth, pulling him closer, moaning constantly as he mashed their lips together.

Touching every surface of his boyfriend's, Jack began to wind his tongue around in circles - it was already starting to ache from all the movement. Not that he was complaining mind ... it'd been three months since he'd tried anything like this. mainly because he'd had no inclination to play tonsil tennis with anybody else and right now he was loving that it was Yan's tongue taking this journey of rediscovery, loved that it was Yan currently reacquainting himself with every single inch of the inside of his mouth.

The ache inside was getting unbearable. Relentlessly intensifying the feelings, Yan's hands were now everywhere. Constantly stroking all over his body, he was trying to pull him impossibly close. Those hands were still wandering as he paused for a gasp of air. Then he was back again, almost violently bringing their mouths together and again there was a smacking of teeth before his tongue drove all the way back in demanding more.

Jack closed his eyes. He sucked hard on that gorgeous tongue. One of them groaned with desire; it might've been him, he wasn't entirely sure, but it certainly felt like the sound had vibrated at the base of his own throat. As Ianto definitely groaned a second later in response, he knew his judgement had been right ... this time the throaty sound had made his cock throb hard and he made the mistake of picturing a certain someone's lips sliding up and down his pulsing shaft.

His hips hitched forward as a new wave of desire hit. The twisting spasms were taking him and his cock to the next level and beyond.

Surely this was forbidden territory they were entering?

Ianto hummed hungrily before groaning again. Jack lowered his right hand, slowly walked his fingers over a thigh until they found a familiar twitching length. Drawing his fingers together and encasing his favourite cock with suit fabric, he gave it a good hard squeeze.

"Arrrgh ….." Ianto pulled away with a gasp.

Using one hand to remove Jack's from his person, he used his other to push the whining man away by one shoulder.

"Damn ….." Jack sat there panting for breath.

"Shit!" Clearly angry, Ianto seemed more annoyed with himself than anything. "I knew this would happen! Bollocks!"

He pressed the heel of his hand onto the hard bulge in his lap and rubbed downward. "God I fucking ache ..."

"Sorry." Once again a guilty Jack was assuming that their problems were all his fault.

Ianto growled at him, lunged forward to deliver one heated, final kiss, then pulled away shaking his head. "That was my fault, you idiot, I should never've tried it, I knew deep down I wouldn't be able to resist you … that's why I stopped you the first time." Gasping breaths were swallowed down. "I've spent the last three months wishing I could still do this."

"You too, huh?" Catching his breath also, Jack rubbed a commiserating hand up and down his 'boyfriend's' arm. "Maybe we shouda just stuck to cuddlin' 'n' stuff ... we're pretty hopeless at this, aren't we?" he decided edging forward again.

Before Ianto could find the words to agree, they were hugging tightly, holding onto each other for dear life.

Needed just as desperately, the moment lasted much longer than their ill-fated heated snog and, ironically, in the end, proved infinitely more rewarding.

"You tired by any chance?" A yawn had just sounded in Jack's left ear, so he had a pretty good idea he might be right.

"Wine." was all a dozy Ianto could be bothered to explain.

"Don't feel drunk anymore, do you?" Jack nuzzled a cheek then affectionately kissed it.

Sniggering, Ianto dipped his face down and then away. "No, I don't," he confirmed, still trying to escape the tickling feeling, "Just tired and horny - so I think it might be time for me to adjourn to my room – I need to have a wank before I nod off completely."

"Well I won't say I'm not disappointed you'd rather go solo, but at least you're being honest." Forcing himself to leave the couch, Jack held down a hand down for Ianto to take. "Actually, its really late. Maybe we should just jump in and go straight to sleep."

Gazing up with his reply, Ianto heaved a sigh. "S'gonna be hard."

Jack was there in a flash. "So don't play with it."

"Whoa, someone's on form today."Chuckling away, Ianto allowed himself to be hauled to his feet. Jack winked at him then sneaked another quick kiss on the cheek.

"I'll just shift my case off the bed for now." he decided as they headed for the door, "I can finish unpackin' my stuff after breakfast."

He looked over one shoulder, flicked both brows. "I guess it's time to go find my toothbrush. You doin' your teeth first, or am I?"

"Your old brush is still in the bathroom cupboard," Ianto admitted sheepishly, "So why don't we just crowd the sink and do our teeth together?"

"Just like we used to?"

"Yeah."

Steps were retraced. The consequent hold purchased on Ianto's waist was possessively tight and strictly no nonsense.

In complete contrast, the kiss as it arrived, was soft and very gentle. "We're gonna be okay, Yan, I just know we are. I really can't bear the idea of not havin' you with me every day."

A finger tapped the end of Jack's nose. "Sorry to spoil your idealistic dream Happy Wanderer, but aren't you buggering back to the States in two weeks?"

Jack's mood deflated in a second.

He hung his head, scuffed a socked foot to and fro over Ianto's polished floorboards. "I wish I'd never accepted that damn part now." Head raising, he locked eyes in earnest. "All I'm gonna be thinkin' 'bout the entire time, is comin' back here to be with you."

"Good."

That seemed to have hit a mark. "So how long are we talking? When does this bloody show of yours finish its run?"

Jack's eye-line had been sent scooting downward again, this time his gaze had found his thighs. "I won't be back 'til the middle, possibly the end ... of September."

"September?! Jack I've only just got you back ….. I can't wait that long to fucking see you again!"

Standing there, shrinking in on himself, Jack seemed on the verge of tears again. "I'm really sorry ... I know September seems ages away but there's nothin' I can …"

"Jack it's fine, I know it's not your fault." Ianto had witnessed the hands clasping together and thought it best to jump in before a begging Jack's knees could hit the floor. "I don't care how long I have to wait - all I need to know is that you're serious about me. If you really are ... then I'll still be here waiting for you. Just make sure you don't meet anyone else in the meantime, okay?"

Jack managed a watery smile, tapped a couple of fingers against his chest. "It's been only you in here since day one. You're my one and only, Ianto Jones."

And didn't that prompt the biggest eye-roll ever. "Just make sure you come back to me, okay?"

Jack crossed his heart and hoped to die. "Try stoppin' me! And actually I have an extra piece of news for you."

"Please don't tell me you have a wife as well as a son." Ianto smacked a palm onto his forehead and jokingly stood there shaking it from side to side.

"Dang, you beat me to it!" Before the love of his life could think to kick him again, Jack got back to the real story. "You remember on the day I arrived ... you mentioned the BBC?"

"What about them?" Ianto nodded, confirming that he did recall the moment.

"Well, I got Steve to drop a few hints - got him to mention to the powers that be, that I was hopin' to come back over to the UK and stay here for the foreseeable future."

"And?"

"And they've offered me another show. If I decide to accept the job, they'll be needin' me on a daily basis. The show'll be goin' out live every weekday evenin' from October onward."

Ianto pushed his feelings of desertion aside for a moment - some pieces of news were just too extraordinarily amazing for them not to take precedence. "Fucking hell, Jack! A prime-time slot, Monday to Friday? Have you any idea how massive that is?"

Jack smiled at the stunned look opposite. "Goin' by your expression I'd say it's pretty fuckin' massive." Cool calm and collected, "It's some kinda topical show they want me to front." he explained. "Plus I'll be responsible for the entertainment and media news, that kinda thing. They'll be gettin' two other guys on board to deal with the borin' stuff; real news events from the UK and around the world, politics, that kinda thing."

Ianto took time out from demonstrating his shocked goldfish impression. "That's brilliant, Jack ... I can't believe how calm you are; I'd be doing fucking cartwheels if it was me."

One hand following the other, both feet flying up to complete a wide arc, Jack demonstrated the perfect cartwheel.

And collided with the couch.

Shoulders on the floor, legs and feet resting against the back of it, he lay there laughing his head off.

"Are you okay?"

Ianto didn't bother disguising the tears of laughter.

Jack was dancing. Sliding himself further down toward the floor as he went, he was shimmying his shoulders from side to side. " _I got UK ... I got Prime Time ... I got my guy who could ask for anythin' more …."_

"You're certain of that, are you?"

Ianto smiled fondly as he watched Jack climb to his feet - the disheveled form drew closer and with an arm slipping either side of his waist, he was dragged into hold.

"If I don't have you Ianto Jones, there'll be no reason to take the job at the BBC." was pointed out with a sad voice, "I'm comin' back to the UK to be with you ... so if you decide you don't want me in your life, I won't be givin' a damn about the rest."

"So you're telling me your whole future with the BBC is hinging on whether I want to continue our relationship or not?"

"That's pretty much it, yeah." Slotting his fingers together, Jack secured the hold he already had in the small of Ianto's back, "Yan …." He gave a sigh. "How can I put this? You and Bobs are my whole life; I can't imagine not havin' either of you in it ... And I'm not sayin' this to make you feel guilty, by the way, please don't think that ... I don't want you to feel obliged to give me a break just because it means I get to keep my career on track ... I'm just tellin' you how it really is … that's all."

"Because you think I'm still having doubts about you, and you're hoping that by letting me know how much you really do feel for me, it might convince me I won't be wasting my life if I stay with you." Before Jack could respond, Ianto kissed him. "Now ... can we put the deep and meaningful to bed for the night? You know much I fucking hate all that shit." he laughed, stepping out of hold to leave Jack smiling. "And can I assume you're going to accept the job with the BBC?"

"With you by my side ... well …. I'd be an idiot not to, wouldn't I?" was decided in a flash.

"But September's such a long way off." Ianto remembered. "I can't believe I've gotta wait that long to see you again, it's just fucking bollocks."

As his excited mood disintegrated too, Jack slumped in hold. "Yan please don't say things like that, I feel guilty enough as it is ... you know I'd get out of it if I could, but Nick's an old friend and I made a commitment to see the show through to the end."

Nodding slowly, Ianto frowned as he admitted that he understood.

The Harkness guilt-factor shifted up another notch. "Hey, I have an idea! You could always come stay with me at mom and dad's place."

As Jack voiced this latest idea, it was clear from his tone that the notion was something he'd already thought to discuss back home. "I know ma won't mind fundin' the air fare," he added enthusiastically, "And even if it was just for a few weeks, it'd be better than nothin'."

"Actually," Rather than biting Jack's hand off and jumping at the chance, a calm Ianto was looking strangely pleased with himself, "There's a very good chance I might be a bit busy here in London for a while."

"You got another job?" Jack's hope-filled dream of him getting to share with the best room-mate ever, turned out to be very short lived.

Ianto nodded that he was assuming correctly. "I'll explain all about it in the morning, but, yeah, it does look like I might be earning an honest crust very soon."

Jack forced his lips to spread outward. "Wow, that's great ... but you know it can only be temporary, right? When I come back later in the year I'm gonna need my manager by my side at all times."

"But, um ….. why?" Brows had met in the middle. They remained knitted together as Ianto explained, "Everybody over here already knows you're gay, you numpty; you told the whole fucking country you were in a relationship with a man on Boxing Day, remember? In other words - we don't have to pretend I'm your manager anymore, so you can hire someone who knows what they're doing for a change."

Jack opened his mouth to reply. Tiredness took momentary control. "Ugh …" The gaping maw grew wider and wider until, finally, the whole event finished with a full on sing-song, yawn. "Sorry … " he apologised, laughing at himself, "Where was I? Oh yeah … of course I fricken' remember comin' out to the entire nation; I almost crapped myself at the time! Anyway, what I'm talkin' 'bout has nothin' to do with hidin' the fact that we're a couple."

Ianto raised one sarcastic brow. "You might need to expand on that a little. Unbelievable, I know, but I failed every single one of my Psychic Tendencies exams - I was fucking useless at predicting when the next lesson would be, so I wound up not learning a thing. Actually, I always ended up over at the gym in the boys changing rooms - Wednesday's were particularly interesting; the cutest kid in the school, myself 'n' Stef notwithstanding of course, was always in there taking a long hot and steamy shower."

"Are we back to you jerkin' off again?" His head full of all the wrong images, Jack had completely lost his thread. He gave an irked pout as Ianto began to laugh at him. "Yeah, anyway … I'm well aware there are more qualified folk out there … but I'm gonna need someone I can trust on my team ... and, for some strange reason, there's nobody I trust more on this planet to look after me, than you …... Mr Jerk-off Jones."

Ianto spent a very happy moment laughing his head off. "I'm not quite sure how to take that. Ugh ... s'cuse me ..." he finally admitted, yawning just like Jack. "I guess I should be feeling flattered that you're willing to put so much faith in me, but … ughhh ….. ughhh ….." Another wide yawn interrupted the proceedings, "Ughhhhhhh! Fucking hell."

"Maybe we should leave this 'til the mornin', we're both dead on our feet." Jack suggested gesturing over to the doorway.

"You mean clean our teeth and go our separate ways?"

"You might as well finish what you were gonna say about my offer first." Delaying the inevitable had suddenly become Jack's latest ploy.

Ianto looked embarrassed as he acknowledged he had a point. "Well ... don't get me wrong, I am flattered, Jack ….. but I'm wondering if dealing with the press and stuff like that, is something I really want to do again. Can I get back to you on that one?"

"Hmm ... well naturally I'd prefer it if you were by my side twenty four seven," Jack waited for Ianto to roll his eyes at him then grinned with pleasure. "But as long as we're back to bein' a couple again, I don't care what you do for a livin'."

The thought suddenly occurred. "What are you gonna be doin', by the way? You might as well tell me now we're back on the subject."

Another delaying tactic.

Ianto looked down, a little shamefaced. "I take it Els told you about my appalling behaviour where the store is concerned?"

Clearly already knowing, but feeling guilty for having discussed the issue, Jack faltered before finding his feet. "She, um, did mention somethin' about it the other day, yeah. Why? Are you thinkin' of goin' back to your old job?"

"It's okay ….. I deserve to be gossiped about," Ianto's smile said that Jack should stop feeling guilty, "And as for my job? Well, no, I won't be returning to that ... but, the other day I did give Mary in personnel a call. I remembered I owed her an apology for dropping the whole walking out of my job bollocks in her lap, and thought it was about time I made some sort of contact - it's amazing what not drinking alcohol can do for a person's conscience - anyway, she just happened to mention that Clive, who's in charge of stock control and deliveries, that sort of thing, wants to take a three month sabbatical, go backpacking round the world with his girlfriend or something, and they need someone to cover his post until he gets back."

"You've said you'll do it?"

"Not yet, no …. but I'm going to."

"So when does he leave the country? Three months? That'll be ideal for our situation."

Ianto was already nodding. "The same thought has just occurred to me; he doesn't leave for another four weeks, which, if I'm not much mistaken, will take me up to the end of August, sometime just after my birthday."

"Damn!"

"You've just realised you won't be around for my birthday?"

"I've just realised I won't be around for your birthday!"

"Thought so."

Ianto start to laugh at Jack. "It's no big deal, we can celebrate it any time, don't worry."

Jack had a fierce pout going on. "And I was on such a high as well …"

"S'okay, I'll probably still have the job around then, to help take my mind off you not being around."

Jack nodded, but he still didn't look happy. "I must admit, I'd feel much happier knowin' you were occupied while I was gone."

"So would I, and it's a job I could do with my eyes shut, which makes it even better."

"You think the old guys up in the boardroom will go for the idea? I'm not sure that many bosses would want you back after the way you behaved."

"I'll just pay them a personal visit, work my Welsh charm on them. The oldest old boy is from Swansea; he'll be putty in my hands in no time."

Jack's eyes had narrowed. "You seem pretty confident for a guy that just walked out on the job three months back."

"He fancies me. Plus he's really old - he probably hasn't even noticed I've not been there."

"Well if you get your own way with this, you are one lucky … ugh …. guy."

"I think these yawns are definitely trying to tell us something." Waiting for Jack at the doorway and hitting the light switch as he ambled past, Ianto made the final decision for them both. "Right … toothy-pegs. Then I'll see you in the morning."

Making his way along the hall Jack turned back with a smile. "Don't trust us to share the same bed?"

The Jones facial expression was easily saying it all ... but a rhetorical, "What do you think?" was thrown into the mix anyway.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ HJ IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ HJ IJ JH IJ JH IJ HJ IJ

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

A clicking noise, way away in the distance, told Jack it was time to wake up. He left the image of Ianto and Ibiza for another day and opened his eyes. Had it been a door closing he'd heard?

Out in the hallway he looked to his left. The door of the bedroom at the far end was wide open and there was clearly no one inside. The bathroom, likewise, was just as devoid of any known lifeforms.

"Yan?"

The living room was his next stop. Then the sun-room via the kitchenette.

A door closing it'd definitely been then ... Yan had apparently gone walkabout ... and Mr Lonely was feeling suddenly so much lonelier.

It was on his way back through to the living area that he spotted the note on the kitchen table.

' _You might be pleased to know that I've decided we need a proper breakfast. Will be back shortly with everything we need for a right royal fry-up. Hope you slept well. Help yourself to whatever's around – what's mine is yours as they say, and all that bollocks. Won't be long, Jack ….. Yan. ….. P.S. I can hear your stomach grumbling from here. x_

Laughing to himself, Jack decided to take a quick shower before delving through Ianto's mostly empty food cupboards.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"Wanna hear something funny?" Ianto deposited the carrier of provisions, on the counter abutting his fridge.

"Funny ha ha, or funny peculiar?"

Ianto spread wide the handles of his bag and peered inside. "Bit of both really."

Jack waited , breath held, eyes wide, the works. "Well come on then, let's hear it."

"Had a text from Els while I was out," A carton of eggs was lifted into view. "She's not going into work today after all."

Bacon, and then a pack of sausages, made an appearance. "Apparently we're going food shopping - wouldn't happen to know anything about it by any chance, would you Jack?"

Elbows resting on the living room side of the counter, chin cradling in his palms, a bewitched Jack had resumed with his watching of the scene of domesticity.

Two tins - one of baked beans, one of plum tomatoes - made it safely out of the bag.

"Jack?"

"Hmmm?"

"Food shopping trip with Els?" The array of groceries was temporarily forgotten. "Know anything about it, do you?"

Jack stared back and, almost as if he couldn't help himself, a wide and very guilty tight-lipped grin slipped into place.

Ianto shook his head and returned to his duties. "Thought as much. Been scheming behind my back again have you?" Folding the plastic carrier into as neat a square as possible, he stowed it away at the back of one of the lower cupboards. "You're determined to make me fat, aren't you?"

Keen to make things a whole lot better before they could get drastically worse, Jack made his way through the gap. "Actually," With Ianto turning to face him, he wasted no time in claiming that 'definitely not fat in any way', waist. "Although, admittedly, I don't like seeing you look so ….."

"Scrawny?"

Jack frowned at the suggestion. "I was gonna say skinny. And scrawny's a horrible word by the way, please don't use it again." Someone's _skinny_ backside was smacked by way of a telling off. "Anyway ….. what I'm tryin'a explain, is that I really don't give a damn whether you're fat, thin, or anythin' in between. As long as you're healthy, happy, and mine all mine, I'll be happy too. Just knowing you're mine, Yan, will always be enough for me."

Ianto's eyes had closed in embarrassment at least four seconds back. "Why did I have to fall for the most romantic man on the entire planet?" His groan was both endearing and entertaining.

"Aha." There was no way Jack was letting that one go. "If you can admit you've fallen for me ….. why not try goin' the whole hog? Go on, admit it, Yan … you're tempted to tell me, aintcha ….. those three little words are just beggin' to come out through those cute little lips, I can tell. Come on ….. on the count of three ... I'll say them with you."

"You fucking won't, you know." Ianto turned out of hold. "Keep pushing your luck like this, Harkness, you'll find yourself not getting any breakfast at all."

Jack span him quickly on the spot and dragged them back together again. Linking his fingers like always, he made sure there'd be no chance of Ianto escaping this time. "Now you know full well I'm not gonna take a chance on missin' out on one of your breakfasts," A gentle, more than words could ever say, kiss was pressed to a yielding pair of lips. "But I will get to tell you one day. Okay they might end up bein' the last words I ever get to speak, but even if it is with my dyin' breath, Yan … make no mistake ... you're gonna hear me say those three little words ... this feelin I have inside for you is way too strong for me never to say them at all."

There was the briefest of moments where Ianto seemed set to respond, but five, six seconds later, head still tipped to one side, lips still parted, he'd yet to say a word.

He'd seen so many new sides to Jack in such a short time – the fool genuinely cared deeply for him.

"I've been given a second chance with you Ianto Jones …"

Jack seemed eager to carry on. Not waiting for his love interest to respond, this time his lips found the middle of that familiarly high forehead. "And from now on I intend to make every moment count. I know you hate bein' romantic, and I know the word commitment still terrifies the life outta you, but that's okay, see ... my new aim in life is to make all those doubts disappear; I'm gonna prove to you, my gorgeous Welshman, that I'm the only guy you're ever gonna need in your life. Now was that sausages I saw, as well as bacon, just then? I'm starvin'!"

Swallowing long and deep, Ianto seemed completely overwhelmed. With just the smallest of smiles on his face, he hadn't even been able to manage a laugh at the quip.

"Please don't ever change ….." was what finally did find a way out.

Then he used both hands to frame Jack's face, and brought their lips together in what promised to be their most sincere kiss yet.

-o- -o-

-o- o-

-o- -o-

tbc.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

.

.

 **A/N:**

 **Actually … 'tbc' … should really have read – 'to be continued in a month or so' - because it's the holiday season … Yay! And I'm jetting off to warmer climes** **…. Yippeeee!**

 **Hope you enjoyed this sappy chapter …. and I'll catch up with you all when I get back. ….. bwb.**


	12. Midnight Manoeuvres

**A/N :** Hi everybody. Finally I have chapter twelve ready for you to read. It's taken far longer than I anticipated, sorry ... not just the holiday season, but real life also, has been playing a part in delaying things, but I hope you all enjoy it anyway ... bwb.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Chapter Twelve

-o- -o- -o-

-o- -o- -o-

Midnight Manoeuvres

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Jack was agitated.

Couldn't sleep.

For all the encouraging moments of reconnecting they'd experienced so far, here he was, third night in, and _still_ he hadn't been invited to spend a little time in his boyfriend's bed.

And, no, it _wasn't_ about sex.

Why would it be? You didn't need to be tucked up in someone's bed for anything like that to happen …. if it was ever going to happen at all of course.

Also, for the record, he wasn't blaming Yan at all, he could fully understand his need for wariness, had lived with the fear of being hurt again himself, so, no, this wasn't about satisfying a physical need, this was more a case of him simply wanting to be where he felt he truly belonged, sleeping beside his beautiful Yan; the two of them back in each other's arms, feeling stupidly happy, and with everything back to … _normal_.

Instead, laying there on his lonesome, the only thing that dumbass boyfriend of the wonderful Mr Jones was finding himself holding onto, was a noticeably empty feeling inside. Well, empty apart from the escalating burn of an ache occupying the spot where his heart should be. Keeping nobody but himself company, the person who'd stolen it was holed up further along the hall and Jack was beginning to wonder if that very same, incredibly sensitive, individual was ever going to be able to forgive him totally. Despite promising he was hoping for a happy outcome too, there was still a very good chance that Yan might wake up tomorrow harbouring the notion that he'd never be able to see a way past the lying, the deceit and cheating, after all. The next step would be him stomping in to announce that way too much water had passed under their crumbling bridge and that, sadly, he could no longer see there being any chance of them surviving everything that'd caused their problems in the first place.

Talking was the answer. If they wanted to clear the air completely they needed to sit down together and not shut up until they'd finished discussing all those things they didn't really want to discuss. Jack knew this all too well and ,not surprisingly, he was prepared to talk until the cows came home. Problem was, each conversation he instigated was doomed to raise a different memory - each one of those memories would bring with it a varying degree of pain, and there was only so many times a guilty party could say sorry before the words started to mean absolutely nothing at all.

Yan still loved him, he was convinced of that beyond reason; could just _feel_ that he did. There was a new connection between them for one thing, one that hadn't existed in any way before. This new link holding them together appeared to be stronger, was strengthening day by day, and because of that there'd been so many unusually loving moments shared between them.

But sometimes being madly in love simply wasn't enough. The heart and head could make for an unpredictable pairing - especially when they both happened to belong to the one and only Ianto Jones. This time tomorrow Yan could already have regally dispatched him. With his re-packed luggage in tow, by sun-up he could be heading off to stay with Els again until it was time to fly back to his 'other' home in California.

This was, by the way, his worst case scenario. And that scenario, should it ever become a reality, would be his absolute living nightmare.

It just didn't bear thinking about.

-o- -o-

Soul tormented; his treacherous heart still languishing someplace else without him, Jack was in even more of a bad place. Yet another, eternally long, thirty minutes had passed and, yes, as he lay there staring at the ceiling mistress sleep was still being stubborn in evading him. His head was the real problem, he knew that. His brain hadn't stopped whirring for one second since he hit the sack. That was over an hour ago now and the thought of not having Yan in his life was still bringing a lump to his throat.

He felt wretched. And useless. Which was getting him absolutely nowhere.

So maybe it was time he stopped feeling so damn sorry for himself.

Hoping he was panicking over nothing the threat of yet another sob was swallowed down. He should try looking at the positives, he decided. After all, he _was_ right where he wanted to be, was he not? Yeah, he was back in the life of the man he loved more than life itself … meaning he truly had everything he wanted, and more.

So why was he feeling so down, so deflated, so defeated?

It just didn't make sense ...

-o- -o-

The minutes ticked by. The loneliness was unbearable, became more and more so, until, finally he was forced to conclude that there was only one thing for it ...

This silly, distant ends of the hallway, stalemate had to end. One way or another, a decision needed to be made.

And it needed to happen before the night was out ...

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Sixty seconds.

That's all it took for Jack Harkness to grow a bigger pair of balls.

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-o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o-

-o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o-

-o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o-

-o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Ianto was agitated.

Couldn't sleep.

For all the encouraging moments of reconnecting they'd experienced so far, here they were, third night in, and _still_ he hadn't been brave enough to ask Jack to share his bed.

And, no, it _wasn't_ about sex.

Why would it be? You didn't need to be tucked up in someone's bed for anything like that to happen ….. if it was ever going to happen at all of course, and if Jack managed to read something more into the offer to vacate his current spot in the guest room then the eager beaver would quick smart find himself being set straight on a few new house rules so, no, this ongoing delay wasn't even slightly related to sex, this was merely himself wondering if he was being fair on Jack. Since bidding the gorgeous fool an awkward goodnight just a short while ago, already a million 'what-if's' had offered themselves up for consideration.

So many, in fact, that he'd managed to give himself a headache from thinking too hard.

Frustratingly he knew exactly why, instead of being on cloud nine, he still had so many doubts. Since Jack's arrival there'd been two main questions he'd been sidestepping: One - Considering how selfishly he'd been behaving of late (abusing the trust of his friends, attacking Stef for no valid reason, etc etc), did he really deserve to be this lucky in love? and, Two - Without knowing all the facts, three months back he'd shut Jack out without a second thought. Then he'd obstinately refused to give the poor guy a chance to explain his side of things. So with all that in mind, what gave him the right, now, to accept this olive branch he was being offered?

Simple. He had no right at all. And Jack deserved better. The decent thing would be to set him free; tell him to go find the right kind of person ... his _real_ someone special - someone who could genuinely give him the kind of love he was looking for.

All good in theory, right? But could he really say goodbye to Jack? He'd only just got him back, could he really exist, even for one single day, without the man he loved with all his heart?

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Sixty seconds.

That's all it took for Ianto Jones to grow a bigger pair of balls.

-o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o-

White tee pulled hurriedly over his naked upper half, a stealth-like Jack was creeping around in his jimjam bottoms and bare feet.

He stepped from the guest room, into the hallway. "Oh!"and knew instantly that his original plans were going to need a bit of a rethink. "Yan ... hey! Er … yeah ... hi ….."

Eyes still wide with surprise, frozen to the spot the rest of him was trying its best to be inconspicuous.

Half-decent in a faded Led-Zep t-shirt and his usual bedtime boxers, balancing mid-step opposite the main guestroom Ianto had come to a halt just a couple of feet before his living room doorway.

"Jack!" _well this wasn't awkward at all, was it! "_ Hi! I was er … just on my way to the, um …."

He was trying to think of a plausible excuse for being right where he was, you could almost see the cogs turning. "Fridge! Yeah … the fridge ….. that was it. Thirsty ... need a bottle of water to keep by the bed. Sorry, did I wake you?"

A stunned Jack was still pondering over what a lousy sense of timing he suddenly appeared to have. "Wake me? Nah, I was just headin' for the, um …."

The rest of the hallway was studied for inspiration, "The bathroom! Yeah, that was it … I needed a pee! Ha! Talk about inconvenient ... _Inconvenient!_ … geddit?"

The lame joke fell flat, the already galling moment was getting worse by the second and topping things off, "Um …..." Ianto realised his eyes had become fixed on that part of Jack's anatomy that would eventually be taking the aforementioned pee. "I, um..."

He quickly aimed his gaze at the floor instead. "Oh yeah ….. inconvenient … gotcha."

"Yeah …..." Studying the top of the bowed head in front of him Jack was wondering if he was currently looking just as, or even more, awkward than Ianto was right now. He tried one of his winning smiles, even though he knew it wouldn't be seen. "Um ... right …"

Ianto thought to lift his gaze. He found Jack smiling at him, like he always did when he'd done something wrong. "Sohhh ….. I'll guess I'll just, um ….." With a quavering smile of his own, he took another step toward the living room.

"Yeah ….. anyway ..." Jack took one step closer to the bathroom. "I guess I better go …. you know ….."

"Yep …" Keenly aware that the sanctuary of his living room was now only inches away, with its language revealing far more than he'd normally consider advisable Ianto willed his body to hasten in the necessary direction. "I'm just gonna go get my…."

"Oh ….." Jack gave himself a mental shake. "I mean, yeah, 'course …. right. I'll catch you in the mornin' then, Yan."

He was still standing there nodding away, full of fake enthusiasm, when a different thought occurred. "Hey, don't forget it's the big day tomorrow. You're still comin' over to Wood Lane with me 'n' Steve, right?"

Ianto was tempted to lie. He wanted to say he'd changed his mind; if he was struggling now, what hope did he have of acting normal in front of Jack's agent? "Yeah ….. yeah ….. 'course I am." he heard his interfering 'let me deal with this' voice assure on his behalf.

"Great! That's really great." And for Jack, it so plainly was. Cricking his neck, easing the tension from his shoulders, he seemed to be settling himself in for the long haul. "You gonna be cookin' up another of those delicious gourmet breakfasts of yours in the mornin'?"he purred, noisily smacking his lips.

Ianto, despite still wanting to make a bolt for it, managed to deadpan his reply to perfection. "Nope, sorry, Jack ….." He even confidently folded his arms for good measure. "Looks like it's gonna be just cereal and toast tomorrow ... not sure I've got enough food about the place to whip us up anything more appealing."

Someone's smile became so wide, it began to warm the air around them and Jack couldn't help but keep on grinning as he considered the true facts of the situation.

The big joke of course, was that despite his jestingly sarcastic claim to the contrary, since roughly mid-afternoon the previous day his skinny boyfriend's once bare cupboards had actually been full to bursting point - he and Els had dragged Yan (literally dragged him) kicking and yelling into a cab in order to go shopping, and an eventful (to say the least) couple of hours had been spent at the large supermarket just outside town.

It was there that a certain person (no names mentioned ... ahem), had kinda gotten carried away with his scooping up of items. Yan, quite naturally, had been protesting away like mad; he'd yelled, blasphemed, issued threats of violence but, somehow, the food just kept finding its way from the shelves and into the trolley.

Strange, that.

His boyfriend, who still seemed to think he had some kind of a say in the matter bless him, and who'd continually pointed out that she was supposed to be his best friend, had tried to appeal to Ellie's better nature as she'd gleefully helped the good cause, but totally on the side of the enemy (even when he'd insisted on paying for the whole trolley load), she'd spent the whole time laughing like a magenta crested conspiring hyena.

On the ride back, Yan had eventually apologised for the display of ungrateful remonstrating. He'd even forgiven Els for the uncharacteristic moment of betrayal and promised he wasn't really going to super-glue her eyes shut next time she slept over.

Asking to be dropped off at her favourite hairdressers, the relieved waif had left himself and Yan to make their way back to the apartment. This was where several carriers worth of food had been manhandled from the rear of a local cab and it'd taken them nearly an hour to get everything into Yan's empty cupboards, fridge and, mainly frost-filled, freezer.

Coincidentally, and completely making his day in the most delightful way (even beating the glorious moment of being asked for his autograph at the checkout), stocking Yan's freezer had turned out to be his favourite part of the whole event. Whilst the man in charge (which Yan was still trying to insist that he was) had been trying to find room for the wealth of dry goods, chipping away to remove rock hard unidentifiable items and rearranging the existing frost-covered ones, he hadn't minded getting cold in the slightest ... especially when he'd realised that the one and only item not wearing even the slightest coating of frost was a foot-square cardboard box. With its condition suggesting it'd been taken out of the freezer very recently, if not on a regular basis, he'd lifted it free, turned with a smile, sat the evidence on the table then taken great delight in noisily clearing his throat.

The only other person in the room had looked over his shoulder. Spotting the conspicuous looking pizza box sitting there he'd turned the most beautiful shade of crimson.

Quickly reaching out for the box, ignoring Yan's embarrassment, he'd lifted the lid. Pristine, with every slice of capsicum, and therefore every letter of his message, still in place, the pizza was perfectly intact.

Yan, to his credit, had quickly beaten back those feelings of utter humiliation to admit he'd been checking the status of last year's surprise delivery on a weekly basis, in fact he'd become so overwhelmed by the memory-raking moment, that he'd abandoned his duties completely then instigated a very long session of belated, gratitude-laden hugging and snogging ... hence why it'd taken them nearly an hour in the end to get the job done.

With his handiwork still sitting there on the table and with his boyfriend in his arms, every second had just felt so magical. He'd been greedy with his lips, all encompassing with his arms; had made the most of the impromptu opportunity to hold Yan close. But it'd been in that moment also, with them still wrapped tightly together, that another thought had occurred :- ... for as much as he'd been wallowing himself back home, over here in London Yan had been missing him just the same. They were both so relieved to back together ... yet here they were now, in the middle of the night, feeling this need to dance around each other again.

It was so frustrating. Especially as the clock was ticking ... they'd already wasted so much precious time.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

"Okay chef, cereal and toast it is then." Shaking away those memories of the day before, Jack was trying his best to keep the joke going; it wasn't easy when the man in front of him was still looking so unsure. "Well, I guess I'd better say goodnight again then," he murmured, aware that his attempts at saving the situation had fallen at the first hurdle,"I guess I'll just go and, well ….. yeah ….. see ya."

"Yup … see you in the morning, Jack."

Ianto's message had come across loud and clear - he was feeling way awkward enough as it was and could see no point in dragging things out any longer.

"Ohhhhhkay. Well ... night _again_ then, Yan."

"Night, Jack."

With a quick nod, Ianto headed for the safety of his living room.

Jack took that as his cue to head toward the bathroom. "Sleep tight, Yan ….."

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Six seconds.

That's all it took for them to have a rethink.

Rushing back at speed they collided on the very spot where the whole charade had started. Hands with a need to hold, were raised instinctively. As desperate fingers dug into his shoulders pulling him closer, Ianto made sure to get a firm grip on Jack, and did the same. Chests came together, possessive arms wrapped around to secure a grip, and in a beat both men were holding on for dear life.

With a deep sigh it was Jack who pulled out of the embrace. Deciding to be the first to come clean he stood there, all boyish features, looking sheepish. "Look, I wasn't really on my way to the bathroom, okay?"

Ianto's worried expression disappeared in an instant. "Oh. ... good ...'cause I wasn't really on my way to the fridge."

Jack tipped his head back. Righted it immediately with a loud groan. "Jesus, this is _crazy_. What the hell are we playin' at? We're dancin' round each other like a couple a frickin' strangers - what the fuck is wrong with us?" Eyes closed, he felt Ianto shrug in his arms. "You don't know either, huh? But seriously Yan, why do we always have to make such hard work of things? We should be makin' the _most_ of the time we have left, not sneakin' round in the middle of the night makin' up lame excuses to feed each other! I really don't know what else to do ... and I'm so tired of gettin' it wrong, y'know? I ... I just wannus to be okay …."

Lips rolling inward, Ianto nodded that he felt the same way.

Jack nodded too. "Okay ... now I know it's probably not what you wanna hear right now, but I'm just gonna put it out there anyway, okay? Yan, I can't go on like this - I need you with me day _and_ night. Yeah, I know it's only been three nights so far, but I miss bein' with you ... in every way. And most of all I miss holdin' you while you're asleep. In fact the real reason I was sneakin' outta my room just now, was to come ask if I could jump in with you ... just for a cuddle I mean …. nothin' more."

"I was on my way to ask if I could jump in with you." Ianto admitted quietly.

He looked away as if promising himself he wouldn't become emotional. Guiding with one fingertip, bringing his gaze back around, Jack tutted then quite deliberately rolled his eyes at him. With a grin Ianto smacked him on one arm, and of course Jack just had to pretend he was in an excruciating amount of pain.

As they stood there smiling at each other, both men knew that their harrowing and, yes, deeply humiliating, moment was over.

Jack rested his left hand between them. As Ianto took hold of it, "You can come sleep with me ... and believe me when I say the pleasure will be all mine, Ianto Jones." he smiled.

-o- -o-

With their fingers linking, slowly making their way from no man's land, they finally got to retire for the night … together.

As they slid into the guest bed it was Jack who was still assuming command of the situation. Still trussed up in his jimjams and tee, "Now that's much, much better." he decided wrapping his right arm around Ianto's now bare waist. "This is all I'm lookin' for, I promise." he reassured as he snuggled them closer together.

"Night Jack ..." Ianto eased himself back onto him. Knowing it could never be close enough, he still did his best to meld perfectly onto the warm body holding his own. "And I'm sorry for being such an idiot about things."

Smiling into the darkness Jack pressed a kiss to the back of his all-time favourite right shoulder. "Night Yan. And I'm sorry too ….. for bein' such a jerk-off for a whole eleven months."

His restricted shoulders inching upward, giving best his attempt at a shrug, "Shall we call it a drawhawhaw …uh ….. ugh, s'cuse me." Ianto yawned, his eyes screwing up tightly as he began to inhale involuntarily for a second time.

With a loud sigh, Jack snuggled closer. "How 'bout we go with … 'we're just as bad as each other'?" he suggested.

Ianto finished yawning. "Okay ….. night, Jack."

"Okay... night, Yan ... although we could discuss things a little bit more if you really wan ….."

"Jack?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you gonna stop talking at some stage? Only some sleep would be good ... yknow, sometime before the fucking sun comes up, an' all that."

Ianto could feel Jack's face moving. There was a definite grin forming behind him, but he really didn't mind at all. "Night Jack ..." he tried again.

"Night Yan … I'm so glad we got this sorted." was whispered onto the back of his head.

Ianto shivered as he felt Jack's lips brush over his hair. "Yeah, me too." he agreed, his lids falling as he lay there smiling to himself.

The arm around his waist squeezed him tight. Another kiss was pressed to the nape of his neck.

And it was with Jack holding him close, that he finally dozed off.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Next morning, waking from the deepest sleep ever, he found himself feeling unusually trouble free. Blinking slowly he tried to focus on the white slats across the room and that was when memories of a dream began to re-enter his head. The snippets of scenes, some so intense, were making him ache inside, as though his very soul were sobbing. Everything about the dream had been so graphic, so …. specific, so ….. real. But then other parts had just been too silly for words. His very inventive imagination had even conjured up a remorseful Jack turning up outside his apartment dressed as a rabbit.

A rabbit?

Seriously? A fucking rabbit?

Was he really so desperate to see Jack again that he was now basically tripping out in his sleep? It was pathetic …. _he,_ was pathetic. Why had his head decided to do this to him after all this time ….. it'd been months since everything had gone wrong between them.

Trying to make sense of things he thought back to the evening before, tried to remember those hours before he'd retired for the night. There'd been no drugs about the place, and even if there had been, there was no way on earth an acid tab would've made it as far as his tongue - that white rabbit shit was reserved for Alice and Neo and definitely not for him.

He wasn't averse to trying the odd silly pill or two - uppers rather than downers, of course, but now that Jack was back he'd have no need to do any of that shit ennnn ….. eeeee ….

... more….?

Hold on ... now that Jack was back?

Where the fuck had that come from? That must really have been one fucker of a dream he just ha …..

Ah …..

Okay ….

-o-

It was at this point that certain facts began to make themselves known, like … if he was staring at his bedroom blind, how come he was laying on his left side, not his right?

And he was feeling crowded.

Why was he feeling crowded?

And why could he feel rhythmical bursts of warm air blowing across the back of his neck?

Ah …..

Ohhhhhh yeahhhhhh.

Wasn't the power of recollection, such a fucking wonderful thing?

And wasn't Jones the Forgetful feeling just the tiniest bit like a daft twat right now?

He felt movement behind him. The sensation of brushed cotton on his bare back felt nice. The muscular forearm around his middle squeezed him tighter, then in one seamless move, it slipped lower.

A hand gently cupped his balls; cradled them through his boxers. He got the impression that the hand was planning on staying there for the foreseeable future.

He laughed quietly to himself - of course he'd know that hand anywhere - it bore no resemblance to a rabbit's foot of course, but that bunny outside on his pavement had been very very real indeed. And promising that his feelings hadn't changed in any way, Jack really and truly had returned from the States. He wanted them to try again; wanted them to work on being a proper, right to the very bitter end, couple.

This was no psychedelic dream, this was as real as things could get. Jack was back in his life and this time they were going to make it work …. he just knew they were.

-o-

Feeling quite possibly the happiest he'd ever been, watching them try their hardest to find a way in through the slats of his guest room blind, Ianto smiled at the morning rays of sunshine. He welcomed with all his heart the offering of warmth and illumination, because he was ready to start the new day in the arms of the man he loved. What could be better than that?

-o-

A kiss landed gently on his shoulder.

Its tenderness gave him his answer ...

And his eyes filled with tears.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

tbc.


	13. The Green-Eyed Monster Cometh

**A/N** **...**

I'm sorry that the delays seem to be getting longer and longer; I'm struggling to fit things in around real life right now, but am doing my best to 'crack on' in those moments that I do get free. I shall try to speed things up a little if I can, but, in the meantime here's a light-hearted interlude for you all to get your teeth into.

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Welcome to ...

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Chapter Thirteen

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The Green-Eyed Monster Cometh

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"Hey, by the way guys ... and, okay, I'm guessin' I shoulda said somethin' way before now, but ... yeah, anyway ..."

One of Jack's melt your heart, better late than never, smiles crept into place. "... thanks for bein' here today."

Albeit for fairly understandable reasons, pretty much the whole morning long he'd been stuck in a little world of his own. For at least the past five minutes, concentrating as hard as he could (almost trance-like, in fact, in doing nothing else 'but') he'd been expelling airily noisy, rhythmical bursts of breath ... and as a result had been rendered completely oblivious to everyone and everything else around him.

Still, at least he seemed to have remembered his manners; all he needed to do now was pray that his 'better late than never' effort, hadn't already become 'too little too late'.

Ironically, in having been acting as if he wasn't bothered one way or the other, it was Steve who became the first to respond. Head dipped in concentration, shoulders shrugging as he made a mildly interested grunting noise, he allowed a disengaged "Oh ... yeah ... no problem, mate - it's what you pay me for, remember?" to sound down at his frantically wriggling fingers.

Sat directly opposite the agent, and today of all days finding himself feeling slightly overawed by things, Ianto managed an upwardly-mobile lip-quiver for Jack's benefit. The glut of famous breakfast and daytime tv faces in the immediate vicinity could easily have been the problem, but in reality it was solely his boyfriend's stare that'd five seconds ago seen him become completely transfixed.

As _looks_ from Jones the Bastard went, this particular example was turning out to be something really quite special, endearing even. And several seconds on, with an air of disbelief prevailing, it was that shy, bastard-free dimpled smile of his, that was making him appear unusually 'cute' rather than his usual, more handsome, self today. Needless to say, his features lighting up like a Christmas tree, the adoring response had immediately sent Jack brimming over with joy, though he'd quickly thought to bring himself into check. Not wanting to draw any unwanted attention to his already awkward looking boyfriend, deciding to keep his own demonstrative efforts to an acceptable level, he'd been impressively successful in replacing his excited grin with a much more discreet, fond smile.

Beneath the table however, when it came to nudging his knee against Ianto's he'd been considerably less restrained; he'd wasted no time in getting his message across in that way, and the more he repeated the movement, the more loving it became.

"The meetin' went okay, don'tcha think?" his mouth seemed to ask the world in general, despite him having eyes for one person only. Quite happy to wait in silence for a reply, he kept his lingering stare going just long enough to send 'you know who' a discreet wink, then it was head down and straight back to his noisy puffing and blowing.

Despite all other, and currently much more appealing, distractions available, it seemed the need to ease his uncomfortably dry throat was still of the utmost importance. During their earlier meeting, his heightened sense of nervousness had seen him become even more animated than usual; he'd been chattering away at warp-factor speed as if the freedom of speech was going out of fashion, so him complaining afterward of having the worst parched mouth ever, had come as no surprise to his two sidekicks. As they'd left the producer's office, with his tongue hanging out unattractively, the only thing on Jack's mind had been getting his mitts on a cup of frothy coffee.

And, right now, having made it back to the matter in hand, eager to help the sugar dissolve as quickly as possible, spoon at the ready, the man himself was all prepared to continue with his quest. Still blowing away like there was no tomorrow, he began to lower both the utensil and his gaze to where his steaming cup of drink was located.

Good, or bad, the move resulted in him missing the huge look of disbelief his agent and (" _interim, Jack - most definitely interim")_ manager had felt suddenly compelled to share. Both sitting there now, brows raised at each other, they clearly had some sort of an issue with their joint-interest's latest comment. To all intents and purposes it really did seem that a certain someone was going to be hauled across the coals for his seemingly innocent remark.

Not that Jack was about to be bothered by any of this - this was the man currently residing on cloud nine, they were being facially disparaging about. In fact, carrying on in blissful ignorance, sitting at a table in the BBC canteen, Jack 'I'm feelin' so damned lucky right now', Harkness, really couldn't've given a flying shit about any kind of unpleasantness if he'd tried. Looking forward to not only enjoying his coffee, but also getting to share his promising new future with his absolutely perfect boyfriend, now safely back in his own little world he was quite happily stirring away at his 'frothy white with four (roughly cube shaped) lumps of crunchy demerara'.

Sat at diagonals to his client's left, Steve's lower jaw had set itself to gawp mode. A very noticeable desisting of rustling noises had seen him look up from the opening of his nifty pack of snack-sized biscuits, and slowly but surely his expression was becoming that of a man instinctively aware that his much anticipated moment of dippy dunking was about to be put on hold.

Not that he'd been having much luck tearing into the fiddly outer plastic packaging. The past minute and a half had been more like breaking into Fort Knox than a four pack of chocolate coated McViitie's.

Defeated moments notwithstanding, it definitely seemed to be something of Jack's comment that had distracted the agent today, but rather than confront his client head-on, he continued to stare at the man sat directly opposite. "Er, sorry, Yan ... I'm sure I must be hearing things, but ... ha ha - ha ha ha ... ha ha ... did his Highness really just say he thought the meeting went _...'ohhkaaaaay'_?"

Lifting his cup, holding the now slightly cooler rim to his lips, Ianto took a moment to consider his reply. The question had been posed with an unsure half-laugh going on, something which really wasn't Steve's style at all. Not only that, surprisingly the agent seemed to have abandoned the opening of his much lauded pack of digestives, in favour of waving speech marks across the table.

It was strange.

Actually,

It was very strange.

Just moments ago, Jack had been wanting his frothy coffee and Steve had been yearning for his choccie biccies. As all three of them had sat down to enjoy their break, nothing had come even remotely close to being as important for either of the other two. Granted, Jack was still puffing away like a four year old. Correction, a demented four year old, but the agent (with his peculiarly amused expression deepening by the second), had most definitely sent himself off at a worrying tangent.

Deciding that all replies coming to mind so far, were bound to leave him sounding like a 'desperate to fit in' twat, in the end, West Hampstead's finest responded in the best way he knew how.

Silently.

With his usual, highly entertaining, ocular display of despair.

And wouldn't you just know it - with his sense of timing unkindly letting him down once again - missing out by the merest nanosecond on getting to see his beloved eye-roll being performed, Jack chose the very next moment to rejoin the conversation. It seemed he must've overheard his promoter's sarcastic comment; head lolling as he continued to send his spoon around in circles, it was his gaze alone that was lifted in seek of some answers.

The hard stare pinned Steve down with its unexpected harshness. "Yeah, I said ' _okay' ..._ you got some sorta problem with that?"

The retort had forced its way out on a defensive rush of air and, clearly not happy with leaving it there, abandoning his stirring Jack raised his head fully. "That's sure what it sounds like to me, Steve. So come on, what is it exactly you're sayin', here? That I wasn't payin' attention? That I've taken everythin' said this mornin' the wrong way? That, in your eyes, the meetin' _didn't_ go quite so well? 'Cause, to be perfectly honest, I'm more than happy with the outcome. In fact I bin sittin' here the whole time thinkin' they coulda bin way - an' I mean _waaaay -_ less generous on the cash front."

Dyed back to it's more natural chestnut colour, a floppy mop was shaken. Jack was displaying his disappointment, and this was no act. Cradling his cup with both hands, as he took his first sip of coffee, he gave his agent the evil eye.

Seeing that the whole 'teasing moment' had been taken completely out of context, with a sideways tip of his head, Ianto gestured that Steve should put someone out of their misery.

So he did. "Jack, I wasn't criticising you, I was just being sarcastic, that's all. I actually agree with you, mate."

Straightening his posture then scraping his chair a little closer to the table, with his uber-sensitive client still sitting there staring narrowed-eyed at him Steve cleared his throat, and tried again. "And you're right, they ' _are'_ being generous. In fact they're being ' _more'_ than generous ... which is my whole point, you dope."

"So you're not sayin' I'm wrong, then ..." was observed with a quirked brow between sips.

"No, you're not - you're absolutely right. And all I'm trying to point out here, is that the meeting went far better than just the understated ' _okay'_ vote that you just gave it. What they're saying they're prepared to offer you, Jack - as a relative newcomer don't forget - is almost as much as they currently pay some of their most popular presenters. Yeah, okay, I know it's not gonna be completely top whack you'll be getting ... but already they're terrified of losing you to one of the other channels - that's the way I see it, anyway. And that, you dope, means the top dogs here at Wood Lane, must think you're hot property."

Voice already no more than a whisper "And you know what else?"

The agent edged as close as he could without sending himself tumbling sideways off his chair. "That's not just 'okaaay', Jackie boy." he grinned at his client. "That's fucking amayyyzzzing!"

In the process of slouching down in his seat, face blank, Jack was coming across as feeling apathetically unimpressed by his newfound 'star in demand' status. "S'only money ... I'd do the job for way less if they asked."

He lifted his cup again. Blew on the steam, this time out of habit. "I'm actually more excited 'bout the whole gettin' to do the promo-shots on the London Eye thing, than I am by how much cash they wanna throw at me."

Another quick sip of coffee was taken. Then a self-confirming nod, given.

"As long as I can survive comfortably _and_ still have a decent amount to send home for Bobs, then, yeah, I'd say I'm gonna be happy as a pig in shit."

Around the table, the world fell silent.

Dragging himself upright again, Jack was smiling triumphantly.

This should've been his crowning moment.

But, still, silence reigned.

With judge and jury sat left and right, now studying him with curious intent, amazed by their stunned expressions, Jack made a point of peering over the top of his cup.

For optimum effect, he raised one brow. "What?"

Silence.

And yet more silence.

"What?" he asked again, brow slipping back into place as if the thing had lost the will to contribute.

"Oh, come on, Jack." Steve wasn't looking the slightest bit convinced. "The money's not important? I mean ... seriously? Pull the other one!"

"Yeah, it's not ... most definitely."

Voice confident - knowing in his heart he'd just spoken the truth and nothing _but_ \- Jack took another leisurely sip of his drink.

"Oh ... well, in that case." Palms were rubbed together. "Thanks, Jack. As your agent I'll be more than happy to take some of that hard earned cash off your hands."

Steve fell back on his chair, but this time there were no signs of despair. Pushing with his feet, he sent the thing onto its rear legs. As he sat there rocking back and forth, laughing his head off, the chair beneath him began to creak. "My percentage just went up!" he guffawed loudly, hearing the worrying noises for himself and quickly smacking all four feet back onto the the floor.

"Yeah ... and I've got my eye on this top of the range 5 Series I spotted at my local dealers, couple of weeks back."

Hands folding behind his head, Ianto had decided he might like to recline also.

"Y'know, I was only thinking the other day I might take up driving again. Quite fancy that Beemer for starters ... you can buy it for me next time we're passing." he decided, his cheeky face lighting up at the presumptive thought.

Taken aback, but quickly fathoming out that he was being played, Jack soon felt safe in losing the gullible, wide-eyed shocked look. "Ohhhhhh great ... am I glad I brought _you two_ along today." was all he needed to groan for all three of them to dissolve into fits of laughter.

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Late afternoon had arrived very quickly, yet another of their precious days together was fast approaching its end. After months of having time drag way too slowly for them both, each twenty four hours now seemed to be passing at double speed.

Thankfully the sun was still on hand to soften the harshest of those edges framing today's dose of reality - still shining down on their little patch of West Hampstead, its welcomed presence saw Jack and Ianto arrive back at the apartment in an upbeat frame of mind; as they'd climbed from Steve's car, they'd discovered it was still warm enough for t-shirts and shorts, and right now, with their change into casual attire matching their ongoing casual mood, the pair were currently making their way out into the garden. Holding onto a beer each, as they ambled through the sun room to get to the outside, the next stage of Jack's career was being discussed.

Exiting a close second behind the man himself, Ianto stepped onto the graveled pathway. "So come on, Mr Showbiz, what's this new musical of yours all about then? To be honest, I'm surprised you've managed to keep the details to yourself for so long." Preparing his delicate (not really) psyche for the almost guaranteed burst of enthusiasm, he lazily plonked his bum down at the far end of their favourite bench, and waited for the inevitable.

And waited.

And waited.

Taking the first swig from his bottle, he was still waiting patiently when a certain sidetracked 'someone' decided to sit down awkwardly up the other end. The ungainly balancing act and consequent wobbling motion, caused him to miss his mouth in spectacular fashion.

"Fuck! Cheers Jack." The back of one hand was used to good effect. "What made you think I needed a wash?"

Barely making the first of five wooden slats available, Jack had very nearly toppled off the edge of the bench completely. A palm slapping down, dragging the dope back into place, was all that'd saved him from experiening nothing more embarrassing than a line or two of sarcastic sniping.

Composure quickly returning, the entertainer watched surreptitiously as his better half wiped another line of escaping beer from his chin. At any other time he'd be mercilessly poking fun at Ianto, but on this occasion, choosing not to crack one of his typically loud in your face jokes about the incident, he totally ignored the error of judgement on his part and it was a very quiet, heavily distracted Jack that looked away again.

Chin dry, but still a little on the tacky side if his fingertips were to be believed, Ianto was sitting there wondering if he was ever going to get a conversation out of his boyfriend. With his inattentive gaze still fixed firmly elsewhere, it seemed that sharing those exciting future showbiz details of his, was the last thing on Jack's mind.

As it happened, Jones the Bewildered didn't have to wait too long for his answer; it was literally one second later that 'Mr Showbiz' decided to finally grace the here and now with his presence.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmm."

Was how he went about it.

Not a querying, question-mark tipped hum of a noise, suggesting he'd heard only half the previous sentence, nor even a belated murmur of amusement in relation to his own recent faux pas.

No, that sound escaping Jack in fine nasal fashion, had most definitely been a show of consternation - head twisting in Ianto's direction, his newly knitted brows were going a long way in confirming that very fact.

"So ... ' _Mr Jones'_ ... you wanna tell me how long you've had a drop-dead gorgeous guy comin' round to do your garden for ya? I mean, is this somethin' I should be gettin' worried about?""

Those good-looking features slowly began to tease open again, allowing the scathing lilt emerging to flow a little more freely. "Hey, y'know what, Yan, forget it ... I'm already thinkin' maybe I can answer that question myself. Ya see, it's all startin' to make sense now. I mean, lookin' back on how hesitant you've been with me practically since the day I arrived, well it now seems this new guy bein' on the scene, could be the answer to quite a lotta things."

Someone's brilliant day, it seemed, had just been completely ruined.

Without knowing the full details, Mr Confident had definitely become swamped by some very damaging emotions, Apparently, good looks and a career in the world of showbiz, stood for absolutely nothing when it came to holding on to the one and only Ianto Jones. In his muddled state, Jack was getting himself into a right old hissy. His top lip had almost, but not quite, reached snarling point.

Demanding with a snap, "Let's have the truth, Yan,", he revealed he was also starting to lose his cool. And as he sneered, "I mean, d'you make _him_ use the guest room, or does this one get to ' _share'_ your bed?" ... he was clearly becoming very angry. "What side does he prefer, Yan? Left or right? Hey, shall I just take a guess myself, or are you happy to share all the juicy details with me?"

Aaaand, at last it appeared - the snarly top lip.

"I know, why don't we start with - how does _'he'_ like it?"

Spitting knives. Never a pretty image.

"Top or bottom?"

Angrily noisy, nasal hissing commenced.

Then stopped again.

It was followed by a pause.

Then a dramatic sort of, pinched, look.

He could've been acting.

But the pain in his eyes said that he wasn't - not this time.

The idea that something might be going on between his 'no longer casual' boyfriend and this gardening guy, was most definitely tearing him up inside.

Meanwhile, in a moment when he should've been feeling totally and unfairly ill-judged, his brows arching high in amazement as he enjoyed the reaction maybe just a little too much, Ianto was still stuck way back on the opening line of Jack's rant. Wondering whether he'd get away with suggesting the fool might want to sign up with Tormented Souls Anonymous, he'd sat there for most of the irrational tirade silently mouthing over and over, an amused ' _Mr Jones?_ ' back at the increasingly seething mess.

"Tell you what, Jack," Removing all traces of humour from his eyes, peeking over the top of his bottle he looked set to keep his own comments fairly amicable. "You tell me all about this new show of yours, and I'll tell you all about my new gardener. Deal?"

As he raised the bottle slightly, angled it towards Jack in a cheers-type salute, that mind of his was working overtime. He might've made a pledge with himself, not to fight fire with fire, but that didn't mean he wasn't allowed to give someone the merciless teasing they now deserved.

Delivering an even more pissed off look than usual, Jack swigged down a long gulp of beer, then without a word he stared back out across the garden. In admiring the new green-fingered Adonis, he was being quite obvious about things.

"Tempted, are we?" Ianto aimed at his rear, chancing a grin and silent chuckle while the coast was clear. It hadn't taken a lot of deducing to see that a jealous Jack was desperately trying to make him jealous too. This was definitely a case of 'Green Eyes' verses 'Green Fingers'.

Up the other end of the bench, someone was struggling to keep their composure. His posture may have been stating that the game was still afoot, but, "Ha! ' _Meeee'_ tempted?" in reality it seemed that Jack had already grown tired of playing it cool.

He sent a piercing, skew-eyed stare to his left. "Well that's rich! Shouldn't it be me askin' _'you',_ that?"

With its host now put out to the point of pouting childlike, the Green-Eyed Monster within Jack had decided it should be rearranging his seating position for him. Either not caring himself, or simply not realising how blatantly obvious he was being, the human guise of the pairing was making a right old meal of trying to angle himself. Any fool could see he was hoping to keep an eye his boyfriend, and check out the competition at the same time.

Finally settled, Jack's stare became intense. Those challenging thoughts of his were coming across loud and clear.

Ianto just stared at him, face unreadable. Whatever game they happened to be playing, nobody ever got the better of Jones the Bastard.

"So come on then - this new show of yours." he continued, unfazed. "What is it? A drama? A comedy? Oooh, yeah…" Knowing his attitude would be driving Jack mad by now, "You know ... I _do_ like a good comedy." he added with a wicked glint in his eye.

"I really _hate_ you."

Jack had a sulk of teenage proportions going on.

Ianto studied the tempersome frown.

And fell in love just that little bit more.

Already poised to take another swig from it, he found himself laughing around the lip of his bottle ... Jack's reactions thus far, had done nothing but reaffirm the dope's true feelings for him.

"No …. you really don't." he smirked, having prised the cold glass from between his lips. "Now, if you could just see your way clear to answering a few of my questions, I, in turn, will fill you in on all the details regarding our very fit friend over there."

Still frowning, Jack stared hard and long at his boyfriend. Fully aware that he just happened to be up against the most stubborn person on the entire planet (and therefore, quite literally, had no other option), as briefly as he could, began to relay the plot of Nick's latest effort.

"Okaaaay. Guy meets gurrrrrl …." he sighed, as if already fed up of the game, "The guy goes off to war, comes home severely injured five months later, finds she's expecting his child but that ,under duress, she's agreed to marry a devoutly religious local man of her folk's choosin' ... aaaaaaand ... well ... that's it in a nutshell really. Whady'a think?"

Ianto hesitated, as if giving his considered response an extra moment's thought. But, lips quirking up on one side, he clearly wasn't thinking very seriously about anything at all. Sparkling away as they briefly locked on Jack's, his eyes began to meander, too. Then, still without saying a word, he gazed vacantly in the direction of his sun room.

"You're try'na think'a somethin' smart to say, aintcha." was concluded with definitely Jack's biggest pout to date.

The steely blues were quickly realigned. They found Jack in a flash. "Er, s'cuse me, do you mind? I'm not trying to do anything of the sort, thank you very much!"

A show of mock offence (one comfortably upstaging the seasoned thespian up the other end), snapped successfully into place and, "Actually, Jack, if you must know, I was just sitting here thinking what a lovely light-hearted and jolly affair, the whole thing sounds." was teased.

Chuckling inwardly at Jack's morphing expression, looking away to hide the full extent of his mirth, "I take it by the final curtain they get back together and live happily ever after?" Ianto strained out, somehow managing to sound deadly serious in the process. A silent Jack waited for him to look back - apparently it'd become imperative that he screw his nose up at that particular point, and pull a 'ner ner ner' face at his boyfriend.

Having done so, he helped himself to a large slug of beer and dragged his lips away with a noisy slurp. "Okaaay, okaaay ... yeah, I know it sounds predictable; I've heard similar plots a thousand times myself." Twisting the bottle away from himself, he used the side of his hand to wipe a line of froth from his mouth. In a turn of events, he didn't seem annoyed in the slightest. "But for some reason," he continued, this time adding a sigh and a shrug, "This particular theme seems to mean a lot more to Nick than usual. So I feel ... y'know ... kinda obliged to give the show a chance ... just for his sake."

"Hmm ... well, yeah, I can understand that." Sitting there, his posture slowly relaxing, Ianto nodded that not only did he get where Jack was coming from, but that he was also keen to hear the rest of the fascinating explanation.

As his own frame softened, a remorse-filled aura seemed to settle around Jack. He smiled gratefully at Ianto. "I have to admit, quite a few of these new numbers of his are promisin' to be real classics, which is makin' me feel even worse, see, I've been quite unkind about his writin' abilities over the years, so these past few weeks I've been feelin' real guilty. On top of that, the theatre we're openin' in attracts quite a few important local critics, and my guess is, the show's gonna draw a heap of positive reviews. I know I was bein' a bit blasé to start with; you know, playin' the whole thing down a bit ... but now it's finally come together, well, it wouldn't surprise me if he ends up takin' this baby all the way to Broadway. Seriously, Yan, it really is that g..."

Jack stopped talking.

Ianto's smile had faded.

In fact, quite without warning, he was now sitting there looking absolutely devastated.

"And if he does? Take the show all the way to Broadway, I mean." he said quietly, his teeth finding his bottom lip as he worried about things just that little bit more. It seemed the possibility of the logical thing happening once this first run had ended, wasn't exactly filling him with huge amounts of joy.

Without hesitation Jack was on the case, putting the facts straight, and his boyfriend's mind at rest.

"Then he's gonna have to find himself a new lead." he insisted. "I've known Nick for, god, so many years now - he can be an arrogant son of a bitch at times, and constantly thinks he can demand what he likes from me (I've lost count of the number of times I've had to tell him 'sorry pal, that's not gonna happen with me, not for any part'), yet, with this show, I still can't help hopin' that he'll finally get to see a little success." The look on Ianto's face was studied intently, and Jack knew instinctively what else was required of him. "Yan, even if the show does do well - even if it ends up bein' the biggest, the highest grossing, Broadway show of all time - Nick knows he's only got me till the end of this first run. I made it perfectly clear to him - if you give me this second chance I'm hopin' for ... then I wanna be over here in the UK, livin' with you."

A smile started to tease at the corners of Ianto's lips. Jack's own spread so impossibly wide, it instantly started to make his jaw ache. "Oh, and for the record, just so's you know ..." Totally back to his old self, the head swagger was accompanied by a flicking of brows. "This predictable story _does_ just happen to have a pretty big twist at the end."

Ianto's eyes lit up. "Tell me more."

"Sorry, I don't wanna tell you what it is and spoil things for you. See, I'm still hopin' you might find a chance to get out there and see me in it, yourself."

Pursing his lips and nodding, Ianto was admitting to himself more than anything, that Jack did have a valid point. After all, it wasn't really such a ridiculous notion - who could tell how quickly he'd cave in and go running to his bosses at the store, begging for some compassionate leave - and what were the odds on him _not_ being able to resist flying over there in search of you know who. "So what part are you playing?" With a complete turn around of emotions, he was suddenly grinning his head off and back to his usual mischievous self. "The knocked-up little rich girl?"

Jack had been holding his breath.

He let it go with a silent sigh of relief.

"Hey, moron, it's not me that get's knocked up! I'm the fricken' lead ... the goddamned hero I'll have you know! I'm the good guy gone to fight for his country!" he laughed, delighted by the tease.

Ianto's eyes opened comically wide. "But, hold on ... that means …"

He cupped his mouth, gave an over the top gasp. "Oh my god …. that means you have to do things with a …." Another gasp was given for good measure. "... a _woman_?"

Hand coming up as a matter of urgency, acting just as horrified himself, Jack quickly covered his smile. "Sshhh!" Holding a finger to his lips, he leaned lazily to one side. Perching the tip of his elbow on it, he allowed the back of the bench to take his weight. "Okay, that's all you're gettin' outta me for now, Jones, you're gonna ruin my career at this rate. And anyway, if I'm not very much mistaken it's now my turn - an'I wanna hear all the juicy gossip you got on mister muscles on muscles on muscles, over there ... so start talkin'."

Ianto was definitely feeling more like his old self. The naughty glint was back for one thing. "Who? Dominic? That guy over there? The one with the body to die for? Him, you mean?"

"Okaaay. Dominic, huh? Cute name …." Jack sounded impressed, the corners of his mouth had pitched downward. Gazing out across the grass, giving the new gardener a proper once over, he tried his best not to be too blatant about things - it was only on looking back a few seconds later, that he realised his boyfriend had been staring also - the only difference was - unlike himself - said 'boyfriend' had been ogling in the most blatant manner conceivable.

The fact quickly became Jack's reason to change his whole approach to things.

The same green hue as before, returned to enshroud him. "Anyway, yeah, like I said - nice name. But, Yan, look at him. If you ask me, the guy loves himself just a little bit too much."

For the second time in one day, that age-old streak of jealousy had resurfaced. "Does he really think it looks cool, doin' the job with his shirt off the whole time?" was wondered with a scowl. "I mean, it's a bit over the top, don'tcha think?"

He was on his own with that one. Ianto didn't even bother looking away from the half-clothed so-called 'abomination'. "Well I'm not complaining."

Jack gave up dancin' round the daisies. "Oh, is that so? We like what we're seein', do we? Well come on then, spill. Just how long've you had this guy comin' round to do your garden ... and god knows what else ... for you?"

Confidence bolstered even further, in feeling pleasingly possessed by his mistrusting boyfriend, Ianto was tempted to have himself a little more fun. "Hmm? What's that? How long's he been coming round? Oh, um, let me see. Er, yeah, since the other one; that old guy, remember? Since he retired four weeks back. I just happened to be passing - you know - as you do - and spotted this possible replacement digging away five doors down."

"Four weeks huh? That's a pretty long time in terms of,"

"Jack, I've not been there."

Deliberately mirroring Jack's pose, Ianto rested sideways on the bench. "Okay, I'll admit that on the odd occasion I might discreetly get to watch him work from inside the sun room. But that's it."

Someone still seemed very unconvinced, mainly because a certain other someone's contradictory expression, was naughtily aiming to leave him feeling aggrieved.

And as it happened, a hawk-eyed Jack was studying that very expression with interest. "You sure you're not just sayin' that?" he double checked.

"Cross my heart." Ianto performed a quick crossing motion. Then he offered one of his wide, tight-lipped smiles, and this time he did make the effort to seem genuine.

Face aglow, you could see that something wonderful had just occurred to Jack. "You mean ... he's _this_ hot ... and you haven't hit on him? I mean ... not even the one time?" He watched the love of his life shake his head in affirmation. "Wow, I guess I really must mean somethin' to you after all."

Ianto relaxed his shoulders with a smile. With bottle poised, "Nobody ever suggested otherwise ... and there's nothing wrong with 'just looking', Jack." he pointed out before taking his next swig.

"Guess not. Maybe I'm gettin' a bit insecure in my old age." was admitted forlornly.

The smile up the other end of the bench grew wider. "Come on, old boy, why don't we watch him together?"

As he shrugged, Jack seemed almost placated. "W'okay. But, just admit it, you do think he's fitter than me, don't you."

Eyes swum up, sailed left to right, then sank down again. "You're body enough for me, Harkness. Now shut the fuck up and just enjoy the show." With Jack looking up through his lashes, smiling coyly and displaying his dimples for him, Ianto gestured that he might want to look at something much more worthwhile, and both with their lips slowly parting, they began to watch Dominic go about his pruning duties. It was certainly a show worth seeing - every muscle tensed and rippled beautifully, even the glutes hidden beneath the well-worn cargoes, were performing a tantalising dance every time he crouched down.

Managing to create a memorable scene of their own, mouths hanging open as they matched each other gawp for gawp, Jack and Ianto were staring, entranced, by the scene playing out before them; having retrieved a rather substantial branch from an overhanging horse chestnut tree, the object of their desire had turned to face them, and, dragging the branch along with ease, he was now walking forward.

"I could go blind just from watching this." Ianto decided with a sigh.

Sliding his stare sideways, Jack swigged slowly from his bottle. "You really like him, don'tcha? Are you quite sure you haven't ….. you know?"

Lifting his bottle in readiness to do the same, a smiling Ianto shook his head. "I told you ... he's straight."

"He's definitely straight? You sure?"

"Quite sure."

"But are you really, really, ' _really'_ sure?"

Ianto heaved in a breath. It was noisily huffed back out in Jack direction. "Oi ….. just look at me, will you?" Jack did as he was told. "Now watch my lips, you daft bastard ….. _heeeeee's strayyyyyyyght_."

"You mean …straight, as in,completely hetero strayyyyyyght?"

"As a die."

Jack looked over at exhibit A. His own instincts had actually been agreeing with Ianto the whole time, but the doubts sat behind those emerald eyes of his, were still telling him to be wary.

"You know for sure, then."

"Yes, I know for sure, Jack."

"Okay. So does this mean he knocked you back, then?"

Ianto opened his mouth to speak, but could only chuckle at the situation. Jack had at last accepted that the new gardener wasn't gay, but he still couldn't believe that the other innocent party involved, i.e. himself, wouldn't've hit on the guy at some stage. "Jack ... how could he have knocked me back? I already told you, I haven't been there."

"Hmmm? Oh yeah, I forgot that part." Something much more interesting had caught a distracted Jack's eye. "Wow, would ya look at that," Yet another overhanging branch was in the process of being cut down. "I bet he's got really strong hands."

"He has. Really strong."

The delightful sight became Jack's quickest distant memory ever."Okay. And you know this …. howwww?"

"Invited him in for a coffee a while back. Shook his hand when he arrived - shook it again when he left - and, yeah, I can quite categorically say that he's got strong hands."

"Coffee, eh? So is that the new euphemism for ….."

"I was offering him the gardening job, you pillock, not inviting him in for a quick mid-day fuck."

"Oh. Oh yeah! 'Course!" Genuinely delighted by the enlightening revelation, Jack was sitting there laughing at himself. "So how old d'you think he is?"

His mood wasn't about to last, Ianto had decided he was having way too much fun with this. "Same as his inside leg …. thirty three."

The game was back on.

"What?"

"His inside leg ... it's thirty three inches."

"Yeah ... I got that part - what I was wannin' to know more, is how the fuck _you_ know that fact.

"Ugh ... don't ask ..." Making rueful sighing noises, fledgling thespian Ianto Olivier was sitting there shaking his head.

And a confused Jack found himself back to square one.

The scowl had returned. "Hey, trust me Mr - ' _Honestly Jack, I Promise I Haven't Been There' -_ Jones, I _am_ fricken' askin' ... so I suggest you start fuckin' talkin'!"

Pity was finally taken. Shaking his head, Ianto sat there, smiling guiltily. "Jack, I've known Dom for ages. He's a neighbour, and the reason I know all his vitals is because when he got married a couple of years ago, it was me that measured him for his suit."

Jack wasn't looking in any way reassured. "So you know ' _all'_ his vitals, do ya, huh? I s'pose next you'll be tellin' me you know his favourite colour, too."

"Blue."

Jack's head dropped. "Blue? Seriously?" He looked up though his lashes. "You bastard ... are you deliberately tryin'a make me jealous?"

His boyfriend's tormented status aside, a happy Ianto was starting to find the whole thing incredibly encouraging. Jack's jealousy was a big indication of how much he really did care about him, and he now knew for certain that Jack truly was still in love with him. It was the most wonderful feeling ever - his heart hadn't felt this light in months.

"Oh, don't get angry with me, you dope. I'm only playing with you." He peered cheekily over the top of his bottle. "Jack? Ah, come ohhhn ... it's only a bit of fun."

"Only ... only a bit of fun? You know his favourite colour, dammit! Did you find that out when you were havin' only a 'bit of fun' with _him_?"

Brows furrowed. This wasn't going according to plan. "So? Yeah, I know his favourite colour. Big deal."

Lips pursing with frustration, Ianto lowered his drink. "Jack, I know what ' _your'_ favourite colour is, but I bet you won't get your thong in a twist over that one, will you?"

"You ... you remember my favourite colour?" Was there hope on the horizon?

Ianto relaxed again. A warm smile appeared ... the memory had never faded ... "Blue for little days ... and purple for big days." His smile became a grin. "Oh, and pink when you're trying to get laid."

"Wow …. that's really." Jack looked completely blown away. He huffed out a soft laugh. "Wow, I can't believe you rememb …. Oh ...oh,right, I get it ..." The Harkness pout made itself known again. "Hey ... don't think I don't know what you're try'na do here, Yan ... stop tryin'a send me off track - just tell me how you know that other guy's favourite colour."

"Oh, for god's sake." Ianto was laughing again. "Okay ... keep your fucking socks on. If you must know ... at his suit fitting, he just happened to mention that the bridesmaids were going to be in blue - apparently his fiancée picked the colour because it's _his_ favourite."

Falling back onto the wooden arm behind him and pointing his bottle accusingly, Jack was experiencing another of his revelation moments. "Ohhhh, okay, I get it …. you deliberately bin tellin' me only half the story. You knew you were gonna be able to wind me up with this, you ….. you …. you…."

"Bastard? Cunt? Conniving piece of work?"

With his guilty boyfriend now laughing away at him, "All of the above and more." a relieved Jack grinned back at him. "I'm gonna have to think of a way to severely punish you." he threatened, even though his expression was saying he'd already forgiven him.

Ianto threw his head back. "Punish me? Yeah, in your dreams, Jack." he laughed loudly, looking down again with a nod. "Now drink your beer and stop acting like a jealous twat ... you know I only have eyes for you."

Jack managed to purse a kiss before they both became sidetracked again ... Ianto's new gardener was crossing left to right, directly in front of them.

A noisy breath was sucked inward. "Oh ….. my … god. Ianto Jones, would you look at those calves?" Jack whispered.

"I'm looking, I'm looking." was hurriedly whispered back. Concentrating really hard, Ianto managed to drag his eyes away. "Jaaaaack?"

"Hmmmmm?" Jack hadn't been quite so successful - as he continued to watch, his mouth had dropped open again.

"Would it be really wrong of me to suggest we retire to my bedroom for a while? Just the two of us, I mean." Ianto asked him in a low voice.

"Well I'm guessin' you're not thinkin'a gettin' some shuteye." was observed correctly, "So what is it, exactly, that you have in mind?"

"Well, you know ..." Ianto looked sideways with a shrug. " ... nothing heavy."

His frown saying all that needed to be said, Jack looked up ... There it was, that dreaded 'nothing heavy' phrase again.

"We could just mess around for a bit," Ianto quickly suggested before Jack could become any more despondent looking, "You know, get inventive to help us relieve a little of the, um, current pressure, shall we say?"

"Hey, you lead the way, gorgeous, I'm gonna be rrrrrrright behind you."

Jack's renewed enthusiasm meant he was already up on his feet.

As the object of their desire moved further across the garden, waving the way ahead for himself and Ianto, "I can get introduced to Mr Muscles next time, yeah?" he tried bargaining.

A chuckling Ianto stood to join him. "Down boy."

"Down? Oh that's exactly where I'm plannin' on goin'." With the love of his life raising one brow at him, Jack thought he'd better check, "If that's okay with you, of course?"

"You are sooooh predictable, but, yeah, I think something along those lines could be arranged." he was informed with a wink.

.

And that was it.

Banter flowing freely once more, the rescued romance was back on track.

With the 'threat that never really had been', already long forgotten, sharing a knowing smile they gave the gardener one last glance ... there were much more pressing issues to be dealing with ... some major reconnecting to be done.

Gazing lovingly and holding hands, two daft buggers made their way inside.

Who needed a gardener?

It was time for just the two of them to have a little fun!

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

tbc.


	14. Tempus Fugit

Hi there.

My profuse apologies for being unexpectedly extracted from the scene for so long ... it's no lie to say: "I'm glad to be back".

By the way, you might want to grab a large pot of coffee before diving into this (rather long ... sorry) chapter. ... bwb.

.

.

Chapter Fourteen

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Tempus Fugit

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Ianto swallowed, dragged his sandpaper-coated tongue from the roof of his mouth, then tried again. His second-most favourite orifice appeared to be getting drier by the second; as the appropriate muscles contracted, sending a minimal amount of saliva on its way, a small ball of spit became lodged at the back of his throat. He tried again, made a weird gulping sound as he forced down nothing but air.

It was time to get a grip, especially as he appeared to be experiencing problems of the chambre kind too. More specifically, he had a bit of an issue going on with his personal sleeping space. Normally his pride and joy, in dishing out silent promises to the two weakened souls now trapped within, his master bedroom had transformed itself into a four-walled Siren, was now a parlour of sin, a cave of debauchery, a temple, filled floor to ceiling with every carnal promise known to man.

In short ... it was Jones the Bastard's idea of what heaven would be like, should he ever be granted the chance to reach such dizzying heights.

A hedonistic paradise.

Trouble was, right at this very moment, he wasn't feeling the love for any version on offer.

A minor miracle in itself, it had to be said.

-o-

In the midst of performing a mission impossible, fighting back nerves he was currently working on a move to make 'Jones the Bastard' look ultra cool - hence it being something of an impossible mission. What he'd initially suggested he and Jack should come inside for, was still what he most definitely wanted to do, but the second he'd set foot inside his suddenly treacherous bedroom, things had started to move along at warp factor speed - all at once he'd been feeling the need to think things through a little more thoroughly - had still to be convinced that he wasn't actually rushing into a situation from which he'd find no viable escape route.

The time was flying too. Through the slats ahead he could pick out the last few fading rays of sunshine. Wasn't it only seconds ago he'd been outside happily agreeing with Jack that they should think twice before rushing into things? Had his suggestion that they might like to come inside to 'play', actually been a step too far too soon? After all, it really wasn't like him to be quite this impulsive.

Something was definitely amiss. Whoever was playing games with his head, was also messing around with time. The seconds seemed to be whizzing by at double, no, triple speed; how else could he already have come within touching distance of his blind? Signalling the start of all things mortiifying, any moment now he'd be plunging them both into darkness.

 _Don't panic._

A silent breath was inhaled, the situation was given a respectful amount of thought, then the same breath, if a tad staler, was returned just as innocuously to the ether.

Maybe this really would, most definitely definitely, be a good point for him to get a grip on things.

-o- -o- -o-

Still aware of Jack's presence a pace or three behind him, thinking hurriedly, Ianto got back to choosing which move might ultimately present him in his best light ... the use of one large step to reach his target, or a less manly looking, two mini ones. It was fast becoming a conundrum too far, was one he could really have done without altogether if he was honest. His every cranial impulse to this point had been focused only on their up and coming plans. As plans went, he didn't consider this latest one to be the worst he'd ever come up with, though thinking through all the possible options connected to said plan, did seem to have left him feeling a little trepidatious.

Actually, jittery had been the word most coming to mind. And as his bedroom blind came flying unexpectedly toward him, Jones the Unsteady could only concede that, this particular case of the jitters, had most definitely won on the day.

He'd tripped over his own feet.

Performing a slow-mo overbalancing act he snatched hold of the toggle ahead. Dragging it downward with a lunging tug, he managed to trigger a sequence of events, the first of which saw each wooden slat become intimately acquainted with its direct neighbour. Not the coolest of maneuvers he'd ever made; embarrassingly, on top of all things unstable, the ensuing loud whip-crack of a noise had also sent him jumping out of his skin.

Something was seriously wrong with Hampstead's finest. Okay, granted, ultimately he'd managed to stay upright (after a fashion), but things had definitely not gone according to that well-laid plan of his.

It took a split second for his tortured brain to kick in. Something wasn't right, something had ... changed. Something about him, specifically, was very, very ... different. Just minutes earlier he'd been practically back to his old self; heart thumping for all the right reasons, he'd left the garden to come inside with Jack feeling strong and full of confidence. But now, this? Had incidental occurrences suddenly decided they wanted to become his worst enemy? What was next ... the light above, dropping onto his head? A lightning strike, burning the entire apartment block to the ground?

An earthquake?

The internal sigh was deep and revealing. _An earthquake? For god's sake Jones, what are you thinking man? Just get a fucking grip._

Now he was just being stupid, he was making a big deal out of nothing. He could deal with being here with Jack, no problem. After all, would Jack be feeling even remotely bothered by any of this? No, of course he wouldn't. No way would Jack be so uncool.

Whoa ...

Jones the Uncool?

Didn't have quite the same ring to it, did it?

Definitely not an option then.

-o- -o- -o-

Ignoring the fact that every passing second was still insisting on disappearing up its own arse, someone set about convincing himself that he might be overreacting a little. It was difficult though, because something about him had most definitely changed. In contrast to their time spent out in the garden, where ,for himself, at least, it'd been practically laugh-out-loud a minute, a show of muted mutual respect was now being observed. Admittedly it was making things a little awkward for them. But was that such a bad thing? Was the pair of them not wanting to upset each other in any way, such a crime? They were being on their best behaviour, which was a really good thing. And they were doing equally as well in the 'wait and see' stakes. Rarely had a conjoined breath been held so assuredly ... never before had the necessary p's and q's been ... quite so beautifully ... peed and queued.

Ianto had a fair idea what might really be going on. He also had a sneaking suspicion that Jack was sensing the same thing too - that, tonight, something special; something much more than just a kiss and a cuddle, might be in the offing.

This could actually be their make or break moment This was why all moments of lighthearted banter had been abandoned to that other special world ... the one of hopeful lovers, pruned trees ... and gardeners. And with his deployed blind now preventing all possibility of prying eyes, there was absolutely nothing to prevent them from making up for each of those long months spent missing each other.

Well, nothing of course, but themselves.

So, in a moment where courage had very quickly become the only thing to matter ... was it time for Jones the Wary to throw caution to the wind?

After all ...

They didn't exactly have all the time in the world, did they?

-o-

-o-

-o- -o- -o- -o-

-o-

-o-

With a nod that, albeit clumsily, his initial task had been completed, releasing one cord to pull down on another, Ianto clicked the nearby sidelight into life.

A moment of hesitation followed. It threatened to betray him in the unkindest of fashions, yet, straightening his shoulders he was soon back on track, side-stepping his way along to the end of the bed where, at long last, he mustered the courage to face Jack.

Another nod accompanied the full spot-rotation. "There we are, then."

The lamp now shining away to his left, was making a spiteful show of his unconvincing smile. As if aware of the fact himself, Ianto was standing there, stock-still, locked rigid, fingers clasped in front of him as if about to deliver a sermon.

"That should do it. Nice and private. Don't want to shock the shit out of my nice new gardener, do we? Hard to find you know, reliable gardeners, especially ones with a body like ... "

Feasting hungrily on a meal of held breath and anticipation, once again the air in the room had become suffocating full and fat. Still frozen mid-sentence, it didn't seem relevant to Ianto that his abrupt halting of the conversation had gone, and continued to remain, unacknowledged, his horrified expression was pronouncing him guilty as charged regardless of all things sensical.

Another long moment of unease got underway. The seconds, all of them potentially tortuous, looked to be passing vindictively slowly for him. Employing his trademark self-dismissive huff as an opener the original ending to his doomed sentence was given short shrift.

"Anyway, we're not here to talk about my fucking gardener, are we?"

A closed smile appeared. It became wide and genuine. A new and encouraging, air of confidence was being emitted. He near as damn it looked like a man who actually knew what he was doing.

Only ... he didn't.

Ianto Jones was more hopelessly adrift than ever. His gallant effort a futile one, he was currently trying to convince the world that it was himself and not Jack who was the actor, but on the inside his nerves where acting out a much more revealing story. Feeling the need to challenge this latest change in mood, his stupefied self was busy second-guessing what the hell had gone so suddenly wrong with him. No more than five minutes earlier he'd been full of cocky attitude, had been feeling better than he had done in months, so why was he feeling so uncertain of himself right now? There was no reason for him to be harbouring any performance issues; he and Jack hadn't entered the apartment with plans for something heavy to happen, so his present levels of staying power had never once been under scrutiny.

It was all so bloody frustrating.

"Bloody gardener, forget I ever said anything ... don't why I fucking mentioned him in the first place if I'm honest."

Never before, had a despairing whimper been so expertly concealed. With his dry mouth now deciding to spout nonsensities of its own volition, the only thought currently occurring to Jones the Trap was that he might want to shut up and stay that way - the more he said, the more stupid he was sounding.

The gut feeling that something more than just soft play was on the cards for him and Jack, wasn't helping any either.

Trying to stop his mind from going into overdrive, he began to wonder how many seconds had passed since his last comment. Noticing the strange look on Jack's face, he couldn't decide if the poor guy had been standing there waiting for something typically witty and Welsh to spill out, or had been thinking something far, far worse ... like why he'd ever thought the idea of coming back to the UK, would be a good one. He was probably wondering right now, how long to leave it before walking out in disgust ... back out to find the new and very hunky gardener.

.

Ianto felt nauseous. He resisted the urge to feel his cheeks, wondered if his pallour had changed at all. His tongue had certainly adhered itself to the roof of his mouth again. He was so scared of losing Jack; knew that if he did lose him, this time it would be for good. It was time to face facts, he was nothing but a mess around the man, no matter how hard he tried to be otherwise. When he was with Jack, all moments of bravado were quite naturally fake. He was useless.

So could Jack see this? Could Jack see through him? Could Jack tell how much of a nervous wreck he was, even now? One day Jack was going to wake up, realise what a massive fucking mistake he'd made, then wave bye-bye.

The pain of letting him go again, would be unbearable.

A lump appeared. It blocked a dry throat, came out in sympathy of the predicted future for its owner.

Someone's confused head began to hurt. Maybe it was time to just accept that Jack did know what he was doing. After all, he had just traveled thousands of miles to give things a go.

Besides ... what was the alternative? Did he really want to let the man he loved with all his heart, just disappear for good? Hadn't he already conceded, that his own life wouldn't be worth living if he couldn't have Jack by his side?

The neural pathways began to clear a little.

-o- -o- -o-

In the past, Jones the Numnut had found repeated reasons to kick himself repeatedly. He was busy processing another one of those reasons right now.

Bottom line?

He was a fucking idiot. But it was time to change.

Was he ready to go get what he really wanted?

Absolutely.

And was he about to lose Jack Harkness?

No ... Fucking ... Way.

-o- -o- -o-

-o- -o- -o-

-o- -o- -o-

Frustratingly, despite some clearer thinking going on, the stand-off at the O K Corral seemed set to continue. Presumably with neither really feeling brave enough to make the first move, trapped in an eyeballing stalemate; stood there like a couple of second rate amateurs, love's young dream seemed only more disconnected than ever.

Which was sad.

And of course ... kind of ironic.

But they did have one thing going in their favour.

Bringing up the rear, on his way in, Jack had made doubly sure that the door was tightly closed. As a consequence, the room was getting warmer and warmer - a huge bonus, surely, in the melting of hearts stakes? The changing atmospherics were already promising to step things up a thermostatically-governed gear much quicker than usual.

Which was fortunate.

And of course ... kind of ironic.

Given that right now they needed all the bloody help they could get.

-o- -o- -o-

Still determined to confound his earlier show of nerves, it was Ianto who made the first move.

Knowing that counting to ten had worked for him in the past, lowering his lids, he attempted to calm himself completely. A silent count of fifteen proved enough to give him the courage to lift them again.

He found a smile, the only smile ever to take his breath away, sitting there waiting to greet him. His heart jumped high. A quavering, mostly silent, breath was forced out. How could he ever have doubted this was real? This was Jack. His Jack And he loved him to distraction.

"Hey Yan, look, if you've changed your mind, its okay ... just say if you don't feel so comfortable right now and we'll go do somethin' else."

"Something else?"

Jack's statement, posed with a familiar bounce of innocent amusement, had been enough to send one bemused daydreamer jumping out of his skin for a second time.

"Yeah, somethin' else, y'know ... anythin' really ... I'm kinda gettin' the distinct impression you don't feel like puttin' on a show today." Nodding over to the closed blind, Jack continued to stand there, hands on hips, studying the expression on his boyfriend's face. He gave a triumphant grin. "I'm right, aren't I!"

Brows decided to knit. They became responsible for the formation of the cutest little boy lost frown, ever. "Jack, wh, why did you say ... put on a show?"

So much for the Jones burst of courage and newly conceived set of acting abilities.

Nursing a twitch in one eye, and with the definite promise of a stammer forming, Ianto had been left sorely wanting for a sufficient come-back, mostly because Jack's observation about him had been spot on. In truth, he'd been feeling no desire whatsoever to share this special moment of theirs. Him choosing to close his blind today had been something of a privacy prerequisite; ironically his most favourite feature of the entire property, the large bay in his master bedroom had always offered a wonderful view out over the garden - it was just a shame that the same wide vista allowed anyone stood on the outside, an even more wonderful view of the boudoir sitting right there on the inside.

Of course ... the icing on the cake? Who was still out there, tinkering in a manly fashion out in the garden?

No fucking way was _he_ getting a piece of Jack ... hot gardener's body, or not.

"Yan? Yan, look, don't worry. Yan? Hey ... it's okay, I'm not complainin' here, I was just teasin' you as usual, that's all."

Jack had clearly begun to sense a new wave of anxiety setting in. "Listen', it's fine ... if we do, we're still doin' this however _you_ wanna play it, okay? I haven't forgotten this is your call." Head tipping to one side, he began to edge himself a little closer. "We're still goin' down the nothin' heavy route, I take it?"

"Yes, if you don't mind trying it that way to start with. We can ... oh you are such a daft fucking sod." Lips pursing, trying vainly to veil his sudden sense of amusement, Ianto was studying the eight digits now wiggling away at him.

"Do I get to use all of these?" Jack's fingers began to fidget at double speed.

Ianto was still holding onto his coyest smirk to date. "Yep, I mean ... I suppose it wouldn't hurt."

"And these, too?" Both thumbs were thrust into the air.

Stance softening, Ianto allowed Jack a defeated grin. "Yes, you fool, you can use them all, if that's what floats your boat. Who knows, I might even let you use your lips, too ... if you're a very lucky boy."

Jack was sent a quick wink. Someone was starting to feel much more like his old self. In a blatant move to bring the two of them closer still, teasingly running his tongue across his top lip, Ianto took one very brave step closer.

The move went down remarkably well.

"W'okay …." Taking another step forward himself, panting like a red-hot canine, the more brazen of the two had his tongue hanging lecherously from his mouth.

A grin appeared. Ianto found he was having fun again. "Oh, so what's this, Harkness ... you think you're going to use your tongue on me as well, do you, you filthy bastard?"

Those confidence levels were rising for sure. He was now wondering why he'd been feeling the need to panic so much in the first place. "Though, thinking 'bout it, maybe having you lick every inch of my body, wouldn't be such bad idea after all." he concluded, all pursing lips and pouting mouth himself.

The temperature in the room climbed a few more notches, and with the man stood opposite now staring opened mouthed at him, Ianto reached a new decision. If, as things moved along, Jack were to decide he'd like to experience a little more than previously agreed ... then a little more, he would be granted. Though the handsome fool might find himself being worked into a frenzy to start with ... there had to be some perks along the way, and if anyone knew how to work Jack Harkness with the minimum of effort, it was most definitely the baddest Welsh boy on the block. The one who, right now, appeared to be making something of a comeback.

"What's up, Harkness ... cat got that filthy tongue of yours?"

"Yeah ... no ... I mean. Oh wow ..."

A rather telling croak had begun to escape that professionally trained voice box. "Really? My tongue? Over every single inch?"

Ianto narrowed his eyes a little, used those dark lashes to full effect. "All over." was huskily confirmed.

A crooked half-smile appeared. Jack took the final step required to reach his target. "Ohhhhh yeah … I sure am likin' the sounda that." The tip of one finger was dragged from sternum to navel. "Oh I'm likin' the sounda that a lot, you naughty boy. But first I just wanna ..." A thumb was brushed very gently over Ianto's lower lip. "I mean, what I'm tryin'a say is ..." The croak was becoming emotional. "Oh god, Yan ... I've missed you so much."

It wasn't the most ideal of times for a floodgate moment, but it'd been on the cards from the word go. And proving a point to anyone that cared, having always been stacked in favour of Jack reaching for the tissues first, the odds were now celebrating. After too many months, too many sleepless nights, and too many moments of suppressed emotion, finally the weight had become just too much for him to bear.

He cupped a cheek, brought their mouths together. Tears spilling as he closed his eyes, he knew exactly what message his disobedient lips were passing on - they were speaking in volumes of everything he knew he wasn't allowed to say.

It briefly occurred that he was taking one hell of a chance, but luckily Ianto seemed too lost in the moment to notice, so he went right ahead and let those feelings flow.

-o- -o- -o-

Feeling an arm snake its way around his waist, drowning in the embrace, Ianto relaxed into hold. He'd always enjoyed kissing Jack, more than any other guy in fact, and for many different reasons, but, this time around, the touch of those lips on his seemed even more special than usual. He draped an arm over each shoulder, folded them inward, claimed Jack as his own. Each time their lips came together, he allowed their tongues to touch first. It felt exquisite. Unlike his own, Jack's tongue was wet, felt soft and inviting as it danced lightly, tip to tip. As they appeared again, eager for more, he gently pressed his lips onto Jack's then lost himself in their cushioned embrace. His heart was thumping hard now, was almost disguising the fact that someone was murmuring with pleasure; he soon realised the noises were coming from himself.

A second later he became the first to part his lips wide enough to matter.

Some things were just too good to wait for.

-o- -o- -o-

It'd been an invitation and no mistake. With a hungry moan, Jack drove his tongue inside, lay a palm on the back of Ianto's head as he pulled him closer. Taking full advantage, he forced their mouths hard together. It became a free for all. Hands began to palm and stroke, were grasping greedily at handfuls of cloth as they felt their way around. Every touch, no matter who from, seemed desperate. Every whimper, pitch rising, sounded urgent. Lids closed to the rest of the world, they'd found the easiest way to lose themselves in each other.

With a deep gasp, it was Jack who first obeyed his body's call for oxygen.

As he took stock of the special moment, his laugh was breathy and joyous. "Please, God, just let me do this for the rest of my life."

Angling his face, preparing for round two, he paused for a long, long moment; took in the handsomeness of the features sat before him. The blown pupils, the pursing 'eager for more' swollen lips edging impatiently closer to his own ... they were telling him just one thing. That the man he feared he'd lost forever had, all this time, been missing him just as desperately, too.

He quickly kissed the sexy pout away, once more began to brush his thumb over a lower lip. "These lips are mine forever, Ianto Jones ... an' don't you dare ever forget that."

Looking a little perturbed, it was Ianto who felt obliged to ask, "Is it just me, or does this feel sort of ... different, this time?"

Twin frowns formed.

"Actually, I can safely say it's not just you, 'cause I do know what you mean; I've definitely been feelin' somethin' strange goin' on, too." Jack whispered, drawing a soft nod from Ianto.

Their eyes locked again.

It didn't take much for them both to become completely lost in thought. They did indeed both know that something very different was happening. Something ... special. Without much of a prompt, the ongoing stretch of silence from earlier had made a return, and still staring into each other's eyes, blinking slowly over and over, the two love-birds became stuck fast again.

Stalling his thumb's caress, Jack tried to focus on the small smile doing its best to form opposite. The sight quickly became enough to set him off again - it was saying so much more than usual, and he damned Ianto Jones for not being able to tell him how he was really feeling.

"Yan , I …"

That same three-worded phrase repeating itself over and over inside his own brain, just wouldn't go away. It was almost demanding to be shared. But Jack Harkness, for all his shortcomings, knew way better than to whisper _'I love_ _you'_ when he knew it would be a guaranteed recipe for disaster.

Leaving it burning a hole at his centre, swallowing the declaration he continued to drink in every soft line, every cheek tremor, every blink. A sudden feeling of oneness, left him believing that the man in his arms was experiencing the exact same sensations too, that, trapped by that over-protective heart of his, his lovely Yan was struggling equally as much to deal with this latest wave of emotion.

It was so ironic that neither of them had the courage to just say the words.

He tried to send his message telepathically. It didn't work.

Love.

It was such an emotive word, could mean so many varied things for so many different occasions. But nothing was as important as how he was feeling right now. He wanted to scream with frustration, felt tempted to threaten Ianto with violence should he refuse, on request, to reveal his feelings too. The urge within was overwhelming, the need to share his message was growing dangerously strong.

In a moment of desperation, he considered chancing his luck.

Fortunately, fear won out.

With a sudden rush, a sharp spike of negative vibes formed right at the front of his brain. It'd instantly been enough to kick a harsh amount of sense into him and, sadly, that moment had become the complete undoing of their safe-mode dream-state.

Reality was kicking back in with a vengeance. As quickly as it'd begun, the magical feeling they'd created between them was gone.

Cursing silently, back in the room, Jack was taking full blame for ruining the mood. It was that warning kicking in, that'd caused him to blink with an out of character rapidness. Lids fluttering over and over, he'd broken the connection and, by association, had shattered the spell. As a result they were back as if nothing even remotely special had been going on.

The fact shouldn't have mattered.

But it did.

-o-

As he was fixed with an understanding stare, a devastated Jack was feeling nothing but heartbroken in his loss. Features creasing, his anguish was clear. "Damn you, Ianto Jones ... why can't you just let me say it?"

He drew them closer, slipped his fingers through the longer than usual layers of hair. As they stood there, noses touching, "I'm sorry," he sighed, "I know I make you feel uncomfortable when I get like this, believe me, the last thing I wanna do is scare you away again, because you make me so happy. All I really want is for things to be perfect between us."

"And, still, he insists on using words."

An amused Ianto was wearing a fetching crease at the corner of each eye. "I'm not that hardhearted, you fool ... I know you don't mean any harm. But d'you think you could just _try_ to shut up, just for two seconds? Why not try giving the whole 'actions speak louder than words' thing a go ... before you have us both in tears."

The Jones smile grew wider, the creases enhancing each steely blue, deepened. "Only a moment ago you were begging to put your fingers to good use, why not try giving that idea a go for a while?"

Delivered with a small laugh, hearing the reminder, Jack knew it was time for the sensible side of him to take the hint. Without a word he employed both hands to frame Ianto's face and ever so slowly brought their lips together.

There was no hesitation. He felt a pair of arms, full of possessive intent, slip around his waist. Instinctively he nudged his hips forward, a growing length pulsed against his own. As if granting his silent wish, Ianto began to rub firmly from side to side - an ache, intense, warm and insistent, settled at Jack's core. As the move was repeated, a needy moan escaped him with ease.

Ianto broke the kiss, stared into Jack's eyes. Further south, their bodies had more than begun to make up for lost time. He groaned as their cocks strained in unison. "Fuck ..." He continued to massage, rubbed back and forth back and forth; saw all expression leave Jack's face and continued to watch him bliss out as the same sensations washed over him too.

"Feels nice, don't it?"

Observation delivered with breathy whisper, he crushed their lips together, sent a groan slipping into Jack's mouth as a wave of arousal did a dance inside his belly. A path of fire began to twist like a tornado, it sped around the circumference of each ball then screamed along the entire length of his cock, making it longer, fatter and harder than he could ever remember. He squeezed his hands into the narrow gap between them, set his fingers to work on Jack's fly. A delighted moan vibrated over his tongue and smiling into the kiss he worked as fast as he could, didn't stop until all of the buttons were undone.

Without warning he shoved the item of clothing as far south as his extended reach would allow.

The cargoes were three-quarters way down Jack's thighs. He pulled away with a noisy gasp. "Oh yeah, good call ... we really need to get outta these clothes."

Stepping out of hold Ianto did the same. Sex-starved and stumbling around in their hastiness, both men proceeded to strip faster than any other human on record. Three months was a very long time in anyone's book.

Leaping onto the bed, Jack turned with a bounce. Kneeling and wavering about on the spot, he hinted with a nod that someone might want to occupy the space directly in front of him. His request was obeyed and his gaze became fixed on the bobbing length heading his way. "Y'know Yan, I suddenly have one hell of thirst on me, an' when I say my lips have missed savourin' every inch of that beauty, believe me, they reeeally, reeeally have."

Just shy of touching distance, the object of his desire drew closer. Forever with a mind of its own, Ianto's hot flesh pulsed - Jack felt it brush against him - controlled his balance - managed to contain the burst of noisy air. But the ache within him deepened painfully. He tried to think of something clever to say, but decided instead that he should just kiss the life out of that gorgeous mouth in front of him.

He didn't get that far.

"What did you have in mind?" Ianto asked without blinking.

Keeping an eye out for each and every reaction, enclosing Ianto's shaft with his palm, Jack held it gently at first, then squeezed a little harder.

The first move had been made.

Physical contact.

Intimate contact.

Jack was making his intent very clear - he was no longer prepared to disguise his need.

But this was his limit, this was as far as he would go. How the game progressed from here was still down to Ianto, who, for his many sins, appeared to have been rendered immobile.

In a daze, Ianto finally placed his hands on Jack's body, sent them sliding over every point that he could reach - chest first, then shoulders, the toned back, and then, finally, that perfect fucking ass.

Only difference this time?

Jack was naked.

Drowning in the sensation, as familiar fingers began to knead his bare cheeks, Jack felt both surprised and delighted. As his face was clasped and peppered with small, sweet kisses he became one big bundle of thankful smiles. Watching Ianto crack a smile in return bolstered him on. He started to move his palm, maintained a slow rhythm at first. The touch of Ianto's hot skin was making his own tingle. A part of him, the delighted part, wanted to squeeze as hard as he could, but increasing his tempo only, he remained careful to keep his touch teasing and delicate.

After a few moments, the lids sat before him began to flutter. Ianto caught his bottom lip between his incisors and began to moan lightly. That was Jack's cue to add a twist to the proceedings.

A gasp and instant murmur of approval encouraged him to continue, raising the bar a little higher he began to stroke his free hand over the outside of Ianto's right thigh. His lips found an earlobe to nibble on. "See ... I'm makin' good use of my hands, just like you suggested."

The reward of a chuckle was heartwarming, but still not quite enough. Calling time on administering a trailing path of small delicate kisses, Jack set about revealing the rest of his plan. "I'd also like to point out that my mouth wants to feel you just as badly ... sohhhhh ..."

"It does?" Returning the favour, Ianto had begun to kiss his way around one ear. Dipping lower, he began to nuzzle Jack's neck. "Your mouth, you say?" he double-checked, slowly closing his eyes and losing himself.

"Uh huh. I mean ... don't get me wrong ... your cock feels so fricken' hot slippin' through my fingers like this an', oh,Jesus I've missed this baby ... " An extra tight squeeze was added to prove a point, "But, right now, all I can think about is feelin' you slide in an' outta these really soft lips of mine."

Hoping for a peck, Jack pursed his lips in a ready to go moment. "Did I mention they were _reeeeeeeeally_ soft? Here, try them out for size, see what you think."

He puckered up again.

The base of his throat was kissed instead.

"Okaay, the 'ole kissin' of the throat trick, huh? Yeah, I can go with that too." The show of bright azure disappeared behind closing lids. "Yeah, tha' feels real nice an' ... oh Jesus Yan, that feels good ... I've missed this so much. Um ... where was I?"

The vague tones seemed to have amused Ianto. Busy laughing quietly onto Jack's neck, he hadn't failed to notice that the more he kissed, the more erratic Jack's breathing was becoming.

"Don't think you can put me off with those sexy lips of yours, Mr Jones - my tongue still wants to taste you. An' just for the record, I'm plannin' on drinkin' every last drop that pumps out."

Ianto whimpered ... .just a little.

Jack's grin said he wasn't totally displeased by the fact. "Oh, so, okaaaaay ... someone sure likes the sounda that. So does this mean you're gonna be okay with me slippin' my lips over this baby for a short while?"

As his shaft was gripped hard, and a tongue licked a wet line across his right lobe, Ianto failed to keep his deep moan housed. He was forced to swallow before answering "Um ... I'm not sure ... let me just check on my situation here ... blood shooting warp factor through my veins? Yep ... Is every pint I own, being sent at palpitation speed down to my cock? Aaaaand, that'd be a yep again."

Jack's crooked smile appeared. "So gimme a clue ... is that a yes or a no on getting the life sucked out of it?"

As his shaft was given a deliberately hard squeeze, a speechless Ianto gave one deep, drop-nod of affirmation.

A smiling Jack held him close, once again pressed his lips to one ear. "Good ... 'cause I wanna hear you scream, real loud."

Very slowly he guided Ianto onto his back. In a beat he had him stretched out on the bed, right where he wanted him. Resting back on his calves, he began to lower his own body, and in no time the kicking length he desired so much was barely an inch from his lips. Slowly gazing upward, following the contours of the rest of that beautiful body, he found Ianto's eyes and held the stare. A lustful look was begging him to get on with things. He smiled as he lowered his mouth.

Ianto let out a despair-filled gasp. Allowing the heat of his breath, only, to make contact with his boyfriend's flesh, Jack had stopped just short of commencing with his promise.

Once composure was regained, the threatening Welsh accent wasted no time in coming through loud and clear. "Don't you dare, Harkness ... no games, you hear? No games, you teasing bastard, not today ... I've been waiting too long"

Laughing quietly, his lips curling up on one side, Jack licked away a drop of pre-cum. The loud curse aimed his way sent his shoulders rocking with silent laughter, he continued to disobey orders by making a noisy affair of licking his lips. The deep growl in response was duly noted and without warning he dragged his flattened tongue from root to tip.

Hoping to catch his prey's reaction, he raised his gaze. It was a sight worth seeing again, he decided, so repeated the same move again, only this time he hummed as he licked.

Ianto's shoulders were digging deeper and deeper into the pillow. "Fuuuuuuuuck …."

He managed to raise his head, shared a scowl, which soon became a moment of pathetic face creasing. "Jaaaaack ... pleeeease."

Jack repeated the same move a few more times, then sat back laughing.

"Bastard!"

Ianto appeared to be caught mid way between bursts of genuine laughter and frustrated, angry tears.

Drawing saliva into his mouth, with a nod Jack could only agree that, today of all days, he was being a complete bastard. Without warning he dropped down, gripped Ianto's shaft at the base and sank his lips as far down as they would go.

"SHIT!"

This time Ianto's shoulders were way off the bed, but only because he was doing his best to watch Jack perform. "Oh, god."

Muscles failing him, he flopped back down onto the pillow. Drawn in slowly through Jack's lips, his cock was being very gently suckled upon. "Hey, Jack, you say your mouth's been missing my cock? Well guess what ... my cock's missed your mouth, so much fucking more."

The quip was appreciated by both parties, the resulting hums of amusement on Jack's part, made for some very effective moments of vibration.

Once the Welsh expletives had died down, he continued to suck lovingly.

"Oh, god that's nice." Ianto's twisting fingers found the duvet. "Jack? Go to town on me ... come on, suck it harrrrrr..."

Sliding his mouth up and down, eyes closing as he savoured each moment, an invested Jack was more than happy to oblige. As Ianto began to writhe around on the bed beneath him, he adjusted his position so that he was able to slide his mouth all the way down. With Ianto's fingers now forcing their way through his hair, cheeks hollowing, he sucked harder than ever before.

The receiver was losing his cool. Gaining purchase with his hands, feet flat, hips hitching again, he began to fuck himself into Jack's mouth. "Oh, Jesus ..." Taking every inch in, his throat filling as he slammed all the way down, Jack's bottom lip was smacking onto his ball sac with the most heavenly, torturous, bounce.

Completely contented, hidden beneath closed lids, Jack's eyes were sparkling away. Pulling back with a noisy pop, he peeked above the fleshy wand to give a wide grin. "Feel good?" He lightly traced his fingers over Ianto's spit-drizzled sac. The groan in response drew a grin from him. "Wanna try somethin' a little different for our first time?"

Watching Ianto raise one brow, Jack drew some extra saliva into his mouth. "Not gonna do anythin' heavy," he promised, moistening a middle finger as a hint, "I'd just really like it if you could take over while I tease you; you know how much I love watchin' you make yourself come."

Ianto took the request on board with an upwardly mobile, if rather ironic, smile - thanks to the talents of his boyfriend's mouth, his cock was already aching to bursting point, and making himself come for Jack's viewing pleasure was going to be a toe-tingling relief for himself more than anything.

Shuffling sideways, moving further up the bed, Jack braced himself at an angle then dipped down to help himself to a sloppy kiss. The tongue winding around his own, began to lick and slide. "Taste nice?" he guessed with a chuckle, backing away.

Further down, an eager Ianto had already started with a reverse grip. Watching Jack make his way back down to the business end of things, he readied himself by raising his knees and, dragging his feet closer; resting them both flat on the bed, he lay there with his legs splayed wide in invitation.

The wordless instruction was given for him to lift his hips. As he did so, a pillow was popped beneath him. He peered between his thighs; Jack had already found the bottle of oil; brows flicking, he was popping the cap with a noisy click.

A little of the liquid found its way onto Jack's fingertips. He began to brush them over one much-missed pucker. Eyes closing, Ianto began to moan deep and low. His cock was rock hard and a trail of juice was dribbling down the side of his shaft. Things were getting noisily sticky as he continued to furiously fuck his fist.

Still mindful of their situation, Jack spilled a little more lubrication onto his fingers. Touching Ianto's hole with his middle digit, he held it there as a hint of where he'd like to go next. A nod told him it was okay to carry on.

"Say no anytime you want me to stop." Very gently he pushed the tip inside. The responding moan of pleasure reassured him that the intrusion had been appreciated. He pushed his way deeper, began to explore a little - it was much tighter than he remembered. After a few seconds he felt safe in adding another finger. "Jesus, Yan, you look so fuckin' hot doin' that." Fucking his fingers into his boyfriend, faster and harder than initially intended, he ignored his own aching groin to watch Ianto pump his fist up and down. "Oh yeah …. make that baby come for me." Dry lips were licked in anticipation. "Oh my god ... would ya look at all that juice runnin' down ..."

Ianto's head fell to one side, mouth emitting the usual flow of garbled aroused nonsense, it was clear he was getting there much, much quicker than usual.

The fact hadn't passed Jack by, he'd already guessed his favourite Welshman hadn't come in a while, so it was with a sense of perverse anticipation, that he added an extra twist on the way back in.

Gaining speed, Ianto began to stab his hips downward; he was trying to keep time with Jack, but his own hand movements were now a helpful stutter at best. With a hard-on like never before, Jack was watching on intently.

The gasps grew louder. The trademark chanting began. "Jack? Oh fuck."

Ianto's mouth hinged open and stayed that way for a moment. The hand whipped faster, the slippery noises grew louder. "Jack? J ... oh yeah, don't ... Shit! Jack? Jack. Oh god don't ... don't stop I'm gonna ..."

That was when Jack hooked both digits upward.

"Fuck fuck fuck ... "

Ianto seemed to have forgotten how to breathe. Jack smiled as the telling tremble continued to spread across his whole body; having found the right spot he was teasing with a deftly placed, considerately light, wiggle. He hadn't been at all surprised to see the first few lines of many, fly out. Sadly, he hadn't been granted the scream he'd been hoping for, but the show of uncontrolled yelling and grunting on offer had proven almost as satisfying.

Lips parted, his breathing shallow, the voyeur in him had sat there and ached his way through every single moment of throbbing release. Still caught up in the moment, absently listening to Ianto's breathing evening out, he became aware of a finger tapping on his right knee.

Through a haze of blown pupils, he took note of the look being sent his way.

"No."

Deliberately eliminating their slippery handiness from the equation, he began to wipe his fingers back and forth across one thigh. "'No, Yan, c'mon man just don't ask me, okay? You know I won't be able to say no, an'... an' I don't think we should ... not yet, anyways."

Raising his head, Ianto lifted the whole way and propped himself up on one elbow. He was looking downward, checking out the current state of play. "Jack, you're ready to go, that thing's poker fucking stiff. Come on, just jump on board and fuck me ... you know you want it as much as I do."

Jack looked away, it was the only way to avoid seeing that resolve-weakening Welsh gaze. "No. Just, no, okay? We agreed we wouldn't for a reason ... you distinctly said ….."

"Yes, Jack, I know what I said ... it was me that made the rules, remember? But it's been so fucking long, and we're here now and ...come on ... I need to feel you inside me."

Lips pursed to form a hard line, a heavy breath was evacuated via both nostrils. "I'm scared, Yan ... I don't wanna ruin things. An' anyway, it's not just that that I'm worried ab ..."

"Look, whatever your objections, I overrule them forthwith, understand? I absolve you of all liability, this is my call; I'm the one that's been pussyfooting around, and I'm the one allowed to change my mind ... so stop worrying."

Jack's knee was nudged again. A cheeky Celtic smile appeared. "I promise I won't hate you in the morning."

Proving just how badly he really was in need of this moment too, despite his tone of conversation, Jack's aroused state hadn't diminished any. He still wasn't looking very happy, though. He gave a loud sigh. "Look, there's another reason, okay? I remember how painful it was for you the first time we eventually did get around to ... you know. So what I'm kinda askin' here, is ... how long is it since you …" Cheeks colouring, a pained expression appeared. "Look, all I'm sayin is ... how much is this gonna hurt you if we do ... you know ..."

"How long since I was last fucked, you mean?"

Chastised and smiling child-like at the amused grin being sent his way, Jack nudged sideways into his earthy better half. "Trust you. But, yeah, I mean ... just now, when I was ..." Two fingers were wiggled. "...you didn't exactly feel very stretched to me."

The amused grin disappeared in a flash. "That's because there's been no one up there since we broke up."

A shocked Jack found himself obeying a sudden need to get up close and personal.

As they lay out lengthwise together, finding himself face to face with the man he thought he couldn't possibly love anymore, it was Ianto who helped himself to an open mouthed kiss. "No one." he repeated, as if making sure that the dope by his side had definitely got the message.

At this point, a wide, toothy smile should've slipped into place. It failed to materialise. "Okay, so I'm not gonna deny I'm over the moon 'bout that part ...,"

"So what part is it, exactly, that you have a problem with?"

His sigh long, loud and deep, an evasive Jack looked down at nothing in particular. "Ah, take no notice a me, it don't matter ... really, I'm just bein' stupid."

What he failed to realise, was that the actor in him had decided to let him down big time; those true feelings of hurt and jealousy, remained far from disguised.

"Jack ... Jack, please, c'mon, look at me ..." A crooked forefinger found a chin, applied enough pressure to bring the sad features back into sight. "If we really want things to work out between us, we've got no choice, we're going to have to talk about shit like this ... at least until everything's out in the open."

Again, Jack's sigh was deep. "I knowwwww ... I'm just not sure I wanna hear all the answers."

"Come on ... ask away. Tell me what's on your mind ... believe me, I've got a shit load of questions I want to ask you too, and I'm expecting to hear answers to all of them; trust me on this Jack, you're really gonna thank me later, for letting you get in first like this."

As a small, adorable smile appeared before him, Jack's resolve finally crumbled. "Okaay, okaay, but like I said, you're gonna think I'm stupid."

"Try me." A quick kiss was administered to seal the deal.

Jack came away from it still frowning. "It's been three months, Yan ... It's been a _long_ three months an', well, I guess what I'm wondrin', is ..."

"What?" Ianto seemed to be relishing the show of hesitation, his not so secretly pleased smile had found a reason to return.

"Have you been on any dates with anyone, at all ... met anyone, um ... special?"

The chestnut topped noggin fell backward in despair. "See! I told you I was bein' stupid!"

Angling himself over further, Ianto was in the process of propping his head up on one palm. "Why?" he wondered with a gentle pursing of lips, quickly bringing their mouths together to claim a peck in a rather deflective manner, "Have you?" Something begin to trickle over his skin, he took a look down at himself - several gravity-governed trails of spunk had decided to make good their escape. Fighting its way through a dense patch of chest hair, the main culprit was currently heading for his left nipple, the rest seemed to be coursing a path across his rib cage, and were duvet bound.

He chuckled as the trickle began to tickle.

Heroically doing his duty, stemming the tide by coating most of it, Jack licked and sucked his forefinger clean. "Okaaaaay ..."

He paused to lick between his fingers. "... over the months, I've gotten to know you more than just a little, Ianto Jones."

"Can't argue with that."

"Yeah, right ... anyway ..."

The show of flippancy had been unexpected. Jack sat there frowning at Ianto, before thinking to continue "... and when Ianto Jones answers a question with a question ... which you just did by the way - don't think I didn't notice ... it means he's avoiding tellin' you somethin' he thinks you're not gonna like."

Eyes narrowing for effect, Jack decided to pass the time by helping himself to another line of cum. "Sorry if I'm bein' a little direct here ..." was observed between slurps, " ... but I can't help it if I'm a naturally curious person; I just had to ask ... I mean ... aren't you genuinely just a little bit curious 'bout what I've been gettin' up to, too?"

As the same finger was utilised then licked clean, Ianto had a different kind of smile forming. A genuinely amused smirk was going on. "You enjoying that?" he asked, wiping some cum onto one of his own fingers and holding it over for Jack to have some fun with. He found himself grinning into a spunky kiss.

Jack used the back of one hand to wipe his mouth dry. "So ... anyway ... back to my question ... as you're most definitely tryin' to avoid it, shall just assume the answer's gonna be a yes, that you've been foolin' around with other guys?"

The Jones gaze fixed itself firmly on the duvet cover. The deep sigh that followed, could only ever have been an admission of guilt.

Pain of varying degrees began to etch a jagged path across Jack's face. "Right, okay, no ... of course ... that's fine - I've no right to expect anythin' else ... you've been a free agent since we, y'know ... an' I shouldn't ..."

"Okay, Jack, just stop it. Of course you want to know ... and you have a right to know, I haven't got a problem with that."

In the time it took Jack to shrug and nod his understanding, Ianto had commenced with, had a good old gnaw at, then finished chewing his bottom lip. "This ... this was always going to be an awkward moment for both of us,." he admitted with a sigh. "Digging up dirt, or whatever you want to call it, isn't pleasant. But it's important we get all shit like this, out the way as soon as possible. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Okay, good. So let's cut a deal. We'll tell each other everything ... we promise we won't get out of our prams about any of it, and we'll just carry on like nothing's been said, I mean, we both had the right to do whatever we wanted over the last three months, right?"

"You're not exactly filling me with confidence, here."

Ianto took the show of uncertainty on board and tried a smile. "We'll be fine. I'll tell you everything little thing about what I've been up to over here, and then you can tell me what you've been up to over in the States."

"Not a lot to tell really ..." Tears in his eyes before the dishing had even begun, Jack looked down, then away. "Been too busy with Bobs, 'n' work 'n' stuff." A distracting crease in the duvet was played with..

A guilt ridden Ianto wasn't having any of it, "Oh, come on, Jack ... good looking bloke like yourself? Flirty, charming - not to mention highly impressive in the weaponry department ... are you seriously telling me you haven't gained at least few more notches on that bedpost of yours?"

As hoped, the show of false bravado sailed right over Jack's head. More concerned with being wrongly accused, the hurt in his voice was painful to hear. "Yan I swear I've not done a thing - there's been no one, no one at all, since you."

"Yeah, right." Someone was choosing, quite deliberately, to take a lot of convincing. "It's okay, you can tell me the truth you know, I don't bite.. Come ohhhn, you must've had guys throwing themselves at you left right and centre."

"Throwin' themselves at me? Well, yeah, 'course ... all the time, I'm not denyin' that." With a gentle, absentminded, touch, a more concerned Jack had begun to smooth Ianto's fringe back from his forehead, "But when I say there's not been one single guy since you, I mean it ... there hasn't"

Ianto stared briefly into the baby blues. As much as Jack claimed to know ' _him'_ inside out, he knew Jack equally as well, and Jack wasn't lying about this.

A nod heralded his belief in the claim. "It shouldn't, because the fact alone makes me out to be a right selfish bastard, but knowing that makes me feel so much better."

"It's the truth, Yan. I've been doin' nuthin' but drive myself crazy thinkin' 'bout you day and night."

"Please don't say that." That particular knife had already plunged deep enough. It was now twisting harder by the second.

Jack studied the guilt-etched features. "Yan, just tell me. I'll deal with it ... and then we move on."

"I'm so sorry." Finally, the guilt turned to grief.

Jack kissed the furrowed forehead and thumbed away a tear. "I promise I'm not gonna feel any differently 'bout you, just cause you been havin' a little fun."

A shaky breath was inhaled. "For the record Jack ... it really wasn't any fun at all, and what you have to remember, is that I thought I was never going to see you again; I'd convinced myself you'd gone for good. I was struggling to deal with what that really meant, I'd never felt pain like it and ... well, after a while I got ... desperate."

"Sure, it's okay, I understand. You needed some physical contact and ..."

"No! I wasn't desperate for sex ... I was desperate to sort my head out; was hoping that if I could get myself back on the clubbing scene, it might help me forget about …..."

"About ... me?" The idea of that was worse than hearing about some casual fuck.

"Yeah."

"Okay ..." Same as earlier, before his show of emotion could be seen, Jack's face disappeared from view. "I guess I can understand why you were feelin' that way 'bout me."

"Jack, listen, this is important, I need you to believe me. Before that night, I hadn't wanted to go with anyone else, I hadn't even _imagined_ myself doing anything with anyone other than you."

The confession brought a smile to Jack's face ... albeit a temporary one.

"But a while back, I caved. I went way across town to a club where I knew no one would remember me ..."

"And?"

"I psyched myself up, and after a while I followed this guy into a cubicle."

"Can we just stop the story here, please?"

"No ... we said we'd tell everything, and I really need to tell you this."

The sigh was so familiar. "I had a feelin' you were gonna say that."

"Yeah, anyway, we kissed for a bit. Then thinking it'd push me on ... you know, make me want to take things to the next level with him ... I let him go down on me."

"Did it work? Do I really wanna know what happened next?"

"He ... well ... let's just say it wasn't pleasant. And I don't really like thinking about much after that if I'm honest, so ..."

Jack was there, ready with the offer of a hug. His look of concern look was undeniably genuine. "Are you tellin' me he forced you? Tell me the truth,Yan, then just tell me where I can catch up with this bastard an' I'll ..."

"What?!" Ianto hadn't seen that coming. "Jesus, Jack ... no! It was nothing like that. He didn't touch me! It was me ... I'm the guilty party, not him! I was the one giving out quick fuck signals. ... it was _me_ encouraging _him_ to step it up a level ….."

"Oh, okay, that's good, but ..."

"But the whole time we were there, I knew I didn't really want to do anything with him."

"But that's a good thing, yeah?"

"Jack ... the whole time I was with him, all I could think about was ..."

"Was ...?" Jack's head has this sort of piqued pivot thing going on.

"Was you, you bloody fool. I kept seeing your face."

"You did?" Jack was so taken aback, he forgot how to smile.

"Your face can be very distracting." he was informed with a stoic frown.

The temptation to make a joke at this point was avoided. "Sohhhh ... you were in this club, with this other guy, but you kept on seein' my face?"

"Yep."

"Sohhhhh?"

"So ... what?"

"So, was that a good thing ... or a bad thing?!"

"Well it was a good thing, of course, I was subconsciously sending myself a reason to stop doing what I was planning on doing."

"So did it work?"

"Well, you have to bear in mind how much of a stubborn bastard, I am, Jack. You of all people know that better than most."

"True. So where are you takin' me with this piece of information?"

"I'd gone there for a reason. And regardless of how I was really feeling, I still had a point to prove to myself with that other guy."

"So after everythin', in the end my dashing features failed to do the job. Damn." Lips pursed, brows met in the middle. "I hope he was a shit lay."

"Oh, I might've tried to block out your face, Jack, but, don't worry, you were right there with me all the way. You weren't about to give up on me that easily; I volunteered to search my pockets for supplies and …"

"And?"

"Well let's just say it wasn't a piece of shiny foil I found hiding away."

"You found my face?" Brows arched accordingly.

"No, you clown." Ianto was forced to hold back a chuckle. "What I found, was, well ... reading matter, I guess you could call it."

"Readin' matter?" Jack took a moment to digest the clue. "Ah, hold on, what jacket were you wearin' ... you wouldn't be talkin' 'bout findin' a tiny little note by any chance?"

The nod was short, solemn, and very much a confirmation.

"Ah heck. I remember wonderin' at the time, how long it'd take for you to find that particular message." One guilty face was screwed up in an apology. "Sorry if I threw a spanner in the works, but back then I had no idea we were gonna go ….. you know …."

"Our separate ways?" The shrug was nothing if not matter of fact. "Anyway, yep, it was the message you managed to squeeze onto the back of that tiny receipt, and let's just say it did the trick." Locating Jack's hand, Ianto gripped it tightly. "Jack, I know it's all sounding a bit comical right now, but I should actually be sitting here thanking you ... it was your message that finally brought me to my senses."

"Always happy to help." The grin was unbearably smug.

The eyes performed their usual. "You can't hep yourself, can you."

"Nope."

Ianto's new smile was full of affection. "You know, doing something with that other guy ... deep down I already knew I couldn't go through with it - but finding myself staring at your handwriting, recalling how much we'd enjoyed ourselves that day, just being a normal couple of guys eating a burger at McDonald's, it reminded me how much I still ... "

The silence didn't find time to become awkward.

"... how deeply I still cared about you. Like I said, I never really wanted to do anything with him from the word go; I'd gone there for all the wrong reasons. And because of you and your little note, you daft romantic fool, I had a lucky escape."

Watching the signals, Ianto knew it was time to stop talking. He could tell by Jack's face that he was becoming emotional again. Before the relieved, sensitive soul could break down completely he dipped forward to kiss away any remaining doubts regarding fidelity. "I've not gone the whole way with another living soul, I promise. In fact, in the end all that guy got, was me crying my heart out on his shoulder. I even explained why I was so upset. He was really understanding, considering I'd just wasted his entire evening."

Foreheads resting together, relief palpable, both men began to laugh. Staring into Jack's eyes, Ianto once more bore witness to the telling shine. "Please don't start crying, you'll set me off." Blinking in defiance himself, he could feel the long lashes opposite, tipping his own.

"Hey, so much for us sneakin' inside to relieve a little of the pressure." Offering a sad laugh, Jack pouted, hoping for a kiss.

Ianto obliged with a quick peck. "Why don't we just carry on where we left off? Let's try this again."

"What, go all the way, you mean? You sure you still want to?"

As Jack pulled back a little, Ianto pulled him back into hold. "Let's put it this way, Harkness, I'm not letting you leave this room 'til you've fucked me senseless."

There was only one answer to that. "God I love it when you talk dirty!"

Before he could protest, Ianto found himself on his back with Jack straddling him. Feeling around in the drawer where he'd earlier found the lube, he was desperately trying to locate something latex based.

He came away with a vacated pack of fruit variety. "Damn, it's empty ... that's no good."

With a frown, the cardboard sleeve was inspected in more detail. "Tropical?" And then studied some more. "Hey, is this the same empty pack I launched back in here last time we ...?"

"What do you think?" As Jack's confused face appeared above his own, Ianto closed his eyes.

"But ... Yan ... this doesn't make sense; you're the tidiest guy I know. " The pack was held aloft'. "Why didn't you just throw it out with the trash?"

Ianto forced himself to meet Jack's gaze, "Well I _could_ lie, and say that when I finally got around to tidying the place up, that drawer must have been forgotten."

"So, if that's a lie ... what's the truth?"

"The truth is ... I couldn't bring myself to go near any one of these drawers ... I found it too ... upsetting."

Studying the pack, the one right now having the life squeezed out of it by his knotting fingers, Jack was forced to concede "All this time you been hurtin' like this because of me. I'm so sorry, I wish I'd been here for you. Right from the start I shoulda had the guts to just tell you the truth. None of this would've happened."

A heavy smack landed on his left bicep "Oi, it's all in the past. We're moving on, remember? Now check one of the other drawers, we're still in need of a cover or two, there's got to be something useful in there somewhere."

"Okay, let's see what I can find." Jack made straight for the bottom drawer. "Aha!" His eyes lit up. Then a frown appeared. "You really wanna go with ribbed for your first time?"

Frowning back at him, Ianto shook his head. "No, maybe not for the first time."

Jack began to fish some more. "There's some extra lube down in this drawer too, and ... oooh …. some naughty sexual aids. " Trying to avoid another swipe from Ianto, he began to dig a little deeper. "Hold on ... what have we hiding at the back ...?"

A wrapped parcel was pulled from the drawer. Jack held it aloft for Ianto to see. "Been buyin' somethin' for someone special, have we?"

"Gimme that!" Whippet like, his right hand extending, Ianto tried to take hold of the small package.

Rather predictably, Jack pulled it out of reach. "Uh un."

The same hand stretched out again. "Jack, please, just give it here, it's nothing important, I forgot it was still in there."

"Well, _obviously_. So c'mon, then, why you actin' so cagey all of a sudden, huh?"

Full of accusation, in a blink Jack's whole demeanour had changed from amused to jealous. "Come on, spit it out, who ya been buyin' gifts for that you don't want me to know about?"

The guilty party's cheeks began to burn with embarrassment. The slapped-face tinge grew deeper. "Look, if you must know, it was going to be an extra little present for you, last Christmas."

"Really? Well I guess that explains the cute wrappin' paper!" Smile back on his face, Jack was clearly relieved to hear the news. "I'll just open it now, then, shall I?"

"NO!"

Forgetting Jack's weight was keeping his thighs pinned to the bed, Ianto's attempt to re-site himself failed in the most humiliating of fashions.

"Oops!" There was an ominous tearing sound as Jack ripped away the blue and white snowflake printed, wrapping. "Too late!" As the pieces of ravaged paper fell first to the bed, and then to the floor. Jack stared wide-eyed at his gift. "Ohmigod!"

"Fuck ... Fuck." Hands covering his face, Ianto began muttering blindly away. "Look, just put them back in the drawer and pretend you never saw them, okay?"

"Are you kiddin' me? Whoa, no way Jose ... no can do." The crimson pink satin panties were held aloft to be examined further. "They're …. wow! They're ... gorgeous! They were really for me?"

Beneath his hands, Ianto groaned and nodded.

"But why didn't you just give 'em to me at Christmas?"

Eyes peeping into view performed the perfect rolling motion. "Er, let me see ... d'you think it might be because I thought I might end up feeling exactly how I feel right now? That's fucking stupid, by the way, in case you hadn't already guessed."

"Stupid? But … nohhhh Yaaaaan whyyyyyy? It's not stupid at all. I've kinda had an idea for ... well, for quite a while now, that you might be into this sorta thing; y'know, what with you and that pretty-boy kink of yours."

Jack's next expression suggested the revelation might've just promoted the most horrifying of thoughts."Um, have you seen March, at all, by the way?"

He'd tried to ask as casually as possible, but Ianto could tell that Jack was wondering if his gift had really been intended for the cute young stage-hand. "March? No, I haven't seen him at all." he told him truthfully, smiling just ever so slightly at the heartwarming signs of jealousy appearing. "Though from what I can gather, Els paid him a visit a while back. Seems she asked for his help when she was trying to get hold of your home number. I'm surprised she hasn't said anything to you."

As the nagging twinges of doubt began to dissipate, so did Jack's devastated expression.

"Actually, now you mention it, she did say somethin' to me, yeah." he admitted. "Seem's she started off with Steve's secretary, then moved on to March, then finally ended up over at Tom's place. That's where she first called me from, y'see."

"Tom? She didn't tell me about that, the little ... hold on ... Tom actually helped her out? _The_ Tom? Jerry's Tom?"

It was an opportunity not to be missed. As they cried out "TOM AND JERRY!" in unison, a sense of the juvenile briefly took control.

"Yeah I know," Jack finally managed to confirm as they calmed down, "That surprised me a bit as well. But anyway, enough of that ... shall we get back to exhibit A ...?"

He raised his right hand.

It had his gift dangling from it.

Ianto gave another groan. "I'd rather we didn't."

"Oh, I'd rather we did." Jack was sniffing his gift.

"Oi, they're brand new!"

A nose wrinkled cheekily. "Just checking."

"Remember our first date?" Ianto sidetracked, mainly to take away the notion that he might like to thump Jack really hard real soon, "When we were in the pub, going through those lists of questions you insisted we do? Well during one of your answers, you mentioned something about your best friend walking in on you. You said he caught you wearing your mam's undercrackers, and I'm sure you said they were pink."

Jack drew the panties away from his face. The look that appeared was both pleased and surprised. "Hey, that's right, they were! Wow, I can't believe you remembered!"

"Not too difficult to be honest ... all the time you were sitting there going into great detail about the damn things, I was sitting on the other side of the table with a raging hard on, and I haven't been able to get the image of you wearing them out of my head, since."

"Okaaay. So you want me to put these on now?" With a repeated twist from front to back, Jack was admiring his new gift. "You know what they say ... better late than never!"

A stiffened forefinger was aimed at a side cabinet. "No, what I want you to do, Jack, is put them back where you found them and pretend you never saw them!" Hands rising at speed, Ianto covered his face again. "Jesus, this is so embarrassing."

Jack found no problem carrying on undeterred. "Say, how would you feel 'bout me wearin' the whole get-up ... you know, with a little lipstick … blusher maybe? How 'bout a little eyeliner, too?"

"Oh, God ..." The mumble was clear enough - the hands were removed, nevertheless. "Jack! Can you please just shut up? I feel embarrassed enough as it is."

"But you already think I'm beautiful. I distinctly remember you tellin' me so on my birthday ... an' right now I'm thinkin' that maybe, deep, deep down, you'd quite like to see me dressed up in stockings, and a little basque, or somethi …"

The futile struggling began again. "Okay, that's it." Ianto had this sort of pinched look about him. "Jack? Knickers! Back in draw, now! You never saw them, okay? End of conversation."

The time for teasing was over.

"Okaaay, okaaay …. I'll drop the subject for now." Adjusting his position, Jack was slowly dipping lower. "But I'm sorry, there is no fuckin' way you are EVER gettin' these beauties back. They're gorgeous! ... I love them!" A noisy smacker of a kiss found its way onto the lips below. "Thanks, Yan."

"Well, as you like them that much, I guess you're very welcome."

Watching Ianto very nearly crack a smile, Jack grinned back in encouragement. "So what happens now?"

"Well, I, personally, am thinking of taking a very cold shower ….. see if I can't lose some of the heat out of these cheeks of mine."

Jack studied his boyfriend contemplatively. "Yeah, you're right I guess ... I mean, I don't mean 'bout losin' the cute pink cheek thing you got goin' on there - I mean, yeah, maybe we should leave takin' things a step further for another day."

Ianto's sigh was deep ... and just a little sad. "Hmmm, well, given how easily we've been distracted like this, maybe someone is trying to tell us something. Maybe it is too soon for us to be taking things to the next level." A pouting of bow-lips occurred. "We shouldn't go any further, today, should we." he decided in a quiet voice.

Jack felt obliged to nod his agreement. "Nah ... it's a damn shame but ... yeah, you're right ... we better not."

"It'll be for best won't it." A head was nodded sagely. "We shouldn't go any further today, definitely not."

"I hate to say it,Yan, but I think you're right. We shouldn't ... not really."

"Hmm."

"So, we won't?"

"No ... we won't."

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

But they had.

Oh, they really, really had.

And it had been monumental.

Three times between making their 'final' decision and sun-up, they'd made their most heartfelt effort yet to reconnect. Tentative to start with, agreeing that both should take a go at top and bottom, the first time had been filled with giggles and completely unnecessary awkward apologies. The second round, by comparison, had been full-on rampant - a feast of changing positions - wake-the-neighbour groans, and filthy talk.

Quite rightly, the third and final time had been an exhausted, full body contact, hip twisting, slow grind of a fuck. Sweaty bodies pressed tightly together, the release this time around had easily been the most intense of them all ... the moment had brought not only genuine relief, but an emotional showing of tears and, afterwards, they'd fallen asleep in each other's arms.

Next day, they'd woken at noon, had made some very sweet black coffee to go with their very, very late breakfast, then they'd fed each other marmalade on toast, all giggles again, and gooey eyes, the lot. It'd turned out to be the most glorious of days, and a pact had been made ... nothing remotely negative, they'd agreed, was to be discussed until breakfast the next morning, and even then, that option would only apply if it was really really _really_ necessary.

Then before they'd realised it, the weekend had arrived.

And, now, it was already Sunday.

-o- -o-

Pretending to watch tv, Jack was mulling miserably over the fact that they only had five whole days left to spend together. As another chuckle sounded over from the hallway, he slid his eyes to the left, stared surreptitiously as he studied the gorgeous creature sat on the floor out there.

Making a very special phone call, keeping himself upright with his back to the wall, Ianto had the widest of smiles on his face and, quite naturally, Jack was trying to listen in ... ...

-o-

"And what about you, Mair, are you okay?"

Deftly double-tasking, Ianto directed the tip of one finger in his boyfriend's direction. With a flick and a jokey scowl he suggested that the ear-wigging dope should behave himself and get back to viewing the television.

Laughing at the instruction, a defeated Jack left him to his moment of reconnecting; his last glance told him Ianto was busy adjusting his position, trying to get a little more comfy out there.

"Where's the little bugger got to ... please don't tell me he's still in bed?" Ianto wondered down the line.

As a reply came straight back at him, he was still smiling at Jack's apparent adhering to orders.

"No, he's definitely in the land of the living," he heard Mary laugh at the other end, "I know that much for definite. Hold on, I'll give him another shout. Bobby?! Bobby! There's someone on the phone wants to talk with you! Hey, Romeo! Can you come downstairs please?! Sorry, Yan, hold on a sec, I can't make out a word he's saying ... What was that, you little pain in the butt?!God, I'm really sorry 'bout this Yan, he's being really awkward right now. ... Oh, hold on a sec. What?! No! It's not her! Now can you just come downstairs please?!"

Ianto took advantage of the break in shouting. "Who does he think I am, Mair?"

"Oh, we've gone and got ourselves some new neighbours, and their six year old daughter has the biggest crush, ever, on my five year old son."

"Awww, sweet."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Sadly, Bobs doesn't see it that way. Every day after school he insists that I let him out in the garage, not out on the drive. I've tried telling him there's nothing wrong with being friends, or even just being polite to the poor kid, but, well, you know …..."

"And what does Jack say about the situation?"

"Jack? Well, from what Bobby's let on, his father's response was that he should just ' _go for it_ '."

"Sounds about right."

"Doesn't it just. Oh, at last ... could this be his majesty on his way? Dare we hope? Yep ... there's definitely someone ... ohhh myyyyy gohhhhd ... Hold on Yan, this is just getting silly now ... Bobby, love, what's with the bag? Yan, my supposedly well-adjusted son has a paper bag pulled over his head. If you hear a thudding in the background, you'll know he's just fallen down the stairs."

Ianto took a break from chuckling, "He still hasn't cottoned that on it's me, has he?"

"No, he hasn't. Hey, Squirt ... I suggest you lose the bag and move yourself, 'cause, trust me, you really need to take this call ... and MIND your step! God help me, this boy'll be the death of me, I swear it. ... Bobs, just take the bag off, please and watch where you're going. I promise it's not her."

"How's he doing?"

"Shouldn't be too long now. Hallelujah! At last, he's here! Right, take the receiver ... come on, it won't bite you. Now be a good kid and say 'hi', nicely for me."

"Hi nicely for me."

"Hello trouble, couldn't resist could you ... just like your dad. I hope you've been behaving yourself for me."

"Yan?"

"Hi ya ..."

"Yan! Mommy? Mommy it's Yan! It's Yan, Mommy!"

Someone found himself grinning hard. "So how's my favourite five year old?"

"How am ... .. how am ... _'I'_?"

Ianto waited with baited breath, he could just tell that something sarcastic was about to leave those clued-up young lips.

"Oh, I'm always okay," he was assured in a happy sing-song tone, "I think you'll find it's my dad that's the idiot."

In London, the bark of laughter was so loud, it filled the hallway and most of the living room.

In California, an amused mother was doing her best to berate her son. "Bobby Harkness! I'm gonna tell your father you said that ... if Yan doesn't tell him first, of course."

"Don't worry, Bobs, I won't say a word." Ianto whispered reassuringly.

And from that point onward, the reacquainted friends wasted no time in cracking on with some serious catching up. With less money in the bank than usual, Ianto had promised himself he'd make this particular transatlantic call a brief one - just to say hi, how are you, and a quick goodbye - that sort of thing. But of course that was doomed never to be the case; the second he started chatting with his favourite kid, already stuck in chatterbox camaraderie mode, he and Bobby were right back to normal.

.

.

With Ianto jabbering happily away to his son, resting back on the couch, Jack closed his eyes and began to think about everything that'd happened over the past month or so. Present time was passing way too quickly for his liking; here in the UK the middle Sunday had already arrived, meaning their last week together was just sitting there, chomping at the bit, raring to go.

They were, of course, trying to make the most of their time together - along with a fun trip to the London Eye for a pre-show photo shoot, and another couple of nights spent enjoying cosy dinners out on the town, some major moments of reconnecting had been taking place.

There'd also been quite a bit of denial going on - neither man was anywhere near ready to acknowledge, let alone discuss, what the end of the coming week was going to mean for them.

But at least they were genuinely happy again; despite the word still being prohibited, period, it was patently clear that the two young men holed up together at number 42a, were not only still madly in love with each other, but were now fully accepting of the idea of eventually spending the rest of their lives together. There'd been a few hiccups admittedly, but the overall mood had been joyously hopeful - there'd been so much laughter in the Jones' household of late, the place was practically unrecognisable.

For the most part, the two of them had been left alone. Of course, Els hadn't been able to resist popping downstairs when visiting her girlfriend in the apartment above, and, out of the blue, DanDan had popped by one evening - after saying a humbled 'hi' to Jack, he'd very importantly passed on some forgiving well wishes to Yan from both himself and Stef. It'd been quite a moment, and sharing a relieved three-way hug, there'd been wet cheeks all round.

Els had also passed Jack's new number onto Gaz, who'd phoned one evening to say hi, and to relay the gloomy message that, with a serious offer to finance the necessary move, Larry's firm was paying for them both to relocate further outside of the Capital. A rented Sussex accommodation was going to be fully paid for until they could find a place of their own to purchase. Understandably, this had been too good an offer for Larry to turn down.

Along with the sadness, there'd also been the good news that Jack would be getting to see both men again soon. It seemed that Larry was insisting on driving him to Heathrow the following weekend and, of course, he wouldn't take no for an answer. Sadly, nothing had been mentioned regarding whether Ianto would get to see either of the two friends before they left London for good, but as all the details had been discussed, he'd just smiled and said he fully understood why Larry, especially, was still angry with him.

Finding himself embroiled in things first hand, the ongoing spat between the friends had become a very upsetting experience for Jack, but he was promised faithfully by his boyfriend that things would be 'put to rights' before Lals and Gazebo got a chance to move anywhere.

-o- -o-

Lost in thought, his lids lifting, Jack stirred with a start. A chuckling Ianto had returned from his call, and had dropped down heavily right next to him. "Your son sends his regards. I have to say, he seems to think very highly of you."

"He still thinks I'm an idiot then?" Some facts were a given, where Jack was concerned.

"In the nicest possible way, naturally." Ianto confirmed with a consoling look.

"He's right though, isn't he …." Jack dragged himself out of his slouched position with a sigh. "I really have been behavin' like an idiot."

"You, me, both." Ianto sent him a sympathetic look. "But we can change ... can't we?"

"Yeah," Jack slipped his arm around a shoulder. "No more bein' an idiot," he confirmed, touching foreheads as he hugged Ianto tightly. "And I, for one, am not takin' any more chances where you're concerned, Mr Jones."

"Everything on the line from now on?"

Jack nodded. With a child-like smile, he began to mash their eyebrows together . "Yep, there's gonna be no more secrets ... no more lyin' ... just me 'n' you, livin' happily ever after. I'm never gonna lose you again, Yan, I mean it."

Pulling out of hold, Ianto left the couch.

Crossing the divide, he halted the tv's progress.

Jack eyed his actions suspiciously, waited for him to sit down again before edging back alongside. "Okaaay ... I been thinkin' all along this is too good to be true. C'mon ….. what's botherin' you?"

"We've only got five full days left to spend together …."

It was a serious Jack that sat back, arms folding. "Yeah, the fact hadn't passed me by either. So,come on, out with it, what's on your mind?"

"Couple of things, really …" A pensive look had appeared, and it didn't appear to have plans on going anywhere else right now. "Aside from the fact that I don't want you to go home, well, ... you still have the contents of your letter to disclose. Now, before you say anything, yes, I know this is my fault, for not opening it in the first place, and I'm one hundred per cent sorry for that. But you did say, didn't you, that ..."

Jack's attempt at a smile was halfhearted at best. "Ah." He was sitting there nodding, as if trying to convince himself that everything was going to be okay. "Yes ... yes I did. And if this is what you really want ... then let's do it ... right now."

"Yes ... it is what I want ... howwwwever ..." Stalling things further, Ianto's right index finger popped into view. "First, I'd like to discuss a different issue. It's one that means just as much to me."

"Why do I have this sudden urge to run from the room?"

"Sorry, Jack, you're right ... you're not going to like this, but this has been playing on my mind non-stop for months now, and I really need to set things straight in my head before you disappear again."

Jack closed his eyes. "Great … " he sighed. "An' I was havin' such a lovely day, too. If I break down in floods of tears, you have my permission to completely ignore me."

Ianto found himself laughing in spite of himself. "It's nice that we can joke around like this again," he admitted, already looking sorry for what he knew was about to come, "But I'm afraid this is where the joking around comes to an end."

"Do I really wanna know why?" seemed the obvious question.

"Probably not, no." he was told, all solemn and foreboding. "Because before we discuss anything else, I want to talk about you and Joe."

The colour drained from Jack's face.

"Oh crap."

And that just about said it all, really.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ

-o- -o-

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tbc.


	15. Extenuating Excuses

**A/N :**

Once again I find myself having to apologise for an exceptionally long delay - I truly am sorry - the situation, as unpredictable as it is, appears to be largely out of my control and is certainly frustrating for me. All I can hope, is that by the end of the chapter, you'll all have been left thinking the wait was worth it.

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Chapter Fifteen

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

Extenuating Excuses

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

For somebody so at liberty to claim thespian status, Jack was actually pretty crap when it came to putting on an act. Okay, working to a filled auditorium, yes, he was as talented as they come. But leave him on his own for more than two whole seconds with Ianto Jones, and, well ... quite frankly he was useless. Totally incapable of disguising a simple bout of everyday nerves.

His main problem this time round?

The man of his dreams had seen fit to throw him in at the deep end.

Consequently, he'd been given no time to think - not only was the subject of his ex up for discussion, but, having just dived headlong into panic mode, then spent several seconds wriggling away in reverse, he'd also, without any help from the enemy, managed to trap himself in one corner of the couch. He'd also made a splendid job of perching his perfectly sculpted tush on Ianto's favourite cushion. A fact which, at any moment, could quite easily become apparent to the owner of said cushion, thereby creating yet another harrowing scenario for Judge and defendant to deal with.

The prospect was certainly an added extra that Jack could do without. Having landed on the red, white and green patriotic affair in the first place, it was becoming more and more apparent, just how badly he was squashing his beloved's most recent soft furnishings purchase; his extra punishment for crumpling the image of Yan's proud Welsh dragon was only going to add weight to the sentence yet to be passed for his many acts of betrayal.

It was, quite literally, an incredibly frightening thought. Whichever way he looked at it, his situation was not a good one. Just like the cushion, plain and simple, he was already stuffed.

So what could he do to soften Yan's mood? There had to be something, like a talent he could fall back on, or something. And it had to be something obvious; it wasn't like he had all day to think about it. What was he renowned for? What was he really really good at, that didn't include falling back on how he earned a living professionally, or his many talents horizontally?

Well he was known for his smile. His best beam had been classed a certified deal-clincher, when it came to impressing both men and women alike. In actual fact ...

Yep! That was it! Smiling he was blindingly good at ... all he needed to do now was just ...

Curl his mouth up at the sides ...

aaaaaaand ...

Smiiiiiiiiile.

Good.

Now try adding something like ... yeah ... a positive-thinking expression, to the overall look. And maybe make that killer smile just an eeeeeensy teeeeeeensy bit wider, aaaaaand ...

"Sohhhh ..."

Note to self ...

Just keep smiling.

"You wanna talk about Joe, yeah?"

.

.

Maybe not his most blinding opening line ever - a little quaver had definitely snuck its way in to spoil the overall air of boundless confidence - and it certainly hadn't been a patch on the timing (or the delivery) of Yan's initial revelation - that'd been a cracker, that one. The all-seeing eye of Harkness should definitely have seen that one coming.

Yes ... he should.

But had he?

Let's look at this another way.

Had Jack, at any given point in time, ever been the sharpest tack in his own box, let alone anyone else's?

How many helpful light-bulb moments, was he currently known for?

Was he renowned socially for his many shouts of eureka or flashes of forward thinking?

Hmmm?

Okay ... let's put it another way ...

If Jack owned a goose, even at this early stage, it wouldn't just be cooked, it'd be hitting incredibly badly burnt status.

He'd missed the 'ding' of his kitchen timer.

He'd left his cake out in the rain.

He'd had his moment to save his own crispy skin, and missed it by a mile, in fact, as things stood - even with his talent for bringing the fabricated word to life - if asked to explain exactly how his boyfriend had managed to outwit him on such a massive scale ... our leading man was going to struggle ... like ...

Big time.

Been knocked for six, had he?

Er, yeah ... you could say that - actually, he'd not suspected a thing ...

Blindsided, he'd been.

Beyond hope, he was.

Yoda Yanto, on the back foot, had him.

Pedaling madly in reverse, sent him, he had.

And that was only the half of it.

.

.

For the record, Ianto wasn't looking even remotely Yoda-like. Wearing one of his carefully-crafted 'bastard's' stares, he was silently instructing ... 'make sure you do exactly as I say, Harkness, or I just might be tempted to drive straight through that stupid fake smile of yours, and I won't be afraid to take out a few of those dazzling pearly whites in the process'.

A threat not to be taken lightly, and no mistake. Even at this early stage, the 'look' appeared to be doing the trick - Jack was definitely imagining something along those lines happening to him, his face was a theatrical delight. Ianto, it seemed, had put the fear of God into him; he'd left that gullible guilty conscience floundering helplessly.

He had (freestyle champion aged six and a half) Jack, treading water like it was going out of fashion.

And Jack didn't like treading water.

Actually, and contrary to every impression he'd ever given to date, a largely haphazard Jack liked to know exactly where he stood. He even had this far fetched notion (well, most of the time anyway), that he actually did know his position in life and, as a preference, also liked to be prepared for everything his boyfriend had to throw at him. In an ideal world he'd've been handed a script by now, telling him exactly what he needed to say. But where Yan was concerned, he knew damn well, he was never going to be afforded such a useful gift.

It didn't matter, though. Knowing them, they probably wouldn't keep to the script anyway. It was no secret that, even a good day, Yan could leave him totally tongue tied, so what really would be the point in having the words set out before him to start with? By the time the articulate Mr Jones had finished with him, each matter in hand would've been signed, sealed and delivered with very little input from himself - where Yan was concerned, he was actually pretty rubbish at getting his point across - he might even be considered a walkover.

But did that really matter, when something as serious as his relationship with the man he worshiped, was at stake? He just needed to work on a few issues, needed to get a little of his confidence back. Oh, and if he could just start to think straight, it might help.

Yeah, right. Him? Think straight? Moot points didn't come any bigger. Right now he couldn't think straight if he tried. Both the energy and will, to defend his corner, had deserted him months ago. Just the mere thought of all those conversations he still had to face, had seen him consider throwing in the towel more than once.

Of course, the idea of just walking away from Yan, hadn't lasted very long at all. The notion was, in the grand scheme of things, highly laughable; not like his situation today, that one was deadly serious. This wasn't just something he could push aside and hope it'd go away - whatever his problems and issues - he needed to get past them and fast. He either stepped up to the plate; learned to fight for what he wanted, or accepted that the only steps he was going to be taking, were the ones leading up to the plane taking him home. This time for good.

The choice was obvious. Even a fool like him could see that it was time to rip the 'D' from his pointy hat, time to start thinking like an intelligent grown-up, then accept one very obvious fact ... that his ongoing act of bravado was finally about to be exposed. Still, at least nobody could say he hadn't given it a good go; surprising him immensely, his show of forced enthusiasm had been enjoying something of a good run.

Well, actually, that wasn't completely true. He'd definitely had the odd waver of a moment going on here and there - at times he'd become incredibly emotional - but, genuinely, from that very first afternoon of arriving bunnied-up to the nines, he'd been trying non-stop to be the bright and bouncy Jack in the box that Yan would've been hoping to see. How ironic was it, that, right now, when he needed to impress his boyfriend the most, he didn't feel like being bright or bouncy in the slightest. In reality he was feeling just as worried and washed-out as he'd been back in the States - mentally he was a wreck - not least because he'd spent his own personal quota of their three months apart, dying slowly and painfully from the inside out.

And right now, making him only more nervous than ever, the person holding all the cards was still staring, just solid staring, expectantly at him.

The mood needed to shift up a gear.

Maybe he should try saying something else?

But what? There was nothing constructive, whatsoever, floating around up there - why did it always have to be the important moments, when his mind went blank?

Important question to self ...

Still smiling?

Like a clown, probably ... yeah.

Stalling.

Stalling.

He needed more time.

Think.

Think.

But ...

What was he actually trying to think ... _of_?

Something clever to say?

Something really really ... 'out there' ? Well, maybe not too ... 'out there' . No way would thinking outside the box, work with Ianto Jones. Trying to be clever with some fancy wordage, would only piss him off even more, so ...

How about, instead of trying to think of something clever to say, he just lay everything on the line?

Like ... be totally honest and truthful ... and damn the consequences?

Well ... yeah ... that actually could work.

It could even end up being his smartest move yet.

Slam dunk!

It was about time he came up with a brilliant idea!

Right.

Sorted.

Now if only he could actually bring himself to commit verbal suicide ... he'd be home and dry.

Or not ... as the slam-dunking case may be.

Okay ...

What would hurt Yan the least?

Finding out the truth from an unexpected source further down the line? Or having him, his remorseful boyfriend, explaining each situation as it really happened?

Okay, clearly it had to be the second option - this was definitely his best idea to date.

And as that damned stare was starting to burn a hole right through the centre of his brain ... falling on his sword, it had to be.

Seriously?

Was he truly feeling strong enough to deal with the massive amounts of consequential fall-out?

Well ... maybe on an emotional level, he could handle sharing the galling details of his now infamous letter - but Yan wasn't interested the letter - not for now, anyway, he just wanted to talk about Joe - but what was he expecting to hear? A blow by blow account of every detail? A grovelling apology for every single little thing that happened?

Who knew? Maybe he _was_ simply waiting to hear his stupid boyfriend beg him for forgiveness. Well that fool of a boyfriend was ready to say sorry over and over, right up to his heart-stopping final curtain. He was even happy to explain in great detail, the day to day happenings of what went on with Joe ... because that part would be easy.

But how the fuck was he supposed to justify why he'd - not once, not twice - but constantly; for the whole time they were together, been cheating on the man he claimed to adore? Coming from him, even a god's honest straight-up answer was guaranteed to sound like a lie. At best, an excuse.

But, what choice did he have?

He had no choice at all ... it was that simple.

Yan was owed so much more than the few measly, heartfelt, future-fidelity guarantees he'd been promised to date. If anyone deserved to hear the truth, it was most certainly him.

What was that popular saying? There was no time like the present?

"Okaaay ... hit me ... whadya wanna know?"

.

.

Like it was ever going to have been that easy.

.

.

"Hmm?"

Faking a sudden lack of attention, Ianto was suddenly in the mood for playing mind games. Studying the light-fitting above his head, "Whadwhywannaknow?" he managed to wonder nonchalantly, despite the deliberate mocking of his boyfriend's lazy diction. Ready and waiting to lay his soul on the line, Jack was clearly finding it hard to disguise his disappointment - as he was curtly advised ... "Well if you can bring yourself to wait one more minute, you just might find yourself being told in great detail." ... he simply nodded his understanding, then waited for the rest of his punishment to commence.

A Celtic-cool version of the usual Jones amble, was taken across the boards.

Just as casually, the switch on the far wall was activated.

Bathing the room in light had been tactical - the hunter now had a clearer view of his prey; with the front shutters, as usual, three-quarters closed for privacy, the generally dusky living room had been approaching miserably gloomy status, but thanks to some deft Welsh finger work, the head-flick now suggesting that Jack should make his way through to the kitchen area was easily as menacing as it was discernible.

.

Ianto was first to park his backside.

"Okaaaaaay ... where was I?" Aware that Jack was deliberately stalling, he set about making himself comfy at the table. "Oh yeah, that was it, you seemed keen to find out ... what I ' _wanna'_ know."

Jack skulked his way in through the gap.

Ianto leaned forward in a pointed fashion. "How does ... ' _every single fucking thing' ..._ grab you for starters?"

An excruciatingly loud scraping noise sounded around the room.

A cringing Jack finished laying claim to the chair opposite.

"I've a feelin' this is gonna be one hell of a long night." he admitted glumly, giving the sigh to end all sighs as he plonked himself down; directed through long dark lashes, the upward stare he received in return, was proving to be one hell of a chilling preemptive.

"Then I suggest you make yourself comfy," he was warned brusquely, "'Cause we're not stopping 'til I'm satisfied I've heard all there is to fucking hear."

Fingertips smacked sideways, and Jack sent a salute across the table. "Message received and understood, Suh!"

In an instant, he'd managed to create one of those - why the hell did I just do that? - moments. Silence, a chillingly awkward one, filtered seamlessly to fill the yawning gap as it appeared. The lack of jokey retort on Ianto's part, seemed quite deliberate; whatever he was up to, it was certainly having an effect on Jack - doing a poor job of ignoring his very noisy, nervous, guts - trying to balance his elbows on the table as he fidgeted around - he was making a right song and dance of nestling his chin upon his palms.

After a few more moments of fidgeting, he seemed just about good to go. "Okay ... where'd'you wanna start?"

"How many times?"

BAM!

No awkward pauses, no deliberation, no benevolent moment or considerate pause for thought ... Ianto was getting straight down to the nitty gritty.

"What locations did you use? Was it always the same place? Did you lie to me every time ... or after the first couple of times, did I just become completely fucking irrelevant?"

"Yan!"

"Come on, let's hear it ... what happened the first time? Who fucked who first? Did you always use protec ..."

"STOP!" The look on Jack's face was betraying more than just guilt. "Yan please don't do th,"

"SHUTTHEFUCKUP!"

.

.

Jack shut the fuck up.

Kelly, if not the couple in the apartment above hers, must easily have heard Ianto's bellow - but at least everyone that mattered on the ground floor, now had a much clearer idea of who was actually in charge.

Like there'd ever been any doubt.

Something inside Ianto had snapped. His cheeks were burning with rage. A whole bundle of, deep seated, heavily repressed anger, was creeping to the surface.

"The least you can do is let me fucking finish!"

It hadn't taken long, but he really was ' _this_ ' close, to being totally incensed. "I think you owe me that much at least ... don't you?!"

Head twisting to the side, he inhaled an, almost, calming breath. "When you were with him in the States - when you and that wanker were a couple - was it serious? You must have had feelings for him ... I mean ... how the fuck should I know ... maybe you _still_ have feelings for him, Jack! Is that the real reason you agreed to meet up with .."

"NO!"

Jittery fingers began to rake a worried path through Jack's hair, the other set tightened their grip around the table's squared edge. "Fuck! How could you even _think_ that? I don't feel a thing for that bastard, you know that!" Fingers were threading, they were grabbing and twisting. His hair was becoming a mess. "Jesus Christ, Yan ... this is crazy! Can't we just forget .."

"No! We can't just fucking forget! Did you really think it was gonna be that easy?!" Ianto's already drooping shoulders, sank lower in desperation. "I need answers! Don't you get that?! A whole fucking shed-load of the bastards so, no - Fuck you, Jack - you don't get an easy way out this time! We're doing this right now! OKAY?!"

Cowering in the dock, a distraught Jack was trying to disguise just how embarrassingly hard he'd been prompted to flinch.

Wearing a guilty stare because of the fact, Ianto could only further observe as his clearly humiliated boyfriend chose to lower his gaze completely; regardless of how frustrated he was feeling, in truth, the savagery of his verbal attack on Jack, had been uncalled for.

"Jack?" The show of remorse was instant. "Jack." The lack of response was cause for only more concern. "Jack please, come on, look at me ... I'm sorry for shouting, okay?"

Reassured for now, Jack even dared to relax his posture a little, "S' okay ... can't say I blame you." he admitted, bringing them, once more, face to face. "But don't you think, you gettin' this way in the first place, should maybe be tellin' us somethin'?"

The ill-timed, and, of course, ill-considered suggestion, sent Ianto upright in a flash. Button nose put right out of joint, he'd automatically raised his chin to compensate.

"Like what?"

The menacing tone had quickly found reason to return. Unsurprisingly, Jack missed it by a country mile.

"Like maybe we shouldn't be diggin' through so much dirt," he suggested naively, "Not at this late stage, anyways. I personally think, all we're gonna end up doin' is more harm than good ... an', for my part ... well ... I don't wanna end up hurtin' you any more than I already have, do I?"

"BOLLOCKS."

"Huh?"

"BOLLOCKS."

"Bollocks?"

.

And it'd all been going so relatively nicely.

.

"Yeah ... you heard me! Fucking bollocks! You're just trying to get out of doing this!"

"What?!"

Jack's mouth dropped open, guppy-style. "I ... am ... _not_!" He protested, quickly closing it again.

"Really?"

There was definitely nothing loose about Ianto's bottom jaw. "Well it sssssssertainly seems that way to me."

" _What?!"_

.

.

It had to be said - for all their many manly attributes, the two of them certainly knew how to prissy-bicker with the best of them. Fifty per cent of the equation, already had a princess pout forming in readiness.

.

.

"Well I'm not, okay?! I'm not tryn'a get outta doin' nuthin'! It's just ..."

"Jack ... look, I've spent a long time trying to get my head around what happened ... So, tonight - whether you fucking want to or not - you're gonna tell me everything there is to know. Got it?" A hasty nod from a shell-shocked Jack, told Ianto he really, and most definitely, had got it. "I mean it! The whole fucking lot! Right ... let's start again." Deep breath. "How many times?"

Ianto's right hand cut a dismissive path through the air between them. "Forget the fucking locations part for now - just tell me how many times you saw that cunt behind my back. Ten? Twenty? More than twenty?"

Lids fell in despair. "Oh Jesus." Then opened again. There was a look of growing desperation about Jack. "Hand on heart ... look ... there it is, see?"

Sure enough, ever the drama queen, there it was, Jack's palm pressing onto his chest. "I swear I'm not tryn'a get outta doin' nuthin' - but I still think this really is crazy, so ... Yan, I'm askin' you ... for all the right reasons ... please, please, can we just not do this?"

In another blatant attempt to escape the situation, Jack lowered his gaze again. Despite once more finding himself north of Jack's line of vision, a frustrated Ianto decided he might like to make a huge huffy point of folding his arms regardless.

Knotting them together, he narrowed his eyes. "Did you fuck every time?"

A barely perceptible, 'bastard's', smirk quickly appeared. You didn't need to be a genius, to know that beauty would've hit Jack right where it hurts.

As it shot into view, Jack's expression was indeed telling tales of being mortally wounded.

"Fuck every time?" His features began to spread wide in an innocent fashion, never had such a display of total honesty, ever been witnessed before. Well not on him, anyway. "No ... we didn't ... I mean ... yeah ... of course Joe wanted us to, but ... I just kept findin', y'know' ... different reasons for us not to, 'y'know' ... an' ..."

"But all those times you were there together, Jack ... you know - just the two of you - right there in the moment ... fucking ."

"Oh sweet Jesus." Jack finally seemed to be sensing just how much of a lost cause he was fighting. "Yan, will you please, pleeeeease just stop this?"

Was Ianto paying attention?

Of course he wasn't - he had far too many other issues on his tormented mind to deal with, like ...

"Did he make you say his name? You know - the same way you say mine, when _I_ sink balls deep?"

.

.

Aaaaaaand there it was.

The moment always pre-destined, to take them free-falling over the edge. Hurtling with a loud whistle as it dropped, a totally different kind of ball had been set rolling.

A ball of self-destruction.

This go-get game, burgeoning ferociously inside Ianto, was creeping further and further out of control. Nursing a bad case of nagging doubt overload, surrounded by a cloud of negative thoughts, he was simply waiting for the inevitable to happen.

To have his heart ripped apart by the truth.

And it wasn't as if he didn't have good reason - for months he'd been stewing over the ' _physical'_ snippets that Jay had innocently shared of his relationship with Joe; not a new one by any means, this latest fear he'd just given voice to today, had been clawing soul deep for far longer than was healthy - granted, in Jay and Joe's world, and in his and Jack's, for that matter, the odd impromptu shag was considered generally acceptable, was viewed in a less threatening light; as something fairly easy to deal with- but these indelibly printed mental images he'd been left with, of Jack and Joe being intimate together (including the use of dom-possessive name-play), were successfully hiking his internal pain to an all new level.

.

.

"Wh ... when you sink ... Oh my god."

Implications fully on board, the guilty party was managing to look even more guilty than ever. Ianto was studying him with a discerning eye. "Call me masochistic ... but I keep looking back at all those times when you should've been with me - you know, Jack ... all those times you should have been with me ... but were really with him?"

The thoughtful look on the outside, was belying the torment raging below. "It's like, well ... you know how some things just niggle away, and fuck with your life? I mean, I know we're back together now; I know we're okay, but ... well ... I just can't get my head around how easy it was for you to betray me."

The words were piercing. They shamed a silent Jack.

An even sadder look was sent his way. "Did you really think I deserved to be deceived like that? Did my feelings mean so fucking little to you? And don't try telling me you didn't realise how much I'd begun to feel for you - okay, it was a confusing time, I'll give you that; I was still shit scared of getting hurt, and maybe I did end up dealing with my own issues in completely the wrong way - but that shouldn't've mattered anyway ... because you did know, Jack ... you knew exactly how I felt about you - we've admitted to each other - we 'knew' from the very first moment we saw each other - and I suppose that's why I'm struggling so much now. I mean ... if you truly felt that way about me, Jack ... why didn't you just tell him to fuck off? I really can't get my head around it ... that you thought ... being with ' _him' ..._ was more important than, well ... being with me."

Jack balked. As if a bullet had hit him, smack bang, centre of the heart.

"I ..."

He'd been sat rigid, listening intently. But now he was physically pulling back at the comment. "I was seein' Joe ... because I think he's more i _mportant_ than you?" The look of horror was refusing to dissipate. "All this time ... that's what you've been thinkin'?"

The message hit home with a vengeance.

It slapped Jack's face with a severity he deserved.

"Oh, Jesus ..." At last something was making sense. "No no nohhhhhh! Oh my god, Yan ... nohhh, you got it all wrong - it wasn't like that at all."

Still dry-eyed, Ianto was staring across the table. You could see what he was thinking - the same thing everybody else would be thinking right now - Jack Harkness liked to get up on stage and tell a story - what was to say he wasn't acting right now?

"So _how_ was it, Jack? Make me understand."

"It was ... It was ..."

Not that easy to explain, apparently.

Inside the man holding all the answers, an internal fight seemed to be taking place. "Look, it wasn't anythin', okay? I never wanted to meet up with the bastard, period." A palm was raised in the appropriate manner. "On Bob's life, I swear he means nuthin' to me - I _'feel'_ absolutely nuthin' for him - come on, Yan - you know that ... right?"

Just as earlier, a gap in the conversation appeared. The hushed pause filling it, hung there sadistically. "Right, Yan?" Still, Jack was trying.

Across the table, ice-blue eyes began to search tellingly for a different location to focus on.

"No, no, nohhhh!" The silence was damning Jack from every angle. Burying it in his hands, he began to shake his head from side to side. "Why? Why now?"

With a snap, he looked up. "I've only just got you _back,_ god help me! Surely even you can see, by doin' this, you're gonna undo everythin' we've only just managed to put right? You're gonna ruin everythin'! Why would you even _do_ somethin' like that?"

The Jones stare back-tracked, quickly found centre-stage. "Okay, let me get this right ... you think I don't care about us as a couple - is that what you're saying? You seriously think, all I'm doing here, Jack, is deliberately sabotaging our relationship?"

"Sabotaging?" It was a hell of a moment for looking remorseful. "What?! No! God, no!" And Jack, with total sincerity, was managing to complete the task just perfectly. "Of course that's not what I meant!"

"Good ..."

A solitary brow was edged calculatingly higher than its counterpart. "Because all I'm trying to do, is get my head back on track, that's all that's happening here. Oh ... and if I _happen_ to ask you a personal question, Jack ... don't assume it's because I've developed some psycho fucking need to be vindictive. I'm simply trying to understand what the fuck's been going on, that's all." The eyes could be deadly when they felt like it. The steely blues, became ice-sharp. "You okay with that?"

"Am I okay with that?" It was a forced half-laugh, that found its way across the table. "Hey ... 'course I'm okay with that!"

Another sensible move on Jack's part. "Yeah ... I'm totally cool with what we're doin' here."

Even if it _was_ a lie.

"Good, because I'm not putting myself through this amount of bollocks for the sheer fucking fun of it - I'm hurting, too - remember?"

The understatement of the year earned Ianto a very careful nod.

It failed to do the trick.

"Actually, and I'm being honest here, Jack - I'm not really convinced you do totally realise just how damaging this whole fuck-up's been for me." he admitted sadly. "What you have to remember, is that I've got a pretty poor fucking back history of my own, with Joe."

"I know, and I'm ..."

"Exactly! This is my whole point! You knew I had issues with him, yet you still went ahead and hung me out to dry."

"I know, but I didn't ..."

"You could've done anything with anyone, Jack - anyone on this entire fucking planet - and I wouldn't've minded. Even Tom! If you'd come home from the Cambridge one night, saying you'd just had a quick go with him backstage before leaving ... yeah, fucking hell that would've hurt for a very long while, but I would've let it go eventually."

"But nuthin' ever happened backst ..."

"Jack, honestly, it's not that complicated is it? You really need to learn when to take me literally!" As if Ianto wasn't already exasperated enough. "Or just listen properly in the first place ... that might be a good idea."

"Sorry. I ..."

"Just forget it; I'm just trying to point out, that, right from the word go, you'd had so many guys to pick from; they'd been throwing themselves at you the whole time, but you couldn't make things that simple, could you? Ohhhh, no ... you just had to go and fuck around with that fucking bastard Giordano, didn't you!"

Jack was slouching. He'd actually sunk several inches lower and, once again, was being very careful to avoid eye contact.

"Come on, don't just sit there looking sorry for yourself! You still haven't answered my fucking question! It's all out in the open anyway now ... I might as well hear the lot ... so ... did he? Did Joe make it personal? Did he get you to shout his name as he fucked you?" The loud thump of Ianto's fist hitting table, made Jack jump out of his skin. "Got your attention? Good! I know exactly what he likes, Jack - I know in great detail what he get's off on and, right now, I need you to describe how the two of you were together."

Jack had become conveniently shy. The sight of the kitchen table was proving infinitely more interesting than the prospect of holding a conversation with one's horribly wronged boyfriend.

A weary Ianto's sigh, was long. "If it was anyone but him, Jack. Can't you see that? Anyone but that bastard. Anyone but that wanker. Anyone but that slimy c.."

"CUNT! Go on ... say it! You're not tellin' me anythin' I don't already know Yan ... I've always known what he is!"

Jack's chin had shot up on instinct - his eyes widened as the impassioned words continued to spill out. "I _know_ how s _tupid_ I've been! I _know_ you hate the guy with a passion! An' me sayin' sorry, a million times over, is never gonna be enough to make it right ... I know that too."

A disgruntled noise sounded at the back of Ianto's throat. "So what does that mean? You admitting it happened? Is this you, giving me a ' _yes_ ', Jack? Come on let's hear it ... let's hear the truth." It was barely perceptible, but very slowly he was angling himself out of Jack's airspace. "I was right ... the bastard felt the need to reminisce each time he slipped his cock inside, didn't he! He took control, didn't he Jack! He held your hips and pulled you onto him, ... and then he told you to scream out his name in fucking ecstasy! Is that how it happened? Come on, Jack ... I _know_ what he likes!

A pale Jack, was growing paler. Ianto's rally had been relentless, and didn't appear to be stopping any time soon.

"Did you love it? Did you, Jack? Did you groan and beg for more as he fucked you senseless? Did you look into his eyes and ask him to fuck you harder?"

"Oh Jesus ..."

"A simple Yes or no, will do."

"Yan ... for God's,"

"Just admit it. During those many passion-filled moments of not being with me - did you, or did you not, close your eyes and cry out your ex - fucking- boyfriend's name in ecstasy?!"

"Please don't ..."

"JUST TELL ME THE FUCKING TRUTH!"

.

.

Ianto was falling to pieces. Fully convinced his suspicions had been right all along, his features were twitching uncontrollably. This wasn't just dread, or anticipation, even, this was self-torture going out of control in the most explosive way possible. A blast big enough to take the both of them down, was no longer just bubbling away in the background, it was creeping its way forward, sending out fiery licks; hot flares. It was getting ready to wipe those last vestiges of hope and love, clean away. It was a threat any man would find hard to miss.

Even one intent on burying his head in the sand.

.

.

Not totally immersed in the desert just yet, Jack appeared to be holding his breath.

He'd been sitting there the whole time, with his lips tightly clamped together. Ianto allowed him a moment longer - gave him a little more rope to go with those suffocating grains of sand.

"Well? Am I supposed to take the lack of reply on your part, as a sign of guilt?"

"No!"

Jack was clearly feeling more shell-shocked than ever. "No ...I ..."

Not only had he, verbally, been beaten black and blue, he'd yet to find a single right word of his own. He watched his accuser lean in for the kill. "Yan ... I can't ... it's not that easy ... I mean,"

"For fuck's sake ... is it really that difficult? Just give me a straight fucking answer!" This really was becoming the Ianto Jones of old.

"Yan, please ..." A side that Jack had seen only once or twice, before.

"Please what, Jack? Please let me off the hook, Yan? Please don't make me say it out loud, Yan?"

And this was him, sober.

"Just get hold of those bollocks and tell me, will you! I need to get past this - just put me out of my fucking misery!"

Breaths were taken. Jack was allowed some breathing space of his own.

But, ultimately ... Ianto was blanked again.

The top lip snarled upward. Teeth bared, his features screwed tight and ugly.

"DID YOU CALL OUT HIS FUCKING NAME!"

"YES!"

.

.

And there it was.

In the end, one word was all he'd needed.

Jack's shout seemed to hang in the air. Sending his upper body rocking back and forth, nodding and crying with his admission, finally, he'd caved. "It wasn't that I wanted to," he started to explain between sniffs, "In fact, I spent more time with my eyes shut, sayin' nuthin' at all. An' he only got to fuck me the first few times anyway. After that I got away with just ... well ... y'know ... just givin' him a quick ... blow. To keep him quiet I just let him come in my ..."

Awash with abrupt realisation, a new expression had wasted no time in slipping into place. "I ... I let him come in my ..."

The enormity of what he'd allowed to happen, finally hit a mortified Jack. "Oh god ..." This time it was 'his' voice filling the room with pain. Head bowed, elbows splaying as he leaned further forward, he was clasping his hands tightly in front of him. His knuckles turning from a placated pink to an anxious white, became the biggest clue yet as to how wretched he'd really been feeling.

Next time he spoke, it was to his hands; the right to look Yan in the eye, had long disappeared. "I hated every second of it." he sniffed. "All Joe cared about was himself. He knew I didn't wanna do any of those things with him, an' used to laugh at me 'cause I always ended up cryin'."

"You cried in front of him?"

"Yan, I _hated_ what I was doin' to you, an' he knew that. He knew how guilty I felt 'bout cheatin' on you, but he still threatened to tell you everythin' if I didn't do what he wanted." A ragged hiccough of a gasp was dragged inward. "Every single day, I've hated myself for not bein' able to do the right thing by you. But I was so scared he was gonna tell you everythin', I just went along with whatever he said."

If this'd been trial by body language alone, at this point, Jack would've been in with a chance.

"I'm so sorry for not bein' strong enough. I know I shoulda told him to go fuck himself, I know that's what you really deserved; not me deceivin' an' lyin' to you like that ... an' I'm so ... so ... sorry."

Genuine tears?

Truthful explanations?

Apologies?

Were they finally getting somewhere?

-o-

Maybe they were.

-o-

Surprisingly calm, given the damning admission he'd just been forced to digest, Ianto was using a slow nod to convey his understanding. "I happen to know exactly what that bastard's capable of - you wouldn't get him to back down if his life depended on it. I also believe you're telling the truth when you say he didn't give you a choice in what happened."

"Oh thank god."

"But ..."

"But?"

Jack's small strands of hope had vanished in an instant. "Why does there always have to be a fricken' ' _but_ ' where I'm concerned?"

"Oh, come on, Jack! You seriously trying to tell me that's all there was to it? That can't be the whole story. You really expect me to believe, you didn't enjoy any of it ... not even once? Don't forget ... I know you - and I know what you like - so I'm pretty sure you must've enjoyed at least some of what that fit fucking body was doing to you behind my back."

There it flew.

The Bastard's boldest accusation to date.

Full pelt. Straight across the table. Whoosh!

It knocked Jack sideways - well, it sent him falling back in his seat, at the very least.

"W ... what? Yan ... no!" One Harkness floppy mop was shaken in confusion. "No!"

"What ... not just a little bit?"

Someone's crooked grin was daring Jack to spill not just the beans, but the spicy sauce, sugarcoating them.

"NO!" Eyes were filling with tears

"Oh come ohhhhhn," The fact that Jack was starting to get angry, didn't seem to bother his insistent boyfriend. "You really expect me to believe that? Come on, Jack - you're the most sexual person I know! You must've got turned on at some point!"

"NO!"

Almost predictably, the flow of tears increased.

"So you didn't wank, at all, while he was shafting you? You didn't make yourself come for him?"

"NO!"

The side of one fist found the kitchen table.

"NO!"

And a round of Jack's full-on sobbing, commenced.

"Oh, Christ ... Jack, I'm sorry."

In an instant, Ianto had relaxed his defensive posture; with an unexpected gentleness, reaching over, he'd begun to thumb away Jack's tears. "Shit! Sshhh ... it's okay ... it's okay, Jack, I believe you ... sshh; that was unfair of me, and I'm really sorry; I needed to see a true reaction, and the only way to get that, was to keep on pushing 'til you broke. Sshh ... I'm so sorry ... I'm really sorry."

Wrongly accused, Jack hadn't heard a word - his grief was all encompassing and complete. "Jack? Come on, please, I didn't mean for you to feel like this; I thought you'd fight back a bit. Oh god please stop crying ..."

The delicate brushing motion stalled for a second. "... I should've had more faith in you, I know that now. Jay was telling me the truth that night at El's, wasn't he; you were a victim; you never meant for any of this fuck-up to happen, did you?"

"Of course I didn't."

Taking himself out of thumb-range, Jack was sinking in his seat again. "Why would I?" he exclaimed, sniffing away, "The only thing I've really wanted from day one, is to be with you."

In both the verbal and physical sense, his response earned him an understanding smile. And in slouching also, Ianto decided to copy suit. "That was a bastard thing to do," he conceded again, "And I can't say sorry enough ... but ..."

Waiting to play host to somebody's coffee cup, one half of a cork-mat duo had become suddenly fascinating. Reaching forward with a silent sigh, Ianto allowed his fingers to toy with one edge until, finally, it had no choice but to fall into his lap.

The little coaster, it seemed, had become something less traumatic for him to focus on.

He began to pass it from one hand to the other. "... since Jay spilled the beans that night, I've had this twisting, this churning feeling, inside. It's ... it's an empty hollow ache, and it won't go away."

"Yan ... I don't know what to say ... I'm so sorry ..."

"It's okay ... I don't want an apology ... I just want you to appreciate how much this whole fuck-up has really affected me - how it's left me feeling. I've had to come to terms with certain things - like the fact that, you, for instance - the only boyfriend I've ever allowed myself get close to - had been lying to me the whole time we were together. That hurt, Jack. That fucking killed me. That night I first found out - well - I don't think I'll ever be able to explain how much pain I was in, it was a horrible way to find out - it was like everybody knew, except me. I walked out of there convinced I'd never believe a single word you said, ever again. And over the weeks that followed, I found myself recalling, then questioning, every meaningful conversation we'd ever had. Have you any idea how many times I've wondered if I ever really knew you at all?

Weighed down with remorse, and rightly so, Jack's shoulders had run out of sag room; the admission had clearly knocked the wind from his sails.

Seconds passed.

Quiet seconds.

Totally silent, seconds, in fact.

On either side of the table, each stare, left and right, was saying so much - but not a single solitary word dared to leave those lips.

Not until Jack cracked under pressure, that is.

"I never meant to hurt you. God, Yan ... knowing you feel that way about me ... that hurts so much."

"Felt, Jack ... I _felt_ that way about you."

There was a sense of regret coming from Ianto, also. They'd healed many wounds over the past few days ... had he allowed repressed grief, and his need for vengeance, to take him one step too far, tonight? His lack of control could've ruined everything.

"You sure?" Jack wasn't looking convinced.

"Trust me, those feelings are stuck in the past," Ianto consoled as quickly as he could, "You're back here with me now, and things are gonna be okay. I mean it ... there's no way I feel that way about you now. If anything, I'm just fucking relieved to know you're still the same old Jack I thought you were to start with ..."

A familiar, crooked, smile appeared. It was getting ready to tease Jack without mercy. "... still overbearing ... yes. Oh, and you've still got enough energy to drive any sane person totally _in_ sane. But I also know that, deep down, you're still the same, kind and caring, massively _huuuuge_ cry-baby, that you always were."

Watching Ianto's smile spread from ear to ear, Jack wiped a dry path below each eye. "How can I not agree?" he groaned, breaking into an unusually rare smile himself, "I know I can get a bit overemotional at times, but, you know, really ... I can't help it. And I promise, hand on heart, that I never, never ... _never ..._ meant to hurt you _._ "

"I know you didn't." Suddenly coy, Ianto had begun to toy with the mat again. "I also accept why you did what you did," he admitted quietly, "In fact, if anything, the real guilty party round here is me."

Jack was there in a beat. "What? Well that's just stupid talk."

With a waft of one hand, Ianto literally showed all possible objections the door. "Think about it, Jack ... why have we _really_ spent the last three months apart?"

"Er, let me see ... 'cause I was stoopid? 'Cause I fucked around behind your back?"

The Celtic sigh, deep as it was, (and so typically Ianto), was mailed back first class without delay. "Okaaaay, yes, I can see why you'd see it that way," he conceded, sighing again, "But it's not the real reason, is it?"

"Hey ... it's me that's always been the problem, not you! An' I'm callin' a halt to this crap right now, before it turns into another fricken' row!"

Jack's nod was completely ignored. "Have you any ... I mean, _any_ idea how much I regret not giving you the chance to explain? You tried, Jack, you tried to let me know what was going on at the time - I remember you saying something about being blackmailed at a restaurant one night - and then you tried again, once the shit hit the fan, to put the record straight,. But I was too fucking stubborn to listen."

"But we're okay now ... it's all in the past ... why worry 'bout it?"

"Because it didn't have to be this way!" Looking away, Ianto seemed to be fighting the urge to cry. "I missed you Jack!" he admitted, locking eyes again. "I spent most of every day trying to hear your voice inside my head - I used to think of something, anything, I knew you'd like - and imagine you laughing at it. Then I'd hate you for not actually being here. And then I'd hate myself for not having the balls to make that first call. I forced myself not to care about what you'd done ... because I missed you so much."

Jack, too, was fighting yet another threat of tears. "It could've been so different. Why didn't I just give Joe a straightforward no, right from the start? I wish I'd been stronger."

Ianto tactfully chose not to agree the point. "I suppose, when you really look at it, we didn't stand a chance from the word go."

"Mmm." Jack agreed, in between sniffing and cuffing his nose.

"I mean, why didn't we just talk, Jack? Right from the start?"

It seemed that, against his own better judgement, Ianto was thinking of having another go at stewing things over. "FUCK! What's fucking wrong with us?"

One coffee coaster was relocated with a jarringly loud smack. "All this! Everything! The whole lot has been so fucking unnecessary! We've just wasted three fucking months for no fucking reason! Why'd you have to go back to the States so quickly, hmm? That's what I can't understand. You know how fucked in the head I can get - why didn't you just give me a bit longer to see sense?"

"I dunno."

Corners of his mouth slowly drooping as he listened, a briefly hopeful Jack, appeared just about ready to throw in the towel."I guess I wasn't thinkin' straight either."

A left brow joined a right, to knot in the middle. Someone was building up to something big.

In fact, eyes shining bright, it was Ianto who, for a change, was close to tears.

"You should've been there that night - the night I came to find you at the flat. You should've been at home, Jack - it would've been me saying sorry to you, not the other way round - the minute I saw you, I would've been down on my fucking knees begging ' _you'_ to take ' _me'_ back! I should've given you the chance to explain that first night - not run away to fucking Wales to stick my head in the fucking sand! I should've stayed around - we should've talked about it - before things got so fucking out of hand!"

"Yan, please don't."

"I cried all the fucking way home!" It was Ianto's turn to sob.

"Yan, please ... don't do this ..."

"What you let that bastard put you through - all because you thought I'd finish with you if I found out - all those things he forced you to do, Jack - you never had to do any of them, you know that now, right? Please tell me you've realised that much at least ...you stupid, stupid ..."

The ceiling was spared a second's glare. "... why the fuck didn't you just tell me the truth from day one? Why didn't you just tell me straight away, you had history with Joe?"

One solitary blink sent a fresh cascade, salty and wet, sliding down Jack's cheeks. "I wanted to ... Oh god I wanted to so much, but when it came to it, I just ... couldn't. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I know I should've been strong enough to do the right thing."

A sad-faced Ianto was climbing to his feet; shaking his head at nothing in particular, he began to make his way over to a corner cupboard.

"Don't know 'bout you, but I could do with a drop of the strong stuff." he admitted, reaching up to retrieve two whiskey glasses and a bottle of their favourite bourbon.

"Yeah, know what ya mean, an' don't mind if I do, thanks."

Jack's reply had been characteristically instant, but there was a noticeable lack of enthusiasm in his voice. "So I guess you're still waitin' to hear all about my ex, huh?"

Ianto turned to face him. A smile, one tinged with irony, one speaking of dissipated anger; of a growing desire to just get things over and done with, slipped into place. "You're ready to tell me all about him, are you?"

Returning to his seat he got himself comfy. Each glass was treated to a generous helping of Jack Daniels. "So let's get started. Where did you first meet the blackmailing bastard? What sort of a relationship did you really have with him? Were you a proper couple?"

A bottle was capped. "In your own time ..."

A glass was nudged across the table. "Make sure you don't leave anything out."

Jack raised the glass to his lips. A first, slow, swig of courage was taken. "Where to start." he mused, blinking as he tried to get things orderly inside his head. "Okay ... how I first met him, yeah? Well ..." Another swig ... this time a big one. "Joe had got together with some guy in a bar, an' this guy'd asked him if he'd like to go see a show, an' ..."

Another sip of the golden nectar left a nervous Jack's glass. Wincing at the burn, he paused to suck a noisy rush of air in through his front teeth.

"Anyway, that particular night I was standin' in for the usual lead guy an'... apparently ... from where he was sittin' a few rows from the front, Joe decided he liked the look of me. By final curtain, he'd already decided he was gonna give this other guy the slip, an' made his way round to the rear of the theatre to wait it out for me instead. He told me he hung around outta sight while I signed a few autographs, watched which way I walked off, then the following night, he came back to the theatre on his own. I was makin' my way along to my favourite taxi rank when, full a Latino charm - two blocks down - there he was - steppin' outta the shadows - on the corner, right there in front of me."

Ianto's snort was ungracious at best.

"He picked you up on a street corner?!" The idea seemed to be provoking a vast amount of amusement.

A breathy blast of highly entertained air, left Jack's nose too. "When you put it like that, then ... yeah, I guess he did. But, anyway, he asked if I'd go for a quick drink; we got talkin', as ya do, 'bout all kindsa things really - found out we had travelin' round Europe in common - an', well, that was it. That night he came back to mine, showed me what he was made of; stayed over - took up most the bed actually - then next mornin' he got up an' made himself, not only breakfast, but totally at fuckin' home too. By lunchtime, his luggage had joined him."

"What ...?" Ianto was looking totally unimpressed. "The fucker just moved himself straight in?"

He'd experienced something similar with Jay, not long after he'd been turfed out on the street, ironically, by Joe. "Can't say I'm surprised." he decided after giving his own circumstances a little more thought.

With a sigh, Jack was ready to continue. "He said he really liked me, wanted to get to know me better. Personally, havin' since got to know the real Joe, I think he was only after somewhere cheap to get his head down."

One brow raised, Ianto couldn't resist giving voice to his very next thought. "And you were quite happy, were you, to let a complete stranger move in, just like that?"

"Well, no ... of course I wasn't ... I actually came up with several very good reasons for him not to move in at all."

Someone was feeling wounded to the core again, you could tell by the massive amounts of juvenile sulking going on.

"So how did he end up staying with you?"

"He wouldn't take no for an answer."

Ianto fell back in his seat. He was folding his arms, and there was a certain amount of incredulity coming into play. "Okay ... feel free to call me skeptical ... but given his physical attributes, I can't imagine you actually put up much of a fight."

A nose was scrunched.

It looked totally set to give the game away.

"Well I'm not gonna deny I found him easy on the eye," Jack sensibly, if sheepishly, volunteered, "An' to start with, at least, bein' with him was actually a lotta fun. He showed an interest in what I was doin, made me feel, you know, real special. After only three weeks he told me that he'd, y'know, fallen in ... y'know ..."

"And you believed him?"

Jack took a very short moment to study the astounded look opposite. "Okay, yeah, I know what you're thinkin' - that was really stupid of me, right? An', yeah again, maybe things _were_ movin' a bit too fast, but ... try an' see things from my point of view."

"Which was?"

"Well the guy was all over me, for a start - I had no reason to doubt him."

A pair of eyes rolled in their usual manner.

"You and Jay make a fine pair." Exasperated wasn't the word. "Am I the only person in the world, able to see that wanker for what he really is?"

A shrug was the best Jack could manage. "Well maybe you are just a better judge of character." he conceded, "But I stand by what I said, he genuinely seemed a really nice guy ... well ... that was until the whole 'gettin' scarily possessive' thing started, of course ... and then the whole 'gettin' physical' thing."

"He was violent?"

"Kinda. He was pushin' me round most days - 'specially the days I felt brave enough to stand up for myself."

"So the hunky dory story, didn't last very long then?"

"You could say that, it took a little over four weeks for us to start gettin' snippy with each other. The six week mark was when the real arguin' started - that's when things started to get really nasty."

"Did he hurt you?"

A silent promise, one of retribution, was coming through loud and clear.

The head shaking opposite, promising a fairly certain negative, failed to change Ianto's expression. "You know what I can't understand?" he grumbled. not waiting for Jack to think of a proper answer, "You're not exactly lacking in the stunning features department, are you - you could've pulled just about any guy you wanted."

"So why'd I put up with being treated like that? Is that what you're thinkin'?"

"Mmm."

"It was weird ..." Weird enough, apparently, for Jack to look genuinely embarrassed. "But I always managed to convince myself that the bust ups were entirely my fault. Whatever they'd been about, plus despite the fact that it was always Joe that'd really started them, I always managed to feel that our problems were all down to me. He had this clever way of lettin' me take the blame each time, an' I'd just say my usual sorry; convince myself we were still try'na find a happy medium, then wait for the next round of crap to start. That bastard had me runnin' round in circles every day for him ... but I saw the light in the end."

"You saw the light? Well that's something, I suppose." Ianto's expression was challenging Jack to get this next answer, exactly right. "But in the end, who really called it a day? Was it him? Did he leave you there, pining away on your own? Is that why you allow the contact to continue now ... even though he's back with Jay?"

Jack resisted the urge to resort to dramatic tactics. "I ended it. It was definitely me," he promised. "I was sick of bein' taken for a fool."

"Truthfully? It was really you?"

"Truthfully ..." A suspicious, side-long glance was being sent Ianto's way. "Though I suspect, along with certain other things, you might already know that fact ... right?"

With Jack still carefully watching for any condemning mannerisms, a guilty-faced, heel-dragging Ianto, seemed to be considering just how much to reveal. "Okay, so I heard quite a bit more from Jay than I originally let on." he finally admitted, "But there's nothing like hearing the truth from the horse's mouth, is there?"

Jack took a sip of his drink, then swallowed, before laughing quietly at his crafty boyfriend's comment. "Anyway," he smiled, ready to continue, "I'd had enough of his nastiness. By that point, I couldn't wait to see the back of him."

"Honestly?"

"Honestly ... an' me showin' him the door, shoulda been the end of it."

"But it wasn't?"

"'Not exactly. Y'see ... one night, when we were still gettin' along okay, I got really smashed, and kinda told him practically every little thing there was to know about me. From that point on, whenever I told him to take a hike, he made it perfectly clear he wasn't afraid to play dirty."

"Way to go, Jack."

Ianto had heard the details from Jay weeks ago, but was still unable to think of anything kind or constructive to say.

"Yeah, yeah, I know ... bad move."

Jack had got the message. "Y'know, to this day, I still don't know if I genuinely thought I could trust him, or if I was just bein' a plain 'ole dumb-ass. Anyway, like I said, I kicked the bastard out, but he still insisted on hangin' round. Then, somehow; I have no idea who from, he managed to find out 'bout my audition over here in the UK, and boy did he use that little gem to his advantage - it was just about time for him to head back over here anyways, an', next thing I know, he's tellin' me, if I don't go along with his demands, he'll go to the press over in the UK an' tell 'em all my dirty secrets. Hence him bringin ...' _me' ..._ the main distraction ... along to Jay's birthday party that night."

A wordless Ianto was deep in thought. It seemed there was much to be remembered from that particular event.

"He's a nasty piece of work - I hate the fucking cunt." He eventually concluded out loud.

Jack had to laugh at the comment. "Kinda got that impression." he admitted, still grinning. "That's why I had to lie 'bout not knowin' him. I thought if you knew I'd previously been in a relationship with him, you wouldn't wanna know me either, an' by that time, well ... it was too late anyway."

"Why?"

"I already knew what I wanted."

Obviously just wanting to hear Jack say it for the sake of it, "Care to refresh my memory?" Ianto was enjoying tipping his head to one side as he goaded his hapless boyfriend.

"Er ... let me see. To be with you, perhaps?" He was reminded with a smile.

His own smile quickly faded. "You should've said something - you should've just told me about him." he moaned, frowning deliberately hard as he delivered his gripe.

"Er, hello ... nohh, I really couldn't," was pointed out with a laugh, "I'd only known you for five minutes, but even that was long enough to warn me not to ..."

"Oi ... I'm not that bad."

"Sorry, Yan, an' I know I'm askin' for trouble here ... but you really, reeeally are ... an' that particular night at Jay's party, you were most definitely on top form."

"Well maybe I did get a little angry that night - I don't remember much." A total lie. "But, anyway, you could've at least tried to explain the situation."

And there was that gawping maw again. "Are you kiddin' me? The way you reacted to Joe that night - bearin' in mind I witnessed you tryin' to strangle the guy, remember? - I wasn't about to take any stupid chances."

A brief grunt, one suggesting that Ianto no longer wanted to be reminded of his conduct that night, saw Jack sensibly change the subject. "Anyway, gettin' back to my story ... once Joe realised I had a major thing for you, he issued me an ultimatum."

"He said he was getting straight on the phone to the News of the World?"

"Nope. He said that if I didn't do as he asked, he'd go right ahead an' tell you that, over in the States, me 'n' him'd been somethin' special ... that we were red hot lovers."

That went down as well as can be expected. The proverbial lead balloon couldn't have proven any heavier in wounding the Bastard's soul.

"Is that what you were then? Loved up, red hot lovers?"

"Loved-up?"

Before anyone could call him a loose-lipped idiot, Jack Flash was having a go at repairing the damage.

"No, of course not." he promised firmly. "Nnnno way Jose. But red hot lovers? Well, hell yeah ... _I_ definitely was. But there's no way I'd say the same 'bout him."

Ianto was quick to raise his glass in appreciation. "Good answer. Pray continue." he instructed with an - 'okay, it looks like you got out of that one' - smile.

So, continue, Jack did. "Well he started makin' all these demands - I was givin' him a definite no every time, by the way - but he just kept comin' back with the same old threats. So, in the end, I felt I had no choice - I had to let him win, an', so ... I did it ... I met up with him. Of course, from that point on, he had the fact that I'd met him behind your back, to hold over me too, an' the demands just kept on comin' 'n' comin'. I tried to put him off every time - came up with some excuse or another; usually to do with the show - but, as the weeks went by, an' the threats got worse an' worse - I'm ashamed to say it ... but I stopped playin' hard to get, and just started meetin' up whenever he demanded it. I was a complete coward ... I'm so sorry."

The bottom of Ianto's glass became reacquainted with his favourite coaster. "I have an apology to make myself." he admitted solemnly, "Actually, I don't think I'll ever be able to explain how sorry I am for how Jay treated you in that fucking motel; I still can't believe he used me as an excuse to get what he wanted, and I'm still not convinced he doesn't deserve a good fucking hiding for what he put you through."

"Hey." Jack seemed eager to set the story straight. He'd sent himself upright, ready to say his piece. "What happened that day was entirely my fault. You shouldn't be blamin' Jay, it was me that made contact with him. I asked if we could meet up 'cause I thought I'd be able to talk him round, but somehow I managed to misread the signs. He turned up, seemed pleasant enough at first - but, as it turned out, I was after one thing, an' he …."

"Fucking forced himself on you!"

The fact seemed to warrant an angry rant.

"Not blame him, Jack? How can I not fucking blame him for that?"

"But it was my fault! I asked ' _him'_ to meet ' _me'!_ I shoulda been smarter, that's all there is to it - an' you definitely shouldn't be feelin' so damned angry with him - deep down he still means a lot to you - I'm not stupid, I know that - an' I don't want you doin' anythin' to cause a problem between you! I coulda walked outta that room - I knew what I was doin' Yan - an' why. I'm a grown man - trust me, if it's necessary ... I know how to fight back."

"So why didn't you?"

"It doesn't matter. Move on."

"So you enjoyed what he did to you, did you?" Ianto knew better than that. Becoming only more and more defensive because of what they both knew to be the real truth, he was watching Jack like a hawk.

"This was between me 'n' him, Yan. This was never your problem."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Look ... it doesn't ... it doesn't matter, okay?"

"What he did to you doesn't matter? Okay ... try this on for size - how did you react a couple of nights back, when you thought that guy at the club had done the same thing to me?"

Jack's head dipped defensively. A frustrated stare was sent upward. "That was different." he challenged indignantly, giving himself a few extra chins in the process, "I already knew Jay - I thought he was someone I could trust and reason with - that guy you met that night, was a complete fuckin' stranger. It ….."

"... doesn't make any difference! Whether you know the person or not, rape is rape! And that day, in that fucking motel room, Jay left you with no choice. You tried to reason with him, I know you did, Jack ... he told me exactly what happened! But he made you go through with it anyway, didn't he. He knew exactly what he was doing and, just like Joe, to guarantee his silence, he forced you into doing something you didn't want."

A suddenly subdued, in fact, a curious, Jack, was staring quietly at his assessor. "Y'know, you really do seem to know an awful lot 'bout what went on that day." he admitted with a sigh. "How much 'bout everythin' else, did Jay tell you that night at Els'?"

As Jack placed his glass on the table then slumped back in his seat, Ianto sent him a slow shrug. "About you and Joe, you mean?" he wondered, smiling to himself as he gazed down at the scar on his left palm. "Let's say - enough to prompt an unexpected love of graffiti - oh, and a sudden interest in all things homicidal. Did Munch mention that I paid Joe a little visit? Actually, I suspect my fist making contact with his face - or even his head repeatedly making contact with the floor - probably left more of a lasting impression on him than the graffiti on his bog wall, but, looking back on it, for me especially, all moments proved ultimately satisfying."

"Oh god."

Els had definitely forgotten to mention that part.

"Yan ... what the fuck did you do to him?" Sitting there, listening to it all, Jack's lower jaw had managed to hinge itself wide open; he knew exactly how violent his boyfriend could become when angry.

"Another story for another day." he was promised with a satisfied grin. "And as for Jay - well - I do genuinely believe he regrets what he'd did to you ... that doesn't change the fact that he did it, naturally ... and he's still top of my list for getting a good ... yeah, anyway - what's more important, is that he did all those horrible things to you, because of me."

"What? No, that's crazy ... you can't say that."

"Jack, if you'd never met me, it would never've happened ... and I'm so sorry for everything you suffered that day."

"Nothin' is your fault! It's all in the past ... just forget it. Let ... it ... go."

"Sorry ... I can't. I just wish you'd had the balls to say no to him. I really wish you'd been stronger, Jack."

Jack's sigh was loud and long. " I was convinced he was gonna try and get back with you - I couldn't bear the thought of losin' you, an' he promised he'd stay away if ..."

"Well maybe you should've had a bit more faith in me? Did that never occur to you? You should've trusted me, Jack, given me a chance to deal with the situation. If you'd just told me what was going on from the very start, these last three months would never've happened. Why didn't you just say something?"

"I tried to ..."

"Well you should've tried fucking harder!"

"I know ... I knowwwwww ..." Jack's fingers found good reason to rub away at his forehead ... very hard. There was nothing worse than having the person you adored, pointing out your each and every fuck-up. "God, I'm such an idiot."

"Not going to argue with that."

Final dregs drained, a dismissive Ianto seemed eager to move on. "Shall we retire to the couch?" he suggested, already leaving his chair behind. "I think I'm just about ready to hear the contents of that letter of yours."

Jack looked up with a snap. His expression was already sharing the thought ... _I'm doomed ..._ with the world. "Like I said, this is gonna be one hell of a long night." he reminded them both, wearily pushing back as he prepared to follow.

"Er ... Jack?"

On the other side of the gap, Ianto had stopped in his tracks.

"What the fuck have you been doing to my cushion?"

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ

-o- -o-

-o- -o-

tbc.

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 **A/N ...**

Despite his acceptance of Jack, the issue of Joe would always have been a massive deal for Ianto, and, rather than let it become a damaging subject for them later on, I decided to put it to bed early in this chapter - I hope you think I did it justice. Actually, trying to get inside these two - trying to get the emotions and the characterisations just right - has been something of a challenge; this was a pivotal - 'let's lay some blame' - chapter, and I've been conscious of having to make things as believable as possible - in between the real-life moments, I've been editing and re-editing like a mad person, never happy; constantly adding a few hundred words extra without realising it ... lol. But the real 'nastiness' is all done and dusted, now ... they're on their road, as it were. Just make sure you have some tissues ready for the next chapter ... it's time for a certain person to head back home again.

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Finally ... I'd just like to say ... Thank you to the faithful, out there, still following. And thank you, also, to those of you taking the time to review (smiles).

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Cheers for now ... bwb.

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